Monster (37 page)

Such was life with
Breaker.

Both of us standing our
ground, too stubborn to give in. And both of us really, really liking
that quality in the other one.

Okay. Well.

I
actually
loved
that quality in Breaker.

In
fact, I loved pretty much everything about Breaker. Even the things
(maybe even
especially
the things) that pissed me off. Like his possessiveness. His
borderline psychotic jealousy. His bossiness.

I loved the things,
too, that made me go all melty inside.

Like
how he said my name when he was holding me at night. Deep and
soft.
And how he taught me how to shoot a gun. And grapple. Never once so
much as hinting that I was somehow less than a worthy opponent
because I was female. Like how he took me to concerts and movies. How
he taught me to snorkel and ride a surf board. How he attempted to
show me how to cook. How he always remembered to buy me the puffed
cheese curls and not the crunchy ones. How he gave me soft and sweet
when I needed it and hard and rough when I wanted it.

How he brought me out
of my shell and showed me a hundred thousand things worth living for.

The first night we made
it to Mexico, I snuck out while Breaker was sleeping, grabbing the
little baggie of heroin out of my boot and walking out onto the
moonlit beach.

I walked up to the
water, the wind tossing my hair around, realizing that for the very
first time in my entire life, I wasn't thinking about Lex. Or my mom.
I wasn't obsessively focusing on all the things that had gone wrong,
that had been taken for me.

I was, in a way that
was soul-deep in its intensity, happy.

And it was new and
wonderful and terrifying.

But I knew that there
was no going back. Not ever.

So I opened that baggie
Breaker had bought me back when I thought death meant nothing.
Because my life meant nothing. And then I watched the contents fall
into the water and drift away into the infinite beauty of the sea.

I stood there for a
long time, lost in my own little revelation until I felt Breaker walk
up behind me, slipping his arms around my waist, resting his chin on
my shoulder.

“Fuck you doin'
out here?” he asked and I rested the side of my face on the
side of his.

I closed my eyes tight
against the discomfort I still felt at sharing my feelings, then
opened them, looking out at the water.

“Realizing for
the first time that I'm really happy to be alive,” I said
honestly.

His arms squeezed me
tight. “Oh, doll...” he said.

Then he gave me soft
and sweet. Right there on the moonlit beach.

“Why don't you
just admit you hate the fuckin' bathing suit as much as I do?”
Breaker said, sitting on the edge of our (yes... our!) bed, watching
me as I slathered aloe onto the painful chafe burns under my boobs.

“Because you
don't get to win that easily,” I shrugged.

“Easily?
Doll, you've had burns on your tits for months. What the fuck is
easy
about that?”

“They're my
tits,” I reminded him.

“Yeah and I'd
like to get my hands on them without you wincing for a change. Buy a
new suit.”

“Maybe I'll give
the nude beach a try,” I said instead, giving him a wicked
smile.

“You do that, you
better prepare to be dragged into police custody.”

“Why?” I
asked, brows drawing together.

“'Cause you do
that, Al, I'm gonna be forced to fuck you silly right on that beach
so everyone knows who you belong to. Which would probably get us both
locked up for public ludeness.”

“Do they arrest
you for public ludeness in Mexico?” I asked, still not knowing
nearly enough about the place that had been our home for half a year.

“Fuck if I know.
Just sayin'. You on a nude beach means you suddenly find yourself
very into exhibitionism.”

I laughed, slipping a
soft white sundress over my head, still smiling at him as I walked
over to the bed, putting my knees on either side of his hips until I
moved to straddle him, his hands going around my back.

“You know what,
Bryan Breaker...” I started in a serious tone that he must have
picked up on because he started shaking his head.

“Nuh-uh, doll. I
got something to say first.”

“What? Um. No. I
started first. I get to finish first. Not my fault you were pussy
footing around.”

“Shut up and let
me speak, woman,” he said, shaking his head.

“No. You're not
going to pull the bossy card. I started speaking first. I finish
first. Case closed.”

So yeah.

That was totally us.

Arguing over who got to
talk first.

“Alex Miller,”
he said, pressing his hand over my mouth, effectively shutting me up,
making my eyes lower at him. “You are the biggest god damn pain
in my ass. And I swear you can pick a fight with me over the sun
coming up in the morning, then another one about it going down at
night. But there ain't no one else in the world I'd rather fight
with.”

I felt the tears
stinging my eyes because I hadn't expected that. Whatever I thought
he had been preparing to say, that was not it.

I didn't expect words
like that from him.

And I wasn't prepared
for it.

I blinked at the tears
and he kept talking.

