Misguided Truths: Part Two (Misjudged #4) (21 page)

She pulls away
, and I know that this is a warning. I need to slow down. I’ve gotta make tonight special
for the both of us
. Her eyes begin to search mine, and I’m starting to wonder if she’s having second thoughts. Yeah, so we’ve talked about tonight on many occasions, but now that we’re both here, standing in front of each other while completely naked and right beside the bed, she might’ve suddenly decided that she’s not ready, or worse. What if she’s decided that she doesn’t wanna do this with me? God I’m really hoping that she’s not gonna change her mind about this, “Are you nervous?” I whisper, and I notice her eyes flicking closed for a brief moment when my dick brushes against her naval.

“No. I’m not,” she smiles when she answers, and there isn’t even a hint of hesitation in her
voice. I don’t think I can describe how fucking relieved I feel about this. Her answer just proved something; she trusts me. Tonight, she’s giving herself to me.
Completely.
“Are you?”
Huh
. Is she asking me if I’m nervous? Her eyes widen some when I nod my answer. Should I have lied and told her that I’m not? That I’m a hundred percent confident that I’m gonna get this right? You see, if I did then I’d be lying. I’ve never done this before either. Sure, I’ve fucked. Had sex with complete strangers just for the pure thrill of not having to see them again afterward. But, this? This is a whole different ball game entirely. I’ve never made love before. But you know what? I’m glad, because there’s nobody else I’d rather do this with.

“Terrified,” I say, my voice hoarse and revealing just how apprehensive I am. I tilt my head
toward the bed, and gently push her backward, my hands now grasping at her hips.

She lies down in the center of the bed, and smiles directly at me when I go to lie beside her. There’s one thing I’m forgetting here. The most important thing. I slip my hand underneath one of the pillows, and pull out the packet of condoms. My heart’s
thundering inside my chest, and I stare at the box for a lot longer than I’d originally intended.
Deep breaths, Deep, deep breaths.

“B
randon, I’m on birth control.” Her voice is quiet, and I swallow, hard. I didn’t know this? Why didn’t I know about this?

“You are?” I narrow my
eyes on her, and she nods, a smile etching over her beautiful face. We’re gonna do this without one? I drop the packet on the pillow, and then move over until I’m hovering above her again. A wide smile crosses over my mouth when I realize that I’m gonna be able to feel her around me. Every goddamn part of her. I lean closer, my lips brushing against hers. “I’ve never done this without one.” I mumble before placing a lingering kiss on her soft, wet lips.

She wra
ps her arms around my neck, pulling me closer, and keeping her eyes on mine, “Make love to me, Brandon.”

This is it. We’re about to …
oh boy
. It takes me a second, but when I finally get my act together, I move my body slightly forward until my dick’s slipping along her. She cups my face in her hands, and my arms almost give way beneath me, “Are you okay?” She asks with concern.

Yeah, I’m shaking. Trembling in fact. This is gonna be amazing. I know it is, “I’m the happiest goddamn man alive, beautiful,” I say, resting my forehead against hers. She needs to be honest with me, though. If she needs me to stop then she’s gonna have to tell me. “Just tell me if it hurts too much or if you—” She crashes her lips on mine before I even have a chance to finish. Alright, so I guess it wasn’t one of the most romantic things I could’ve said in
this kinda situation. She caresses her tongue against mine, her eyes closing, and she lifts her hips higher until I feel myself dipping inside. She’s ready. She feels so fucking ready for me, and I roll my hips forward slowly, gently easing myself inside.

Her eyes flutter closed again, and I lower my gaze, my eyes roaming over her lips, her neck, and then her breasts while I
gently ease back. I move forward a little further, inching deeper inside each time. Filling her. Watching her. Making love to her. 

I’m shaking my head, but do you see my wide smile? Yeah, well, it’d be pretty hard to miss, huh?

Would it
be a little cliché for me to tell you that last night was the best night of my existence? Are you laughing at me? Well, I sure hope not because it’s true. No word of a lie.

Every little thing, every single detail, went without a glitch. We spent most of the night wrapped around each other. Be it our fingers, lips, hands, our arms, legs, or our whole bodies. Yep. It was
incredible. I knew it would be great, but it was better than that. It was amazing.
She was amazing.

She fell asleep in my arms at around four o’clock this morning.
Exactly
. That’s how pretty fucking awesome the night really was. And, now? Well, I’m on my way back over to my dorm so I can grab some more of my things to take back over to Alexis’ place.

Sure, I was
supposed to only be staying with her until I fully recovered, but there’s no way in hell that I’m gonna be able to spend another night without her now. Nope. I’ve experienced heaven, and there’s no way I’m gonna downgrade and move back to hell.

Okay, alright. My dorm isn’t
that
bad, but it comes pretty close if you think about it. She doesn’t live there. She doesn’t sleep in my bed. She won’t be there when I wake up in the morning. You could say it’s a done deal. If I had my way, I’d be dropping my keys back to the Student Hall faster than you can say ‘Pinocchio gained an inch.’

