Missing (47 page)

‘Yes,’ came the reply.

‘She’s told you her mother’s on the way?’

‘She has.’

‘OK. I should be there in the next five to ten minutes, hopefully before Jacqueline, but just in case, please, whatever you do, don’t leave Kelsey alone with her.’

‘No problem.’

‘Is Kelsey all right?’

‘Seems it.’

‘I really owe you for this.’

‘It’s cool.’

After ringing off Miles sped away from the lights, swallowing the next stretch of road in a matter of seconds, before veering off towards the Hammersmith roundabout. Barring accidents, breakdowns or demonstrations, there was a good chance he’d arrive at the house before Vivienne – provided she’d taken the long route – but he wasn’t going to relax, or even take much notice of red lights, until he was in through the door, with Kelsey under his protection.

‘I’ve already done it,’ Vivienne was saying in response to Alice’s message from Miles.

‘So you’re taking the long way round?’ Alice said, needing to be certain.

‘Yep.’

‘Good. Now, you’d better tell me what to give Rufus for dessert to make this seem about him.’

Aware of Jacqueline’s quiet presence beside her, Vivienne said, ‘He can have one of the apricot crumbles. They’re in the cupboard next to the fridge.’

‘Great. Now remember, take it nice and slow, and call me as soon as you can.’

After disconnecting via her earpiece, Vivienne cast a quick glance at Jacqueline before turning off the Cromwell Road to start heading up Marloes Road towards Kensington High Street. ‘I think the other way might have been quicker,’ she said, ‘but we’re not far. How are you feeling?’

Jacqueline nodded distractedly and continued to stare out at the crowded arrangement of town houses they were passing.

‘Would you like me to wait while you go in?’ Vivienne offered. ‘I can always drive you back to where you’re staying.’

It was a while before Jacqueline responded. When she did it seemed she hadn’t heard the question. ‘I remember when Miles and I first moved here,’ she said still watching the elegant houses with their varying facades and gardens given over to parking. ‘I really didn’t want to come. Richmond was Sam’s home, so we needed to stay there until he came back. That’s what I used to tell myself,’ she added in a whisper. Then, in a stronger voice, ‘It was an awful day when they carried me out of that house. They had to drug me.’ She looked down at the wig bunched in her hands. ‘It must have been terrible for Miles,’ she said quietly. ‘Actually, I knew it was, but I couldn’t help myself. Moving house was like giving up hope.’ She swallowed and took a small gasp of air. ‘He’s sixteen today,’ she said, twisting the wiry hair around her fingers.

Vivienne could only feel the wretchedness of having no words to offer, either of comfort or any real understanding.

Jacqueline sat staring blankly at the wig, until finally she said, ‘I wonder what you’ll be doing on Rufus’s sixteenth. Do you ever imagine how you might celebrate? Whether it’ll be at home, or in a restaurant, or perhaps he’d prefer to be off with his friends? I don’t expect you ever consider that he might not be there any more.’ She sighed raggedly. ‘It’s not the kind of thing you plan for, is it? Only destiny, or fate, or God, makes those kinds of plans and you know nothing about it until it’s happened, and by then it’s too late.’

Vivienne swallowed as she glanced over at her.

‘Did you know that some people doubt that Sam was even with me that day?’ Jacqueline said. ‘They think I, or Miles, did something to him …’ Her voice faltered as her fingers tightened on the wig. ‘It’s extraordinary, the things people think, even those that know you. Everyone has their suspicions. Friends of years standing start looking at you differently, or trying to avoid you, or …’ She took a breath in an effort to steady her voice. ‘Has Miles ever told you about a woman called Elizabeth Barrett?’

Vivienne shook her head. ‘I don’t think so. Who is she?’

Jacqueline’s head came up and she sucked in her lips as though forcing back more words. Then, looking around at where they were she said, ‘We’re almost there. I wonder if Kelsey’s as nervous as I am.’

‘Dad!’ Kelsey cried, coming out of the kitchen as he let himself in the front door. ‘You got here fast.’ Her eyes were shining. ‘You’ll never guess who’s here.’

‘Theo Kenwood-South – and Mum’s on her way,’ he replied, dropping his keys on the hall table.

Kelsey’s jaw dropped. Then, pushing past her
surprise
that he knew this, she protested, ‘She might not come in if she knows you’re here.’

