Misty Reigenborn Romance Boxed Set (6 page)

Chapter 10

Two days passed and Luke didn't call.

She found herself on his door step at midnight the night before she was supposed to leave for school, so nervous she could hardly stand still.

He answered the door a moment later, wearing his usual bedtime attire, draw string pajama bottoms and nothing else, his hair mussed.

She stood still for a moment, afraid that she'd woken him.

He stepped back without a word and she stepped inside. She wanted to throw herself into his arms, get down on her hands and knees and beg his forgiveness.

She sat down at the opposite end of the couch from him and took a deep breath.

"Luke, I am so sorry." She felt the tears start to run down her face.

"It's okay.”

He took her into his ar.   It felt so good, so right to be in his arms again. It was like coming home Sierra thought.

"I love you Luke."

"I love you too, baby."

"I want you to," she started.  All of a sudden didn't know how to say what she had come to say. "Would you?" she started again. "Fuck.” She took a deep breath and then let it out. "I want you to come with me Luke. You can write songs anywhere. I couldn't live with you officially, but it could be like it has been. I could spend most of my nights with you and I. . . “She stopped, looking at his face.

"Luke?" She could feel her heart breaking.  She could see on his face that his was breaking, too.

He shook his head at her, taking her hand. "You're not ready.  Oh how I wish you were baby.  If I thought that you were, I would go with you."

He took her face in his hand and gave her the gentlest of kisses.

"But Luke. . . I thought. . . It could be like it is now.  We could be together.  Luke please, I love you.  I really do."

"I know baby. I love you too."

"But Luke, why?"

"You're young.  You don't yet want I've come to want and it's not fair for either of us to pretend that you do Sie."

"But can't you wait for me Luke? Can't you wait until I finish school? Then we can worry about getting married and having kids."

He sighed. "I would wait twenty years for you if that's what it took love, but I'm afraid that's not all of it. You're young.  How can you know I'm what you want?"

She pulled back from him, angry all of a sudden. "What the fuck?  You act like I'm twelve and you're thirty. You're only four years older than me.  I'm old enough to know what I want. I want you damn it."

He pulled her back into his arms and soon she was crying again and eventually she could see that he was crying, too.

"Will I still see you? Will you still call me?"

"Of course Sie." But the words were hollow, didn't ring true.

She got up then, letting him take her hand as she walked to the door.

He held her in his arms.  She didn't want to let go. She wanted to shut the world out and pretend that she could stay here forever, safe in his arms. Finally, she pulled back.  He gave her a
kiss so full of want, need and love that it almost made her dizzy. But it made her almost sick too.  She could feel the goodbye in it also.

And then the words were leaving his lips. "Goodbye Sierra."

"Goodbye Luke."

She walked out the door.  She could still seem him standing there on the porch when she pulled out into the street.

It was a little after one am when she dragged herself into the house, into bed.

She found herself unable to sleep and was on her third cup of coffee the next morning when her stepfather came down, dressed for work.

He looked at the half full pot of coffee, and back to the table at Sierra sitting slumped with her head in her hands. "You've got the jitters about school I see. Didn't sleep well last night?"

She looked at him, hoping that her eyes looked bleary from lack of sleep instead of crying. "Yeah, something like that."

He poured himself a cup of coffee. "You'll be okay. It'll be good for you.  And you'll do well. Your mom was rather disappointed to have to give up her own dreams of teaching when she found out she was pregnant with you but your father insisted.  He told her that he would be the one to take care of the family and that there was no one better to raise their child than her own mother."

She almost choked on the sip of coffee that she'd taken. "But I thought she. . . She always seemed so. . . I never knew."

He raised an eyebrow at her. "She might have shared with you if you'd thought to ask."

Sierra felt bad then, for rarely looking at her mother as anything more than the materialistic, seemingly always striving to stay young facade that she showed.

"Your mother should be down soon. Make sure you don't leave without telling her goodbye." He grabbed a muffin from the basket on the counter by the microwave. "Have a nice trip. Don't forget to call your mom when you get there so she won't worry. Be sure to call us if you need anything. And Sierra."

"Yes Timothy?" He gave her a wink as he reached to straighten his cufflink. "Don't party so much that all that money we put out for your education goes to waste."

She rolled her eyes at him. She didn't see herself partying much, couldn't see herself doing much of anything right now other than moping around campus, missing Luke, wondering where the hell they'd went wrong.

"I won't Timothy, I promise.  I'd be wasting some of my own money too."

"I know." He surprised her by coming over and dropping a kiss on top of her head. "Good luck dear."

"Thanks."

He left then, grabbing his keys off the hook and going out the kitchen door towards the garage. Her mom came down a few minutes later, when she was starting her fourth cup of coffee. Though the caffeine was affecting her, she still felt so weary and exhausted both emotionally and physically, that she figured she'd need to stop at a convenience store on the way out of town for some caffeine pills.

"Good morning Sierra," her mother said. Her voice was shaky, like she was about to cry.

"Mornin' Mom."

She wanted to ask her mother about what Timothy had told her about her having wanted to be a teacher herself, but she wasn't sure how her mom would react.  She already seemed upset enough so she decided to put it off for another time.

"I see Timothy had an extra cup of coffee or two this morning." She looked at her daughter then, noticing the mug in front of her then nodded to herself. "Or maybe it wasn't Timothy. Are you okay honey?"

