Misty Reigenborn Romance Boxed Set (86 page)

She came long before he did, though his breath was still even until he reached his own orgasm.

She felt utterly fulfilled and utterly disgusted with herself when he sat up and moved off of her, dropping the condom into a nearby trashcan.

She felt unsteady when she got up.  He reached out to help her.  She gave him a weak smile as she headed for the bathroom.

When she looked into her own eyes in the mirror, she knew she had done a very bad thing.  There was no excuse for what she had done she thought.  She and Gabe weren’t on even ground.  He thought he felt something for her, and she’d just wanted to screw.  She had a bad feeling that Gabe would never feel like he was just screwing her.  Not that there was any way in hell she was ever going to sleep with him again Ami thought, but she felt that way all the same.

He was dressed by the time she came back out, wiping out the ashtray.  He smiled at her, and he looked so content that she felt even worse.  What the hell had they done, she thought?

"Ami.”

"Yes Gabe?"

"You enjoyed yourself didn't you?"

It was even worse than she'd thought Ami said to herself.  "Yes Gabe."

"Good."

"I'd better get home now."

"Of course.  Will you at least think about my offer please?  Or if you would prefer, I can place you at one of the other bars.  You seem to be doing well here and the pay would be the same regardless."

"I'll think about it Gabe."

"Good." He reached out to take her hand.  She almost flinched.  "Ami, are you okay?"

No, she wasn't okay Ami thought.  She was disgusting and disgusted and she suddenly missed her father more than ever before.  "I'm fine Gabe."

"Can I follow you home to make sure that you get there okay?"

"I don't think that would be a good idea." The last thing she needed was for Alicia to be up and see Gabe's distinctive luxury SUV behind her she thought.

"Are you afraid of what people might say?"

She shook her head, though it wasn't completely true.  Mostly, she didn't want to face what she'd done herself.

"It's just better if people don't know about this.”

He nodded as if he understood, but she was pretty sure he didn't understand it the way she did.

"That's fine.  I will follow your wishes completely Ami."

"Goodnight Gabe."

"Goodnight Ami.  Thank you."

She bit her lip so that she wouldn't say something that they'd both regret.  "Of course Gabe."

She hoped her smile didn't look as artificial as it felt.

He turned off the lights and followed her to the doors.  She almost breathed a sigh of relief when they were outside, the bar once again locked behind them.  Her life suddenly felt like a trap again.  It pissed her off that almost as soon as she’d found out she was free from Corin, she’d gone and created another mess for herself.

As they parted, she wondered why she didn't leave.  So what if she'd paid two months’ rent?  It didn’t matter.  But then she thought again of how she had to get her life together so that she could take care of Charlie, and knew that if she couldn’t work through something like this, there was no way she could raise a kid.  She also didn’t want to leave Alicia.  It had been a long time since she’d really had a friend and she found she liked the feeling.  What disturbed her though, was that she didn’t want to leave Nick either.

She was most definitely hopeless, she thought as she pulled into the parking lot of the apartment.  The lights were on in Carson and Alicia's place but her friend didn't come out to confront her and soon she was in her apartment.

She was tired, but she felt too wound up to sleep.  After checking her email and again finding nothing important, she shut down her computer and headed to the shower.

She stripped and stood in front of the mirror for a moment.  She didn't look any different, having slept with a married man.  But not just any married man she thought.  Her boss who happened to be convinced that he was in love with her.

She scrubbed herself until the hot water had run out and she'd rubbed her skin raw, but she still didn't feel any better when she stepped out of the shower.

She bypassed all her usual pajamas and pulled out a pair of baggy sweatpants and an old t-shirt of her father’s.  She turned her head into her pillow, trying not to cry.  It didn't work.  Her pillow was wet with tears by the time she fell asleep.

Chapter 10

It was almost one in the afternoon when she woke up, and she still felt tired.  She dragged herself out of bed and started a pot of coffee, picking up her cell phone.

