Moon Racer (19 page)

His fingers lingered on her arm, conveying his
feelings for her. "I have broad shoulders for you to lean
on. You can trust me. Tell me what's bothering you."

Abby had so many things bothering her, she
didn't know where to start. She knew only that she
couldn't tell anyone about Edmund. She would
have to deal with him on her own. "How long will
you be staying in Diablo?"

"I see. You are telling me to mind my own
business. We aren't going to talk about anything
serious tonight, are we?"

"I'd rather not."

"Very well, we will talk of piddling things and
not what's bothering you. I have been assigned to
help Major Tremain, and I will be staying in Diablo
for as long as he needs me here."

"I wonder why he came to the dance tonight?"

"I can tell you only that he's here because he
needs to ask the right people the right questions
without seeming obvious." He grinned down at her.
"While I am here to dance with a pretty gal."

She frowned. "I didn't realize that you were
working with Jonah."

"I can't really go into any of that, but yeah, I am.
We are working toward the same end."

She glanced upward just as a glittering starburst
spread across the sky, and the echo of it thundered
into the night. "What do you know about Major
Tremain?"

Grant removed his hand from her arm and stood
stiffly beside her, an ache inside him. He had noticed
the way Abby had tried not to look in the major's direction tonight. He also noticed that Jonah
couldn't take his eyes off Abby. He hoped she
wasn't falling in love with the officer.

"I know he comes from money and breeding; the
men under his command respect him. He is
honorable. Come on, Abby"-he lifted her chin and
smiled down at her-"no long faces tonight. I hear
music, and I want the prettiest gal in town to dance
with me."

His laughter was infectious and almost made her
forget about Edmund. They went back inside and
danced around the room, and she was laughing
when the music ended. If it hadn't been for
Edmund's threats, the night would have been
perfect.

The fiddles started to play a waltz, and Jonah
appeared at her side.

"I believe this is my dance."

Abby drifted into Jonah's arms as if she had no will
of her own. One of his hands went to her waist, and he
clasped hers with the other. Her heart was hammering
to the sound of the music, and she could hardly breathe.

Jonah took in every detail of Abby's
transformation. He could feel the wires of her
corset, and, knowing her, he imagined what it had
taken to get her to wear one. "I like the way your
hair looks tonight."

"Thank you."

He smiled slightly. "But as I told you before, I'll
miss that braid bouncing around when you walk."

"I have wished it back a hundred times tonight."

Her skin had a golden glow, enhanced by the offthe-shoulder gown she wore. Her neck was long and
graceful. The rosiness of her cheeks owed nothing to
rouge, and her full lips were soft and tantalizing.

He touched his cheek to hers and inhaled the
sweet scent of honey. "Abby, Abby, what am I
going to do about you?"

She raised her head and looked into his
compelling eyes, feeling as if her heart had just been
clamped by an iron band. "I don't know-what?"

He laughed and whirled her around; their bodies
were as one, their steps matching and harmonious.
Abby thought she could go on dancing with him all
night, or for the rest of her life. His chin was near
her lips, and she knew all she had to do was move
the merest bit to touch it with her mouth.

"I start training the mare Monday."

He was quiet so long, she thought he wasn't
going to answer. "Will it take long?"

It shouldn't take more than two or three days. I
have already used the lead rope and gentled her
down. Now I have only to introduce her to the
sidesaddle."

He closed his eyes, concentrating on the
sensation of her in his arms. If he had never met
her, something would be missing from his life. But
since he could never have her, he would spend the
rest of his life without joy in his heart. He would do
the right thing and marry Patricia, and she would
never guess that he didn't love her.

The music stopped, and still Jonah held Abby in
his arms, because this would probably be the last time he could hold her. People were beginning to
stare, and he took her hand, leading her back to her
brother.

While Abby talked with Glory, Grant pulled
Jonah off to the side.

"Major, something's come up, and I have to
leave for a few days. I was wondering if you'd
escort Abby home for me?"

Jonah was quiet for a moment. "Perhaps she
would rather have Quince take her home."

"I thought of that, but since you're going to the
ranch anyway, it seemed the sensible solution."

"Yes. I could do that." He didn't know whether
to be glad or sorry. He shook Grant's hand. "I'll see
you when you get back."

The maj or was unaware that Grant had
manipulated the situation so Abby and Jonah would
be thrown together. He didn't really have to leave
town. If nothing happened between the two of
them, Grant would feel free to do his own courting.

The moon was like a giant golden ball suspended in
the sky when Quince lifted Abby into the carriage
while Jonah tied his horse behind. "How did you
enjoy the dance, darlin'?"

Other people were passing by on their way to
their carriages, yawning and sleepy. Now was the
time for her to tell her brother about Edmund, if she
were going to tell him at all. She looked into his
dear face and knew she could never put him in
danger.

She forced a smile. "It was more than I could
have imagined."

He placed a quick kiss on her forehead and took
Glory by the arm. "Sleep late in the morning-it's
expected after a big shindig like this."

She heard him mumble a good-night to Jonah and
walk to his own buggy to help his wife inside. Abby was tense as Jonah climbed into the buggy beside
her. She could feel the warmth of his presence, and it
was both painful and comforting at the same time.
She leaned her head back as the buggy moved
forward. Unpleasant thoughts of Edmund
Montgomery stalked through her mind like a lurking
spider. She didn't want to think about that man until
she had decided what she was going to do about him.
So she turned her thoughts to other matters.

