Mobster's Angel (Mobster Series) (21 page)

I nod and say, “Yes.”

“We’ll be at LAX waiting for you.”

“K.”

I hang up and Google a taxi company through blurry tears.  I get lucky and find one in the area.  I look back at the door of my house, but decide to stay put. Waiting outside in the cold would be way better than going in there.  I take a seat on the curb.

I second guess myself for a minute and think that I could have called my sister, but many bad things could happen in that scenario.  I just want to get away from here.  Good thing I’m used to being hurt.

A car drives by slowly, but it’s not a taxi.  I can’t see into the window. It’d be weird to blatantly do that, anyway.  But I’ve seen this car before.  I check the license plate and try to memorize it. The car turns around in a driveway a few houses down and heads back towards me.  I go from feeling betrayed to feeling scared. 
Who is that?
  The car creeps towards me.  I have the urge to run.

Beep, beep.
  I turn and a bright yellow taxi is idling by the curb across the street.  I get up and make a beeline for it.  I pop in the backseat and lean my head back, relieved to be on my way.  I shouldn’t have left California.  I should have stayed and finished out high school, like a typical teenager.  But then again, I’ve never been typical. 

I notice a text on my phone. It’s Clarissa:

American Airlines flight 451 to Los Angeles California departs at 7:05 PM.

I tell the taxi driver where we’re headed, and then lean back and let the tears flow. I think I weird him out a little, but I don’t care. Happiness made its way back into my life and then it fled.  It was too good to be true.

The taxi drive passes quickly. When we stop, I pull a twenty out of my purse and pay the driver. He gives me a worried look, but I ignore it and try to smile my practiced smile.

I close the car door firmly behind me and walk inside to the ticket counter to check in. A smiling woman with a bright red jacket hands me my flight information.

“Gate 12. Thank you for flying with us.”

Her practiced “thank you” doesn’t even faze me because I’m beginning to sink into numbness. I stop and buy a large orange juice from a small kiosk by the bathrooms. I pop it open and take a long drink. I’ve got my big girl panties on. Vito is just another person in a long line of disappointments.

Normally, I would buy a bunch of magazines before the long flight.   I just don’t have it in me right now to concentrate on anything but talking myself out of sinking into another bout of depression. I take a seat and try my best to calm myself. But sitting in the black chairs outside the tarmac only reminds me of last fall, when I was lying across similar chairs in a catatonic state.  Vito bought me a juice then and was really attentive.  He was great actually, sweet and understanding.

The flight is called, and I walk single file with the other passengers onto the plane.

This fuckin
g revelation plays with my mind and emotions.  I’m fucking angry about something that happened when I wasn’t even with Erin. I had no control over it. And it’s her life, after all.  My brain attempts to rationalize her choice and to fight my impulsive anger.  The image of tearing off Connor’s face repeats in my mind, drowning out my logic.

I enter the apartment and slam the door.

“Hey!” Ronnie shouts, startled by my unannounced entrance.  “What’s going on with you?”  Ronnie asks.  That girl he’s been taking out lately, Joanna, is straddling his lap.  One of her tits is hanging out of her dress.  She covers up quickly.  I head to my bedroom with heavy, angry steps and slam my door.  A picture falls off my wall.

I’m all over the place.  I knock shit over and move shit that doesn’t need to be moved.  I toss my schoolbooks across the room, and they bang against my door. I should have gone after her.  My pride stopped me.

“Dude!” Ronnie says from outside.  “What the fuck it going on?”

“Nothin’!” I roar.

I don’t stop myself quickly enough. Ronnie opens the door just as I fling my cell phone at it.  He ducks just in time.  It shatters against the wall of the hallway.

“Shit! Dude! You’re bombaleed! Stop for a second!”

