Mistrust (12 page)

“I’ve been thinking about what you said that nothing seems the same. And that’s because nothing
is
the same.”

“I know,” I say while running my hands over the lush green grass, avoiding her stare.

“It’s been less than a week, Dakota, and nothing is ever going to be like it was. You’ll never be the same, and neither will any relationship you’ve had or will have. Especially considering we have no idea who slipped you the drug. It could’ve been anyone, you yourself said you came back to the table and your drink was there.”

“I’m trying to push it out of my mind, Sam. I don’t think I can handle it if I allow myself to think about it.”

“Pushing it out of your mind only means it’ll fester.”

I smack the ground in frustration. “Stop it, just stop it. I don’t want to face it, or deal with it.” Standing I brush the grass off my legs and butt. “I’m not ready.” I sling my bag over my shoulder and run up the few steps in front of our home. “I’ll get those clothes ready for you, Sam.” Opening the door, I head straight into my room.

“Hi, darling,” Mom calls out as I pass her in the hallway.

Hot tears burn my eyes, and I know I’m about to lose it and cry. “Hi,” I mumble and quickly close my door before Mom sees the tears slipping down my cheeks. I take myself over to my bed, and lay on it, bringing my pillow in to hug. “This is bullshit,” I say to myself.

I’ve gone from being a popular girl, confident and outgoing, to becoming an introvert who avoids everyone. I used to be able to trust people, but now I’ve tightened the circle of who I can depend and rely on. Sam’s at the top of the list of people I have unconditional faith in. Since she found out about,
that night,
she’s had my back and hasn’t faltered in her loyalty to me.

My friends, or my so-called friends, are showing me their true colors. Levi has let me down, and as for Lindsey, she’s clearly not the person I thought she was.

Knock, knock, knock.

I sit up in bed, wipe my face and call out for whoever it is to enter.

Sam opens the door with remorse and pain written all over her face. “I’m sorry,” we both say together.

I can’t help but go to her and hug her. “I’m sorry, Sam,” I finally manage to say. “I know you’re trying to help and I shouldn’t have snapped at you.”

“I’m sorry for pushing you. It’s just . . . this is really scary, Dakota. I mean if it happened to you, then it must’ve happened to someone else and I wonder who else will become a victim, too?”

My stomach churns in fear, because these questions are haunting me. But I try and push them down, as far into the darkness as I can. I’m nowhere near ready to attempt to answer them or even
begin
to understand them.

“I know, and trust me when I say I think about those exact questions every moment I’m awake. I’m even having panic attacks, and I’m not sure if I can handle them.”

“This is big, Dakota. Like huge. You should consider telling Mom and Dad. They’ll be devastated that you haven’t told them if they find out by someone else. And before you freak out and think I’m going to tell them, that’s not what I meant.”

My throat tightens and I feel nausea quickly rise. I’m ashamed to admit I did panic because I thought Sam would tell. “You have all the power, Sam and I won’t lie. I’m terrified you may accidently slip.”

“You know I’d never.” She unfolds herself from my hug and goes to sit on my bed. “I swear, I would never betray you.” She places her right hand over her heart. “I promise,” she says in the most serious tone I’ve ever heard come from her. Dropping her hand she places both of them in her lap and begins to nervously wring them together. “One day, Dakota, you have to tell them. It’ll eat you up alive if you keep it to yourself. How much do you think you can handle before the cracks break open and everything spills?”

Slumping my shoulders I nod my head. “I know,” I say in defeat. “Just not yet. I’m not ready.”

“Promise me though, when you’re ready, we’ll tell Mom and Dad together.”

Sam’s beautiful, gentle nature makes my heart ache, because she sees the beauty in everything, and loyally wants to protect me. “I feel like I’m letting you down, Sam.”

“Why?”

“You’re
my
little sister, not the other way around. I should be protecting you and giving you wise advice, instead, you’re the one who’s looking out for me. It’s not right. I’m not doing a very good job as your older sister.”

Sam laughs out loud which causes me to look into her amused eyes and smiling face. “Sometimes, Dakota, we find the strength we need in others. My time will come when I’ll need you and you’ll be my strength, so for now let me be yours.”

Christ, I’m a damn mess. Everything about me has completely fallen apart. “How about I get you those clothes you want to borrow?” I try and drag my mind away from the imminent darkness waiting to consume me.

“Are you and Levi going out afterwards?” Mom asks as she drops me and Sam to where the charity game is being played. “And you’re not cheering tonight?” Mom looks me over.

“Nah, there isn’t any cheering tonight. It’s just a charity game.” I know there will be cheering, but I haven’t put in any effort this last week. Because of that I don’t think it’s fair for me to show up tonight and try to be involved. Besides, I truly don’t care if they throw me off the squad or keep me.

“Are you and Levi going out after?” I was hoping she’d forgotten the first part of her question.

“Levi and I broke up.” I look out the window to avoid her stare, but catch it in the reflection of the window.

“You broke up?” she gasps in disbelief. “When did this happen? Why didn’t you tell me? What happened? My gosh, Dakota, you have to tell me when these things happen! It explains a lot actually; you’ve been quite withdrawn the last few days. You broke up with him on Saturday at the prom, didn’t you? Since then you’ve been quiet and not saying much.”

Taking a deep breath I simply sit in quiet and not say anything. “Hey, Mom, I’m meeting Taylor at the game tonight.” Sam interrupts so I’m not the recipient of Mom’s inquisition.

