Miranda's Dilemma (17 page)

Chapter Seventeen

“Adrian…” Miranda’s voice was full of surprise as she stood in her doorway of her rented rooms in Soho.

She was even more lovely than Adrian remembered. “Let me come inside, Miranda.”

“No, I don’t think I should. It wouldn’t be a good idea. We parted and it is for the better, my lord.”

“Please, Miranda. I can accept that you have returned my attempts to offer  what support that I can, but surely we can still be friends, can’t we?”

Her expression softened. “I should not allow it.” She frowned. “You look thinner. Haven’t you been looking after yourself?”

“I do not rest easy these days.” He compressed his lips for a moment. “I miss you, Miranda.”

“I suppose we could talk, but just for a few moments.” She stepped aside and let him come inside. She led him to her tiny withdrawing chamber and bade him sit on the fine plum colored settee.

He looked about at the sparseness of the room. It was stark and cold, not as he would have pictured Miranda’s room at all. The settee and a small vase of bright yellow flowers were the only things there that spoke of her tastes and vibrancy.

She must have sold much of her possessions. The thought made his heart ache.

“Why wouldn’t you accept my support, Miranda?” he asked, feeling torn apart inside.

“I will not take money from your sons. I know how it hurts you to think of doing anything that you would see as a betrayal of them.”

“Yes, but you must survive, Miranda.”

“I shall make my way, somehow.”

“I see you haven’t found a new protector?” he said.

“No gentleman wanted to become my protector, not so soon after my unfortunate episode with diphtheria.” Her gaze was partly teasing, partly accusing.

He winced. “I am sorry, love. I’ve told you that I am careless with my speech.”

“You didn’t intend for this to happen.”

“I have handed Froster the means to cause you pain.”

She paled. “Oh that. It is no great matter.”

They sat so near on the settee that if he had turned, his knee would touch hers and yet, they were leagues apart.

“Miranda, you cannot do it. You cannot possibly think to do it.”

“I will manage it all. Somehow.”

Guilt consumed Adrian. “I goaded Froster into giving you this ultimatum. He would never have been so bold on his own.”

“You couldn’t know that he would take it so far. Who would have guessed that, under his mild exterior, he would have the capacity to be so hard.”

“Someone must be supporting him in this. Someone must be goading him on now. But who?”

“Winterton.”

“Winterton?” Her answer was so ready. She really believed her father capable of such perfidy against her?

Well, Cassandra had.

“You really believe your father would play a part in this?” he asked.

She scoffed. “Who else would have an investment in seeing Froster carrying out his threat?”

“Why would Winterton care? He just wants money from you, isn’t that so?”

“No, no. You don’t understand. Winterton was behind those boys attacking me. Now he goads Froster into forcing me to…” Her voice broke.

“He knows.” Adrian swallowed against a wash of acid welling in his throat. “He knows of your distaste for—”

She rushed forward and put her hand on his arm. “No, no, it’s not like that…not like you’re thinking.”

“Then tell me.”

Miranda stared at Adrian. She had wept so hard on the carriage ride away from AppleWaite. She had never regretted having to make a decision more than the decision to leave him.

God, she had longed to see him again. Now she drank in the sight of his face. And he was staring at her, so concerned for her well-being. Her heart contracted at that sympathy. He was so kind always. Tear welled in her eyes. “How can I possibly tell anyone? What will you think of me once I do?”

He leaned closer to her and placed his hand on hers. “I see the pain in your eyes, I must know. I must. Share your pain with me. Share it and let me judge what I can do to protect you in this situation.”

“You cannot protect me, no one can.” Sadness welled in her heart.

“I can. I will. Just share your past with me.”

His voice was so tender. She somehow found the will to begin. “When I was a girl, shortly after my baby brother died, Winterton abandoned us. I mean he left her with just the possessions she could carry, no severance pay. No pension. Nothing. Cassandra paid for us to have some rooms in Soho. They were quite shabby, but we made the best of things.

“Mama was on the verge of attaining protection from another man. A young, handsome lord. Winterton apparently grew jealous and he came to our rooms, the very night before we were to move to the little house the young baron was to provide for her.

Winterton cornered Mama in the kitchen. Their voices awoke me. Cassandra had given me a pistol for just such an occasion. She had shown me how to use it as Mama would never be any good at such a matter. Cassandra told me, ‘you have fire in you, Miranda, use it and you will have the world at your feet.’ Well, I used it that night.” She laughed weakly.

“Winterton had forced Mama to her feet. He was forcing her to…to…” Vomit rushed into her throat. She clamped a hand to her mouth and choked it back only through extreme force of her will.

She would not be ill in front of others. She would not show the depth of her weakness.

Adrian’s face contorted with concern, and he stepped forward, putting his hands on her shoulders. “Don’t think about it any longer, not if it distresses you so much.”

She panted, struggling to regain her control. “He was hurting her. I had no choice, no choice.” She took a deep, gulping breath. “No choice.”

“His unfortunate hunting accident, I remember that. He was the laughing stock of Mayfair for a time. The duke who shot himself in the leg.”

“Yes.”

“Apparently not so unfortunate, but just.”

“He certainly does not see it that way.” She laughed weakly, hearing the note of near hysteria in her own voice. “He would have turned me over to the watch. But his brother and his wife pleaded with him not to make a scandal. He was delirious, out of his mind with fever. But he finally came to his senses and threatened me. He promised that he would see me ruined.

