Moment of Weakness (Embracing Moments Book 1) (22 page)

Time felt like it stood still as the rest of the afternoon passed. Dr. Ellis stopped by to see how I was feeling. She was confident I would be just fine. The bruising on my jaw and lip would diminish over time, and she assured me I didn’t need to worry about any permanent scarring. Before she left, she provided me a phone number of one of her associates in case I had trouble sleeping. As a psych major, I knew what she was getting at. The possibility of developing post-traumatic stress was high, given what had happened. I thanked her and told her I’d be sure to call if needed.

After she left, I recounted everything that happened the previous evening to the private investigators. Providing them all the details, I left out just a few minors ones, like Roman joining me for dinner, or how I was snooping through his file. I didn’t see how those facts would have mattered anyway. I was thankful my father hadn’t questioned why I was in his office. If he did, I would have told him I was missing Mom and wanted to grab her picture from his desk. It’s something I have done in the past.

Lacey had also called, unaware of what had happened. Not wanting to leave her in the dark, I filled her in on every detail including the minor ones involving Roman. I just made her promise not to say anything to anyone since everything was still under investigation. She promised, and I knew she’d keep her word.

By the time I finished talking to everyone, I was exhausted. It was no wonder people developed PTSD. Every question asked and every time I needed to repeat what happened, made me relive that exact moment. Rather than being able to forget, I was forced to remember.

Needing a break from the chaos, I stepped out on the terrace. The sun was setting and my gaze traveled over to the guesthouse. The lights were out, and the spot where Roman usually parked his Audi was vacant. I hadn’t seen him since last night, and as much as I didn’t want to admit it, I missed him. Closing my eyes, I placed my hands above my head and inhaled. Fresh air filled my lungs, relieving the uncomfortable tightness in my chest. I continued to stand there, just breathing, allowing the rest of the world and its problems to fall away.

The sound of a car coming down the driveway caused me to open my eyes. Roman’s black Audi rolled to a stop, and my heart fluttered in my chest. Turning the car off, Roman stepped out, his hands moving to button his suit jacket. As I watched him, I couldn’t get over how handsome he was. His brown hair looked even darker from where I was standing, and the sunset had cast a glow on his face, highlighting his angular cheekbones and chiseled jaw. His bright green eyes found mine, and as his feet carried him toward me, I felt my own walking to meet him. He made it to the top of the terrace. As soon as he was close enough, I wrapped my arms around his waist and rested my cheek on his chest. I waited, but the embrace I was expecting never came. Something was wrong. Stepping back, I glanced around to make sure no one else was around. Not seeing any staring eyes, I looked back at Roman.

His expression was unreadable, and I tried to push away the uneasy feeling that formed in the pit of my stomach.

“You left early,” I said, hugging my arms across my stomach, suddenly feeling cold.

Walking over to the stone railing, he rested his hands against it and looked around. “Yeah, I wasn’t sure when your father and Theo were getting in.” It was obvious he was trying to avoid eye contact with me, and I’d be lying to myself if I said it didn’t hurt. “How are you feeling?”

I walked over beside him. “I’m fine.”

I’d feel even better if you’d just look at me.

He sighed. “That’s good.”

“How about you?” I asked, leaning against the railing so I could try to get a better read on him. Every muscle in his body was tense.

“Me?” His eyebrows pinched together and his tone was bitter. “I’m fine. I wasn’t the one attacked last night.”

My lips pulled tight, and I glanced up at my father’s office window. The events of the previous evening hit me once again. Closing my eyes, I tried to erase the images from my mind.

Roman’s voice floated through the air, this time, softer. “I’m sorry, Julia. I didn’t . . .”

He sighed, his words trailing off. An awkward silence coated the air around us. I didn’t want to be one of those girls. The ones who constantly questioned whether they had done something wrong. But every time I searched for a plausible reason as to why he was acting this way, I came up empty. Swallowing my pride, I asked anyway. “What is going on, Roman? Did I do something wrong?”

