Missing Joseph (36 page)

“You'll say forget it. You'll say ignore them. But they won't let up. I'm never going back.”

“Why? What's it to you what those twits think?”

She twisted the strap of her rucksack round her fingers until she saw that her nails were turning blue.

“Who cares what they say?” he asked. “You know what's what. That's all that matters.”

She squeezed her eyes shut against the truth and pressed her lips together to keep from saying it. She felt more tears leak out from beneath her eyelids, and she hated herself for the sob which she tried to disguise with a cough.

“Mag?” he said. “You know the truth, right? So what those loobies say in the schoolyard don't amount to nothing but twaddle, right? What they say's not important. What you know is.”

“I
don't
know.” The admission burst from her like a sickness she could no longer contain. “The truth. What she…I don't know. I don't
know
.” Even more tears spilled out. She hid her face on her knees.

Nick whistled low, between his teeth. “You never said before now.”

“We always move. Every two years. Only this time I wanted to stay. I said I'd be good, I'd make her proud, I'd do good in school. If we could just stay. This once. Just stay. And she said yes. And then I met the vicar after you and I…after what we did and how hateful Mummy was and how bad I felt. And he made me feel better and…She was in a rage about that.” She sobbed.

Nick flung his cigarette into the street and held her with the other arm as well.

“He found me. That's what it is, Nick. He finally found me. She didn't want that. It's why we always ran. But this time we didn't and he had enough time. He came. He came like I always knew he would.”

Nick was silent for a moment. She could hear him draw a breath. “Maggie, you're thinking the vicar was your dad?”

“She didn't want me to see him and I saw him anyway.” She raised her head and grabbed onto his jacket. “And now she doesn't want me to see you. So I won't go back there. I won't. You can't make me. No one can. If you try—”

“Is there a problem here, kids?”

They both drew back from the sound of a voice. They turned to see the speaker. A rail-thin policewoman stood above them, heavily cloaked for the weather and wearing her hat at a rakish angle. She carried a notebook in one hand and a plastic cup of something steaming in the other. She sipped from this as she waited for response.

“A blow-up at school,” Nick said. “It's nothing much.”

“Needing some help?”

“Nah. It's girl stuff. She'll be okay.”

The policewoman studied Maggie with what looked more like curiosity than empathy. She shifted her attention to Nick. She made a show out of watching them over the rim of her cup—its lazy cat's-tail of steam fogging up her spectacles—as she took another sip of whatever was in it. Then she nodded and said, “You'd best be off home then,” and held her ground.

“Yeah, right,” Nick said. He urged Maggie to her feet. “C'mon then. We're off.”

“Live round here?” the policewoman asked.

“Just a ways from the high.”

“I've not seen you before.”

“No? I've seen you lots. You have a dog, right?”

“A Corgi, yes.”

“See. I knew. Seen you out for your walk.” Nick tapped his index finger out from his temple in a form of salute. “Afternoon,” he said. Arm round Maggie, he shepherded her back in the direction of the high street. Neither of them looked to see if the policewoman was watching.

At the first corner, they ducked right. A short distance down the street and another right led through a walkway that lay between the back of the public buildings and the overgrown rear gardens of a line of council cottages. Then they were heading down the slope once more. They emerged in less than five minutes into Clitheroe's car park. It was largely empty of vehicles at this time of day.

“How'd you know about her dog?” Maggie asked.

“I just went with the odds. A lucky break for us.”

“You're clever. And good. I love you, Nick. You take care of me.”

They stopped in the shelter of the public lavatory. Nick blew on his hands and tucked them underneath his arms. “Going to be cold tonight,” he said. He looked in the direction of the town where smoke feathered up from chimneys, becoming lost against the sky. “You hungry, Mag?”

Maggie read the desire beneath the words. “You c'n go on home.”

“I won't. Not 'less you—”

“I'm not going.”

“Then neither am I.”

They were at an impasse. The evening wind was starting to blow, and it had an easy time of finding them. It gusted across the car park, unimpeded, and scattered bits of trash about their feet. A Moment's bag glittered greenly against Maggie's leg. She used her foot to brush it away, leaving a streak of brown against the navy of her tights.

Nick brought out a handful of coins from his pocket. He counted.

“Two pounds sixty-seven,” he said. “What about you?”

