Monstrous Races (14 page)

His company now stood at three hundred men, inclusive of several large dog-heads and some fearsome ogres. Many had joined them as they'd passed through backwaters and deserted villages, and all came with the promise of coins and a position at his side when he was King.
Of course these monstrous races will be expelled when I have both stones
he thought, gazing on them with fascination,
but for now I need them. And they do make excellent soldiers.

'Sir,' croaked a young man, his unkempt hair swept over one eye. 'I've been asked by the men to ask you about our next payment.' He was large with taut muscles in his neck, and Lord Lansdown was pleased to see that he shifted his weight from one leg to the other and held a cloth tightly in his hands as though rinsing it out.

'What's your name?' he asked, pulling himself up to his full height which was considerably shorter than the man with the thick neck.

'Bill, Sir,' he answered, 'Bill Onions.' Lord Lansdown noticed his Adam's apple bobbing as he spoke.

'And why are you speaking for them Bill?' he asked, delighted to see that Bill Onions was trembling.

'We had a draw and I lost Sir,' he mumbled.

'
I see. You can tell the men
that the next payment will be within three days, as long as I receive a satisfactory report from Captain Briggs.'

'Thank you, Sir,' mumbled Bill, stumbling over his own shoes in a bid to run back to the relative safety of the men. Lord Lansdown watched as he ran back, kicking up dust as he went.
Money
, he thought,
so very tiresome
. I'll
have to ride out alone again soon and procure some.
He thought back to the monastery he'd visited days ago, terrifying the fat Abbott who sat in his ostentatious painted chair as though he'd been winched into it. He'd persuaded the Abbott to give him a large donation in return for his grace and pardon when he was King. He'd only had to use his powers once, that was enough. Of course he'd spent most of his own money weeks ago, but what did it matter when it was so readily available?

He looked up into the sombre sky
, the clouds swollen with raindrops.
Not long now
, he thought, hearing a deep, cavernous growl coming from the covered cage. Of course, the Queen's Guard would be en-route by now, but soon it would all be his anyway. He
smiled up at the blistering heavens
and waited
.

'So where are they?' asked Elli, as they walked on the path next to deep dark canals. Her eyes darted everywhere and occasionally she'd turn around mid-stride, once
lo
sing her footing and narrowly missing the cold unforgiving water. They were inside a mossy tunnel, where unfamiliar words were brightly scrawled and badly spelled on its belly.

'Do you really want to know?' asked Rufus, swinging a large bag by his side. 'It's probably best that you don't. Believe me, there's no such thing as privacy until this is all over.'

'Talking of privacy, I wonder where Alpha Sawyre and Max are going tomorrow
evening?
'

'Hmmm?' he asked, absent-mindedly kicking a small rock into the water which was sucked down into the gloom below. 'Course
,
I've been making enquiries as to the lump of gristle that Josie is hanging around with. Turns out he's a pillar of the community, a Lawsetter with an unblemished record and no dirt on him at all. At all!' He smiled, showing his white teeth and strong fangs.

'And why's that a good thing?' she asked, twisting a
round to see a young
gorgadon couple holding hands behind them.

'Oh please, if there's no dirt on him at all then he's bound to be suspect. And I'll find out how,' he said quietly, tapping the side of his nose. 'I know Josie's a
gendarme
and everything now, but we've got a real connection.'

'Yes Rufus, if she's a
gendarme
you probably will have a real connection very soon, I've seen those cuffs she carries around. Besides which perhaps she's really happy, you've been gone for a long time.' She looked up into his big doleful eyes.

'No,' he said emphatically, 'things haven't changed that much. And a bit of digging around won't hurt, then if I find he really is holier than somebody who has devoted his life in recent years to St Christophe, I'll wish them luck and be on my way. But he won't be,' he added, his eyes mischievous and sparkling in the gloomy light. Elli followed his gaze to the mouth of the tunnel wher
e she saw a head hanging upside-
down from the top before it disappeared from view.

'Do we need to get ready?' she whispered, touching the stone at her chest.

'Nope,' replied Rufus, swinging the bag merrily. 'That was Barry the Ultraviolet Pilot. Rides the Ethiopian Pegasus to and from Manilla twice a day. Lovely guy but
losing his touch a little,' he said, blowing his nose loudly into a handkerchief.

'Why do you say that?' she asked puzzled, as a small barge slowly sauntered past apparently unmanned.

'Because you
sa
w him.
There are five others
you haven't seen following everything we do.' He picked up a small stone and threw it into the canal; Elli watched entranced as a hand appeared from the slimy water to catch it and then disappeared again. 'I told you, no privacy,' he said sadly. She wasn't hugely surprised when the stone came flying out of the water from the same spot, catching Rufus firmly on the forehead. He winced and rubbed it, saluting to the canal. 'Sorry,' he called out. 'Accident!' The gesture that the hand made from the water clearly showed that they didn't believe him.

They reached Dion and Jones after a long weary walk, and Elli was frustrated that she hadn't managed to glimpse any of the people following them. She was surprised that she felt so well considering her recent injury, and absent-mindedly touched the stone at her chest, thanking it silently. Her head no longer throbbed but there was an oblong   bump perched at the back of her skull, hidden by her long copper curls.

Rufus had been sniffing the air for som
e time, and now the scent of a butcher's shop and c
heese shop neighbouring Dion and Jones left her feeling a little light-headed. They walked inside and an old shop bell rang to alert Maud and Effi of their presence.