She turned it on and dialed her voice mail.  She had ten messages waiting.  She deleted the seven that were from Gabe without listening to them.  There were three from Alicia as well.

Her friend was worried about her.

She used the restroom and brushed her teeth, deciding to take another shower because her hair felt sticky.

She felt somewhat better when she was out of the shower and dressed.  She sat on the couch and smoked a cigarette and downed two cups of coffee before she found the courage to go find Alicia.

Her friend was outside at the picnic table, reading a parenting magazine.  Carson's car was in the lot, but he was inside.  Their apartment door was open.  She could hear loud cheers from some kind of sporting event.

"Hi."

Alicia looked up, her face brightening.  "I wondered when you were going to drag your butt out of bed.  How are you Ami?"

"I made a huge mistake last night Ali."

"What happened?"

"I probably shouldn’t tell you this."

"Did you have a secret rendezvous with Nick?"

"I wish."

"So what happened sweetie?"

"I slept with Gabe."

"You slept with Gabe?  Your boss Gabe?"

"Who slept with Gabe?" Carson suddenly said.  She hadn't realized he'd come outside.

She didn't look at him when she said "I slept with Gabe."

“Rack up another point on the scoreboard.  Nick is going to flip out."

"Please do not tell him Carson.  It's not what people think.  He doesn’t hire girls to sleep with them.  I was the first one.  He thinks he’s in love with me."

Carson snorted.  “Do not tell me that you believe that shit Ami.  Some guys will tell a girl anything to get in their pants.”

Ali scowled at Carson.  “Enough.  Ami, what made you think he was telling the truth?”

"He seems totally sincere.  That's the problem.  I didn't sleep with him because I feel the same way about him.  I slept with him because I wanted to get back at Nick.  Yeah and okay, since I hadn’t had sex in seven years, but that’s not the point."

"Damn.  Seven years Ami?  Nick will love the other part," Carson said.

"Carson, I'm thinking that Ami's right.  It's probably better that you don't tell him.  Let Ami tell him when she's ready," Alicia said.

"He should know," Carson said.

"Why should he know?" Ami protested.  "No matter how either of us feels, we're not together.  It's not like I cheated on him.  I’m just afraid that what I did encouraged Gabe.  That was the last thing I wanted to do.”

"You're just another in a long line Ami.  I’m sure he lays down the same bullshit for all of them.  Don't feel bad.  He's the one that should feel like shit." He leaned down and gave Alicia a kiss.  "I'm going back to my game."

When Carson was back inside Alicia said "What did Gabe do or say to make you think he was sincere?"

“A lot of things.  He told me that his wife screws around and his kids aren’t his, but he loves them anyway.  He admitted that he gives girls money.  He said he’d paid for abortions, even houses and cars for some of them.  I don’t know Ali.  I really think this guy is convinced he’s in love with me.”

“Carson said his kids don’t look like him, but that doesn’t mean much really.  He might be telling you those things because he thinks you’ll feel sorry for him.  Honestly Ami, I would take everything Gabe tells you with a grain of salt.  Whether he's as serious about you as he says or not, I would be very very careful if I was you."

"Maybe I should look for another job."

"You could.  I don’t know.  Maybe we’re overreacting.  Maybe if you tell Gabe that you can’t see him anymore, he’ll leave you alone.”

“I hope so.  It’s all such a mess Ali.  I never should have slept with Gabe.  I never should have told Nick that I had a boyfriend.  And even with the rest of this mess, I still have to worry about getting my life together so that I can finally take care of my son.”

“You seem pretty together to me Ami.  What’s really stopping you from taking care of your son?”

