More Than Fashion (27 page)

The night before the runway show, we went up to the rooftop lounge and celebrated: me, Gavin, Trina, and Dawn, all back together again. Nika and Jeff declined to join us. Not that we cared.

Kelsey had found us some champagne, and Gavin popped it open. “A toast,” he said, raising his glass. “To the four of us. We said we would make it to the end together, and we did. Cheers.”

“Cheers!” We all clinked glasses and drank.

“Whatever happens at the end, I’m glad we all became friends,” I said. “And when this is all over, we have to stay in touch.”

We chatted about our collections, about the upcoming finale, and then we split into pairs. Trina and Dawn started making out on the nearby couch, while Gavin and I stared over the edge of the roof at the city skyline. He stood behind me, his arms wrapped around me, and he was tall enough he could rest his head on top of mine.

“What are you going to do when the show is over?” he asked.

“I don’t know.” It was something I’d been fervently trying to avoid thinking about. “I start my senior year at UCLA in a few weeks, but the idea of going back to all those pre-med classes I hate makes me want to throw up. I don’t think I can do it anymore. Not when I’ve had a taste of what I want to do with my life. But…”

“But what?”

“My parents will flip if I drop out. I’ve already proved them right by losing the show. And I’ve put so many years into becoming a doctor.”

“But think how many more you would still have to spend to get there. Medical school. Residencies. Better to get out now before you waste any more time doing something you hate.” He turned me around, tilting my chin so I looked up at him. “Julie, you’re a designer. You live to create. You can’t let anyone stop you from doing what you love.”

“I know. I just… I need to think about it some more.” He was right, but I was scared. What if I took this risk and it didn’t pay off? What if I failed? It was such a huge life change, and I didn’t know if I was ready yet. Being on the show had taught me I wanted to work in a fashion career, but also that I needed more experience and training. But was I willing to risk the disappointment and shame from my family if I let them down and went on my own path?

“What would you do if there were no limits?” Gavin asked. “If you didn’t have to worry about money or your parents or the future? What would you do if you had no fear?”

The answer came easily. “I would transfer to a fashion design school—FIDM, Parsons, one of those. I’ve realized I still have a lot to learn to become the designer I want to be.”

“Then that’s what you should do.”

“You make it sound so easy.”

“Isn’t it?” he asked.

“No, not even close. My parents would never approve. They’re paying for school and would probably cut me off completely. Plus, it would take me even longer to graduate.”

“You need to talk to them. See what they say. You might be surprised.”

“You don’t know my parents. It’s doctor or lawyer or nothing with them.”

“No, but I know you. You’re a baby T-rex, small yet fierce. And you won’t let anything stop you from getting what you want.”

I wished it was as simple as he made it sound. But no matter how much I tried to explain it to him, he wouldn’t get it. His mother supported him no matter what he did. Mine…not so much.

“What are
you
going to do after the show?” I asked.

He leaned against the railing and stared out at the bright city against the dark night. “I want to start my own company and my own line of clothing. If I win, I’ll have the money to do that. If not…then it will be a lot harder.”

A question burst out of me before I could stop it. “What about us? I live in LA, you live in London…”

“I’ve wanted to move out of London for some time now. It has too many memories of my sister.” He looked across the city, then back at me. “I was thinking about moving to New York, actually.”

“That makes sense.” New York was still considered the fashion capital of the world. “I like LA, but I’ve always wanted to move here, too.”

He took my hand, pressing it against his chest, against the pounding of his heart. “Then do it. Move here with me.”

I laughed. “Yeah, right.”

“I’m serious.” He slid his arms around my waist and gazed down at me. “I don’t want to lose you, Julie. New York seems like a good compromise, halfway between our two families. You can transfer to Parsons and finish school there. And being in the same city will make it a lot easier for you to go into business with me.”

“What are you talking about?”

“I thought I had to do everything on my own, that my way was the only way, but I was wrong. I work better with you. I need you to balance me, to keep me in line when I become too stupid and stubborn, as you would say. We should start a clothing line together.”

