Miss Independent (19 page)

When he returned to the restaurant, he saw Sheila with her cell. She was laughing with someone, and smiling in a way he hadn’t seen her smile in months. He figured just from seeing those few seconds of bliss on her face and sudden glow radiating from her skin that she may have been sleeping with whoever was on the other side of that phone, maybe the guy who worked at the homeless shelter where she had volunteered a few months back. The sad part about it was that even if it were true, he didn’t care. It wasn’t like
they
had had sex in the last few months. He knew she had an appetite for it and had to be getting it from someplace if it wasn’t from him.

But she was the one who had insisted on waiting until they were married to have sex again. He always wondered if there was something more to it than that because she had only decided the ‘no sex’ rule just a few months after they were engaged, not when she first received the ring. He always thought to question her about it, but never wanted to make more of it than what it was, if it was in fact nothing.

He had grown to love Sheila overtime, but it wasn’t easy. She wasn’t the love of his life; he wasn’t sure if anyone was anymore. But if given a choice, which he wasn’t, he wouldn’t have chosen to marry her. Their relationship felt more like an obligation. He couldn’t stand the idea of being alone, but didn’t want to waste time trying with anyone else. The ‘getting to know you’ process wasn’t much of a strong suit for him. And he couldn’t very well come back and ask for Vanessa’s hand in marriage instead, not after what he had done to her. And his parents were so determined for him to marry a woman of color and high status before the age of twenty-five, just as his father had; they preferred a woman who would make a good wife and mother, at least in the eye of the public if not behind closed doors. If she was beautiful, smart, and came from a wealthy family, she was a perfect fit for their pedigree.

Sheila was viewed as all of those things and more, not to mention Nathan was the only man she had ever managed to love with her entire heart. He may have been Vanessa’s first kiss, first love and sexual experience, but Sheila was determined that he was going to be her last everything. She never thought of herself as stealing Nathan from Vanessa, so much as she was satisfying a need for him, and for herself, that neither could no longer ignore or deny. The first time they had sex was unexpected.

She was visiting with his grandmother in the hospital where she worked as a candy striper in hopes of earning a scholarship to USC. The women spoke every day, more than she had with Vanessa at the time, and grew close in interaction, playing dominoes, watching daytime dramas on the fuzzy television set, resulting in deep discussions of various storylines and characters.

She passed away without warning on a Friday afternoon in November, just one day after Thanksgiving and three months after their first conversation. The doctors informed Nathan’s family that she had slipped into a coma and was never waking up. Both Nathan and Sheila were devastated. When she had come by to visit him at home just hours after the funeral, no one else was around. They talked of his grandmother and of their own friendship, and of his relationship with Vanessa, who hadn’t been able to make it back to the funeral due to her being in the Bahama’s with her family.

Sheila knew she shouldn’t, but she kissed him anyway. Not because she wanted to, but because she felt like she had no other choice. She found him sexually attractive, and it didn’t make sense to her that out of all the guys in the school, he could so easily deny her. She needed to know that he wanted her just as much as she had always wanted him. Her friendship with Vanessa was important, but not as important as her already inflated ego, which needed much stroking in more ways than one. They used grief as an excuse the first time. Any time after that was more or less for their own sexual desires for one another.

But it was never supposed to go further than that. It was never supposed to be more than sex for either one of them. Maybe once or twice a week, three or more if either one of them had a shitty day. But Sheila fell hard for what he represented, a good life, the chance to leave New York behind. She fell for who he was, but also for his potential, and what he could be and what they could make of themselves in the future. Money, power, respect is all Sheila ever wanted in life, and she was determined to have that with Nathan. He on the other hand was still in love with and determined to be with Vanessa. If he was going to marry anyone, it was going to be her. But when she found him having sex with Sheila, he knew that he had lost her forever and was never getting anyone like her again.

He was settling for Sheila, and had been for all of these years. He knew it and a part of her knew it too, but she didn’t care. As long as she had him, it meant that Vanessa didn’t.

When she saw Nathan returning to the table, she said her quick goodbyes and immediately tossed her phone back into her purse. He sat back down beside her and reached for his glass, taking large gulps of water.

“Thirsty?” asked Sheila.

He lowered his glass and stared at her. “What?”

“I asked if you were thirsty. You seem a little parched, drinking like that, and then running after Vanessa as if your entire ass was on fire. I don’t think I’ve seen your run like that since high school.”

“I didn’t run after her,” he said. “I was trying to catch up with her, but I didn’t run.”

“Why were you so desperate to keep her here? It was obvious that she was trying like hell to leave as fast as she could. Once I showed up, there were no more good times to be had.”

“I think that’s all in your imagination,” he told her.

“I don’t think so. You two looked like you were having a pretty good time before I arrived. Has she forgiven you for what we’ve done?”

“She didn’t say it.”

“But she was probably thinking it. And then I showed up and she thought, nah, never mind.”

“Why are you obsessing about this?” he asked, frustrated. “It’s unnecessary.”

“I’m not obsessing. I just think it’s been made perfectly clear that she forgives you, even if she doesn’t say it. And she’s never going to forgive me, and she doesn’t
have
to say
that
.”

“If you didn’t think she’d ever forgive you, Sheil’s, why invite her to the wedding?”

“Because I wanted her to be there. We always said no matter what ever happened between us, whenever one of us got married, the other would show up.”

“You couldn’t expect her to show up to this,” he said.

“Why, because she’s still in love with you? Or because you’re still in love with her? Are you afraid if she shows up, that you might have second thoughts about me and our future together?”