Ami sighed.  “I’ve barely been around his whole life since I was too busy trying to stay one step ahead of his Dad.  I feel like a really crappy mother.  I don’t know how to raise a kid.  I wish my Dad was still alive.  He’d help with Charlie.  Charlie loved him.  I was so sure that when I could stop worrying about Corin coming after me, that it would be easy.  I would go pick Charlie up and we’d be happy.  I love him so much, but I’m so afraid that I’ll screw him up.  It doesn’t help that he looks like his Dad either.  Then I go and get myself into this whole mess with Gabe.  And I have these feelings for Nick that I don’t know how to deal with.  I am a mess Ali.”

“No Ami, you’re not.  You did what you had to when you had Charlie to keep him safe.  He’ll understand that.  He might not now because he’s just a kid, but someday, he will understand why you did what you did and he’ll love you even more for it.  So what if he looks like his dad?   He’s not his dad and he never will be.  I’m sorry about what happened with this guy babe, but you’ve got to get over it and move on.  If you don’t you’re letting him control you and you can’t do that.  I’m sure everything will blow over with Gabe.  He’ll get the hint and move on to the next pretty girl that he hires.  As for Nick, he really is sorry about what happened.  He’s a great guy.  He cares about you.  You care about him.  Stop hiding yourself away and take a chance with him.”

Ami smiled.  “You seem to have a knack at giving advice Ali.”

Ali laughed.  “I read tarot cards for a living-of course I do.  Be honest with Nick.  Lay it all on the line for him, and if he can’t take it, then he’s not the one for you.  But I’m sure if it’s not Nick, he’s still out there somewhere.  Hey, I found my someone didn’t I?   Even if it did happen to be when I was six months pregnant with someone else’s child.”

Ami laughed.  “Thank you for listening to me Ali.  I really do appreciate it.”

“I’m sure you’ll hear plenty of crazy things coming out of my mouth girl.  Don’t worry about it.  It’s what friends are for.  If you do decide you’re going to get custody back of your son and you ever need any help with him, just let me know.  I love kids.”

“Thank you Alicia.  You made me feel a little better at least.”

“No problem hon.  Again, it’s what friends are for.”

"Is everything going as planned with the wedding?" Ami said.  She was tired of talking about her problems.

Alicia grinned.  "Yes it is.  I found the cutest little tux for Elijah.  I wasn't quite so lucky finding something as perfect for myself being six months pregnant, but I'll make do.  Carson of course, wanted to get married in jeans and a t-shirt."

Ami smiled.  "I can see that."

"I had a friend that did it.  No big deal for some people I guess.  But I want this to be right.  Okay, maybe that sounds a little crazy since we just met and I'm having another man's child, but I want everything to be nice for what I plan on being my one and only wedding."

"I'm sure it will be nice."

"You are still coming aren't you?  We wanted to do it Saturday but Carson couldn't get the day off.  So we're doing it Sunday.  We even managed to get Bobby to close down the alley for a couple hours so we can get married there.  He owes Nick a thousand favors so it's no big deal.  We found a minister for pretty cheap too.  He got his license on the internet, but it's still legal so what the hell."

"You're getting married in the bowling alley and your minister got certified through the internet?" Leave it to Alicia and Carson to not only get married less than two weeks after they met but to make it even more interesting Ami thought.

Alicia laughed.  "It will be memorable won't it?"

"Yes, it will.  Yes, I'll come.  Nick's going to be there of course."

Alicia nodded.  "Yeah.  He really does feel terrible about what he did to you."

"I'm sure he does.”

"Nick really is a good guy.  You should give him another chance."

"There was no chance in the first place.  I did what I thought was best because I’m tired of guys coming on to me.  Then I was too scared to tell him the truth.  I don’t understand why what Nick did hurt so much."

"See, you like him."

"Yeah, I like him.  I'm just not sure of my motivations.  With any of the men in my life."

"You'll figure it out."

"Sure.  When Nick's married to someone else and I'm living as Gabe's mistress."

"Don't settle Ami.  If you don't want Gabe that way, tell him.  It might hurt his pride, but you'll both be better off in the end if you're honest."