“No,” he shook his head. “But what happened last night . . . between us”—he finally looked over at me, the muscle along his jaw thrumming—“it can’t happen again.”

His words lingered in my ears for a moment before my brain processed what he said. The light breezy air now felt like a thick cloud of smoke, making it hard to breathe. “What did I—”

“You did nothing,” he interjected. “Everything that has happened is because I let it. But I’ve let it get too far. It needs to stop.”

“So that’s it?” I stood up straight, my hands clenching the sides of my stomach, my fingers clawing at the thin material of my shirt. “You want me to act like nothing’s happened between us?”

“What happened between us were simply moments of weakness. Please don’t confuse them for something more.”

I winced, his words feeling like a physical blow to my chest. Okay. Now that stung. “Is that what last night was? Just a moment of weakness?”

“Yes, Miss Parker. Do you know what happens when people in this field have those? Judgment gets clouded. People get hurt.”

Damn right, people got hurt. I was hurt. And why? Because of a freaking moment of weakness? I bit my tongue, willing the tears that lay just beneath the surface to stay at bay. The next question rolled around on the tip of my tongue. My heart told me to keep my lips sealed, but in that moment, my mind had more power over my mouth than my heart.

“And the meadow?” I asked, my jaw clenching. “Was that just a moment of weakness too, Roman?” My tone screamed weak, fragile—hurt. Roman stared at me, a pensive expression on his face. He pulled in a long breath but said nothing. I shook my head and laughed, but there was nothing funny about it. “Silence is golden, right?”

“What do you want from me?” Roman snapped, his tone laced with hostility. “What do you want me to say?”

That it wasn’t a moment of weakness. That those moments meant something to you. That I mean something to you.

“Nothing, Roman,” I said, looking away for a moment. “You’re right. They were moments of weakness. But don’t think for one second they were yours. Because
those
moments . . . they belonged to me. And I can assure you, it
won’t
happen again.”

Roman’s hands rested on the railing, the tips of his knuckles almost as pale as the stone he was gripping. “I’m sorry,” he whispered, staring into the dark shadows of the property.

Swallowing around the lump that formed in my throat, I said, “Me too,” and walked the short distance to the sliding kitchen doors. My hand landed on the handle when Roman called my name.

“Julia.”

I wanted to turn around. I wanted to answer him. But I didn’t. I tugged on the handle of the door and walked through it, pulling it closed behind me, leaving Roman, and all of our moments, out on the terrace.

I flashed my father and Theo a counterfeit smile before making my way to my bedroom. My bedroom door seemed a thousand pounds heavier as I pushed it closed. Stopping at my dresser, I forced myself to look in the mirror. A large gash separated my bottom lip into two halves. Blotches of black, blue, and purple covered the left side of my jaw, starting from the corner of my lip and fading to a pale yellow tinge near my temple. The tears I had been fighting to hold back broke through. They skated down my cheeks, colliding with my lips, the salty wetness burning them on contact. Swiping my palms across my cheeks, I dried what had already fallen and sniffed back the rest.

I grabbed a silk nightie from my dresser drawer and walked to my bathroom. Turning the brushed-nickel handles that allowed the water to pour from the faucet, I removed the few articles of clothing I was wearing and stepped into the tub.

After my bath, I brushed my teeth and crawled into bed. The smell of citrus and sandalwood lingered in my sheets, and a dull ache grew in my chest.

How did I let this happen? Why did I let this happen?

I swung my legs off my bed and turned around. Wasting no time, I grabbed fistfuls of my sheets and stripped them off, tossing them to a pile on the floor. My body was so tired, I almost said hell with it, but instead, I moved to my closet and dug for a fresh set of sheets. Putting them back on was easy, but the stubborn-ass pillowcases refused to cooperate. After ten minutes of fighting with a linen bag filled with feathers, my muscles gave up.

