Monahan 01 Options (28 page)

Well. Word gets around fast, I thought and then I remembered that Harold had two eyes and had seen us at the funeral. Our first date in front of probing eyes, I thought bitterly. What business was it of his?

“Yes,” I said through a closed mouth. My hands curled into fists on my lap and I felt the sweat starting to bead on my palms. Calm down, Kathleen I told myself. You and Jay are both over twenty-one and single. You were going to announce it proudly from the observation skydeck at the CN Tower. Maybe he’s going to tell me how happy he is for the both of us. Not fucking likely.

“Well, that puts me in an awkward position,” Harold said.

“How so?”

“Confidentiality. The deal that’s about to happen. You know,” he said.

“No I don’t know, Harold. How about you tell me?” I thought about the pinkie swear the night before and the information I had shared with Jay. Sister Josephine was about to tear my right ear off. I knew it.

“I don’t need to remind you of your role in this company and the information you are privy to,” Harold said. I made a mental note to remind him not to end his sentences with a preposition.

“No, you don’t.”

“Mr. Harmon was fired on Sunday and that puts us in an even more awkward situation,” he informed me.

“Get to the point, Harold.”

“I’ll be unable to have you work on this deal with me unless you can give me assurances that I can rely on your discretion and trust that you’ll keep everything confidential.”

“Fine. I get the point. You know, and I know, that I need this job Harold. You also know that you can trust me. I may be sleeping with the man,” I said as I stood up, “but I
don’t
talk in my sleep.”

We stared at each other across the desk.

“Will that be all, sir?” I asked. I emphasized the sir. He nodded.

I didn’t slam the door on the way out. It would have been a useless gesture. I knew Harold was right and I was mad at myself. I shouldn’t have told Jay anything, pinkie swear or not. I had broken a confidence, a trust that Harold had in me.

This time I didn’t make a mental note. I swore to myself that my days of sharing information were over.

chapter thirty-six

“
I’m Luis. Something from the bar?” the waiter asked us. He was an older gentleman, outfitted in a very formal, black tuxedo. A starched white towel folded over his arm completed his ensemble.

Luis took our orders and left us. I looked around and took in the scenery. Bigliardi’s was small and dark, with cozy tables set randomly around the restaurant. The restaurant was renowned for their steak and my stomach grumbled.

We were seated at a small table for four against the wall. Jay was beside me.

“Just for the record Harmon, tonight is my treat. Vee and I are having a farewell dinner to Evelyn and you’re my guest. All right by you?”

“All right by me,” he agreed.

I smoked a cigarette and we sat quietly for several minutes until Luis returned with our drinks. I held my soda water and said, “To Ev.” I took a sip.

“To Ev,” Jay repeated. “How was the rest of your day?”

“Shitty and I don’t think I want to talk about it,” I told him. I was embarrassed and feeling guilty about my talk with Harold. Embarrassed because he felt he needed to raise the subject and guilty because I knew I was in the wrong. If I refused to talk about my day with Jay, I wouldn’t let anything slip.

Jay didn’t respond, he just sipped his beer. The silence was awkward and I let my eyes wander the room deliberately avoiding looking at Jay who was handsome in a solid navy blue suit. I wanted to curl up on his lap and go to sleep. Into oblivion.

I looked at my watch and prayed that Vee would arrive soon.

“So,” Jay said. “Too bad about the Leafs. We’re almost through another season and it’s not looking good. I doubt they’ll get a playoff spot.”

“Yeah. Too bad.” Small talk. I hated it. My right ear started to burn.

“Where the fuck is Vee? It’s six-twenty. That asshole Oakes has probably got her working.” I mashed my cigarette out in the ashtray. A younger version of Luis appeared and replaced it with a clean one.

“Another beer,” Jay ordered tersely. He scurried away and I looked at my watch again.

“Jesus, Kate. Wind down. Take it easy.” Jay put his hand over mine. My hand was balled into a fist and Jay worked at prying my fingers out of the fist. Very gently.

I could feel the heat from his body, he was sitting so close to me.

