Mister Distraction (Distraction #2) (36 page)

“Let’s go.” I slipped my fingers through hers, the delicate skin sliding together giving me chills as I led her downstairs. I suggested we take her car, which was just like everything else in her possession—spotless. She put the top down and got in, not the least bit concerned with my fast driving. It was funny how people picked cars that expressed their personalities. My Jeep was big and always dirty from off-road use, so it told people I was rough and liked it dirty. Katarina’s car had sleek lines, and was built for speed and comfort. It was similar to her body and personality; it begged me to take control while I glided down the highway. The seat molded perfectly to my body, and I think I even heard the purr of the engine encouraging me to master her. I was quite amazed at how much I enjoyed controlling her vehicle. I glanced at her a few times and was relieved that the signs of sorrow had left her eyes. Her long black hair swirled with the wind and she reached up with her hands and tied it into a practiced bun. I got a vision of my dancing princess. She watched me the entire drive and I loved it. All these months, she’s been my obsession, the thing I wanted to watch every hour of every day. It was my turn to be that for her.

“You have a wonderful dog; I have an awesome car.” Her voice was crisp and clear, and I had to smile. I think she just called my dog a top of the line Mercedes. She turned on the music after that, and I gave her what she wanted. I sang to her. I knew she liked it; her eyes changed colors when I glanced again. They were a lighter blue and very youthful.

At the grocery store, I helped her out of the car and she anchored herself on the belt loop of my jeans. I pushed the cart, attempting to divert her attention with my charismatic personality. I had to dig deep; it had been a decade since I had to woo a woman and make her completely helpless to my charm.

I hit the meat department first and grabbed the hamburger. I noticed when I stepped away she would look around, and I couldn’t help but wonder if she was planning her escape.

“Seriously, Katarina, feel my meat.” Her eyes widened and she gave me a questioning look.

“It’s soft, but later today it’ll be hard.” She giggled and I tugged on her hair. I continued throwing food in the cart. My princess didn’t want to touch anything other than my belt loop.

“Those people over there are having a love affair.” I pointed to a man and a woman who looked about forty, both out of shape and arguing over which ice cream to buy. “Did you hear what he just said?” I whispered. She glanced at me, her beautiful eyes making me forget what I was saying for a split second. “He said it’s over if she doesn’t pick Rocky Road. She wants straight vanilla, but he told her vanilla sucks.” Katarina smiled as we walked past, and when the guy actually said, “Why do you always want vanilla?” she burst out into laughter. I tried it again with a guy molesting the fruit. “He’s lonely, and he needs to pick the right peaches to fill a void.” We both watched the guy as he held the fruit up to his nose, then squeezed it and whispered something to it. She giggled again when he rubbed the chosen fruit against his face. I made up little things all through the store, and she rewarded me with smiling faces and giggles. At the checkout, I recognized the clerk. He was a regular at the gym I went to. I nodded and read his nametag.

“Hey, Adam.” He smiled at me and took that as an invitation to talk non-stop while he scanned the groceries. I listened to his story and
contributed when he asked questions, but my only real focus was on Katarina. I winked at her while he talked, and she gave me her shy grin.
I love that grin
. We left the store and she spoke for the first time since the car ride.

“You knew him?” She squinted from the sun when she said it.

“Yeah, but you know what they say about Adams, right?” I asked, and her attention was all on me. She held her hand over her face to block the sun while I loaded the groceries into her tiny trunk, but her eyes never left me as she awaited my answer.

“You never trust atoms. They make up everything.” It took a second, and then she giggled, grabbing her stomach. Yep. I’d stolen the joke from my seventh grade biology teacher. I never thought it was funny, but Katarina was different, and her ability to laugh at the corniest jokes made me adore her more.

We got back to the house, I carried in all the bags of groceries, and she disappeared. I put everything away and went on a search to find her. In my mind, she was suddenly so fragile, and I couldn’t get her crying out of my head. I entered the room slowly, not sure what to expect, and there she was, curled up in a ball fast asleep. The vision made me angry with myself for not just staying here last night so we could both sleep. I laid down next to her, sliding my arms around her and holding her close. I buried my nose in her hair. My eyelids were so heavy, and my muscles immediately relaxed into the mattress. I was so tired. This beauty had me waking constantly during the night just to make sure she was still here. That and the lack of sleep last night had me completely exhausted. Everything between us was on shaky ground, and although I was relaxed with her body molded into mine, uneasiness haunted me.

My dream was so vivid it was like I was reliving the night Jacy died. I stayed after the performance that night and watched from a distance as Katarina and her grandfather talked. She nodded at his words and I thought I saw a tiny smile before he left. I trailed her black limo home that night. She lived behind a gated driveway. So once the vehicle disappeared, she was gone. I sat in the car, sweat dripping from my forehead. I had nervous energy racing through me. Then I saw out of the corner of my
eye a small dark figure on a bike. I whipped my car around and followed her two blocks. She pulled into the parking lot of an ice cream parlor. I parked and watched the tiny figure arrange her bike against the outside of the building. I moved quickly towards the parlor door and held it as she walked in ahead of me
.