Dropping to my bed, I launched the pillow across the room and closed my eyes, hoping there would be a day when I could close them and not see Roman behind them.

ROMAN WANTED ME
to act like nothing had happened between us, so that was what I planned to do. I refused to spend the rest of my summer hung up on what could have been. We only exchanged words when necessary, and after a few days, I had pushed all thoughts of him to the far corner of my brain. Whenever we were together, I allowed his presence to fade away with the scenery. It was easier that way. I spent most of my spare time hidden in my room, avoiding my balcony, which had a perfect view of the guesthouse.

By the end of the week, my papers outlining the first semester of my junior year arrived, and with it came the reminder that I needed to find an apartment. There was no way I was returning to the dorms. I spent the entire afternoon searching for available units close to school and Zapper’s. My search turned out better than I expected. I even scheduled four appointments for the following Monday to check them out. Spending six hours in a car with Roman was not something I was looking forward to. But I refused to miss out on snagging the perfect apartment because I wanted to avoid him. The longer I waited, the harder it would become to find an apartment, especially one close to campus. I offered Lacey the opportunity to ride along with me, but her packed schedule meant it would be just Roman and me.

Monday morning came quicker than I expected. After hitting the snooze button twice, I rolled out of bed. Walking to my closet, I sifted through the racks trying to find something that screamed “mature college woman.” All the apartments I had scheduled to see were in upscale neighborhoods, and something told me cut-off shorts and a tee wouldn’t cut it.

Deciding on a navy blue pencil skirt, I paired it with a white blouse and light gray cashmere cardigan. Black and gray flowers embellished the one shoulder of the cardigan. I completed the look with a wide black belt, black heels, and gray chunky beaded bracelets. Tousling my hair, I twisted it back into a loose bun at my nape. The majority of the bruising on my face had disappeared, and the little that was still visible, I covered with makeup. Grabbing my phone from my nightstand, I slid it into the black clutch that rested on the end of my bed and headed for the garage.

I had asked my father to inform Roman of my plans. So when I arrived at my car and Roman was nowhere in sight, I wondered if my father had forgotten to tell him. After waiting another five minutes, I decided to go knock on his door. It wasn’t like him to be late, and I wasn’t sure why he wasn’t around, but I didn’t have time to waste.

On the second knock, the front door swung open. Roman stood there, his distressed blue jeans clinging to his hips. The white fitted tee he had on hugged his chest, making it impossible to look away. What made it worse, was knowing every curve and dip of the chest hidden beneath it.

Focus, Julia.

Roman’s lips fell open, and before he could say anything, I cut him off. “Is that what you’re wearing?” He glanced down at his attire and then back to me, a look of utter confusion pulling at his facial features. My father had forgotten to tell him.

Great.

A disbelieving sigh escaped as I shook my head.
“My father didn’t tell you, did he?” Roman didn’t say anything. He just shook his head, his eyes raking over me and, drinking in the sight of me. “Well, I guess that is what you’re wearing then because we don’t have time for you to change. I’m looking at apartments today, and my first appointment is at ten.”

I lied. My first appointment wasn’t until ten-thirty, but we needed to get on the road. It was already after six, and we still had a three-hour drive ahead of us. That didn’t even include extra time if we ran into heavy traffic. Roman disappeared behind the door, and when he returned, he shrugged on a black blazer. He picked up a small black handgun from the table beside the door and tucked it in the small of his back.

“I’m ready,” he said, closing the door behind him. I stalked off back toward the garage. Roman fell in step beside me.

“What do you do if you go through metal detectors? Just pull the damn thing out and wave it around like ‘Hey everybody I have a gun, here it is!’”

“Something like that,” Roman said, smirking. I shot him a look that said “Really?” and his lips fell flat. “I have a permit to carry. If I need to, I show them the permit, and most of the time, it’s not an issue. My job also allows for special clearances, but I don’t flaunt it around. That would negate the purpose of concealing it.”