We made love, and then I sang to her. Was I nervous? Yeah I was, but she loved it. So much so that she cried.
Twice
. It was a pretty hard thing to do if I’m gonna be completely honest here, but when Alexis is around, things are a lot more manageable for me. Yeah, manageable. I can cope when I’m with her, more so than I’ve ever been able to with anybody else, including Rach. Did I mention we made love again? Right, well, we did. Two more times in fact.

This morning she drove us over to a tattoo shop on the other side of the city, and she got her first one, like she said she wanted to do. It’s exactly the same as mine, and she’s had it placed by her left shoulder. The guy doing the
ink tried not to make it known that he was checking her out, but I could see it. A few times I had to tell her to lift her top a little higher so he couldn’t see her boobies. They’re mine. Nobody else’s. Needless to say, we didn’t give him a tip. She thought it was funny. She laughed and thought that I was being dramatic. Have you seen her boobies? No? Well, good. Because they’re mine.

I take the steps two at a time as I head out of her building
, and walk with a spring in my step toward mine. I told her that I’d be back at her place within the hour, and I’m not planning on being late. Especially since the guys are playing a game of Monopoly. I love that game, and I used to beat their asses every time we played when we were back in high school.

Nothing is gonna be able to mess with my mood today. Nothing at all. Not even that guy over there. Yep. You’ve guessed it. Matt. He’s already shown to many that he isn’t over Alexis, but that’s not my problem. In fact, I don’t think that I’d be too far off
of the mark if I were to assume that it was him who sent Alexis those white flowers yesterday. He’s been quiet. Far too quiet for such a jackass. I knew he’d be up to something. Well, if he thinks that he’s gonna be able to win her back then he’s mistaken. She’s mine, and I’m gonna make sure it stays that way, right up until I take my last breath.

I push open the main door
to my dorm, and step inside, tossing my keys on the breakfast counter as I make my way through to my room. The sooner I get this done, the sooner I’m gonna be back in dorm one zero five.

Alright, well, I don’t have a lot of things left in here so I may as well go ahead and take everything
back over there with me. I walk over to my nightstand to grab a few things out from the top drawer, pausing when I see an envelope propped up on my pillow.
Huh.

I glance around the room, but I’m not particularly sure why. I guess I just wasn’t expecting to see something there, that’s all. I was in here yesterday, right before I headed into the city to fix up the last minute preparations for Alexis’ birthday
, before helping the guys set up for the music show. I’m damned sure I didn’t see it in here then. Who’d be leaving me a note? If the guys I share the dorm with need to get a hold of me then they’ll either call my cell phone or stick a note on the refrigerator.

I reach out
, and grab a hold of it as I take a seat on the edge of my bed, ripping it open while quickly glancing at the clock. Yeah, still plenty of time before I need to be back.

You obviously have a death wish.

You were never supposed to leave the alleyway alive.

Leave the past alone.

Leave Seattle. Never return.

You’ve been warned.

Leave your keys. Your ID card. Cell phone. Your wallet.

Make it believable.

Talk to no-one or history will repeat itself.

What the hell is this?
Ring! Ring!

My throat feels tight
, and I continue to stare at the piece of paper that’s now resting on my lap. I reach for my cell without even checking the screen, “H-H-el-llo?”

“Hey! I’m at the bar. Do you want to meet with me for a drink so I can finally meet that girlfriend of yours?”

“R-Rac-Rach.”

“Are you okay? … Brandon? … What’s wrong? … Brandon?”

“They were here.”

***

I know what Rach said on the phone just now, but I can’t leave. Not yet. I’ve gotta see Alexis. I’ve gotta make sure she knows that this isn’t gonna be forever. Maybe she’ll even come with me. Who am I kidding? I don’t even know where the hell it is that I’m headed.
Shit.

They know where I am. They know why I’m here. I have to leave or this isn’t gonna end well for me. Throwing my bag over my shoulder, I head out
of my building, and make a beeline for the one opposite. I can’t go. I can’t leave without letting her know what’s going on. She deserves more than that.
Fuck.
We only just made love last night. The past twenty-four hours have been the best of my life. She gave all of herself to me. I promised her forever.
I don’t wanna break my promise.

As I
reach the top step, I feel my cell phone vibrating in my pocket. I reach inside and open up the message.

?: You’re breaking the rules. Turn around. NOW.

FUCK. No. No. God, no.

Yeah, you just saw that right. They’re here. They’re watching. Just like they said they were.
Dammit!
I take a couple of deep breaths, and rest my hands against the wall by the entrance doors to try and steady myself. I just want five minutes with her. I can’t leave her yet. Not. Yet.

Beep! Beep!

?: Tick tock. 30 minutes. Don’t make me hurt her like I did Holly.

IMAGE ATTACHED.

I’m gonna hurl. That image? The one you see right up there? Yeah. That’s a photograph. It’s a picture of Alexis. It’s a fucking picture of her sleeping! How? When? Why?
Fuck!

Beep! Beep!

?: Dispose of your cell in the trashcan by the gates. 27 minutes.

