Mistletoe Kisses and Yuletide Joy (23 page)

"Are you saying you're afraid of me, Raef?" she teased.

Clearly she'd misjudged, for only silence replied. But then, he said softly,
"Afraid of not being a god in your eyes. You know me too well, Hera. All my faults."

"
And all I know is good." Oh, by the ancient gods, she was tired of living a lie. "I love you, Raef. I've loved you for years. Isn't that as good as being worshipped?"

He didn't say anything, and she'd have given her right arm for light then. What was his reaction? Surprise? Shock? Dismay? Embarrassment to equal her own?

"But," he said at last, slowly, "you went to the convent."

"Oh Raef, y
ou can't be such a fool! I went to Herndon because you married Edith, and for no other reason!"

"
Oh, God..." Then he was by her side, touching her. "Hera, I'm a fool. Are all men fools? I didn't know until you left. I didn't know about Edith until we married..." His fingers found her cheek and traced there. "I didn't know."

It seemed incredible to her, too.
"Didn't you ever feel anything physical for me, Raef? I lusted after you sinfully and often."

His forehead touched hers.
"It felt wrong. You were almost a sister. You were young. I thought you'd kill me if I touched you in the ways I wanted to touch you...."

Still scarce daring to hope, she asked,
"What ways?"

His hand slid to cover her breast.
"This way." His thumb began to rub over her nipple.

"
Oh." Her heart was pounding. "Any other ways?"

But then, abruptly, he was gone. Gone somewhere in the dark room, not touching her at all.

"Raef? What's the matter?"

"
By heaven, Hera, this is no time for this! Did you think I would dishonor you here in this dank, dark shed, with my home in enemy hands?"

Sheer relief made her grin.
"The thought did cross my mind, yes."

And he laughed, though he choked it off.
"Stop it."

"
Stop what?"

"
Driving me mad."

"
'Tis the season for madness, I think." She stood and moved forward, groping around for him. "Raef?"

He went silent
so as not to give his location away. Was it a serious attempt to avoid her, or a game? For Hera, this was no game, and she'd find him whether he wanted to avoid her or not.

"
I love you, Raef," she said, sweeping the silent space with her hands, and hunting him with her words. "I trust you to marry me if it becomes necessary, and whatever happens tomorrow, I want you, here, tonight." Her fingers brushed cloth, but he escaped before she could grasp him.

In about the center of the shed, she stopped still. She'd never catch him this way.

There were other ways.

"
I'm taking off my belt," she said, unbuckling it, and letting it fall to the floor. It was leather and held her pouch and knife. It made a dull thump.

She waited, listening, but
if she didn't know better, she could believe she was alone.

"
Now I'm taking off my tunic." She pulled it off over her head. "I have my long gown underneath, and my shift beneath that. That's all except my stockings." She kicked off her shoes.

She heard rustling sounds and was tempted to lunge for them, but she knew he could evade her if he still wanted to. She would not chase. She'd make him come to her.

She hoped.

Perhaps she'd be wiser to burst into tears and let him comfort her. Perhaps from there she could get what she wanted.

She contemplated it, and decided she simply couldn't. It wasn't in her nature. She so rarely cried that she didn't think tears would come to order. And it would be a horrible simulacrum of Edith. Edith, whom he hadn't loved, or not for long.

Wicked to feel such fierce joy, but she found that in this mad hour she didn't care about wickedness or virtue, only about Raef.

Here.

Now.

Almost in her grasp.

Despite the chill
—who cared about heat or cold at a time like this? -- she pulled off her thick woolen gown and dropped it on the floor. "I'm only in my shift, now. It's cold. Warm me, Raef?"

More rustling noises, but no touch.

She turned again, trying to spot him in the dark, but it was too complete. She stilled instead, trying to hear his breathing, but he must be controlling that better than she was. Her heart was racing and she was sucking in breaths.

Ah well. Might as well be hanged for a sheep as a lamb. She wriggled out of her knee-length linen shift.

"I'm naked, now." When the silence stayed unbroken, she twirled, whirling the garment around so it brushed the walls, and must skim close to the corners. So it might touch him-

It was caught.

Held taut.

Then slowly, naked and vulnerable, she was drawn toward him.

Toward what?

She sensed his warmth a moment before she was crushed against his body. His naked body.

She must have made a querying sound, for he said, "I can at least try to match a goddess, move for move."

Clutching him, his wonderful hard, hot, naked body, she s
aid, "Don't make this a contest."

