Miss Guided: a Guide to Love novella (7 page)

Four hours later, Crescy eased herself out of Marcus’s arms, evading his hands when he reached for her again. He’d fallen asleep half an hour ago, having seemed determined to imprint his taste, his smell, his touch on her. They’d made love three times, each more poignant than the last, until she hadn’t been able to hold the tears back as he’d brought her to bliss. Silently, he’d kissed the dampness from her cheeks and held her tight until he’d drifted off to sleep.

“Where you going?” he mumbled
when she pulled the sheet up over him.

“To the washroom. Go back to sleep.” She leaned over and kissed him tenderly on the forehead.

A smile creased his lips and he rolled over. Out of her life.

She gathered her things and slipped on her clothes, leaving her shoes until she was out of the house. Hurrying down the drive she spotted Roland’s car parked on the road. She owed her cousin a lot for this middle of the night escape
, especially since he hadn’t asked her a thing about why it was needed.

She resisted the urge to glance back at the villa as they drove away, forcing her eyes to stare straight ahead. All that was left was the future. A cold, lonely future, but at least one full of rich memories.

***

“You
don’t look so good, bro. Sit down. Where’s the defibrillator?” Liam strode across the room and pulled the AED from the backpack.

“It’s not my heart. Well, it is actually, but I’m not having
an attack. She’s gone.” Marcus’s chest tightened again on the words. Maybe this was the end.

Liam relaxed and crossed his arms. “Good. Saves all that messy goodbye nonsense. When will you be ready to go? I’ve got to get back
to the States.”

“I don’t know, an hour I guess. I didn’t want it to end this way.” He’d expected at least a l
ittle sympathy from his brother, although given Liam’s track record with women deceiving him, maybe not.

“How did you think it was going to end? With a handshake and a ‘so long and thanks for all the sex’ musical number?” Liam did a few dance moves and Marcus gritted his teeth.

“No. I don’t know. At the beginning I thought we could have a fun week and part friends. I didn’t know it was going to hurt this bad.”

“Ah, you’ll get over it. I did a lot of thinking last night, seeing as I couldn’t sleep with her calling your name so loud. I mean
, really, three times in a row? No wonder you look like hell. Anyway, I’ve changed my mind.”

Marcus stared at his brother, not liking the gleam in his eye. “What have you changed your mind about?”

Liam lounged on the chair opposite, his hands laced behind his head. “Originally you thought Crescy would suit me, didn’t you?”

Narrowing his eyes, he replied cautiously, “Yes.”

“Well, I didn’t see it at first, and then you got involved with her so I figured, okay that’s the end of that. Now I’ve had a chance to get to know her better. So, I can totally see the two of us together. Not only is she gorgeous and sexy, she’s also a criminal defense lawyer, which could come in handy for me. As you don’t want her any more, I figured I’d fly back here next weekend and see if she wants to switch brothers.”

Marcus’s hands clenched into fists and he shot out of his chair, taking a step toward Liam who sat with an indolent smile on his face. “You’re kidding. You wouldn’t want a woman knowing I’ve had her first.” He had to be joking, trying to goad him.

A quizzical expression crossed his brother’s face for a moment as if considering the argument, then he shrugged. “Nah, don’t think that would bother me. Why? Would it bother you? If Crescy and I get together and you saw her running those long, sensuous fingers over my face, down my chest. Or her full lips kissing mine, before she slid lower, lower… Or maybe it would keep you up at night if you heard her screaming my name. Yes, Liam, yes,” he said, imitating Crescy’s husky tone.

Every muscle in Marcus’s body locked. “You wouldn’t dare,” he muttered between clenched teeth.

“For a woman as hot as Crescentia St. Ives? Oh, I’d dare alright. And I’m not offering her a one week pleasure trip. I’m talking marriage.”

“You can’t.” The world went black for a moment as Marcus pictured handing Liam a ring to slip on
Crescy’s finger, then the two of them kissing.