He leaned over and whispered in my ear, “What’s the matter, Kate?” And then I burst into quiet tears. Jay’s hand tightened on mine. I hated myself. Crying in a public place. I kept my head down and I tasted the tears that ran down into my mouth. I grabbed the napkin that Luis had placed on my lap when we sat down and tried to wipe my eyes with it but it was so stiff from starch I felt like I was wiping my face with a piece of cardboard.

I didn’t see Vanessa arrive at that moment but I knew she was sitting beside me when I caught a pleasant draft of her perfume. Now I was really embarrassed. I heard her order a vodka tonic. Jay passed me a clean tissue and I cleaned myself up.

I smiled weakly at Vanessa beside me.

“Hi.”

“Hi yourself,” she said back. More small talk. “You okay?”

I nodded. “Fine. Just fine.”

Luis returned with Vee’s vodka tonic and I surprised everyone at the table.

“I’ll have a Canadian Club with gingerale on the side.” I couldn’t remember the last time I’d had a real drink. Maybe seven or eight years ago. I looked forward to it. I felt I deserved it.

The drink relaxed me and we ended up enjoying the rest of the evening. We made a pact among the three of us that we wouldn’t talk about what was going on at the office. We were here to honour Ev so we told Evelyn stories. At one point Vee and I were laughing so hard Jay had to shush us.

“Everyone in the restaurant’s staring at us,” he laughed.

“Fuck ‘em,” I slurred, pretending to be drunk.

Vee agreed. “Yeah, fuck ‘em.” Her slur wasn’t faked. She’d had some wine with dinner and she was now into the liqueurs. Something brown and thick served over ice. The thought of it made me shiver.

I waved at Luis and asked for the bill. Time to get out of here. Hit the dusty trail. Tomorrow wasn’t going to be a picnic. We’d be on call all day for the directors’ meeting. I had no idea if I was going to be expected to run back and forth between the office and the Four Seasons. I remembered that I hadn’t cleared that point with Harold. Normally he’d want me on the premises, wherever they were holding the meeting but I’d received no instructions.

Jay and I put Vee into a cab and waited for the valet to bring his car around. A taxi pulled up in front of Bigliardi’s and five or six Japanese gentlemen poured out. Jay and I backed up against the wall beside the entrance to avoid getting trampled.

Jay put his arm around me and I huddled close to him. I was feeling very sleepy and I was watching the Japanese. They were trying to convince their cab driver to get out of the car and take their picture in front of the restaurant. As I watched the Japanese another taxi arrived.

I just about missed them in the crowd of people in front of the restaurant. When I realized who was passing right beside us I just about fell over.

I elbowed Jay in his side and whispered loudly up at him, “There.” I pointed. “Can you believe that?” I was amazed. Jay looked around and then down at me.

“What?” The valet arrived with Jay’s car and suddenly the sidewalk in front of the restaurant was empty. Jay started towards the valet and was holding out his hand to pass him a tip. The valet opened my door and I slid in. Jay got in and fastened his seatbelt.

“Did you see that?” I demanded.

He looked in the side mirror for traffic coming up behind us and eased the car into the street.

“What?”

“Not what. Who. Didn’t you see who got out of that second cab?”

“No. I was thinking about how tall I was compared to those Japanese guys.”

Jesus.

“Tell me pretty Kathleen. Who got out of the second cab?” He looked over at me and smiled. “Dini Petty?”

“No. I don’t think Dini travels around the city in a cab. You’ll never guess.”

“I don’t want to guess. Who was it?”

“Rick Cox and Philip Winston.”

Jay went right through a red light.

chapter thirty-seven

“Shit, Jay,” I yelled. “Are you trying to kill us or just put us in the hospital for the next three months?”

“Stop over-reacting. The streets are deserted. Nothin’ coming either way,” he said as he checked his rear-view mirror. The streets may have been deserted, but he was still checking for cops.

I relaxed my shoulders and sat back in my seat. I stared out the window and breathed deeply. He was right. I always over-react and I’ve probably given myself high blood pressure because it.