She dropped her eyes, said, “Nothing,” then raised them in a hurry. She tried to make her voice sound proud. “So you don't have to stay. Go on. I can manage.”

“I already said—”

“If she finds me with you, it'll go that much worse on us both. Go home.”

“Won't happen. I'm staying. I said.”

“No. I don't want to be at fault. I'm already…because of Mr. Sage…” She wiped her face on her coat sleeve. She was tired to the bone and longing for sleep. She wondered about trying the lavatory door. She did so. It was locked. She sighed. “Go on,” she said again. “You know what c'n happen if you don't.”

Nick joined her in the doorway of the ladies'. It was recessed about six inches so they gained some ground against the cold. “You believe that, Mag?”

She hung her head. She felt the misery of the knowledge lie across her shoulders, heavy and cumbersome, like sacks of sand.

“You think she killed him because he came for you? Because he was your dad?”

“She never talked about my dad. She wouldn't ever say.”

Nick's hand touched her head. His fingers made an attempt at caressing, but they were thwarted by the snarls in her hair. “I don't think he was, Mag. Your dad, that is.”

“Sure, because—”

“No. Listen.” He took a step closer. He put his arms round her. He spoke into her hair. “His eyes were brown, Mag. So's your mum's.”

“So?”

“So he can't be your dad, can he? Because of the odds.” She stirred to speak but he continued. “Look, it's like sheep. My dad explained it. They're all white, right? Well, sort of white. But every once in a while out pops a black one. Didn't you ever wonder how? It's a recessive gene, see? It's something inherited. The lamb's mum and dad both had a black gene somewhere inside them, and when they mated out came a black lamb instead of a white one, even though they were white themselves. But the odds are against it happening. Which is why most sheep are white.”

“I don't—”

“You're like the black sheep because your eyes are blue. Mag, what d'you think the odds are of two brown-eyed people having a kid with blue eyes?”

“What?”

“Must be a million to one. Maybe more. Maybe a billion to one.”

“You think?”

“I know. The vicar wasn't your dad. And if he wasn't your dad, then your mum didn't kill him. And if she didn't kill him, she won't be trying to kill anyone else.”

There was a
that's that
quality to his voice that urged her to accept his words. Maggie wanted to believe him. It would make everything so much easier to live with if she knew that his theory comprised the truth. She would be able to go home. She would be able to face Mummy. She wouldn't think about the shape of her nose and her hands—were they like the vicar's,
were
they?—nor would she wonder about why he had held her out at arm's length and studied her so. It would be a relief to know something for certain, even if it didn't answer her prayers. So she wanted to believe. And she would have believed if Nick's stomach hadn't rumbled noisily, if he hadn't shivered, if she hadn't seen in her mind's eye his father's enormous flock of sheep, drifting like slightly soiled clouds against a green Lancashire hillside sky. She pushed him away.

“What?” he said.

“There's more'n one black sheep born in a flock, Nick Ware.”

“So?”

“So those aren't any billion to one odds.”

“It isn't like sheep. Not exactly. We're people.”

“You want to go home. Go on. Go home. You're lying to me, and I don't want to see you.”

“Mag, I'm not. I'm trying to explain.”

“You don't love me.”

“I do.”

“You just want your tea.”

“I was only saying—”

“And your scones and your jam. Well, go ahead. Get them. I can take care of myself.”

“With no money?”

“I don't need money. I'll get a job.”

“Tonight?”

“I'll do something. See if I won't. But I'm not going home and I'm not going back to school and you can't talk about sheep like I was so dim I couldn't figure it out. Because if two white sheep could have a black one then two brown-eyed people could have me and you know it. Isn't that right? Well, isn't that right?”

He drove his fingers through his hair. “I didn't say it wasn't possible. I just said the odds—”

“I don't care about the odds. This isn't like some horse race. This is
me
. We're talking about my mum and dad. And she killed him. You know it. You're just lording it over me and trying to make me go back.”

“I'm not.”

“You are.”

“I said I wouldn't leave you and I won't. Okay?” He looked about. He squinted against the cold. He stamped his feet to warm them. “Look, we need something to eat. You wait here.”

“Where're you going? We don't have even three pounds. What kind of—”

“We can get some crisps. Some biscuits and stuff. You're not hungry now but you will be later and we won't be near any shop by then.”