“Why not? You don’t want her anymore. And you’ve got to admit she’s pretty special. You think she’s going to spend the rest of her life pining for you? No way. She’s going to get right back out there and start dating again. So some other man’s going to have her. Why not me? You had your chance
. It’s my turn.”

He’d never felt such an urge to punch his brother before
, and the worst thing was, Liam was right. Crescy was amazing. Some other man would figure it out soon enough and offer her what he wasn’t able.

“You can’t, Liam. You just can’t. I do still want her. I love her.”

Liam’s sharp burst of laughter caught him totally off guard. “Love her? Can’t say I know anything about the emotion. I’m pretty sure, though, that banging a woman for a week and walking away is not evidence of love. If I loved a woman, I’d hold onto her so tight, tie her to me with every vow and piece of paper possible, she’d never question the way I feel about her.

Marcus fell back into his chair. “It’s because I love her that I’m doing this.”

“Really? I’m still not seeing that.”

“I want her to remember me the way I am now. Not watch me waste away.” He pinched the bridge of his nose hard to hold back tears.

“You want her to remember you the way you are now? As a jackass? As the man who used her for a week and tossed her aside? Especially now when she needs a protector the most?”

Marcus sat up and stared at Liam. “What do you mean?”

“I looked her up last week when I was back in the States, wanted to see what kind of woman my dear older brother was getting involved with. Do you know about her last case?”

He nodded, dumbly. Crescy still had nightmares about it the first two nights they were together but seemed to have put it out of her mind for the rest of the week. He’d hoped she was over the worst of it and could now see she wasn’t the one at fault.

“Well, there’s a shit storm of bad press waiting for her back in New York.” Liam got up and strode over to the table where his laptop sat and brought it back to Marcus. Flipping through a few of the open tabs, Marcus was appalled at the headlines in the media blaming Crescy for letting another violent offender get off free to hurt again. “David and I have been cracking the worst of the sites and deleting the comments, especially the death threats against her. If you won’t stand by your woman, then I’ll have to do it. No way am I going to let her face this alone.” Liam pushed the laptop cover closed and then stood with his hands on his hips, like a superhero about to go off to save the damsel in distress.

“I had no idea. I don’t think Crescy has either. We’ve both been avoiding the world and reality this week.”

“Have you at least told her why you can’t stay together?” Liam softened his tone and sat back down.

“No.” He got the word out past a huge lump in his throat, his stomach rolling with nausea.

“So what do you think is going through her mind about now? Do you think maybe she’s wondering why she’s not good enough for you? Why she’s only worth a week of your life? Then imagine how she’s going to feel when she returns to New York to this backlash.” Liam sat back in his chair, satisfied he’d dealt the deathblow.

“Oh, God.” He swallowed down the bile that had risen to the back of his throat. “I have to go find her.”

“As much as I’d love to stay and see you grovel on your knees, I do have to return to the States. You’ll have to make your own way back, provided, of course, she or her family don’t kill you and feed you to the sharks.” Liam stood and grabbed his laptop before striding from the room.

Marcus bolted for the bedroom to get dressed. He had to see Crescy and explain. He owed her that at least.

Chapter 7

Crescy d
ived into the ocean, wishing the salt water could do something to heal her heart. It hurt so bad, she wondered how her mother had endured the pain without ever feeling bitter. For a brief moment of insanity, she wished there were a chance she could be carrying Marcus’s child, to have a permanent reminder of the best week of her life. She’d gone back on the pill, though, and he’d used condoms, so there was little chance of that.

The thing to do was get back to New York and let the frenzy of activity leave her little time to reflect. Right now she had
too much time to wonder why they had to part. She should swallow her pride and demand an explanation. Only contemplating the unbearable pain as Marcus told her exactly where she was lacking stopped her. There was just so much a girl could take.

She swam until every muscle ached and her heart pounded, hammering to get out and away from her. A tight band still pressed on her chest, which was another sensation she’d have to get used to as it seemed fairly consistent with every thought of Marcus.

Pushing the hair out of her eyes, she glanced toward the shore. This was what it must be like to drown—having a final hallucination of the thing you wanted most in life appear before your eyes. Except her feet were firmly planted on the sandy bottom and she was able to drag in a lungful of air.