“Rick Cox and Philip Winston?” Jay questioned me. “Sure you weren’t seeing things?”

“Ah ha. You weren’t trying to kill us. You were listening to me. Yeah. Rick and Philip Winston. Can you believe that?”

“I can’t believe Philip Winston would be caught dead in Bigliardi’s. Sure he didn’t have his grandmother with him?” He laughed.

“You didn’t see them get out of that cab?” I asked him.

“No. I was watching the Japanese and thinking I should move to Tokyo. I’d be big man on campus there.”

I thought I heard him giggle.

“How many beers did you have tonight? Should I be driving?”

“Forget the beers I drank. You actually had a drink. I don’t think I’ve ever seen you have a drink of hard liquor. Or wine or beer for that matter. Why is that?”

I paused thinking of a good answer.

“Oh God. I’m sorry,” Jay said. “I shouldn’t pry.”

Now I giggled.

“I’m not a recovering alcoholic if that’s what you think,” I reassured him. “Although sometimes their twelve-step program sounds like a good path to sanity. You’ve known me all my life Jay. I think you’d know if I’d had a drinking problem.”

Jay slowed the car and carefully came to a full stop at a red light.

“I don’t drink for various reasons. One of them is I normally can’t stand the taste of alcohol. Another is I don’t like the feeling I get when I drink. I can feel the effect immediately. But most of all I don’t want to lose control. I need to be in control of my wits at all times,” I told him.

“Somebody who’s so dead set against drinking must’ve had some pretty bad experiences with it. Did you get really hammered on cheap wine or lemon Gin?” he asked. He looked over at me.

“Keep your eyes on the road,” I told him. “No, nothing awful ever happened. In fact, I’ve never been drunk. Never had a hangover.”

“Yeah right.”

“Believe it or not. I don’t care if you do,” I snapped.

“Just joking Kate. As you would say, can’t take a joke, you shouldn’t have joined up.”

“I know.”

“So, are you out of control now?” he teased. “Seeing things? Like Rick and Philip?”

“No. I’d just like to know what those two were doing together. In fact, next time I see Philip, I’ll ask him.”

“You will not.”

“Will too.”

“We sound like two little kids. Philip’s probably sucking around after Rick’s job and he’s getting some pointers from him,” Jay said.

“As if. Rick didn’t have two minutes for Philip. In fact, I heard that he was dead set against the acquisition in the first place, and had no time for Philip. Tom James told me.”

“Tom James’d say anything.”

I put my head back against the back of the seat and stared out the window. My head was starting to ache and I wanted to go to bed. To sleep. I was exhausted emotionally and physically.

I thought back to Evelyn’s funeral that morning and had trouble remembering details of it. And then I remembered that I’d forgotten to send flowers and suddenly felt sick. How could I have been so stupid? Oh Ev, you know I love you. Why didn’t someone remind me? Because you’re always so frigging efficient, no one needs to remind you, I yelled at myself.

I felt tears well-up in my eyes and took a few deep breaths. This was no time to feel sorry for myself and I didn’t want to cry again today. I had cried so much now since Evelyn had died, I wondered if I had any tears left. My throat was tight and I willed myself to stop. Quit it. Stop your whining. I closed my eyes.

I was disoriented when Jay stopped the car and I opened my eyes and looked around. I realized we were back at Hillson’s. Jay had parked next to my car in the dark parking lot. Shit, I thought. I can’t do this. I don’t have the energy to drive home. I had completely forgotten that my car was here.

“I’ll follow you home,” Jay told me.

“No. I’ll be fine,” I said.

I fumbled with my seatbelt and groped in the dark for my purse on the floor. Jay looked over at me.

“You don’t want me to come over?” He sounded a little hurt.

I shook my head because I couldn’t speak. I didn’t feel up to having a guest. In fact, I just wanted to put on my sweat socks and crawl under the covers. And never come out. But how could I tell Jay that? He’d certainly seen the emotional side of me in the last few days and he was probably good and sick of it. He took my hand in the dark and put it to his lips.