“I fucked up!” I roar on the top of my lungs.  Ronnie takes a step back.  I reach for the lamp on my dresser. I rip the cord out of the wall and hurl it across the room.  The force of it smashing against the plaster leaves a large hole in the wall.  It’s fucked up now, like me. 
One more day and she leaves for California
.
FUCK!

“Calm down!” Ronnie yells back at me.  “What do you mean, you fucked up?!  What did you fuck up?!”

“Erin!”

*****

After another half an hour of breaking shit, I finally calmed down and stopped demolishing our apartment.  Ronnie’s girlfriend took off after I shattered the lamp in my bedroom.  She didn’t stick around for the toaster, coffee maker, and remote controls. 

This morning I immediately regret the coffee maker because I fuckin’ need a cup bad.  My throat is sore and my eyes burn.  Everything in my body just fucking hurts.  I push through it and get ready for class. 

I go expecting to see her.  I want to apologize.  I was an asshole.  It’s her life.  I wasn’t with her then.  Those were her choices, which had nothing to do with me.  I feel betrayed, but I know I shouldn’t.  I’m stupid.  I should’ve gone after her.

I walk into the classroom.  The seats are filling up quickly because class starts in five minutes.

“Don’t go oobatz,” Ronnie whispers to me.

“Huh? What?” I ask, half listening.

I search the room.  She’s not here… She’s not here! Disappointment settles like a rock in my stomach. Class is starting.  Kirk is here. Erin is not.  She never misses classes.  She is so fuckin’ studious. This is not like her.

The crazy shit from last night stirs in me.  I’m ready to start throwing desks.  I restrain myself, but still cause a scene because I grab Kirk by the shirt and drag him out of the classroom.

“Excuse me!” Professor Elden shouts.  “What do you think you’re doing?”

“What the hell!?” Kirk shouts. 

“I need to talk to you,” I say through clenched teeth. He stumbles along with me to the door.  I swing him around and into the hallway.

“What is your problem?” Kirk attempts a gruff demeanor, but I can tell he’s scared shitless.  I don’t give a fuck.  I just want to know where Erin is.

“Where is she?”  

Professor Elden comes to the doorway.  “I’ve called security,” she warns. I dismiss her with a wave of my hand and focus my attention back on Kirk.  He looks like he’s going to bolt any minute.

“I don’t know.  She texted me and told me to send her the assignments.  That’s it.”  I send him a savage glare.  “And she said have a nice Thanksgiving. I swear.”

“You don’t know where she is?”

“Dude!” Ronnie says. He’s out of the classroom now and holding onto my punching arm, probably afraid I’m going to let one fly. “Maybe she’s at home.”

Ronnie could be right, but my gut thinks differently.  She fuckin’ took off.  She hates being home, even more than she probably hates me right now. I stomp away.  Ronnie trails behind me.

“Wait up!” he calls.

“I know where she is,” I tell him.

“Where?”

“California.”

He’s back.  The grotesque gun hangs in the air by my temple.  Across the room I see my sister bound to our kitchen chair in the darkness
.  “Don’t fuckin’ move,”
he echoes
.
“
We’re just gonna sit here and wait for the Cleaner. He killed my family, I kill his.” He laughs long and hard like some sicko.

“An eye for an eye.”

“An eye for an eye.”

“An eye for an eye.”

A loud thump comes from outside on the back steps.  It makes me shudder in my seat.  The guy jumps up and grabs me by the back of the neck. His rough fingers painfully push into my skin.  Horror crawls its way up my throat, choking me.  I shake and uncontrollable murmurs slip out of me.

“Don’t fuckin’ open your mouths.”  He holds the silencer up to his lips like it’s his finger, shushing us.
  I can’t take my eyes off him.  My eyes are filled to the brim with tears.

He shifts his hand from my neck to my hair.  He buries it deep to the roots and holds me steady.  His other hand moves the gun towards my temple.

A scream rips up and out of me.  Then another.

