Mistress by Marriage (18 page)
Caroline made a choking sound somewhere between a laugh and a sob. “I’m too old to change, Edward. And I don’t want to. I’m not cut out to be a Christie, all proper and dull.”
He put a hand to his heart. It
was
there, beating erratically, breaking just a little. “A direct hit.”
was
there, beating erratically, breaking just a little. “A direct hit.”
“You know I’m right. You’d be ready to throttle me within twenty-four hours. Think of the children. Allie. It wouldn’t do to upset her routine with me waltzing back into her life only to have it all fall apart again.”
Edward brushed a tear from her cheek. “No. I suppose not.”
“So it’s settled then.”
“If you say so.” His throat constricted. Well, she had wanted him to
feel
, and now he did. It was appalling for a man his age to want to cry.
feel
, and now he did. It was appalling for a man his age to want to cry.
“It’s for the best.” She slipped out of his hold. “I’ve been thinking I’d like to make a fresh start. Go somewhere where no one knows me. A little cottage in the country, where I can write. Maybe I’ll even stop penning such naughty books and try something edifying for a change.”
“You’ll stop killing me off?”
“There’s no need to. I’m not angry anymore. With you
or
myself. We can’t help being who we are, can we?”
or
myself. We can’t help being who we are, can we?”
For the first time in his life, Edward wished his last name was different. Wished
he
was different. Wished most of all that he didn’t love Caroline when the discovering of it came too late.
he
was different. Wished most of all that he didn’t love Caroline when the discovering of it came too late.
“I’ll look for a suitable property for you.”
“Thank you, Edward. I have some money of my own, you know.”
“Nonsense. You are still my wife, and I’m responsible for you.” He would place her far out of reach, away from temptation, even if it killed him as thoroughly as Caroline’s villains.
Unless . . .
He
was
a Christie. Christies might be proper and dull, but they did not give up. They knew their duty. They were dogged in the fulfilling of it.
was
a Christie. Christies might be proper and dull, but they did not give up. They knew their duty. They were dogged in the fulfilling of it.
He’d made his vows six years ago and meant them. He wanted Caro even more now, though it made no sense. They would probably wish each other to the devil within the first hour of mending their marriage.
But he had to try. How to convince her? Edward would approach the difficulties with his usual logic once he was alone and free of the confusion he always felt in Caro’s presence. He needed to think, but first he needed to kiss her. She might think it was a good-bye kiss, but he knew better. Christies always did.
Chapter 15
A new life. It was everything she desired yet didn’t dare to dream of or deserve.—Flowers for Flora
D
espite the late hours the residents of Jane Street kept, morning rose all around them. Windows opened, doors shut, servants stepped into kitchens, and so did Mrs. Hazlett. Caroline had been stationed on the steps to the kitchen door for some time while Edward appeared to be lost in thought on the hard bench, his eyes closed. They’d not said much to each other once they discussed Caroline’s real estate needs, which were not particularly demanding. She would take Lizzie with her if she’d go, but Caroline assumed Garrett Marburn would have something to say about that. It had surprised her when Edward said he’d sell the Jane Street property. So there was to be no mistress in his future, as there was to be no master in hers.
espite the late hours the residents of Jane Street kept, morning rose all around them. Windows opened, doors shut, servants stepped into kitchens, and so did Mrs. Hazlett. Caroline had been stationed on the steps to the kitchen door for some time while Edward appeared to be lost in thought on the hard bench, his eyes closed. They’d not said much to each other once they discussed Caroline’s real estate needs, which were not particularly demanding. She would take Lizzie with her if she’d go, but Caroline assumed Garrett Marburn would have something to say about that. It had surprised her when Edward said he’d sell the Jane Street property. So there was to be no mistress in his future, as there was to be no master in hers.
She rapped on the glass, causing Mrs. Hazlett to jump quite spryly for a woman her age.
“Whatever are you doing out here, Lady Christie? Lord Christie will have our hides!”
Caroline inclined her head toward the back of the garden, then turned to the subject of Mrs. Hazlett’s startled look. Edward wasn’t thinking after all—he was asleep sitting up, his long limbs loose and relaxed. “I had a bit of a misadventure last night, but don’t worry. All is well.”
Mrs. Hazlett stared at the obvious disarray of Caroline’s nightgown. “I suppose your clothing tore itself.”
“It had a little help.” She would never make love to Edward again. The last time under the stars was a worthy memory, however. There would be empty years ahead to think on it. Too many, if Caroline lived as long as Mr. and Mrs. Hazlett. Edward had offered to send them from London with her, but a butler and a housekeeper would be superfluous for the kind of simple life she envisioned. Caroline could cook and clean for herself. But she would take Ben. Growing up in the country would be good for him, and her lessons with him would be good for them both, as long as Ben did not catch her out on her spelling.
“Come in, come in. Good thing it’s so warm or you’d catch your death. The night air is dangerous.”
Dangerous to Caroline’s heart, at least.
She couldn’t credit that Edward said he wanted to reconcile. If there had been a moon, she’d attribute the whole incident to moon madness. Thank goodness she had the presence of mind to remind him how it really was between them. It had been the hardest thing she’d ever done.
