miss fortune mystery (ff) - bubba dub dub (11 page)

I barely recognized him.

He took my hands and pulled them to his mouth, kissing the backs. “I knew you’d find me.” He frowned. “You didn’t tell Detective Rouse where I was, did you?”

I channeled the intrepid Cal’s “
you’re an idiot aren’t you
” look, which he’d found so many opportunities to use on me. It felt good to use it on somebody else for a change. “Of course not.”

Father opened his arms and I went into them, sighing against his shoulder. “I’m glad you’re safe.”

I felt hot breath down the back of my neck and turned to find Gertie standing an inch away with a beatific look on her face. She extended her hands to my father, clasping his hand in both of hers. “Mr. Penus. It’s so nice to see you again.”

“It’s Fenus!” I hissed.

Hilarity erupted again and I sheered a glance toward my two juvenile cohorts. “Stop it, you two!”

My father chuckled good naturedly. “Don’t concern yourself, honey. The name has been a favorite around here too. Just because we’ve found God doesn’t mean we’ve lost our sense of humor.” He took my hand and turned toward a couple of long benches on the other side of the walkway. “Come, sit with me a while.”

I allowed him to lead me to a bench and sat down next to him. I was brimming with questions and didn’t know where to start. My father saved me the trouble.

“You’re probably wondering why I left witness protection.”

“And why you came here. And how you became a monk so fast. And why they took you in…” I sucked air and clasped his hand. “I’ve been so worried. The Russians are here, father. And Detective Rouse is looking for you too.”

“They won’t find me here, Felly. This place is a true sanctuary. He looked around the lush, half-wild grounds with a reverence that seemed genuine. There was a nearly fanatic light in his eyes as he took in his surroundings. I felt guilty for thinking it was a little bit disturbing. He seemed genuinely happy for the first time since I’d known him.

“The answer to the first question is…” He leaned close, lowering his voice. “Someone tried to kill me, Felly. Whoever it was fired a bullet into the shower when I was in there. The bullet mostly missed…” He touched his stomach and winced. “I grabbed the shower curtain and flung myself out of the shower, taking the shooter down with me. Then I snatched the hairdryer and beat him over the head with it. When he went limp I ran.”

“So you didn’t see who attacked you?”

“Unfortunately no, I didn’t peek under the curtain. But it was obvious my safe house wasn’t so safe. And I had no idea who to trust.” He gave me a smile. “I figured I was more secure on my own.”

I nodded. “So you came to Sinful?”

“Only briefly. When I left the safe house I hotwired a car and got out of the state. I kept taking cars until I got here. Then I grabbed my insurance bounty…”

I held up a hand. “Wait a minute. Insurance bounty?”

“Yes. It’s the reason the Russians are looking for me.” He flushed, looking guilty. “I haven’t been precisely honest with you, honey. I didn’t just leave with gold and bourbon last time. I knew Nicolai wouldn’t stop until he’d killed me so I took something of his to use as leverage.”

“What was it?” Fortune asked. I looked up to find my three friends had gathered around the bench and were listening intently.

“Evidence that Nicolai has been extorting money from local politicians and businessmen.” He flushed again. “And some money.”

“Dad!”

He shrugged. “I’m sorry, Felly. You know I have a weakness where money’s concerned.” He shook his head. “
Had
…a weakness.” He gave me his serene smile again. “I’ve found what I really can’t live without now, honey.” He lifted a hand to indicate his surroundings. “Here.”

I squeezed his hand, happy for him, but I had to ask. “How did you become a monk? I mean, so fast?”

He laughed softly. “Just between you and me I’m not really…exactly…a monk. Not in a technical sense.” He pointed to his chest. “But here…in my heart…I’m fully committed.”

“But I don’t understand. You just walked in the door and said, here I am, I’m a monk, let me live here?”

“Of course not.” He shook his head, laughing at me. “Do you remember Todd Stevens? From the firm?”

I strained my brain. The name was familiar. Then it clicked. “He was that accountant who was robbed at gunpoint and had a come-to-Jesus moment.”

“Exactly! Todd left the firm shortly after the incident and dedicated himself to the Order. I came to him and he agreed to cover for me.”

I frowned, suddenly remembering more about Todd Stevens. “Why would he do that? I thought he hated you.”

Father sighed. “It’s true, I did sleep with his wife…”

From high above us on her celestial perch, Gertie gasped. “You did what?”