Marcus stood on the shore, his damn backpack casually slung over one shoulder. He’d taken that bag everywhere they went. Why had he come? Was it just for a formal goodbye? Then he could come to her because she sure as hell wasn’t wading to shore to be told she wasn’t needed anymore.

As if sensing her thoughts, he dropped the bag on the sand, kicked off his shoes, and strode into the water, fully clothed. She didn’t move, mesmerized by the look in his eyes as he approached. It was part pain, part love, part unbearable sadness.

“Crescy.” He stopped and swallowed. The one week only thing had been his idea, why was he so upset?

“Marcus.” She clenched every muscle to stop from throwing herself into his arms. Instead, she managed a regal nod and waited for him to explain his presence.

“Crescy, I love you.”

Warmth flooded through her to hear the words she’d longed for. It still didn’t change the situation. They were over.

“What do you want, Marcus? I know I was a coward to leave in the night
, but I didn’t think you’d be so cruel as to force me to see you again.”

“I had to explain. I couldn’t let you go thinking this was
over because of you.”

“
We agreed a week. Our week is up so I left.”

He reached out to put a hand on her face
, and she stepped back. If he touched her, she would lose it—what little of it she had left. “I thought it would be enough. That we’d have a great week together, collect some amazing memories and be able to part with no one hurt. I hadn’t factored falling in love with you. You’re fun, interesting, amazing, knowledgeable… You’re everything I’ve always wanted in a woman, Crescentia St. Ives.”

“Then what’s the problem?” Her throat ached so much it hurt to ask.

“Will you come on shore and let me show you?”

It was a bit ridiculous to be having this conversation in the ocean. The buffer of the water at least provided her with some protection. On the beach he’d be able to see how much she was shaking, how much even being near him was affecting her.
But she hadn’t yet developed the ability to deny him, so she followed him to shore, careful to keep at least two feet from him. Of course when he emerged from the water and his clothes clung to him like a second skin, the two feet of space was consumed with a heat so intense she nearly walked back into the water.

He plopped down on the sand next to his bag. As she stood over him, he lifted the backpack up. “This is for you?”

Oh great, he’s come all this way to give me a flipping backpack.

She took the unusually heavy bag from him, meeting his gaze before she looked inside. When she opened the bag she saw a large red box. Extricating it, she stared at the letters in black on the case. AED
—Automated Electronic Defibrillator. Confused, she stared at Marcus.

“What you are holding there is my life.” His voice was a whisper.

She put the device back in the bag and handed it to him. “I don’t understand.” The band was still tight around her chest. At least the ache in her throat had eased.

“Will you let me hold you while I explain
? Please? I need your strength.”

She wasn’t sure she had any strength
left. Yet, she sank to her knees and then positioned herself so her back was against his chest, her body between his legs. He buried his face in her neck for a moment, kissed her shoulder, then took a deep breath.

“I’m dying. I may not wake up tomorrow. I may live a few more years, but that’s about it.”
His voice was emotionless, as though he’d said it so many times it no longer impacted him.

She swiveled in his arms to stare at him. He was so vibrant, so alive,
so full of life. What could he be talking about? The sheer pain in his eyes as they met hers convinced her.

“What do you mean?”

“I have a very rare condition. My heart is weakening and pretty soon the doctors think it will stop entirely. It already has four times. So far they’ve managed to restart it, although last time it took twenty minutes. That’s why I carry the defibrillator, so there’s a chance to shock it back to work if I’m not near medical facilities.”

She stared at him, her brain unable to process the information. “You’re so fit…” She’d always envisaged heart patients as frail and lethargic.

“I exercise to keep my heart going, to try and strengthen it. I’ve already lived two years longer than the doctors predicted when they discovered my condition at eighteen.”

Her mind raced, trying to think.
“What about a heart transplant?”

“I’m on every transplant list around, however I have rare blood and tissue types.”

“Still, one could become available tomorrow. You have to have hope, Marcus.”