“I’m going upstairs, Mrs. Hazlett. Please tell Lizzie not to bother bringing breakfast. I’m exhausted. And Cameron should wake Lord Christie soon. I’m sure he has a full calendar.” She paused on the stairs. “They will be leaving today. For good.”
Mrs. Hazlett glanced up sharply. “Then you’re safe?”
“Safe as a mouse in cheese.”
“I thought—” Mrs. Hazlett tugged at her apron nervously. “I wondered if he might not take you back.”
“Oh, no, Mrs. Hazlett. Whyever would he do that?”
“I see the way he looks at you, my lady. Like a hungry man and you’re a meat pie.”
Caroline laughed. “Well, I’ve been called many things, but never that.”
“You know what I mean. I’ve not much way with words like you, an authoress. But it’s my opinion, and Mr. Hazlett’s too, that Lord Christie has warm feelings for you.”
“We are to get a legal separation at long last, and I am moving away from the city. Whatever he feels at the moment, he’ll come to his senses. I don’t want you to worry about your positions. Lord Christie will find you places, or you may retire with a generous pension. You’ve been more than kind to me.”
Mrs. Hazlett pinked. “It’s been easy doing for you, my lady. A true pleasure.”
Caroline swallowed the lump in her throat. But she was going to put the past behind her, once and for all.
She fell asleep as soon as her head hit the pillow, oblivious to the tiptoeing removal of Edward’s things from her room, unconscious of his absence in her life. If she felt the brush of his lips on hers as he bade her good-bye, it might have been a dream.
When she awoke in the early afternoon, it was to the sound of Cameron’s soft cursing below, as he plied the long nails out of the garden doors. The balcony door stood open to the bright summer sun, and someone had untied the sheets from the railing. Caroline stretched and peered down as Cameron removed the final nail and put it in his pocket. As he turned toward the house, she gave a little wave. He inclined his head but kept walking. No doubt his pride was wounded after she outsmarted him, thinking he’d been so thorough. But soon there was to be no more visiting between the garden gates anyway. Caroline would have her cottage in the country. Her cat. Good heavens. She was taking a page from Charlotte Fallon’s book.
Caroline was starving. And rather dirty. The soles of her feet were black from pacing in the garden, and her nightgown was a total loss. She wouldn’t need anything so provocative again, not where she was going and who she would try to be. Before she had a chance to ring for a bath or breakfast—or would it be luncheon?—Lizzie knocked and popped into the room.
“Mr. Cameron said you were up. My heavens, you’re a mess.”
“Good morning to you, too.”
“It’s afternoon—nearly one o’clock, Lady Christie. Mrs. Hazlett said you had a hard night.”
“It was not my finest hour.” Save for tangling with Edward and tingling all over on the grass.
“Lord Christie was almost ready to sack Cameron this morning, but I told him no one can stop you when you really want to do something.”
Caroline sat as Lizzie took a brush to her hair. “He’s gone?”
“Yes. Quite early. Cameron boxed up everything and is on his way now, too. So we’re back to normal,” Lizzie said brightly, avoiding Caroline’s eyes in the mirror. “Do you want to wash before lunch, or after?”
“A bath first, I think. Ouch.”
“Sorry, but your hair’s in knots. And there’s grass enough caught in it to make a bird’s nest.”
One spring when she and Nicky were children, birds made a nest under the eaves of Parker Hall. She and her brother had watched through the grimy attic window as the couple settled in, hatched their babies, fed them. Then one morning, the nest was empty. Nicky had lectured her on the cycle of life, but Caroline had been inconsolable. She returned to the attic again and again until the snow fell, expecting to find the family snuggled together, back from their bird adventure.
She had missed country life whilst living in London. Exploring the bountiful grounds at Christie Park in Kent had been the one good thing about her marriage, besides the nights with Edward. Her Jane Street gilded cage was soon to be abandoned, but she could feel the loneliness already.
Caroline scooted over on the dressing table bench. “Lizzie, sit for a minute. I have a proposition for you, but I expect you to say no. I’m counting on it, for your sake.”
Lizzie lifted a fair eyebrow but did as she was asked.
“Edward is going to buy me a house in the country. Something very small and out-of-the-way. I really will not require the services of a lady’s maid, but I could do with a friend. However, I believe my friend is about to become betrothed to another friend of mine. Am I correct?”
“He hasn’t asked me yet. But I think he will.” Lizzie twisted her fingers. “He hasn’t seen my back, Caroline. I haven’t let him do anything more than kiss me—and a few touches.” She seemed embarrassed by the admission, showing a charming uncertainty for a young woman who had first sold her body at the age of fourteen. Lizzie walked to the window and stepped onto the little terrace. Caroline followed and laid a hand on her shoulder.
“Trust me. It will not matter to him. He will only love you more for your suffering.”
“I don’t want to be pitied!”
Caroline smiled. “I doubt what Garrett Marburn feels for you is pity, Lizzie. You’re a beautiful woman. Smart.”
“I was a whore,” Lizzie whispered. Her eyes were bright with tears.