My father shrugged. “It was a moment of weakness. I’d just gotten a divorce from Felly’s mother and I was lonely. Trisha Stevens was stupid drunk and hated her husband.” He shrugged again.

“So why did he help you?” I asked.

He gave me a look filled with awe. “That’s the wonderful thing about religion, Felly. It’s all about forgiveness. Todd forgave me and said he wanted to help me move on from my sins.”

“That was very Christian of him,” Ida Belle observed.

“Yeah,” my father agreed. “That, and he knew that all new members of the order had to perform a month of toilet scrubbing duties to prove their faithfulness to the flock.”

Fortune snorted. “Sweet revenge.”

He sighed. “Yes.”

The weight that had been bearing down on me since the day Rouse called to tell me my father was missing finally lifted. He was safe. He was happy. And he was scrubbing toilets for his sins. Life was just about perfect. “Well, I think this is all wonderful.” I hugged him.

“Yes. But there’s just one more thing that needs to be done, Felly. Can you help me out with a final, small detail?”

“Sure. What is it?”

He slid a gaze over me and Swamp Team 3. “I’m afraid you’ll need the help of your friends.”

Gertie nodded so hard her newfound halo slipped. Fortune and Ida Belle looked suspicious. “What exactly do you need done, Mr. Chance?” Ida Belle asked.

“I need you to retrieve my insurance bounty and deliver it to Big Hebert. I hid it under an old bathtub on Number Two. It’s in a metal suitcase.”

I gasped. “Seriously?”

“I’ve never been more serious, honey. Big and I have a deal. He’s agreed to tell Nicolai that I’m dead. That he’s killed me. In exchange he’ll keep all the money and hand over the evidence against Nicolai.”

“But won’t this Nicolai wonder where the money went?” Fortune asked.

“Sure. But if Big tells him he’s never seen any money, Nicolai won’t start a war with the Heberts over it. It’s not enough money for that.”

I realized it just might work. “Okay. It’s a deal. But you have to promise me one thing?”

“What’s that, honey?”

“You have to promise you won’t leave the Order once Nicolai has been gotten rid of. You have to stay here and really become a monk. That way I’ll know you’re safe and I can come and visit.”

“I agree, Felly. There’s no place I’d rather be.”

If that was true, then why didn’t I believe him? “Do you promise?”

He leaned in and gave me a kiss on the cheek. “You have my word, Felly.”

As we left him behind in his new nirvana, I couldn’t help wondering if Lance P Fenus’s word was worth more than Felonius Chance’s word had been.

Because that hadn’t been worth squat.

###

Carter called Fortune when we were on our way back home. “Hey,” she said when she answered her cell.

Sitting next to her, I could hear Carter ask if I was in the car.

I reached for the phone. “Hey, Carter. What’s up?”

“Detective Rouse is here. He said he checked flights from n’awlins and you aren’t on any of them. He’s insisting that I tell him where you are.”

I grimaced. “I’m not exactly in Sinful right now.”

“When will you be back?”

I glanced at Fortune and she shook her head.

“Not for a while. We’re going to Mudbug for some shopping.”

Fortune gave me a thumbs up.

“Okay. I’ll tell him.” Carter actually sounded relieved. “You might want to check your phone. I’ve been trying to call you all morning. The battery must be dead.”

“Okay. Thanks.” I started to hang up.

“Oh, and Felicity?”

“Yes?”

The Russian guy who came looking for you at Gertie’s…”

I frowned, wondering how Carter knew they’d been looking for me. I made a mental note not to underestimate Deputy LeBlanc again. “Mm-hm.”

“He swears up and down he didn’t break into Gertie’s. He said the door was already open when he got there. You might want to tell Gertie. She needs to be more careful about locking her door.”

“You believed him?”

“Yeah. Strangely enough I did. He lied to me about a lot of other stuff, but about that he was telling the truth.”

“Okay, I’ll tell her. Thanks.” I disconnected and glanced at Gertie. “Is it possible you left your front door open last night?”

She frowned. “I don’t think so.”

Ida Belle shook her head. “She didn’t. I checked it. Why?”

The Russian swears he didn’t break in. He said the door was already ajar when he got there.”

“He’s lying,” Fortune said.

“Carter doesn’t think so. He believed the guy.”

Silence filled the car for a few beats while we all considered the new information.