“We?” She made him look at her. “You don't have to go,” she said a last time.

“Do you want me?”

“To go?”

“And other stuff.”

“Yes.”

“Do you love me? Trust me?”

She tried to read his face. He was anxious to be off. But perhaps he was only hungry after all. And once they started walking, he would be warm enough. They could even run.

“Mag?” he said.

“Yes.”

He smiled, brushed his mouth against hers. His lips were dry. It didn't feel like a kiss. “Then wait here,” he said. “I'll be right back. If we're gonna bunk off, it's best that no one see us together in town and remember for when your mum phones the police.”

“Mummy won't. She won't dare.”

“I wouldn't take odds on that.” He turned up the collar of his jacket. He looked at her earnestly. “You okay here, then?”

She felt her heart warm. “Okay.”

“Don't mind sleeping rough tonight?”

“Not so long as I'm sleeping with you.”

CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

C
OLIN ATE HIS TEA AT THE KITCHEN sink. Sardines on toast, with the oil slipping through his fingers and splatting onto the potscarred porcelain. He didn't feel hungry in the least, but he'd been light-headed and weak in the limbs for the past thirty minutes. Food seemed the obvious solution.

He'd made his walk back to the village along the Clitheroe Road, which was closer to the lodge than was the Cotes Fell footpath. His pace was brisk. He told himself that a need to avenge was what drove him so rapidly onwards. He kept repeating her name in his head as he walked: Annie, Annie, Annie my girl. It was a way to avoid hearing the words
love and death three times
pulse with the blood in his skull. By the time he reached his house, he was hot in the chest but ice to the bone in his hands and feet. He could hear his heart's erratic thumping inside his eardrums, and his lungs couldn't seem to get enough air. He ignored the symptoms for a good three hours but when there was no improvement, he decided to eat. Teatime, he thought in irrational response to his body's behaviour, that'll take care of it, must have a bite to eat.

He washed down the fish with three bottles of Watney's, drinking the first one while the bread was toasting. He pitched the bottle into the rubbish and opened another as he rooted in the cupboard for the sardines. The tin gave him trouble. Curling the metal lid round the key required a steadiness that he wasn't able to muster. He got it halfway unrolled when his fingers slipped and the sharp edge of the top sliced into his hand. Blood spurted out. It mixed with the fish oil, started to sink, then formed perfect small beads that floated like scarlet lures for the fish. He felt no pain. He wrapped his hand in a tea towel, used the end of it to sop the blood off the surface of the oil, and tilted the beer bottle up to his mouth with the hand that was free.

When the toast was ready, he dug the fish from the tin with his fingers. He lined them up on the bread. He added salt and pepper and a thick slice of onion. He began to eat.

There was no particular taste or smell to it, which he found rather odd because he could distinctly remember how his wife once complained about the scent of sardines. Makes my eyes water, she would say, that fish smell in the air, Col, it makes my stomach go peculiar.

Her cat clock ticked on the wall above the AGA, wagging its tail and moving its eyes. It seemed to be repeating her name with the sound of its clicking wheels and gears: No longer tick-tock but An-nie, An-nie, Annie, it said. Colin concentrated intently on this. Just like the rhythm of his earlier footsteps, the repetition of her name drove other thoughts away.

He used the third beer to clear his mouth of the fish that he couldn't taste. Then he poured a small whisky and drank that down in two swallows to try to bring back feeling to his limbs. But still he couldn't quite vanquish the cold. This caused him confusion because the furnace was on, he still wore his heavy jacket, and by all rights he should have been soaking in sweat.

Which he was, in a manner of speaking. His face was so fiery that his skin was throbbing. But the rest of him trembled like a birch in the wind. He drank another whisky. He moved from the sink to the kitchen window. He looked across to the vicar's house.

And then he heard it again, as distinctly as if Rita were standing directly behind him.
Love and death three times
. The words were so clear that he swung round with a cry which he strangled the instant he saw that he was alone. He cursed aloud. The sodding words meant nothing. They were merely a stimulus of the sort used by every palm-reader in the world, giving you a small piece of a nonexistent life jigsaw and whetting your incipient desire to have more.