I sucked in a breath. “You want to go into business together? Isn’t that a little…dangerous?”

“Maybe for others, but not us. We know what we want and we go after it. And right now, we both want the same things.”

“I don’t know…”

He kissed my forehead. “Just think about it. If we win, I’ll split the prize with you. It’s only fair, since you did so much of the work.”

“No! It’s your collection, not—”

He pressed a finger against my lips. “Stop talking, love,” he said with a smile, recalling when I’d said that to him before. I scowled but kept silent. “We’ll use the prize to start our own company. Together we can make a clothing line that will last, that combines both of our unique points of view and talents. We’ll be the next Dolce & Gabbana or Marchesa. The next Stephan Weiss and Susan Karan.”

Ideas churned in my head, possibilities making my stomach flutter with excitement. The thought of working with Gavin, of sharing a life and a career and a future with him, made me all tingly inside. But it was scary, too. It was an even bigger risk than leaving pre-med behind to become a fashion designer.

“What if we break up?” I asked. “What if none of this works out?”

“I don’t know. I can’t predict the future. All I know is that you inspire me to be a better man
and
a better designer. I want you at my side, as an equal partner, in all aspects of my life.”

God, he really
did
love me. It was such a strange feeling and one I’d never experienced before. I liked it, but I worried it couldn’t last. Would we still feel this way for each other outside of the show, when we were back to our regular, boring lives? Or what about five years from now?

“What happens if I say no?” I asked. “What if I become a doctor and stay in LA?”

“Then we’ll find a way to make it work.” He brushed my hair aside and pressed a soft kiss to my neck. “As I said, I’m yours, Julie. Now. Tomorrow. As long as you want me.”

CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE

W
e woke before the sun rose, and there was a quiet buzz in the Loft as we all got ready. It was bittersweet, knowing we would all be going our separate ways after this. We’d be leaving the Loft forever, and only one of us would win the grand prize.

Cars shuttled us over to the Lincoln Center for the Performing Arts, and we were directed to the giant white tent where
Behind The Seams
would have their fashion show. The camera crew tracked us the entire time as we stepped inside, taking in the giant majestic runway with chairs on either side of it. The room was empty at the moment, but in a few hours, it would be full of hundreds of people.

We’d made it to New York Fashion Week.

Backstage was chaos, with a hundred and one things happening all at once. There was a frantic energy in the air that was both exhilarating and terrifying. We were all fueled by excitement and panic, by adrenaline and exhaustion, by hope and fear.

Crew members dashed around, camera people recorded everything, and Kelsey kept it all together, directing and organizing as best she could. Each designer had a separate space with curtains between them, their collections hanging from racks inside. We had a few short hours to do any last-minute touches, including ironing and steaming, snipping off any loose threads, and making any final tweaks.

When the models showed up, it truly became a whirlwind of activity. I dashed around, getting each model dressed, while Gavin barked out orders and inspected everything. He wore a fitted black suit, white button-up shirt, and black tie, looking both classy and incredibly sexy. His hair was styled to perfection, and only a hint of stubble brushed his jaw. Every time I looked at him, I felt a pang of both lust and love, to the point where it was hard to stay focused on whatever I was doing.

I’d worn a dark gray, strapless flare dress with a tiny owl print. I’d made it myself, and it was cute and quirky and so totally me. I’d saved it for the finale, imagining myself wearing this dress while I introduced my collection to a huge audience. Even though I’d pictured that moment a hundred times, I didn’t feel any disappointment now, knowing I’d be backstage the entire time. Today my place was beside Gavin, supporting him, rooting for him to win.

“Where’s the last model?” he asked, holding up his rain dress, the only one still on the racks.

I glanced around, doing a quick head count of all the models. Seven. How could there only be seven? “We’re missing one. I’ll find out what’s going on.”