‘I parked around the corner so she won’t see the car,’ he told her. ‘Hi,’ he said, stepping forward to shake hands with Theo. ‘Thanks for waiting.’

‘No problem,’ Theo assured him. ‘Kelsey and I have had a good chat.’

As Kelsey glanced up at him Miles noticed how flushed her cheeks became. ‘Theo’s recording an episode of
Sports Quiz
this evening,’ she told him. ‘He said we can go if we want to.’

Miles put a hand on her head. ‘We’ll see,’ he responded. ‘It’s a lovely offer,’ he added, to Theo.

‘It stands if you want it,’ Theo assured him, reaching for his helmet. ‘I guess I should be going now.’

‘I can’t thank you enough for coming,’ Miles said, going to open the door. ‘I’ll hope to catch up with you in Devon sometime next week?’

‘You can count on it,’ Theo replied, his handsome face breaking into a grin. ‘Next Saturday’s the big day.’

Kelsey giggled. ‘Theo’s been telling me all about what’s happening behind the scenes,’ she informed Miles.

Miles smiled fleetingly. He didn’t want to appear rude, particularly in light of how helpful Theo had been, but he was keen to talk to Kelsey before Jacqueline arrived and he wasn’t sure how much time they might have.

‘You have my number if you need it,’ Theo reminded Miles as he went past him. ‘You too,’ he added to Kelsey.

Kelsey blushed to the roots of her hair as her eyes flicked to her father. ‘Thanks,’ she said in a whisper.

Following Theo out to the gate, Miles kept his voice
low
as he said, ‘Can you call Vivienne to let her know I’ve arrived, and tell her it’ll probably be best if Kelsey doesn’t see her, so she should drop Jacqueline around the corner in the square.’

‘Will do,’ Theo assured him, and planting the helmet on his head, he sat astride his motorbike and revved up the engine.

Even before he’d reached the end of the road Miles was back inside, going into the kitchen to join Kelsey. ‘What did Mum say when you spoke to her?’ he wanted to know.

‘Nothing much really. Just that she’s sorry if she worried us, and she’s been doing a lot of thinking. She’s going to tell me about it when she gets here.’

‘Is she intending to stay?’

‘You mean, is she coming back to us? I don’t know, I didn’t ask. Are you going to let her, if she wants to?’

Seeing how worried she was, he said, ‘We’ve a lot to discuss.’

Her face darkened. ‘You mean about
Rufus
and
her
. Well they’ve got no right coming into our lives—’

‘Kelsey, this isn’t the time for us to start arguing. Did Mum tell you where she’s been since she left?’

‘She said here, in London. I don’t know where exactly.’

‘You realise what today is, don’t you?’ he asked bluntly.

She looked pinched as she nodded.

‘So you understand why I’m anxious?’

Again she nodded. ‘You’re not going to stop me seeing her,’ she told him angrily.

‘That’s not my intention, but—’ He broke off at the sound of a key going into the front door, and turned to look down the hall. ‘She’s here,’ he said, seeing her
silhouette
through the opaque glass panel.

Kelsey’s face had already paled, and seeming far less confident all of a sudden she moved in closer to her father.

As Jacqueline came in she closed the door quietly behind her, then stopped as her eyes connected with Miles.

For a long time neither of them spoke, though Miles could sense how unsettled she was to find him there. For his part, he was aware of a tightness in his chest, and the unbridgeable gulf that separated who they were now from the young couple who had once been so deeply in love. He still cared for her, in spite of how hard she made it, but all the closeness they’d shared had bled through the cracks a long time ago.

‘I didn’t realise you were here,’ she said finally.

‘I’ve just arrived,’ he told her. Then, after a beat, ‘So how are you?’ He’d sounded sharper than he intended, and saw her flinch. It was her vulnerability that had made it impossible for him to leave her; her need for protection, from others as well as herself. It formed the rim of the gulf that, perversely, bound them together as irrevocably as it kept them apart.

‘I’m fine,’ she said.

‘Are you going to tell me where you’ve been for the past six weeks?’

She took a breath, and looked at Kelsey. ‘I came here so we could talk,’ she said. ‘Do you still want to?’

Kelsey nodded and shrugged, trying to appear nonchalant, but not quite making it.

Jacqueline’s eyes returned to Miles. ‘I don’t suppose you trust me to be alone with her,’ she said.

‘Do you blame me?’

‘No, but I promise it’s not why I’m here.’

Kelsey looked up at her father as he said, ‘How long are you staying?’