'Rufus, Elli!' squealed
Effi
, jumping up from her stool and kissing them on the cheek. Elli smelt cosmetic powder and roses, and the curle
d hair tickled her face. Effi’s
eyes shone as she looked at them both, and Elli saw that she'd coloured the white hair on her cheeks a soft peach colour. 'Lovely to see you again, I was just taking a quick break, it's been all go here! How's my handsome scamp?' she asked Rufus, standing on tiptoes and pinching his cheek.

'I hope you're being a good boy for your Father now. Hang on a minute, give me two ticks and I'll make sure we're not disturbed,' she said, deftly moving towards
the door and changing the sign
to
Closed
. 'That
's better, I thought we should
be on our own before the bi
g unveiling. Where has that Maud
gone? She was making me some tea and a nice snack but I dare say she's been sidetracked. Would you like some as well?' Elli and Rufus looked across at one another, acutely aware now that the gurgling sound that was reaching a crescendo probably emanated from them.

'Yes please,' they said simultaneously, nodding in unison. The sound of precariously balanced crockery balanced on a tray could
be heard from upstairs and Effi
walked to the bottom of the stairs in time to see two feet appear in thick woollen tights and sturdy brown shoes.

'Maud
,' she hollered upwards. 'Rufus and Elli have come to see us. Be a dear and make more sandwiches could you.' The feet remained in position as the information was digested and then
,
accompanied with a barely perceptible sigh
,
they turned around and walked back upwards
and through to the kitchen. Effi
settled herself back onto her stool so that her cerise dress cascaded down, complimented by pink streaks in her curled white
hair. She wore small pink bows on her head and arms, and a pink beaded necklace vied for attention around her throat.

'Between us,' she whispered, moving in towards
them, 'I think Maud
might be going slightly deaf. Do speak clearly for her, won't you.' E
lli nodded, marvelling that Effi
's idea of whispering involved talking just as loudly but with more pronounced facial expressions and arm movements.

'Shall I go and give her a hand?' asked Rufus, drool beginning to collect in his cheeks.

'Oh no my
dear, she's fine,' answered Effi
, glancing over at him. 'And am I right in thinking those trousers were just a little too tight Rufus? I know you said it was the fashion, but would you like me to adjust them for you now?' She waited expectantly.

'Yes please,' he nodded, 'just a little around the waist. And legs. And...everywhere else.'

'Oh I can do that while we wait,' she said exuberantly, pouncing down underneath the desk and pulling out an old and tattered material bag. 'You just slip out of those and I'll put them through the machine, it'll only take me a minute.' She pulled out sharp pins from the mass of coloured cottons and chalks inside. 

'Um, could you do these too while you're there?' asked Rufus, pulling up the large bag he'd carried from home. 'All of them. Max's washing methods leave a lot to be desired,' he said, holding up a pair of black satin trousers that he'd struggle to get over his knees.

'
Yesh
,' said
Effi
, pins protruding from her mouth, ''e shaid you'd shay dat.'

Shortly afterwards
they heard the signal that Maud
was approaching as porcelain cups and bowls, piled up onto a carefully balanced tray, clattered next to one another. Rufus had fashioned a toga out of a she
et and was standing next to Effi
as she looked intently at her sewing machine, her legs moving frantically to work it. 'Algosht done,' she said, the pins still firmly held between her lips. The noise ceased and she stood up, pulling the pins out of her mouth and back into the recesses of the sewing bag. 'Should be much more comfortable now my dear,' she said, throwing the trousers at him. He grinned and moved over to the changing cubicle, his toga dragging along the ground behind him.

Effi
sat back on her stool, looking at Elli with her hands clasped together. 'I hear you're a whizz at that restaurant place. Raw fish so I'm told.'

'It's really good,' said Elli, preparing to explain. 'I ate it and loved it and it sort of...caught on. Would you like to come to Goat Cuisine to try some? I can get you a discount.'

'Oh, I don't hold with th
at noovel kissine,' replied Effi
, apparently so horrified by the idea that she almost fell off her s
tool. 'I'm more a sort of steak-
pudding and gravy kind of girl.'

'Girl?' snorted Maud
behind her, who had finally made it down the stairs with the tray and was walking now in tiny steps for
fear of it all collapsing. Effi
looked across at her then leaned
in towards Elli.

'There was also a young man in here who was asking after you. Seems you've made an impression all over the place,' she
said raising her eyebrows, an e
ffect lost on Elli due to the mass of hair around them. Elli reddened and looked across at the tray, n
ow bending in the middle as Maud
bravely soldiered on towards the desk.

'What did he look like?' asked Rufus from behind the curtain.

'They've got good hearing, haven't they?' she said to Elli at exactly the same volume level but more slowly, mouthing e
ach word very deliberately. Maud
tutted and rolled her eyes, finally relieved to place the tray down.

'I believe she's referring to the blonde-haired young man who was here du
ring your last visit,' said Maud
, dismantling the intricate arrangement of crockery, tea, sandwiches and cake. 'He simply asked who you were and where he might make your acquaintance. A most charming fellow.' The changing curtain was pulled aside and Rufus stood there, resplendent in his perfectly-fitting trousers.

'I can't tell you how good these feel. Thank you my lovely ladies,' he said, giving them an impromptu twirl with an extra wiggle of his behind.

'Oh put
it away dear boy,' laughed Maud
, 'it's nothing we haven't se
en before. Isn't that right Effi
?' she asked, handing out dishes, cups and saucers.

'Well not for a little while,' she answered, pouring out the tea. 'Which reminds me, that nice young man who asked after you, he's an apprentice at the Lawsetters you know. He's doing very well I hear and he does fill out his suits so beautifully.'