Finally, Gertie said, “We can’t go directly to my house. You told Carter you were in Mudbug.”

I was staring out the window at the ribbon of brown water winding its way alongside the highway. I’d been thinking the same thing. Carter’s house was way too close to Gertie’s and main street was entirely too visible to the Sheriff’s Department. “I agree. But I’d like to get to Number Two and get that suitcase today. I want to hand it over to Big Hebert and be done with this mess once and for all. My father isn’t safe until it’s done.”

Ida Belle had been quiet since driving away from the monastery. She turned to Gertie as we passed the sign for Alligator Bridge, three miles ahead. “Lena’s shop!”

Gertie gave her a slightly dazed look. “Huh?”

“Great idea,” Fortune said. “Felicity and I will wait there while you two get the airboat. If you run into Carter you can just tell him Felicity and I are shopping by ourselves. Once you get the boat you can pick us up at the shop.”

“But my hair appointment…” Gertie complained.

Ida Belle gave her soft, white nest of hair a quick look. “It looks fine. Just call and reschedule for next week. Surely things will calm down by then.”

Fortune shook her head. “Yeah.
Surely
.”

Gertie pulled the big caddy under the bald cypress trees hugging the drive at Lena Borne’s now closed shop and stopped. “We’ll be back in twenty-five minutes with the boat. Make sure you’re ready to hop on board in case we have a tail.”

I shoved my hands into my pockets as Gertie backed out and spun off, sending a cloud of gravel and dust into the air behind them. “A tail? Has my life really come to this?”

Fortune clapped me on the shoulder. “Welcome to my world. When this is all done, I’m sure you’ll be thrilled to go back to your quiet, boring life in Indianapolis.”

I nodded in agreement, but even as I did I wasn’t entirely sure she was right. I’d never felt as alive as I had the two times I’d visited Sinful. I was pretty sure I was going to miss the heck out of it when I left.

“Miss Felicity Chance. Fancy meetin’ you here.”

I stiffened at the familiar, hated voice. Turning around, I did my best not to glare at Rouse as he strolled up, cocky as he could be. The bump on his head had gotten even uglier since I last saw him. It now encompassed several hues of the color rainbow. I forced myself to fake a smile. “Detective Rouse. What a nice surprise.”

Fortune eyed the big cop up and down, her eyes hard and cold as he skimmed her a return look. “Fortune Redding, I presume? Since we last met, I’ve learned a lot about you and the two old ladies. Your sheriff might be older than dinosaur poop, but he sure does like to talk.”

Fortune stiffened visibly, her jaw flexing. Her hand slipped around to the small of her back and I was pretty sure she was going for a gun.

I slipped my arm through hers and gave her a stiff smile, widening my eyes as she served me up a big Southern helping of gator eye. “What are you doing out here, Rouse?”

He cocked a leg and shoved his thumbs into the pockets of his dusty jeans. “I was just gonna ask you two the same thing.”

Amazed at myself, I opened my mouth and lied every bit as smoothly as Ida Belle could. “I’m bored in Indianapolis and I love the weather here in Sinful. I’m actually thinking about buying Lena Borne’s shop and giving Sinful a go.”

Fortune eyed me like she wasn’t sure if I was lying.

I didn’t blame her. As soon as I had the thought I realized it wasn’t an entirely horrible idea. The only thing missing would be the sexy, talented and thoroughly intrepid Cal.

Rouse picked something green from his teeth. “You don’t say?”

“Actually, I
do
say.”

“You never answered her question,” Fortune said. “What are you doing out here, Rouse?” She shifted her weight to her other foot, smoothly shaking off my grip, and her forearm muscles flexed as her hand closed over the revolver I could see tucked under her t-shirt.

“I’m guessin’ I’m here for the same reason you two are here.” Rouse’s left hand slid behind his back and came out with a gun. “To get the suitcase your dad hid here in Sinful.”

A piece of the puzzle fell into place. “You were the one who broke into Gertie’s last night.”

He didn’t deny it.

“You were looking for a suitcase?”

He just smiled.

I swallowed hard as my throat threatened to close up on me. I could hear the buzzing throb of an airboat skipping over the bayou. The sound was steadily growing closer. Fortune and I had only minutes to deal with Rouse and get to the water. “I don’ know anything about a suitcase, Detective.”

Fortune’s arm moved slightly. I tried really hard not to look at her. “You told Carter you were looking for Mr. Chance.”