"Yeah Mom, I just. . .” She didn't know what to say.  She didn't want to tell her mother about Luke.  It still hurt so much that she was scared she'd end up sobbing like a little girl.

"You what honey?"

"I'm nervous about school I guess."

She turned away from her mother's appraising stare, dumping more sugar into her coffee.

"You shouldn't be nervous. You did well in high school. I'm sure you'll be making friends before you know it."

Her mom stopped then, looking like she was starting to lose the fight to hold back the tears.

Sierra got up from the table, pulling her mother into a somewhat awkward hug.

They were soon both crying.  Sierra broke the embrace reluctantly a few minutes later, going into the living room for a box of tissues.

She took a couple, blowing her nose and wiping her face and then pushing the box across the table to her mother.

She was stunned to see that her mom hadn't put any makeup on, as there were no telltale mascara smudges. She was dressed in an old pair of jeans and a sweater. Her mom cleared her throat, throwing the wadded tissues into the wastebasket under the sink.

"Are you sure you don't want me to drive up with you? I could help you get yourself situated.  It would be no trouble."

She felt herself wanting to accept her mother's invitation but quickly decided against it.

Although her mother would obviously be in her own car on the trip, as she'd need it to get back home, Sierra wanted to be alone on the trip.

She'd decided to screw the idea of not smoking in her car.  She thought was going to need the combined efforts of caffeine, nicotine and loud music to keep herself alert during her trip. Oh she wanted so badly to crawl back into bed and bury her head under the covers Sierra thought.

More so, she wanted to crawl back into Luke's bed, tell him she'd do anything to be with him.  She'd give up on going to school completely, if he'd forgive her.

She cursed herself for being so vulnerable. For letting herself fall in love with him when after her disastrous end with Austin she hadn't wanted to get involved with anyone, let alone do something like fall in love.

And she did love him she thought.  Even if her feelings were conflicted.  Even with her anger at him, for wanting something like marriage and a family so bad that he was choosing to shut their relationship out completely instead of continuing with the easy routine they'd established.

What twenty three year old male wanted marriage and kids so damn bad, Sierra wondered?  Especially one that had been screwing women indiscriminately before they’d been together.

Damn him she thought.

She looked up at her mother, forgetting that she'd posed a question, having lost herself in thoughts of Luke.

"Sorry Mom. I'm really tired. I appreciate your offer, but I think I'd be better off going by myself. I don't have a lot of stuff anyway.   It won't take long to get everything set up. Which reminds me, I should start taking stuff out to my car if I ever want to get out of here."

"Are you sure honey? I wouldn't want you to get into an accident, driving while you're tired."

"I've taken in so much caffeine this morning that I'm sure I'll be fine Mom."

Her mother nodded at her, but Sierra could still see the worry in her eyes.

Her mom helped her carry her things out to the car, which were mostly her clothes and her laptop. Finished, they stood together beside the car, two women who looked nothing alike.   Sierra had both her father's blonde hair and his green eyes.  They were so different, yet similar in ways that neither of them usually took the time to realize.

"Timothy is going to keep your phone on the plan and continue to pay for it.  So don't be afraid to call anytime okay? And make sure you call me as soon as you get there. I'll worry if you don't."

She gave her mother one last hug, tears falling again. "I'll call Mom. I promise. I love you. Tell Timothy thanks and that I," she surprised herself by adding, "love him."

Her mother smiled then. "I will. I love you too, honey. Make sure you call. Be safe."

"I'll be fine Mom.”  She laughed, leaning out the window to give her mom a kiss on the cheek.

Her mom stepped back from the car.  Sierra strapped her seat belt on, and started the car. She had to turn down the blaring radio, forgetting that she had had it turned up so loud the night before.

She waved at her mom as she pulled out of the drive.  Her mother waved back, looking small and alone, standing in the front yard.

She pulled into a convenience store on the way out of town. She bought a couple energy drinks and some caffeine pills and a pack of cigarettes since she was almost out, figuring she was going to be so wired on caffeine by the time she got to school that she probably wouldn't sleep for two days after.

She popped a CD in, opening the window all the way, not caring that her long hair would probably be a tangled mess by the time her trip was done.

She lit a cigarette and sang along with the music, smoking too much and fighting back tears as she drove.

She pulled into the campus three hours later, and searched for the assigned space that they'd sent her the parking pass for in the mail.

She found it without too much trouble and was soon on her way to the dorm that she'd visited the month before with her first load of bags.

She was grateful that her roommate hadn't arrived yet. She'd met the girl once, only briefly. With the girl's wild multicolored hair and tight clothes, and the marks on her arms which Sierra had been unable to tell were hesitation marks from an attempted suicide or marks that signified that she was someone who liked to cut, she was pretty sure that they wouldn't have much in common.

She had brought her last load of clothes to the room and was stowing her suitcase under the bed when her roommate walked in.

"Good."  She let out a dramatic sigh. "You came alone, too. I didn't want to have to deal with any parents."

Sierra laughed. "My mom decided this morning that she wanted to come but. . . Oh shit, I'd better call her."

She spent a few minutes on the phone with her mom, assuring her that she was indeed fine and had survived the trip in one piece.

Her roommate, whose name was Ashley, was checking out her laptop.

"You've got a pc. Cool."

They spent some time getting acquainted. Sierra found herself liking the girl, finding out that even with the girl's outlandish appearance, she was rather down to earth and they had a few things in common.