‘I suppose … I guess that depends on how much time you’ll allow me.’

‘This is your home.’

She seemed surprised by that, but didn’t make any comment.

‘Why don’t you take off your coat?’ Kelsey suggested. ‘It’s really dumb us all standing around here like this.’

Jacqueline glanced at Miles as though expecting him to object. When he didn’t, she started to unfasten her buttons. ‘Are you going to insist on staying while Kelsey and I talk?’ she asked.

Before Miles could answer, Kelsey said, ‘Dad, I’m not going to do anything I don’t want to. I’m fourteen now, I can take care of myself.’

Looking down at her, Miles said, ‘I’m not arguing about this. You can go into the drawing room, the two of you, but I’ll be right here.’

‘I’ll leave my bag,’ Jacqueline said, putting it on the bottom stair. ‘Just in case you think I have something hidden inside.’

Kelsey rolled her eyes, but neither she nor Miles objected to the bag being left. ‘Maybe you want to give her a body search,’ Kelsey muttered sarcastically to her father.

Knowing the rudeness was to cover her embarrassment Miles let it go, and stood aside as she started into the hall where Jacqueline was already opening the drawing-room door. When they were standing together he suddenly felt the tragedy of their relationship squeezing his heart. They were mother and daughter, yet Jacqueline could be a stranger in an
unfamiliar
house with a child she barely knew for how comfortable she appeared. It was how it had always been with her, never really seeming to belong, doing everything she could to avoid a connection.

Watching the door close behind them, he took a deep, unsteady breath. Was he right to let this happen? Even if Jacqueline didn’t attempt to hurt Kelsey physically, there was no knowing what she might inflict emotionally, and God knew she’d already done enough damage on that front.

In the end, not liking himself much for it, he moved silently down the hall to stand outside the door. If things started to get out of hand he wanted to know in time to stop it, not only for Kelsey’s sake, but for Jacqueline’s too. No matter what armour his wife used to protect herself, he knew Kelsey had the ability to get through at times and when she did, she could provoke a reaction in Jacqueline that even he would have trouble controlling.

Kelsey was curling into a corner of one of the large, rust-coloured sofas that flanked the hearth, looking anywhere but at her mother. As Jacqueline sat on the other sofa, she was aware of the anxiety churning her heart, but only as a faraway sensation, a discomfort once removed, like the echo of a scream, or the residue of pain. Her mind was a jumble of disjointed thoughts: memories that rose up from the past, visions that stole in from the future. She might be a hundred miles away, or several years – or in this room, watching herself from the corners. She tried to imagine what was happening inside Kelsey, whether she felt resentful or afraid, curious, or perhaps even relieved to know her mother was safe. It was probably a combination of all
those
things, but on a deeper, more critical level, Jacqueline wondered if Kelsey was as driven by hope as her mother had once been. Had she allowed herself to believe that one day things would come good between them? Did she ever think about how it would be if her brother had never been born, or stolen, or perhaps returned? In her way she must hate Sam, Jacqueline realised, but maybe she longed for him too.

Looking at her now, all silky blonde hair and teenage attitude, no outsider would ever guess how deeply her insecurities were rooted, gnawing at her self-worth, eroding her confidence. She had a beautiful face and a composure that exuded as much nonchalance as arrogance – and a considerable amount of anxiety, did she but know it. Nevertheless, Jacqueline felt certain that whatever mistakes she’d made with Kelsey – and she knew they far outweighed any good she might have done – Kelsey had it in her to survive. She’d been blessed with enough courage and inner strength to overcome the demons planted by her mother, but most of all she had the right father to smooth the way, as he always had throughout her young life. Were it not for Miles … But there was no point going there. It was too late to undo her neglect as a mother, or her failure as a wife, or her obsession with Sam. She needed to focus on the present now, and how she was going to try and feel, even transmit, some affection and concern for her daughter.

‘Why are you looking at me like that?’ Kelsey suddenly demanded, using belligerence to disguise her unease.

Jacqueline bunched her hands and glanced briefly down at them. ‘I’m not sure how I’m looking,’ she replied.

Kelsey’s eyes flickered with surprise. She was used to her mother responding in like tone, not sounding all … Well, she wasn’t sure how she was sounding. Her jaw tightened as she tried again. ‘So where have you been all this time?’ she said rudely. ‘I suppose you know people actually thought Dad had offed you?’