“And now you’re not. We all make mistakes. It’s important we don’t let the mistakes make us.” Caroline knew she should take her own advice. Her youthful folly with Andrew and her unhappy marriage did not need to chart her course for the rest of her life. “I’m going to start fresh, and you will, too. If you want, I’ll speak to that slowtop. Why he hasn’t offered for you yet is an absolute disgrace. Men are idiots.”
“No, don’t. I’ll bring him ’round—when it’s time. But what about you? Mrs. Hazlett says Lord Christie is going through with a legal separation.”
“Yes. It’s time now, don’t you think? And I won’t be on Jane Street at his mercy once a year. It’s done. If I give him reason, perhaps eventually we will divorce.”
Lizzie looked at her. “That means you’ll have to have an affair. A real one this time.”
“Would that be so impossible to imagine? I haven’t lost all my looks, have I?” Caroline fluffed up her hair. Lizzie brushed it back down automatically.
“Of course you haven’t. I just don’t—never mind. It’s not my place.”
“Lizzie, you can be frank. We’re more than just mistress and servant.”
“I know, Caroline. I owe you everything.”
“Let’s not get carried away.”
“I think you and Lord Christie belong together, whatever your differences.”
Caroline shook her head. “I admit there’s something between us, but not enough to build a marriage on. One must get out of bed eventually,” she said wryly.
“What if you sat down with him and hashed everything out? Ask him what he wants of you?”
“One doesn’t ask a Christie questions. One only gives the proper answers.”
“I think it’s worth a try.”
“I appreciate your advice, Lizzie, but it’s far too late. No, my plan is best. I’ll leave here and start over. Stop writing. Be respectable. But don’t tell Garrett yet. I expect he’ll have a fit.”
“He’ll miss you.”
“He’ll miss the income I generate.” Caroline laughed. “But the books haven’t come easily to me lately. Better to stop while I’m ahead. I wouldn’t want to repeat myself and kill off Edward the same way twice.”
Caroline looked around the narrow hallway. It was far too crowded, but now that the hall table had been removed, there was room for the Hazletts, Lizzie and Marburn, and young Ben. Yesterday the removal men had packed up some of her things to carry into the wilds of Dorset. The rest she had bequeathed to the friends before her, the Janes, or the Jane Street house itself. The next courtesan would need a bed and a few sofas to recline on. A pity Caroline had wasted so much of her money on redecoration, but it was not the first mistake she had made.
She hadn’t even seen the cottage she was to live in, hadn’t even seen the man who had purchased it for her since the ill-fated night in her garden. It had taken a few weeks for Edward to make the arrangements. Her new life had been arranged solely by letter, which had suited her perfectly. She did not need to crick her neck gazing up at Edward’s emerald eyes and listen to his dark velvet voice.
Gracious. She was thinking like a writer—jewel-toned eyes were
such
a cliché—which she was determined not to be ever again. She had penned her very last
Courtesan Court
book in a frenzy of packing. She hoped her public wouldn’t be too disappointed. Her heroine, Cassandra, a notorious opera star, had decided to forego her lover Roderigo for a life in the country. She would sing in the local church choir only and give free music lessons to poor children. The ending was so abrupt Garrett had said she’d opened herself up for a sequel, but Caroline thought not.
such
a cliché—which she was determined not to be ever again. She had penned her very last
Courtesan Court
book in a frenzy of packing. She hoped her public wouldn’t be too disappointed. Her heroine, Cassandra, a notorious opera star, had decided to forego her lover Roderigo for a life in the country. She would sing in the local church choir only and give free music lessons to poor children. The ending was so abrupt Garrett had said she’d opened herself up for a sequel, but Caroline thought not.
She wasn’t quite sure what
she
wanted to do next. She couldn’t carry a tune herself. But Edward had written there was a large garden, so she could prune and plant and weed until she decided.
she
wanted to do next. She couldn’t carry a tune herself. But Edward had written there was a large garden, so she could prune and plant and weed until she decided.
“Harold is safe in the carriage?”
“I put him in there myself. He wasn’t happy to be stuck in that cage.” Lizzie’s chin quivered. “You’ll come back for the wedding if we marry?”
“We’ll marry, all right,” Garrett growled. He had proposed, but Lizzie was yet to be fully convinced she was worthy of him. She was being particularly missish about becoming Mrs. Marburn. Caroline had already advised Garrett to kidnap her just like Lord Farringdon did to Felicia in
Lord Farringdon’s Fickle Fiancée
and carry her off to Scotland, bound and gagged if necessary. Felicia had been very good with her fists, and not bright enough until the last chapter to realize that Lord Farrington was her one true love.
Lord Farringdon’s Fickle Fiancée
and carry her off to Scotland, bound and gagged if necessary. Felicia had been very good with her fists, and not bright enough until the last chapter to realize that Lord Farrington was her one true love.
“Of course. You know Garrett’s right. You won’t get a better offer.” Caroline suspected the next time she heard from them, the deed would be done and there would be no need for her to stand as matron of honor.
“Damn right.”
“And
you
, Garrett Marburn, won’t get a better wife. Be good to each other.” She embraced them both.
you
, Garrett Marburn, won’t get a better wife. Be good to each other.” She embraced them both.
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