Love and death three times
needed no elucidation from anyone as far as Colin was concerned. It translated to
pounds and pence each week
, hard-earned coins pressed into the palm of the palmist by dried-up spinsters, naive housewives, and lonely widows, all seeking meaningless reassurance that their lives weren't as futile as they appeared to be.

He turned back to the window. Across his drive, across the vicar's, the other house watched him in return. Polly was within, as she had continued to be in the weeks since Robin Sage's death. She was no doubt doing what she always did—scrubbing, polishing, dusting, and waxing in a fervent display of her utility. But that wasn't all, as he finally understood. For Polly was also biding her time, patiently waiting for the moment when Juliet Spence's blind need to take blame resulted in her incarceration. While Juliet in gaol wasn't quite the same as Juliet dead, it was better than nothing. And Polly was too clever in her ways to make another attempt on Juliet's life.

Colin wasn't a religious man. He'd given up on God during the second year of Annie's dying. Still, he had to acknowledge that the hand of a greater power than his own had been active in the Cotes Hall cottage on that night in December when the vicar had died. By all rights, it should have been Juliet eating alone in the vicar's place. And if it had been, the coroner would have affixed the label
accidental poisoning/self-administered
to her dying, with no one wise to the manner in which that convenient accident had been brought about.

She would have rushed in to minister to his grief, would have Polly. More than anyone he knew, she excelled at sympathy and fellow-feeling.

Roughly, he rubbed his hands clean of sardine oil and used two plasters to cover the cut. He paused to pour himself one more swallow of whisky which he gulped down before heading out the door.

Bitch, he thought. Love and death three times.

She didn't come to the door when he knocked, so he pressed his finger to the bell and held it. He took some satisfaction from the shrill jangle it made. The sound grated on the nerves.

The inner door opened. He could see her form, behind the opaque glass. Top-heavy and inflated by too many garments, she looked like a miniature of her mother. He heard her say, “Glory. Get off the bell, will you,” and she yanked the door open, ready to speak.

She didn't, when she saw him. Instead, she looked beyond him to his house, and he wondered if she'd been watching as usual, if she'd stepped away from the window for a moment and thus missed his approach. She'd missed little else in the past few years.

He didn't wait for her to ask him in. He squeezed past her. She shut both the outer and the inner doors behind him.

He followed the narrow corridor to the right and walked straight along to the sitting room. She'd been working in here. The furniture gleamed. A tin of beeswax, a bottle of lemon oil, and a box of rags sat in front of an empty bookshelf. There wasn't a trace of dust anywhere. The carpet was vacuumed. The lace window curtains hung crisp and clean.

He turned to face her, unzipping his jacket. She stood awkwardly in the doorway—the sole of one sock-clad foot pressed to the other's ankle, the toes moving in an unconscious scratch—and she followed his movements with her eyes. He threw his jacket on the sofa. It fell just short and slid to the floor. She moved towards it, eager to put everything in its rightful place. Just doing her job, was Polly.

“Leave it be.”

She stopped. Her fingers gripped the ribbing on the bottom edge of her bulky, brown pullover. It hung, loose and misshapen, to her hips.

Her lips parted when he began to unbutton his shirt. He saw her catch her tongue between her teeth. He knew well enough what she was thinking and wanting, and he took a distinctly gut-warming pleasure from the knowledge that he was about to disappoint her. He drew out the book from against his stomach and flipped it to the floor between them. She didn't look at it immediately. Instead, her fingers moved from her pullover to grasp the folds of the insubstantial gypsy skirt hanging unevenly beneath it. Its colours—bright red, gold, and green—caught the light of a floor lamp standing next to the sofa.

“Yours?” he said.

Alchemical Magic: Herbs, Spices, and Plants
. He saw her lips form the first two words.

She said, “Glory. Where'd you get that ol' thing?” sounding all the world full of curious confusion and nothing more.

“Where you left it.”

“Where I—?” Her gaze moved from the book to him. “Col, what're you about?”

Col
. He felt his hand tremble with the need to strike. Her show of guilelessness seemed less of an outrage than did the familiarity implied by her saying that name.

“Is it yours?”

“Was. I mean I s'pose it still is. Except I haven't seen it for ages.”

“I'd expect that,” he said. “It was well enough out of sight,”

“What's that supposed to mean?”

“Behind the cistern.”