"
Why not? That was always the most fun with you." Then, hand trapping her hair, he kissed her.

It was like the tainted greeting kiss of the day before, but profoundly unlike. Whatever was happening between them now, it was at least honest and lusty. If that was all there was, she'd take it.
His penis was hard between them, and she pressed there, encouraging, welcoming.

"
Don't worry. You're not escaping," he said, sweeping her into his arms.

By accident or design, his cloak was spread ready for her. He put her there, but then left.

"Raef?"

"
Just gathering clothing. No need to freeze."

In moments he was back beside her, and he spread their various garments over them to make a haphazard nest. When he lay beside her, she went into his arms as if it was the hundredth time.

Even while kissing her ear, her cheek, her lips, he said, "Someone might come, Hera. To feed us. To torture us. To kill us."

"
I don't care."

He laughed.
"Neither do I."

He kissed her again, hotly passionate. Oh heaven, the world could come to an end now and she'd die happy, twined with Raef, sealed mouth to mouth with him.

Well, perhaps it could end not quite yet....

But then he stilled and broke the kiss.
"Are you sure, Little Wolf?" His hand slid up to cup her cheek. "It will hurt. Edith-"

He tried to move
away. She held him closer. "I'm not Edith. Take me. Now."

He stayed tense in her arms. She could have murdered Edith
, if she hadn't already been dead, for what she'd done to him.

She knew better than to relax her hold on him, but she tamed her own hungers.
"Has there been anyone since Edith?"

"
No, of course not."

"
And not while you were married." That was a statement of fact. He would have been a faithful husband. Since he didn't seem to be pulling away, she stroked his hair. "Raef, I don't know how it was with her, but all women are not the same. I'm not."

He turned his head and kissed her palm, but it wasn't the sort of kiss she wanted.
"She was the first—the only—virgin for me. You can't know-"

He suddenly rolled onto his back, escaping her lax hold, but then he gathered her and pulled her into a tender embrace. Hell take it. She didn't
want
a tender embrace.

"
It was so terrible for her," he said, rocking her. "The first few times even. More than a few. I had to do it. We couldn't not do it forever. She agreed. She didn't object...."

She just suffered
, Hera completed for herself, suppressing a growl. And made sure he knew it. She could point out that Alfrida had lost her maidenhead to Magnus and come running back for more, but she didn't think mention of their captor would help at this moment.

"
Many women are lusty," she said, "and they all lost their maidenhead at one time."

"
But at least within marriage. We'll wait, Hera. We'll marry-"

"
When? Perhaps Christ will come tonight!"

"
Stop that. You don't believe that."

She eased across, so she was lying half over him. She didn't know what to do to overcome his reluctance, but she'd try.
"I believe it's right for us to do this. Raef. I'm not afraid. I want it."

"
Adults are not governed by wants."

"
But they can grasp them if it's right to."

"
It's not right. We're not married." His hands settled at her waist, controlling her, but she managed to wriggle a little closer. Her leg brushed against something and she realized he was still hard.

"
You still want me."

"
Of course I do! I've wanted you since you walked into the hall. I nearly died of wanting while I warmed your frozen feet. I've wanted you-"

He thrust her off him, and in a moment she was alone with only his lingering warmth on the cloth beneath her.

For a few moments, she didn't breathe at all. He'd been about to say that he'd wanted her during his marriage to Edith. She could imagine how much that must hurt a man of honor. A man of honor she ached for.

She sat up gathering his cloak around her shoulders, seeking words that would break his resistance, his fears, and his sense that this was sin. Perhaps his sense that his desire for her was a sin.

The darkness blinded her, however. It blinded her to his feelings and his pain. Was he angry, or in despair? Was he longing or tangled in other matters?

Was he lost in memories of Edith, whom he must have loved at some p
oint, and who had been his wife? That alone formed a bond. Would Edith always come between them? Did thought of Edith's rape mix in with his desire for herself, making it impossible?

An ache around her eyes gave her a new weapon.
"I'll cry."

"What?" D
isbelief rang clear in that.

"
I will."

"
You never cry."

"
I'm sure you cried over Edith."

"
That was-"

"
-different. This is different." Suddenly she was speaking blunt truth, all deception forgotten. "The world's already turned. Father, Edmund, Edith, Alfrida.... I've been saying cheerfully that Christ is not coming, but I don't know. Perhaps He is. I suppose He'll take me to heaven. I've not committed too many sins, and I've spent the past half year praying and doing good works."

"All the more reason not to sin now."