“So what’s good here?” I asked her. Her head tilted up and I was met with large, hopeless blue eyes. “I have never been here, and you seem to know the place,” I said as she played with her black hoodie, pulling the bottom over the top portion of her jeans. Her small figure was hidden by the oversized hoodie. In fact, I would never have recognized her if I hadn’t followed her. We were almost to the front of the line when she reached her hands up and pulled the sides of her hoodie down, exposing her innocent face and her black hair. At the register, she ordered our ice cream sundaes with letter cookies on the side
.

I paid and we moved to the back of the restaurant. She took a seat at a table, and I followed her lead. The silence at the table was extremely awkward, but I was drawn to her like a moth to a flame. Her eyes met mine and I saw my reflection. Her eyes were full of loss and heartache. Her face was expressionless. It reminded me of the main character in a scary movie, both sad and extremely frightened. She glanced down, organizing her silverware, unfolding her napkin and stretching it out over her lap. Then she gave it a good smoothing with both hands. She continued the pattern of organizing her surroundings and I was mesmerized by it. The entire process was calming, even for me, until her eyes bore directly into mine and I knew she saw my pain, just like I could see hers
.

“I lost someone today.” I sounded defensive, giving her the reason for my sad eyes. She had a great poker face. There was no shock, no stunned expression. “She was my girlfriend, and I was going to marry her.” She blinked, and it was a slow blink. Her eyes shifted, but landed back on mine. “I am scared. I don’t know what to do. I feel like I can’t control anything; it’s like my world is spinning out of control.” Again, I watched as she closed her blue eyes and opened them with no expression
.

We ate our ice cream in silence, and I observed her nervous mannerisms again. I wasn’t sure if I made her nervous, or if she was by nature a nervous creature. She would glance at me occasionally, and her eyes had
me paralyzed. I felt like those blue eyes were swallowing me, and when her tiny lips quirked up in the corners, I lost my ability to breathe. She finished her treats, slid off her seat, walked to the front door, and then out to her bike. I trailed behind her, grabbing my J cookie on the way out
.

“Why J? How come you picked this cookie for me?” She picked up her bike, moved towards the parking lot, and then glanced at me
.

“It’s my favorite letter.” She started to wiggle out of her large, black hoodie. Her pink undershirt lifted up in the process, and I couldn’t look away. She had purple bruises on her back, and bright red marks on her side. I flinched at the sight, and I was fixated on that area even after she covered it and securely tied the hoodie around her waist
.

She must have felt my unease because she spoke with a comforting voice. “It doesn’t hurt, J.” I locked eyes with hers, amazed at her strength. “It never did. I am numb.” I tried to swallow the lump in my throat, but couldn’t
.

“Would you like a twelve-year-olds advice, J?” I nodded, rubbing the back of my neck, feeling nauseated and light headed
.

“Pretend,” she said clearly, like it was the most obvious idea. “Pretend you have control.”

“Right,” I repeated out loud, “Pretend.” I looked at her as she threw her leg over her bike
.

“How long do I pretend?” She grinned at my question
.

“You pretend until you don’t have to pretend anymore. Until you are what you pretend to be.” She turned around after that and disappeared under the streetlights. Her departure was slow and drawn out, and I wanted to stop her, take her, and protect her. I waited for her to turn around to see if I was still there, but she never did. Once I couldn’t see her anymore, I made my way to my vehicle. I sat in the driver’s seat squeezing my eyes shut, trying to remove the sight of her battered body from my mind
.

Chapter Twenty-Four

I woke up after that, my body stiffly wrapped around hers. I peeled myself off her and put on some running shorts. I ran hard and fast until all the aggression in my body disappeared and I was weak. I ran until my legs were trembling. I walked back to the house with Bo breathing heavily at my side. I didn’t stop until I was in the shower. I took a cold one, trying to forget those sad eyes that bored a hole into mine. I remembered going to her house after that, never able to get past the gate. I went to all her shows, paying extra to sit towards the front. She moved about a year later, but I followed her movement on the internet. I did my homework and made it to every performance she was in. I did try to get close to her on more than one occasion, but her bodyguards always intercepted me. I wanted to tell her that pretending never made the bad things that happened disappear. They never went away, no matter how hard I tried or how good the pretending was.

I needed to tell her. I needed her to know that I knew her, and that I watched her for years. I dried my body and dressed, my thoughts of coming clean about everything weighing heavily on my mind. I am not sure if it was everything I was keeping from her or the dream I just had, but I was more than unsettled. The feelings of doubt and uncertainty were like a dark cloud hanging over my head. I made my way to the bed where she was sleeping. She was talking in her sleep, and I watched the expressions on her face change from peaceful to tormented. “No, I don’t want to…please.” Her voice was small and her breathing deepened. “I don’t want to be alone.” My heart ached from those words. It was too
much to handle. I woke her, wanting to scoop her up in my arms, but I didn’t. I kissed her on her temple, leaving my face against hers for a long moment.

“My family will be here soon; you need to wake up.” I left the room and for the first time in almost a decade, I felt tears in the corner of my eyes. I didn’t let myself cry, but I wanted to. My heart felt like someone had punched me directly in it. I walked slowly downstairs in a daze. I stood in my newly furnished house, and there was a single knock at the door before my family started walking in. I felt overwhelmed and tired. My sister Janie was the first to reach me.