“You're
smart and stubborn and determined and I've never met someone
who
I wanted to give soft and sweet to before you. I didn't think I had
that. You brought that out of me. You showed me things about myself I
didn't know were there. You gave that to me when you gave yourself to
me,” he paused, his other hand moving up to swipe the flowing
tears away. “I love you, doll.”

Holy hell.

I mean...

I knew it.

I had known it for
months.

But I had never heard
it.

And the words landed
like a punch. Knocking out all my air. Making my heart speed up into
dangerous levels.

A warmth spread through
me, foreign, yet somehow comforting. Like it blanketed all my
insides. Like it would never allow the cold in again.

“Okay. Now you
can go,” Breaker said, giving me a small smile as he moved his
hand away from my mouth.

“Gee... thanks,”
I said, lowering my eyes at him, but my heart wasn't in the fight.

“You gonna tell
me you love me or keep trying to fight with me?” he asked, lips
twitching. He knew me too well.

“I'll fight with
you later,” I promised, cradling his face in my hands, leaning
in to press a soft kiss to his lips before pulling back and looking
into his eyes. “Right now... I need to tell you, Mr. Macho Man
Badass Bryan Breaker...” I started and his eyes warmed. “That
night you stormed into my apartment, pointing your gun at me...”
I reminded him and he shook his head at the memory, but he was
smiling, “that was the first day of my life. There was nothing
before that. Not really. That day was the day I started living. And
I'm pretty sure it was also the day I started loving you.” His
eyes closed, staying that way as he took a deep breath before looking
at me again. “I love you,” I finished, throwing my arms
around his neck.

There was a slow clap
coming from behind us and we both swiveled our necks to see Shooter
standing in the doorway, eyes soft, huge smile on his face. “About
fucking time,” he said, nodding at us. “Didn't mean to
interrupt. But I wanted to stop by and tell you guys that I am
heading back.”

“Back?”
Breaker said, stiffening in my arms.

“Yeah. It's time.
Things have calmed down. No one has heard from Lex. Evidence points
to him being dead. His empire is gone. It's time.”

He was right.

I looked down at
Breaker and saw the same realization there.

We had a nice vacation.
Cocooning ourselves away. But it was time to go back. Not just for
Shooter. For all of us.

I nodded at him. “Good.
Get things settled. We'll be following soon too,” I supplied
and Breaker squeezed me tight.

“Just can't get
enough of me, huh?” Shooter teased, winking at me.

Shooter was Breaker's
(for lack of a better term) brother.

And he had become my
best friend.

There was no one else
in the world easier to love.

And I wanted to be
around when, one day, another woman realized that.

Besides, our lives
weren't in Mexico. Our lives were back at Breaker's house on the
hill. And Shooter's stupidly lavish apartment in town. In Paine's
tattoo shop. In all the places we left pieces of ourselves.

We were going back.

And no matter what
Breaker thought, I was totally going to get back in touch with
Janie/Jstorm.

Because she had a
pretty freaking awesome story too.

I looked down at
Breaker, his eyes smiling at me, his arms strong around me.

Not
as good as mine (in my humble opinion. Seeing as it didn't involve
Breaker) but it was a doozy. And it
did
involve a really badass biker.

It
was something I wanted to know
all
about.

So yeah... it was
something Breaker and I were totally going to argue over in the
future.

And, just like always,
I would love every minute of it.

xx

Don't
forget!

If
you liked this book, please pop over to

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Acknowledgements
:

As
always-
Nikki
, my cheerleader, the best beta reader in the
world. She called this book "cake" and it still makes me
smile when I think of it.

And
Heather
- for being the swift kick in the ass I needed on hard
days.

The
memory of Layne Staley (and the rest of Alice In Chains) for the
soulful "Unplugged" rendition of "Down In A Hole"
that I played on repeat for weeks to get a feel for Alex Miller's
soul.

And
to coffee. Can I acknowledge coffee? Fuck it, I am. Couldn't have
done it without you, old friend.

Read more about
“The Henchmen” in:

Reign

As well as in the
upcoming:

Cash

Wolf (Janie's badass
biker's story)

Also by Jessica
Gadziala:

What The Heart Needs

What The Heart Wants

What The Heart Finds

What The Heart Knows

The Stars Landing
Deviant

Dark Mysteries

For A Good Time, Call...

Dissent

The Sex Surrogate

About
the author:

Jessica
Gadziala was born and raised in New Jersey and thinks Manhattan would
be like... the best place in the world to live, but still secretly
wants to buy a farm in rural Pennsylvania. Writing was the only
acceptable career path for her from the first time she learned that
such a thing existed and she would hoard her allowance money to buy
herself notebooks and pens instead of toys. She attempted a string of
odd jobs before quitting and taking the blind leap of faith that was
trying to make a career out of her passion.