"But even if Christ doesn't come, my world has turned awry! And you're probably going to fight Magnus. And"—her voice genuinely broke—"and I just want one thing right. I know it will be right, Raef."

She felt his closeness, then his hand touched her arm, and he drew her close.
"Ah, don't, Hera. Don't! If you cry, the world will truly have come to an end." His lips brushed her cheeks and she thought, she hoped, they found them dry, even though perhaps tears would complete her conquest.

She didn't want that kind of conquest.

She just wanted Raef.

She held him as tight as he held her, kissing
and tasting whatever skin came close to her mouth, wanting him more and more, tangled in the warmth and textures of their clothes—in linens smooth and rough, in wool and embroidery and the occasionally soft toughness of leather.

In the hall, a drumming started, and she kissed him to the rhythm of the drum, grasping various parts of his hard-muscled body
, a deep, hot hunger rising up to consume her.

Raef, here, now.
Hot. Hard. Murmuring his delight as he kissed parts of her she'd never imagined kissable.

She laughed. Like Edith? Never.

She rolled her head back, as she opened herself wider to his exciting mouth…

The door slammed open and f
laming torches dazzled her. She couldn't help but cry out with shock.

"
Hell's fires!"
Raef bellowed, sitting and swirling covers tightly around them both. "Get out of here!"

Chapter Eight

Magnus, huge in the doorway and torchlight, rocked with laughter, but he gestured the grinning torchbearer outside.
"I think you forget who rules Acklingham now, Thegn Raefnoth!"

Raef's indrawn breath rattled like a growl, and Hera flung her arms around him in the faint hope of stopping him from trying to kill the Dane with his bare hands. One thing was sure. Her chance to make love to him had probably just been smashed like ice on a puddle under a cruel boot.

May Magnus Ravenbringer roast in hell!

Only then did she think to be afraid.
Why was Magnus here?

Torture?

Death?

Raef went still, too.
"What do you want?"

Magnus spread his hands as if innocent of every sin imaginable.
"What is it Christians say? Good will among men. Come to the feast."

"
No."

Magnus's beard jutted forward.
"It was not a request. I can drag you there naked. Both of you."

Hera realized the Dane was drunk, and thus even more unpredictable. Raef was da
ngerous through sheer fury. Even so, she couldn't think of a thing to say that wouldn't make matters worse.

"
I will not eat or drink in this place," Raef said, "until it is mine again."

"
Then I'll happily watch you starve!" Magnus roared, but then he glanced at Hera, almost pouting. "Blame your sister. She's been begging me to save you from this terrible man."

"
As you can see, there's no need."

"
Ah, but didn't you preach Advent to me, Little Nun? Shouldn't I save you from sin?"

"
I'd really rather you didn't."

"Alfrida won't believe me. You c
ome to the hall dressed or naked."

The Star's power over him was
truly remarkable. "Alfrida won't like to see me dragged into the hall naked, Lord Magnus."

"
Yet I will do it."

Clearly that was his limit.

"Raef…?"

"
Go!" snarled Raef to the Dane. "We'll dress."

At the tone
, Magnus folded his arms. "I leave at no man's command."

"
Then-"

Raef stopped because Hera had locked hands and squeezed his chest as hard as possible. It was only momentary surprise, however, so she rushed into speech.
"Lord Magnus, I don't think Alfrida wanted you to provide this sort of show of me for your men."

The Dane glanced back at his grinning men, and perhaps he even reddened. He stalked out and slammed the door.

"Don't interfere again," Raef snapped in the dark, pulling out of her arms and standing up.

"
I'll do whatever I can to keep us both alive." She was scrabbling around in the clutter of clothes for the ones that were hers.

"
I have no wish to live."

"
I want you alive." She realized she was trying to put on his shirt and shoved it toward where he was. He was closer than she thought, so she thumped him.

It felt rather satisfying, despite
the sorrowful ache left by their frustrated lust. May the imps of hell nibble Marcus's toes, and Alfrida's too.

She found her shift and wriggled into it.

...and King Ethelred's, who was letting the Danes run free all around England. And King Olaf of Norway's, and King Svend Forkbeard's of Denmark, who saw England as a free marketplace....

By the time she'd found and struggled into all
her clothes, she'd wished nibbled toes on most of the rulers of the world including the Pope. Underneath it all, however, churned fear. As soon as Raef and Magnus were face to face, they'd be like snarling wolves again, and though her name meant wolf-herder, she doubted she could stop this all coming to bloodshed.