My eyes open and Clarissa is there on my bed, talking to me.  She soothes me by rubbing my arm and speaking softly.  My covers are on the ground. I must’ve kicked them off the bed. I have a layer of thick sweat all over my skin.  I’m exhausted; I feel like I just battled a dragon. 
Damn nightmares!
I close my eyes.

“That’s right.  Go back to sleep,” Clarissa says.

*****

It’
s wonderful to have great friends.  Joey and Clarissa were waiting for me right when I got off the plane.  Clarissa enveloped me in a long hug that said everything I needed to hear…
You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to. I’m here for you. I love you.

I take my first day back to hang out at the apartment.  Clarissa wanted to stay with me, but I didn’t want her to miss the test she has today.  Tomorrow is Thanksgiving and Joey has some big plans for us.  He said he wants to cook for us: a turkey and a bunch of different side dishes he learned to make from one of the chefs at the casino. 

When Clarissa gets back from class, the three of us head to the grocery store. We go through the motions of grocery shopping, not saying much.  Clarissa quietly pushes a stainless steel cart that we slowly fill with things. They’re trying to give me my space, and I appreciate it. 

I decide to get things for my mother’s sweet potato pie recipe.  I pick up the ingredients as we go up and down the aisles, grabbing    spices and a ready-made pie crust.

“What are you making?” Clarissa asks.

“My mom’s pie recipe.  It’s good.”

“Cool.”

Joey comes down the aisle, carrying an enormous turkey.

“What the hell, Joey?  That’ll feed twenty people.  It’s just us!” Clarissa exclaims.

“I like leftovers,” he declares.

“Will it even fit in the oven?” Clarissa asks him.  Joey gets this cute pondering look on his face.

“I didn’t think of that.”

“Get a smaller one,” Clarissa orders.

Joey picks out a smaller turkey and we check out at the register.  We spend the rest of the day together cooking.  Vito’s right - it is relaxing.  I don’t want to think about him right now, but whatever I do typically sends my mind back to him. 
Dammit!

*****

Thanksgiving Day is quiet.  Clarissa sleeps in.  I take my alone time in the morning to make my mother’s sweet potato pie. She finally gets up around ten, when Joey comes over to prep the turkey and to put it in the oven. 

“Did you talk to your parents yet?” Joey asks.

“I haven’t even turned my phone back on since the flight.”  I don’t want to talk to anyone. 

“Tonio called me.  Your mom is rip-shit that you left without telling them.  Your sister is worried about you.”

Joey makes me feel guilty for not letting anyone know my plans.  It’s selfish that I didn’t tell my family that I was leaving, but I left so quickly
because
I didn’t want to deal with anyone.

“I think we should do something different today.  After dinner, how about bowling?” Clarissa suggests
wearing her purple pajamas.

“Will they even be open?” Joey asks.  “It’s a holiday.”

“I Googled Bowl-a-rama and they’re open after four.”

Joey shrugs his shoulders.  “Sounds good.”

They’re trying to keep me busy.  Their effort is much appreciated.

“So?” Clarissa asks me.

“Yeah.  Whatever you guys want to do.  I haven’t bowled in ages.”

*****

The same dread that has followed me to bed for the past year is playing with me again tonight.  I thought it had gone away, but ever since what happened with Vito all of my fears have come back much more intensely, at least in my dreams. Sheep hurtling fences doesn’t work as well as Vito hurtling fences. 

I don’t look forward to falling asleep anymore.  When Vito stayed with me in South Bend, he took the nightmares away. And for the time we were together, it was easier to fall asleep too. I wish I could erase what happened with him on Tuesday.  Vito’s reaction was upsetting. It still hurts.

But I need him. He’s been my rock through all of my hardships. And I think I’m falling in love with him. 

I turn over and beat my pillow: half in frustration, half because I’m trying to get comfortable.  Then I close my eyes.

One. Vito hurtles the fence.

Two. Vito hurtles the fence.

Three. Vito hurtles the fence.