I ran to Kelsey and asked her where our last model was, but she had no idea. She went to confer with someone, and they called someone else, and no one seemed to have a freaking clue what was happening. Meanwhile, the clock was ticking.

“She didn’t show up,” Kelsey finally reported to me and Gavin. “We’re finding a replacement now.”

“But the garment was already fitted to her,” Gavin said.

“I’m sorry, but this is the best we can do.”

I took a long, deep breath. Inside I was freaking out, but I had to keep it together for Gavin. “We’ll figure it out. We can swap some of the clothes around if we have to.”

I heard a commotion from Dawn’s area and saw Trina running around in a panic, while one of the models stood around barefoot. “Where are her shoes?” Trina yelled. “Did someone steal them?”

I took a second to check on Jeff and found him hastily hand-sewing a dress that had ripped at some point. Nika was nowhere to be found. It seemed every designer had their own last-minute problems.

But even so, I loved the frantic energy. It was the one thing about being a doctor I thought I might enjoy because hectic, stressful situations actually spurred me on. But now that I’d been on
Behind The Seams,
I knew I never wanted to do anything else. This was my passion.

Fifteen minutes later, my former model Susan arrived. I threw my arms around her. “Thank god you’re here.”

I helped Gavin switch around the dresses to find one that fit Susan and her voluptuous figure. The whole process took way too long because we had to make the models walk for us, then make any changes we needed. But finally,
finally
, all eight models were dressed.

It was time. All three collections were ready to go down the runway, and we were shuffled to another section backstage where we could watch the show live on a screen. Hundreds of people were already seated in the audience, waiting.

And there, in the front row, were my parents.

Anxiety and dread shot through my stomach. I’d never invited them. How could they be here, in the audience? Oh god, did they know I wasn’t in the final three? That I had failed? Or were they expecting me to walk out with a collection? I couldn’t decide which was worse.

My head snapped to Gavin. “What the hell is my family doing here?”

“I asked Kelsey to invite them.”

“You
what
?”

“Normally only the final three contestants’ families are invited to the show, but my father isn’t coming. You put so much effort into this collection and I wanted your family to be here to see how hard you’ve worked.”

“How could you do this without telling me? Without
asking
me?”

He frowned, his brow furrowed. “I wanted to surprise you. I thought once they saw what you’ve accomplished in such a short time, they’d understand how much this means to you and that this is what you’re meant to do.” He reached for me, but I jumped back. He sighed and continued. “After the runway show, you can tell them you don’t want to go to medical school and that this is what you want to do with your life. Before it’s too late and you’ve wasted even more time doing something you hate instead of following your dream.”

“But that isn’t up to you! I should be the one to decide when and what to tell them!” Maybe I was being unreasonable, but I hated that he had done this without asking me or giving me some warning or
something
. He’d trapped me in a corner, and now I had to face my parents with no time to mentally prepare or consider what I would say to them.

“I’m sorry, Julie. I thought I was doing something to help you. I would do anything for my family—my
entire
family—to be here with me. I thought you would feel the same.”

“Well, I don’t. My family isn’t like yours. And this wasn’t your decision to make.” I stabbed a finger into his chest. “I’ll tell my parents if—or when—I’m ready to. But you don’t have the right to tell me what to do or force me into this situation. You said you wanted to be equal partners in the future, but you wouldn’t let me handle this on my own.”

His shoulders slumped. “You’re right. I shouldn’t have gone behind your back. But I also knew this is one of the only times your family might be able to meet my mum, since she lives in Wales.”

“Your…your mother is here?”

“Yes. She’s sitting with your parents.”

I checked the screen again. Right next to my mom, chatting with her and moving her hands quickly, was a woman with curly, chestnut brown hair. They were engaged in conversation, my mom nodding along with whatever Gavin’s mother was saying while my dad smiled and watched the crowd. Beside him sat a handsome blond man who could only be Dawn’s father. After their video chat, Dawn had told me her father was thrilled to meet Trina and completely accepting of the two of them together.