The light flickered in the lamp, a bulb going bad. It made a tiny hissing sound and went out, inviting the day's exterior gloom to seep past the lace curtains. Polly didn't react, didn't seem to notice. She appeared to be mulling over his words.

He said, “You would have been wiser to throw it away. Like the tools.”

“Tools?”

“Or did you use hers?”

“Whose tools? What're you about here, Colin?” Her voice was wary. She inched away from him so subtly that he might not have noticed had he not been anticipating every sign of her guilt. Her fingers even stopped themselves in the midst of flexing. He found that of interest. She knew better than to allow them to fist.

“Or perhaps you didn't use any tools at all. Perhaps you loosened the plant—gently, you know how I mean, you know how to do it—and then lifted it from the soil, root and all. Is that what you did? Because you'd know the plant, wouldn't you, you'd recognise it just as well as she'd do.”

“This is about Missus Spence.” She spoke slowly, as if to herself, and she didn't appear to be seeing him although she was looking in his direction.

“How often do you use the footpath?”

“Which one?”

“Don't play games with me. You know why I'm here. You didn't expect it. And Juliet's taking the blame made it unlikely that anyone would ever come looking for you. But I've smoked you out, and I want the truth. How often do you use the footpath?”

“You're mad.” She managed to put another inch between them. Her back was to the door, and she was clever enough to know that a glance over her shoulder would announce her intentions and give him the advantage which she currently seemed to believe was hers.

“Once a month at least, I should guess,” he said. “Is that right? Doesn't the ritual have more power if it's performed when the moon is full? And isn't the power more potent if the ritual takes place in the direct light of that moon? And isn't it true that communication with the Goddess is more profound if you perform the ritual on a holy site? Like the top of Cotes Fell?”

“You know I worship on the top of Cotes Fell. I make no secret of that.”

“But you've other secrets, haven't you? Here. In this book.”

“I haven't.” Her voice was weak. She seemed to realise what weakness implied, because she roused herself to say, “And you're frightening me, you are, Colin Shepherd,” with an edge of defiance.

“I was up there today.”

“Where?”

“Cotes Fell. The summit. I hadn't been in years, not since before Annie. I'd forgotten how well you can see from there, Polly, and what you can see.”

“I go there to worship. That's all and you know it.” She put another inch between them, saying more quickly, “I burned the laurel for Annie. I let the candle melt down. I used cloves. I prayed—”

“And she died. That very night. How convenient.”

“No!”

“During the harvest moon, while you prayed on Cotes Fell. And before you prayed, you brought her soup to drink. Do you remember that? You called it your special soup. You said to make sure she ate every bit.”

“It was only vegetables, for both of you. What're you thinking? I had some myself. It wasn't—”

“Did you know that plants are most potent when the moon is full? The book says that. You must harvest them then, no matter what part you want, even the root.”

“I don't use plants that way. No one does in the Craft. It's not about evil. You know that. P'rhaps we find herbs for incense, yes, but that's all. Incense. For part of the ritual.”

“It's all in the book. What to use for revenge, what will alter the mind, what to use for poison. I've read it.”

“No!”

“And the book was behind the cistern where you've kept it hidden…how long has it been?”

“It wasn't hidden. If it was there, it just fell. There was lots of things on the cistern, wasn't there? A whole stack of books and magazines. I didn't hide this—” She touched it with her toe and withdrew, gaining yet another inch of distance from him. “I didn't hide a thing.”

“What about Capricorn, Polly?”

That stopped her cold. She repeated the word without making a sound. He could see the panic beginning to take hold of her as he forced her closer and closer to the truth. She was like a rogue dog when at last it's cornered. He could feel her spine stiffening and her legs wanting to splay.

“Hemlock's strength is in Capricorn,” he said.

Her tongue whisked across her lower lip. Fear was a scent on her, sour and strong.

“The twenty-second of December,” he said.

“What about it?”

“You know.”

“I don't. Colin, I don't.”

“The first day of Capricorn. The night the vicar died.”

“This is—”

“And one thing more. The moon was full that night. And the night before. So it all fits together. You had the instructions, your how-to for murder, printed in the book: dig the root out when the plant is dormant; know its strength is in Capricorn; know it's deadly poison; know it's most potent when the moon is full. Shall I read it all for you? Or would you prefer to read it yourself? Look under
H
in the index. For hemlock.”