“Why would I have second thoughts about that?” He started digging in his pocket for change. His question seemed rhetorical but also fairly distant. “I chose you, I proposed to you, remember?” He shook his head and counted a few dollars to place on the table beneath his glass. “You’re letting your paranoia get the best of you.”

“How can I be paranoid when it’s directly in front of my face, Nathan?”

He placed a hand on the table and looked into her eyes. She was panicky, nervous, and desperate. He wanted to ease her fears and reassure her that she had nothing to worry about where Vanessa was concerned. But he knew deep down that it wasn’t true. In fact, it was so far from the truth, he wasn’t even sure he could continue fooling himself.

He looked down at his Rolex. “I have to meet a friend in about an hour.”

“Who is it?”

“Just one of the guys I played basketball with. He knows I’m in town and wanted to catch up before the reunion. Are you going to be okay? Did you want me to ride back with you to the hotel?”

“No, I’ll be fine. Actually, I don’t plan on staying long. I’m going to run a few more errands for the reunion, talk with Joan about some last minute decorations, things like that.”

“Alright, well I’ll see you tonight. I don’t know how late I’ll be.”

He leaned over to kiss her cheek. She tried to turn her mouth toward his, hoping that it would ease the anxiety growing within, but he pulled back before their lips could touch. He hadn’t even noticed it, but she had. The sting of rejection ran deep. As he waved goodbye, she sat back wondering if karma had finally made its way to her front door.

Part Ten

Vanessa kept a trashcan next to her desk in case she happened to get sick from the thought of Nathan and Sheila together and in front of her once again. She kept having flashes of catching them in the shower, and nearly regurgitated on top of her desk. She sat up in her chair with her elbows on the edge and her face in her hands. She closed her eyes and counted to ten until the nausea passed. She thought about searching for the bottle of vodka in her mother’s office, but couldn’t bring herself to even move. She felt if she had, something would come up before she even stepped one foot on the outside.

After a few minutes had passed, she heard someone knocking on her door. She still felt like vomiting and wanted to crawl underneath her table and die, fearing it was either Nathan or Sheila again.

“What is it this time?” She dropped her hands from her face and frowned a little, surprised to see Oscar standing in her doorway.
Of
all
people,
she thought. She looked around for Samantha in a slight panic before dropping back in her chair and crossing her legs. “What the hell are you doing here? The Bean is nowhere near here and certainly not inside this office building.”

“I might have to change that soon enough. There’s a vacant area downstairs that’s looking better and better to me each time I pass this place,” he said. “May, I?” He pointed toward the door. Before Vanessa could speak another word, he closed it behind him and walked inside. He scratched his head and grinned, glancing from side to side at her employees as they pounded on their keyboards like overly eager worker bees.

“What the hell do you want?” she asked, recalling his attention.

“You have a problem.”

“Do I? And what is that, exactly?”

“Nikki hasn’t been back to work in over a week because you’re doing an article on my wife.”

“Um, if that’s the case I actually think your
dick
is the problem. But if you want to play that game, then yes, your
wife
is going to be featured on the cover of the magazine with an accompanying article. The photo shoot is later this week and I hear she wants to bring your kids in from the Hamptons too?” She folded her arms and sneered. “Something about a few family shots to showcase the bond between all of you? How lovely and quaint.”

“Look, V--”

“Vanessa,” she stated firmly.

He made a face and clucked his tongue, taken aback by her aloofness. “
Vanessa
. I don’t think you have any clue as to what’s actually going on here.”

“Enlighten me. No wait, don’t. Because what I think is going on is that you’re sleeping with my best friend. You’re cheating on your wife with her, and you’re lying to the both of them, and yourself by believing that it will end soon with either one of them, even though it won’t. Please stop me if anything I said was wrong.
Please
.” She waited. “I would really, really,
really
love to be wrong, but it’s clear from your silence that I’m not.”

He slipped his hands in his pockets and glared at her. She didn’t intimidate easily, especially when it came to men like him.

“I’m in love with Nicole,” he said.

“I think you’re in love with yourself just a little bit more. I think if you loved her, you would’ve respected her enough to wait until your marriage was finished in more than name only. What’s funny is that your wife doesn’t seem to think that anything is over between the two of you at all.”

“Have you ever heard of keeping up appearances?”

“Yes, I’ve also heard of oblivious women, and I don’t think your wife is one of them. I think you’re a liar, and a damn good one at that. I think you’ve been stringing them both along because your dick can’t seem to shake either one of them. And it’s not because you just can’t let go, it’s because you don’t want to. Your magnified ego can’t handle just being wanted by one woman, you’re determined to have and keep them both in some way, shape, or form.”

“Where the hell do you get off assuming things like that?”

“Am I assuming? Because I think I’ve been pretty spot on so far.”

“Nikki told me about this upcoming wedding between your ex and his fiancée who happened to be your best friend.”

“What about it?” she snapped.

“I told her that we weren’t like that.”

She jerked her head back. “Maybe that’s because you’re worse?”

“Vanessa, have you ever been in love in a way that it consumes you? That it damn near overpowers you because it’s so strong? It almost suffocates you, but you know you wouldn’t give it up for anything. That’s the kind of love I have for Nicole.”

“And yet, that’s the kind of love your wife thinks you have for her. Or at the very least, it’s the kind of love you SHOULD have if you choose to remain married. I’m not knocking you for falling in love with Nicole, most men do before she even opens her mouth. I’m knocking you for being a sleaze about it. I’m working with your wife now, and it’s going to get real complicated around my house when I start seeing you here with her.”