She almost wished Grant were beside her instead
of Jonah. The ranger would tease her and make her
laugh on the way home, while the man who sat
beside her so silent and grave seemed incapable of
either. "Do you know why Grant had to leave in
such a hurry?" she asked at last.

They were just leaving the town behind when
Jonah glanced at her. "No. I don't. It must be ranger
business that took him away."

"I thought he was working for you."

"Not for me-with me."

The horses had just started on a downhill grade,
so he moved forward to tighten the reins, brushing
his thigh against her leg. Even the small contact
made him turn to her with fire in his eyes. After
that, it seemed to Abby he retreated into his
thoughts to become cold and distant.

At last, after the silence became painful, he
turned to her again. "Sleepy?" he asked, slowing the
horses for a sharp turn in the road.

"A little. Are you?"

She saw his chest expand as he took a deep
breath. "I haven't been sleeping very well lately."

"It's probably because you are so worried about
the payroll robberies."

His lips curved slightly. "That's probably it."

She put her hand over her mouth to hide a yawn.
"I'm sure my feet are going to hurt tomorrow."

"It's already tomorrow." His jaw tightened. "Not
that you would notice. You were too busy charming
the ranger."

She was swaying with the gentle motion of the
buggy and turned her head to watch him,
wondering what he had meant by that statement. He
was staring into the night, and she saw his jaw
tighten and his hands clench on the reins.

"What's wrong, Jonah?" She sat forward. "I am
not trying to pry, but we have known each other well
enough for me to sense your change of mood, and I
can tell when something is bothering you, like now."

He turned to her, his eyes glistening, started to
speak, and then reconsidered.

"Jonah?"

"Do you know what you just said?"

"Yes. I-"

"No, you don't know. You said you can feel my
moods. Well, I know yours, too. I know in my heart
when you are happy or sad; I can feel it if you are
angry. I feel you in my head, my mind, my body.
Why do you suppose that is, Abby?"

"I don't know why."

He stopped the carriage, and she stared at him,
not knowing how to react to his behavior tonight.

"Abby, we have to talk."

"No. I don't think-"

He touched her arm, his finger sliding down to
her hand. "I need to tell you about myself. I want
you to understand what my life was like before I
met you."

"You don't need to remind me about your
fiancee."

"I don't mean her, although Patricia figures into it."

His eyes reflected a fierce light, but he seemed
outwardly calm and aloof He leaned his head back
as though gathering his thoughts.

"What do you want to say?"

"My family is not like yours, Abby. The plain truth
is, I wish they were. I have two sisters whom I never
see because they cut themselves off from our father.
The general is a hard man who insists on perfection in
his offspring. He directed my mother's life, my sisters'
lives, and he already had my life mapped out before I
was born. That's just the way he is."

"I can't see you going along with any plan for
your future if it didn't coincide with what you
wanted. You are a strong-willed individual-you
wouldn't be an officer if you weren't."

"It never occurred to me to challenge the general
until lately-since... I came to Texas."

In that moment Abby realized where this
conversation was headed. He was telling her good-bye.
"Jonah, I understand. You don't have to say any more."

He gripped her arm and brought her resisting
body toward him. "You can't possibly know
how you have turned my world upside down,
made me question my life, made me dissatisfied
with the direction I have chosen."

Her head fell into the curve of his shoulder as his
hand swept up her back to rest against her neck.
"It's hard to turn my back on what I really want, but
I'm trying to do what is honorable. I want to do the
right thing by Patricia, and yet..."

Abby felt his breath on her neck, and her arms
slid up his shoulders. "Jonah," she said softly. "I
don't know what to say to you."

He lifted her chin and studied her face as if he
were memorizing every detail. "There is nothing
you can say, Abby. There is nothing either of us can
say."

She felt hot tears just behind her eyes. He was
saying good-bye.

He touchedhis lips to her cheek and pulled back
reluctantly when he tasted her tears. "I could walk
away from the army and never look back, but I
can't hurt Patricia. She deserves better than that."

Abby had been sensitive all evening to their
growing awareness of each other, and she sensed an
aching torment growing inside him. She could also
feel her own heart breaking.

What would it be like never to see him again?

"I don't know what happened between us, Abby,
because it happened so fast, and I didn't see it coming.
That very day, just before we met, I knew something
was waiting down that road for me. But I didn't know
it was going to come swinging out of a tree at me."

"I was angry with you that day."

"I know. Our relationship started off stormy, and
it's only become more so."

"And now?"

"I couldn't just leave you without telling you how
I felt."

She sensed that he needed her to make it easier
for him to leave-and that was what she would do.

"You would be a lesser man if you could
abandon the woman you are pledged to marry. And
I could not respect a lesser man."

He drew her back into his arms, and she felt his
intake of breath. "When you say things like that, it
only makes it worse." He swallowed before he
could continue. "I want to walk away from duty and
honor so I can be with you. Say the word and I will,
Abby." His arms tightened about her. "Say you
want me to walk away, and I will."

She buried her face in his jacket. If she chose to,
she could have him. All she had to do was ask him
to turn his back on honor, commitment, and the
kind of man he was. But if she did, the day would
probably come when he would despise himself for
buying passion at the expense of honor, and she
didn't want that for him.

"I would never ask you to act against your
principles, and I will not act against mine."