He closed his eyes for a moment before opening them and staring into hers.
She drew in a sharp, audible breath.

“If it was only the heart
then I’d have hope. But the disease has also affected my other organs. Even if I get a transplant, it may buy me a few weeks, maybe a couple months. And the doctors have no idea why I’ve got this condition, so a new heart may not be enough. I’m a medical anomaly.” The bitterness in his tone was like an acid drip on her self-control.

“Marcus, I…”
She could no longer speak, it hurt too much.

“I’m sorry to burden you with this, Crescy. I couldn’t let you
think somehow you weren’t good enough for me when the exact opposite is true. I can’t be there for you, in the long run. You deserve a man who can promise you a lot more than I can. So it’s better if we end it here, both of us walking away with memories of a wonderful week in paradise.”

“No.” The word
came out a croak. She was still trying to assimilate the thought that he was dying, yet she absolutely couldn’t comprehend why they couldn’t stay together until…the end. She sucked in a deep breath. She had to fight for their future.

“Crescy, it has to be this way.”

“Why?” She put her hand on his cheek and wiped a tear away. He turned his head and kissed her palm. “No man can promise me forever. Accidents happen. People die every day, whether they expect it or not. The best we can do is make each day special and tell the ones we love how we feel about them.”

“I can’t bear the
idea of you suffering with me. I love you and I think you may love me too. If we were to stay together you’d watch me wither and dissolve into a helpless body, kept alive by machines until even they can’t do it anymore.”

“
Isn’t that my decision to make?”

“I’ve lived with this for the past
sixteen years. I’ve seen the toll it’s taken on my family. I can’t do that to you.”

She had to make him see she wouldn’t give up. “Liam seems pretty normal.”

Marcus’s bark of laughter held no humor. “Liam is paying three eminent circulatory system specialists millions of dollars a year to come up with a cure. He has every cardiologist in the English-speaking world on speed dial. He chases every new treatment and every whisper of progress like a starving bloodhound. Want to know something funny?”

“There’s something funny?” One of the things she loved the most about Marcus was his sense of humor. Over the past week they’d laughed and joked, teased and taunted each other until they were breathless. And all the time he’d had this death knell hanging over his head.

“I am so worried about Liam. After I go…” He paused for a second and her heart ripped apart a bit more. “I had planned to set Liam up with you. He’s going to need someone to love, someone to love him.”

“I like your brother…”

“I know and he likes you too, but he can’t have you. You’re mine.”

“Only as long as you’re on the island.”

Marcus closed his eyes and hung his head. “It’s for the best.”

Anger flared within her. He was deciding her life for her, without her input. “
Whose best? Yours? Because I can sure as hell tell you it’s not for mine. You believe that because I won’t see you every day I won’t think about you? Won’t worry about how you’re doing? Won’t love you? Do I come across as some out of sight, out of mind woman?”

“No.” He looked up at her then, his eyes reflecting his torment.

“Do you realize what you’re asking of me? If we’re not together, I’ll spend every minute of every day wishing we were. My mother used to say she’d taken two weeks of extraordinary over a lifetime of what-ifs. I didn’t really understand her until this minute. Marcus, please, let me share what’s left of your time. Let’s make it extraordinary.”

A flicker of hope, of joy
, entered his eyes. “What about when my health fails? It’s going to be ugly.”

“We’ll deal with that when it comes. I love the man you are inside, and no disease will ever change the way I see or feel about you.”

Tears were streaming down her face and she didn’t care. She had to make him believe they could be together, even if it was for a short time.

“Don’t cry, Crescy. It breaks my crappy, defective heart to see you sad.”

Wiping the tears away with the back of her hand, she gave him her most radiant, although slightly soggy smile. “We can’t have that then. I promise the only tears you’ll see will be tears of happiness, if you give us a chance.”

His hands gently cupped her face, his thumbs erasing the trace of her tears. “I love you,
Crescentia St. Ives. If you think you can handle what’s to come, then I can’t deny myself the joy you give me with every smile. Will you marry me?”