Read Miss Klute Is a Hoot! Online
Authors: Dan Gutman
Miss Klute Is a Hoot!
To Nicole Lynch
Thanks to Judy Hutnik, Chris Emerson, Laney Richardson Berry, Julie Ruminer, and Laurie Berkinshaw Skaggs
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1. A Giant, Man-Eating Grizzly Bear
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3. The Magical Teachers' Lounge
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8. The Worst Day of My Life
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9. Nah-Nah-Nah Boo-Boo on You
10. The Truth about the Teachers' Lounge
About the Author and Illustrator
My name is A.J. and I hate reading out loud.
Every day in Mr. Granite's class, we have ROL timeâReading Out Loud. Each of us has to stand up and read a paragraph from a book in front of the whole class.
*
Reading out loud is scary, especially when you make a mistake. Last week I had to read: “
I thought the road went through the town. It didn't though.
” But I said, “I through the road went thought the town. It didn't throw.”
Everybody laughed even though I didn't say anything funny.
“What a dumbhead!” whispered Andrea Young, this annoying girl with curly brown hair.
Hey, I'm not a dumbhead. The guy who decided how to spell “thought” and “through” and “though” was the dumbhead.
I was going to say something mean to Andrea, but I didn't get the chance. You'll never believe who poked his head into the door at that moment.
Nobody! Why would you poke your head into a door? That would hurt. But you'll never believe who poked his head into the door
way
.
It was Mr. Macky, our reading specialist! He had a scary-looking black strap in his hand.
“To what do we owe the pleasure of your company, Mr. Macky?” asked Mr. Granite.
That's grown-up talk for “What are
you
doing here?”
“The school reading scores are way down,” Mr. Macky said. “So I'm forced to take drastic action.”
Mr. Macky and Mr. Granite told us they would be right back. Everybody had worried looks on their faces. We were all on pins and needles.
Well, not really. We were sitting on chairs. If we were on pins and needles, it would have hurt.
“Drastic action?” asked Emily, the big crybaby. “What do you think he's going to do?”
“He's probably going to whip us with that strap,” said Michael, who never ties his shoes.
“Maybe he's going to strap us to our seats until our reading scores go up,” said Ryan, who will eat anything, even stuff that isn't food.
“Whatever he does, it's Arlo's fault,” said Andrea. She calls me by my real name because she knows I don't like it. “He probably flunked the reading test we took last week.”
“Your
face
flunked the reading test,” I said to Andrea.
I knew that didn't make any sense, but it was the first thing that came to my mind. It didn't matter, because Mr. Macky and Mr. Granite came back to the class. And this time they had company with them.
“EEEEEK!” Emily shrieked. “It's a
bear
!”
It sure looked like a bear, but it wasn't a bear. It was just the biggest dog in the history of the world. This dog was almost as big as Clifford the Big Red Dog. It was brown, and its tongue was hanging out. It was slobbering all over the place.
“Run for your lives!” shouted Neil, who we call the nude kid even though he wears clothes. “The bear is gonna eat us!”
Everybody freaked out and dived under their desks. I wasn't scared. I have a big dog named Buttons at home. But I dived under my desk anyway, just in case I was wrong and the dog
was
a bear.
“It's a
grizzly
bear!” shouted Alexia, this girl who rides a skateboard all the time.
“It's not a grizzly bear,” Mr. Macky said as he attached the strap to the dog's collar. “It's a Labradoodle. That's a combination of a Labrador retriever and a poodle.”
“It's a
grizzly
Labradoodle!” Alexia shouted.
“The grizzly Labradoodle is going to eat us!” Neil yelled. “Run for your lives!”
“Please calm down, everyone!” hollered Mr. Granite, who went over to pet the grizzly Labradoodle. “The dog is not going to hurt you. Look, it's friendly.”
The Labradoodle sat on the floor while Mr. Granite petted it. It looked pretty tame to me. But once you start freaking out, it's hard to stop.
“I think grizzly Labradoodles have rabies!” shouted Alexia.
“It's a wild animal!” shouted Ryan.
“It's an attack Labradoodle!” hollered Michael.
“Help!” shouted Neil. “The giant, grizzly attack Labradoodle is going to bite my head off!”