"That might have been okay until you convinced me he's going to turn into some psycho stalker."

"I didn't tell you those things to scare you.  It's just the reality of the world.  It's always better to be safe than sorry.  Not to be totally personal and if you don't want to answer, don't, but you did use a condom with Gabe right?"

"He didn't seem to want to, but yeah, we did."

"Good.  If you ended up pregnant with his kid, things could get really ugly.  You want to come inside with me?  I think the game should be over soon, so we might be able to talk Carson into letting us take over the TV for a while."

"I think I'm going to go to the library and trade out my books.  Thanks though.  I might come down later.  Thank you again for listening, Alicia."

Alicia smiled. 

She smiled back at her friend.  She was glad that she had met Alicia and hoped the best for her and Carson and Elijah and the baby.  A thought occurred to her then.  "Ali what about Brian?  Is he going to want to be a part of your baby's life?"

"I talked to him yesterday, told him that I'm getting married.  He's shacked up with some chick in California right now.  He plans on coming out when the baby's born, but he doesn’t want to move back here.  It might not be easy with him being so far away, but we'll work it out.  He's okay with Carson adopting Jenesis, because he doesn't want to pay child support.  But he does want to be a part of her life and she will know who her biological father is."

"That's good.  You're naming her Jenesis?"

"Brian didn't like it but Carson does.  Jenesis Alma Louisa Marie Briggs.  I let Carson throw his Grandma in there."

"That's nice.  Well, I will see you a bit later then."

"Okay.  Take care Ami."

"You, too."

She headed back towards the stairs and her library books.

She was able to exchange her books more quickly this time because she'd found that she really did like one of the authors and was interested to read more.

When she got back home, Nick was outside at the picnic tables with Carson and Alicia.  It looked like they were barbecuing.  She could smell the food as soon as she opened her door.  It was mouth-watering.  She was sure she was invited but not too sure that she was ready to deal with Nick yet.

Alicia saw her as soon as she headed to the stairs.  "Come eat Ami.  There's plenty."

"I'll be back down in a minute.  Let me take my books upstairs."

To her disappointment, Nick followed her to the stairs.  It was even worse when Alicia mouthed 'I'm sorry' behind his back.

The look on his face was intense as he followed her into her apartment without bothering to wait to be invited in.

"What are you doing Nick?"

"We need to talk Ami."

She put her books on the coffee table, lighting a cigarette.  "Do we now?"

"I think we do."

She sighed and sat down on the couch.  He sat at the opposite end, his eyes never leaving her face.  "What do you think you're doing Ami?"

"What do you mean?"

She knew exactly what he meant.  Carson had told him about her and Gabe even though they'd agreed that she would be the one to tell him.

"You are going to get in way over your head with that guy."

"It's not your business Nick.  You're not my boyfriend.  I don't have one anymore."

"So you’re jumping right from your boyfriend to a married guy that has major issues?   Smart Ami, real fucking smart."

"At least I didn't do it in public.”

"I deserved that.  I am really sorry about what I did the other night.  I am a complete idiot.  I just couldn't deal with the way I felt about you.  I admit that I didn't handle it the right way.  I don’t know what might have happened between us, and right now it’s probably best if it doesn’t happen.  But that doesn’t mean that I'm going to sit back and let you get mixed up with Gabe."

She was confused.  She had told him that she was single now and he admitted he wanted her but he still didn’t want to actually be with her Ami thought.  What the hell?  "You're not making sense Nick."

"It's not something that I can explain to myself, Ami.  To want someone so much and know that it's better for both of you if you just man up and don't let yourself have them.  It's gonna be really hard.  Hell, it's already really hard.  Do you mind if I smoke?" She shook her head.  "I want you Ami.  I've dreamed about being with you every night since I met you.  When I was with those bimbos, I closed my eyes so that your face was all I saw.  But I don't think that you're ready for what I want, and you're sure as hell not ready for what that scumbag Gabe wants from you."