Discreetly reaching my hand back I feel for Sam’s. She sees what I’m doing, and holds my hand, giving it a reassuring squeeze. It’s my way of saying ‘thank you,’ and her way of saying ‘you’re welcome.’

Mom and Sam chatter about Taylor, AKA Calvin, and I watch the scenery go by as we near our school.

“I’ll call you when we’re ready to be picked up,” Sam says as she closes the door. I’m already waiting for her by the curb, far enough away that Mom can’t easily say anything to me.

It doesn’t stop Mom from rolling the passenger side window down, leaning over to call me back. “Dakota.” I feel the tightness strangle my chest as I approach the car. “Tomorrow we need to talk about you and Levi.”

“Okay, Mom,” I answer her but secretly hope she forgets about it.

“Come on, big sis, let’s go. Bye, Mom.” Sam waves and Mom leaves.

And I quietly freak out about our pending conversation.

When Sam and I walk into the gymnasium, I immediately notice Jordan, Mariah, and Lindsey sitting on one of the bench seats at the front of the bleachers. I smile at them, but they look right through me. Obviously I’m not welcome to sit with them.

“It’s okay, you can sit with us,” Sam says and drags me up the steps toward where Taylor is sitting.

As I glance up at Taylor, I catch Sophie’s eye and she waves me over. “I’ll sit with Sophie,” I say and make my way over to her while Sam heads straight to Taylor.

The first half of the game is fun. Both teams were all about having a good time, not really playing hard. Reece even grabbed the ball from Levi and dribbled it over to the opponents’ side of the court and shot a hoop for them. It got them up to even the score and the crowd all cheered as Reece took a bow in the middle of the court.

Now it’s half time, and there’s a charity auction to raise money for a shelter in the area that houses women and children fleeing domestic violence situations. It’s all small things, like double movie passes, dinner at local cafés and restaurants and even a few brand name clothing pieces. All in all, it’s crazy and fun.

“It’s a good idea, what the school’s doing. It brings attention to things we wouldn’t usually think about. Like domestic violence,” Sophie says. “I mean it’s good to start at this level, so we’re aware of it.”

“Do you know anything about it?”

“Unfortunately I do.”

Crap, it’s not the answer I was expecting. “Sorry,” I say awkwardly, not really knowing what else to say.

“My mom was beaten really badly by my dad until he was arrested.”

“He was arrested for beating your mom? Holy shit.” I look away, because well, just because.

“Nope, my dad wasn’t arrested for beating my mom. He was arrested for an armed hold-up. Beating my mom was something he did all the time, but Mom never wanted to say anything because she was scared she wouldn’t be able to look after me on her own. So she stayed and never did anything about it. But when Dad was arrested for the hold-up, it was a godsend for us. We packed up and moved here. Mom even found the courage to get a divorce. We’ve had to change our names and everything so he doesn’t find us, but things are better now.”

“Oh my God,” I say looking at Sophie. “That’s got to be horrible.”

“We’ve been here for three years. It wasn’t good walking on eggshells around my own home. You know, before Dad was arrested, I’d hate going home. I’d do everything I could to stay away.”

“It must be nice to feel safe.”

Sophie’s head whips to the side. Her right eye twitches as her lips turn up in a wry and hurt smile. “Safe is subjective, Dakota. There’s pain everywhere. Even when you think you’re out of danger, it has a way of finding you.”

My gut wrenches as every hair follicle on my arms stands to attention. My palms become sweaty, just from the way Sophie’s looking at me. She’s trying to tell me something. I’m not sure what yet, but I’m hoping in time she’ll tell me.

“What the . . . ?” I hear someone yell. I look over toward where the noise came from, but I don’t see anything.

“Fuck, Levi Matthews and Reece Hendricks are fighting,” someone else yells.

My gaze goes to the sideline and I see the two of them going at each other. “What the hell?” I jump up and bolt down the bleachers, across the court to where Reece has a thrown and landed a punch directly on Levi’s nose. Blood spurts out and Levi stumbles back creating a cup with his hand to catch the blood.

“You can have her; she’s nothing but a slut,” Levi yells at Reece as he retreats and heads toward the locker rooms.

Reece looks over at me, and so does half the basketball team. I’m left stunned, not being able to say anything. “You’re a sick fuck,” Reece yells as Levi storms off.

Levi turns around, walking backward and flips Reece the bird, but his hate-filled eyes single me out. His face is flooded with disgust and judgement as he spits the word, ‘whore.’ I now realize their fight had to do with me. The energy in my body multiplies as the thrumming beat of my heart intensifies.

Reece steps in front of me shielding me from Levi, but it’s too late, he’s already said his piece, called me a ‘whore,’ and made me feel as if I’m nothing more than trash carelessly strewn aside. “You don’t get to talk to her,” Reece yells while still guarding me from the malicious and obvious hatred radiating from Levi.

I inhale a sharp breath and look around me. Some of the guys are laughing and pointing at me, while others are desperately trying to not make eye contact. A whirlpool of emotions all smash into me at the same time, fear is the biggest.

Reece’s broad shoulders are in front of me, shielding me as he and Levi sling insults at each another, Levi a lot more vitriolic in his hatred for me. I try to look over Reece’s shoulders, but he must feel me, because he steps back and puts his arm out protectively, almost in an on-court defense maneuver.

Levi’s loud and venomous mumblings are heard as he leaves the gym. Reece still has his back to me, his arm out and shoulders high ready to fight anyone who comes our way. The entire gymnasium is quiet, except for a few teachers, including Mr. C, who are trying to calm down the volatile players.