“Mama slipped into one of her bad spells then, and she could never again even think of having a man touch her. Needless to say, the young lord withdrew his offer of protection. We were, once again, all but penniless and with Winterton making his threats.

“Cassandra told me then that I had no other options but to find myself a rich and powerful, noble protector.” She sighed. “You know how infamous Carrville was as a champion of damsels in distress. And he was never hesitant to take the matter to the dueling field. He was too kind, always too kind. That was the reason why Cassandra found him acceptable, despite his lack of exceptional wealth.

The energy that had sustained her through the telling suddenly drained from her. She sagged. “Now I need a new protector, someone excessively wealthy.”

“You can’t spend your life running from Winterton, dancing to his tune.”

“What other choice do I have?”

“This current problem might simply go away.”

She gasped in derision. “Oh, I doubt I should ever be that lucky.”

“What a pity he didn’t die of the infection when you shot him.”

“Oh, please don’t say that. No matter what he has done, I am not sure I could live with my own father’s blood on my hands.”

“So that is why you cannot bring yourself to give a man pleasure in the way Froster expects.”

“Yes, and you can see why I could never tell him my reasons.”

“Quite so.” Adrian scowled. “But it still does not excuse his intent to force you.”

“No, it does not. Still, I have no choice but to submit.”

Adrian’s expression turned stony.

“You’re not going to Froster,” he said firmly.

“I have to. I have a duty to protect and provide for Mama. I have no choice.”

He touched her cheek. “Miranda, I can protect you.”

“I need money right now, more than you can afford to risk. I am sorry, but neither of us can change the way of things.”

“I cannot afford to give you the money you need, that is true. But what if I can make things right in some other way?”

“What other way?”

“That’s my concern. But I am asking you to trust me. Don’t go to Froster. Wait and let me handle Winterton.” His expression was so sincere and his voice so strong. She wanted to believe that he could protect her.

But if she failed Mama…why she would never be able to live with herself.

“If I deny Froster now, I will lose my chance with him forever. I just can’t take that risk.”

His face became a mask of pain. “I can’t believe that you won’t trust me.”

It cut into her, deeply, that she had hurt him. Once she would have reveled in the power to affect him emotionally, even to hurt him. But now giving him pain, made her heart ache so unbearably. “Oh Adrian, please do not despise me! I could not bear it if you began to despise me again. But I must do what I must do. I am all that Mama has in the world.” She reached for his hands. “Please tell me now that you understand.”

He took her hands. “Oh my God, love, how could you believe that I could ever bring myself to hate you?”

“Tell me you never will.”

He released her hands and cupped her face. “I never will.”

Tears of relief welled in her eyes. She couldn’t believe that she would cry in front of anyone. But now she didn’t care. She would show him her sincere face of pain. “If there was any other way, I would never be with another man again.” She vowed.

He leaned toward her and kissed her.

The taste of his kiss was just as sweet as she remembered. As she had longed for each night. She didn’t want to live without his kiss.

But she had to.

Duty.

She must remember her duty. Because she feared what she might say or do if she allowed him to continue to touch her, she pressed on his chest and pushed him away.

He stared at her, longing, desire and shock on his handsome face. “Why are you pushing me away? I can feel how much you want me.” He put his hand to her left breast. “I feel your heart beating just as hard as mine is, Miranda. I know you want me.”

“It just cannot be. Circumstances have conspired against us.”

“No, it is your doing to part us this time. I have told you. I can make things right. If only you would trust me.” Pain and disbelief were stamped into his face.

“If it was just me, I would trust you, I would follow you where ever. I would be yours. But I have a duty to my mother. No one else is there for her. What kind of person would I be, how would I live with myself if I betrayed her.” She took a deep breath. “How would you live with yourself if you betrayed your duty to your sons?”

****

With Miranda’s statement about how he would feel if he betrayed his sons echoing in his mind, Adrian came to understand her position. She was afraid of betraying everything that she believed in. He would have to prove his ability to protect her interests. That night in bed, he came up with a plan of action.

Now a few days later, he found himself in the position of hiring a very peculiar type of expert.

Very peculiar indeed.

“What would you wish to see happen to Winterton?” Baron Drake held a piece of thread to his lips and dampened it. Then he frowned with concentration and pushed it through the eye of a needle. He looked up at Adrian. “Perhaps if he was to quietly disappear?”

The utter coldness in the man’s eyes made Adrian pause. “Winterton is a duke.”

Drake stared at him, blinking twice. “Yes, I know.”

After much cautious inquiry on Adrian’s part, Drake had been recommended as someone who was able to look into difficult situations and bring them to closure.

So he had come to the baron’s modest, unassuming house in Chelsea and told him a highly selective and edited account of Miranda’s troubles with Winterton.

“Papa, Papa.” A child’s piping voice cut the tension. A mop of wild raven curls framed an angelic face made more adorable with plump, rosy cheeks. She tugged on Drake’s sleeve.

Drake gave her a stern look. “Patience, Becca.”

Drake turned his attention to his lap and re-positioned the rag doll and lined the disconnected arm up with the body. He took a stick pin and, with painstaking slowness, affixed the arm to the body.

“Are you hurting her?” The child’s voice was filled with anxiety.

Drake glanced at her. “No, I gave her a potion, she cannot feel any pain.”

The child’s face visibly relaxed.

The full import of what Drake had asked him finally dawned on Adrian. Shock washed through him.

“A duke cannot just simply…
disappear
.”