I can’t breathe. My chest, my chest feels tight. It’s too tight. I need air. I need her. I just wanted to be happy.
I just wanna be with her
. I wipe my eyes with the back of my hand, and glance around. If they can see me then surely I’m gonna see them?  I head slowly toward the gates, trying to swallow past the lump that’s lodged inside my throat.

I never planned on staying in Seattle, but since Alexis, I never planned on leaving this place without her.

Rach is gonna meet me by the gates. She told me that she was on her way as soon as I explained about the note. My first thought was that it was some kinda joke. A sick joke, granted, but, a joke nonetheless. But, it’s not. As Rach pointed out, they know too much about everything.

When I reach the gates, I take my cell phone out from my jacket
, and stare at the screen for a couple of seconds. Yeah. The screensaver is of Alexis wearing her red dress. I took it right before the show last night. My heart hurts. No.
All of me hurts
. Maybe it was a good idea not to go up there. Yeah. This is hard enough. How the fuck would I have been able to say goodbye to her face to face? I wouldn’t have. It wouldn’t have been emotionally or physically possible.

I lean up against the wall and throw my bag on the ground.

“I was just coming for you,”
Oh, fuck. No. No, she can’t be here. Shit. They can’t see me with her.
“Here, I got your favorite.” Starbucks. She shouldn’t be here. I close my eyes and look the other way. This is hard. This is too fucking hard. “Brandon?” I drop my head low, and I’ve gotta keep telling myself to breathe. Since she walked up to me just now, I’ve been holding my breath. If I hadn’t then I think I would’ve told her everything. But, I can’t. She’s in danger.
She’s in danger because of me.
“Brandon?”

Rach is just parking up by the sidewalk. This is it. It’s time to go. I have to say goodbye, without saying goodbye. I inhale a sharp breath. I’ve gotta, I don’t have a choice. Not unless I wanna cry right here in front her. No. I can’t. I
’ve gotta do this. I need to make sure she stays safe. She’s my girl. My heart.
The love of my life.
I can’t lose her the same way I did Holly. I can never go through something like that again. I just can’t.

I glance
down at my bag, and know that I have to leave.
Now
. I have to go now. I bend down to reach for the handles, but she stops me. Her hands are on either side of my face now, and she’s trying to make me look at her. She can’t do this. If she does then she’s gonna know something’s wrong, and they’ll know that I fucked this up.
Don’t. Please don’t. Please
… She just did.

She knows something. She knows I’m leaving. I can tell by the glassy look in her eyes. She’s trying to look into me. She’s trying to read me. I need to stay guarded. I need to guard her.
Shit
. She’s crying. I wanna wipe her tears away, but I can’t, “Brandon!” I’ve gotta do this. It’s the only way. I need to pretend that she’s not standing right in front of me. I need to pretend that she doesn’t exist. I have to pretend that I’m not in deeply in love with her. But, she’s my soul mate, and I’m watching her heart slowly breaking right before my eyes. “Dammit, Brandon!”

She drops her hands
, and my head falls, my gaze dropping back to the ground. She’s slamming her hands against my chest, but I don’t feel it. She’s doing it harder now, but I can’t respond. I can’t take her pain away, and it’s killing me inside.

“What’s goin’ on?” I hear Neil, but I don’t look his way either. Thank God he’s here to take good care of her once I’m gone. Thank fuck I’ve got a best friend like him here to pick up the pieces. She’s shaking me, harder now. “Alex?” I see Neil place his hand on her shoulder.
Yeah. Make her go away. Please? I can’t see her like this. I can’t see her looking the way she is because of me.

“Neil,
” I manage to choke out. I can’t say anymore, but I think he knows me well enough to understand that this isn’t something I wanna be doing. “I …” No. I can’t. If I say something then they’ll know. I step to the side, and head straight for the SUV. Thank God Rach was in town.

When I reach for the handle, I feel her hand touch my arm. No.
Don’t make this any harder than it already is
, “You promised me forever,” her whispered word cuts through my heart like a sharpened knife. “What did I do?”
None of this is your fault, beautiful.
She always blames herself.
Always.
Why can’t she see that she’s perfect?

Make it believable. Make it believable.

I have no other choice. They’re watching me, and if they think that I’m speaking to her, telling her what’s going on, then it’ll be game over. There’s no other way.
Do it. Just do it.
I turn back around, but I don’t dare look in her eyes. I can’t. I lift my hand and cup her cheek, realizing that this could be the last time that I’ll ever be able to feel her skin on mine. She’s gonna hate me for this, but I need to make it look real.

I let my fingers linger over her skin, making the most of what time I have left with her, trailing them lower until I reach the base of her neck.
Please forgive me, beautiful.
I inwardly count to three in my mind, and then swipe the necklace from around her neck, tossing it to the ground, “No!” I hear her scream, and absentmindedly watch as she bends down to pick it up from off of the ground.

While she’s crying on the outside, I’m dying on the inside, “Neil,” I nod once at my friend, knowing that he’s gonna keep her out of harm’s way. She falls to her knees
, but I can’t watch anymore. I have to turn around, and I do, before climbing inside the SUV.