More Than Once (12 page)

“What are you having?” I asked.

“I don’t know.” She chewed on her bottom lip. “Everything is so expensive.”

“Don’t worry, I’ve got this. It’s a date after all.” I’d never let a woman pay for a first date. Surely she had to know that. Then again, she’d told me that she usually dated losers—when she dated at all—so maybe those guys didn’t know how to treat a lady. It made me even more determined to give her a perfect night.

She still looked hesitant, so I said, “You told me no presents, but I wanted to take you somewhere nice to thank you for letting me spend Christmas with your family. If it weren’t for you, I would have spent the entire time at work or eating microwaveable frozen meals, so please order anything you want.”

She nodded slowly and set down her menu. “I don’t usually go on dates this fancy. I feel a bit out of place in here.”

“How about this—next time we go out, you can pick the place.”

“That sounds good.” She reached across the table to take my hand in her own, her dark eyes sparkling under the Christmas lights. “I’ve been dying to tell you my news. My parents changed their minds. They’re going to help me go to college after all.”

“Really? That’s great, Becca. I knew they’d come around.” I squeezed her hand, smiling at her.

“As soon as the holidays are over, I’ll figure out when I can register for classes. I should probably look for a job, too. Something part-time maybe.”

“No stripping then?”

“Not this time,” she said with a teasing smile.

“Thank god. The idea of you getting naked in front of any other guy makes me livid.”

She leaned forward, pinning me with sinful eyes. “The only one I want to strip for is you.”

“Um, can we get the check now?” I asked with a grin, looking around for the waiter. She laughed, and the sound seemed to send sparks straight to my heart. I wanted to make her smile like that all the time.

Maybe, just maybe, I could give this relationship thing a real chance. For Becca, I would try.

“Later,” she said. “I’m looking forward to this expensive steak.”

“It’ll be amazing, I promise. But I’m taking you up on that offer when we’re done.” The idea of Becca stripping off her clothes was making me practically burst out of my slacks. I couldn’t wait to get her back to my apartment.

The waiter brought some rolls and then took our orders. Once he was gone, I asked Becca, “What are you planning to major in?”

“I don’t know.” She took a sip of her wine and considered. “I guess I haven’t thought about it much.”

“Well, you don’t need to decide right away. Do you know what you want to do after you graduate?”

She shifted in her seat, not meeting my eyes. “No. Not really.”

“What did you major in before you dropped out before?”

“What is this, twenty questions?” she asked with a nervous laugh.

“Just curious.” I ripped apart one of the rolls while I studied her face. I knew I should probably drop it, but her answers seemed off. Like she was holding back. “There must be something you always wanted to do when you grew up.”

She blew out a long breath. “Yeah. I always wanted to play bass in a rock band. Look where that got me.”

“You could still do that…”

“No, I can’t. I failed, big time. I’m not meant for that life.”

“But—”

She held up a hand. “Don’t. I’m not the same girl I was before. I’ve reinvented my life. You did the same thing when you moved here and became Andrew instead of Andy, so you of all people should understand.”

I considered my answer while I buttered a roll and then handed it to her. She looked surprised, but took the roll with a quiet, “Thanks.”

“Yes, I took your advice when I moved to Dallas,” I said. “I started going by Andrew instead of Andy. I buried myself in work and went after what I wanted, not caring if I was a jerk along the way. Andy was weak and let people stomp all over him, and I was done being the nice guy. Now, no one at work ever treats me like a pushover, and girls sometimes hint that they want me to ask them out.”

“I’m sure they do,” Becca said. “Confidence is sexy.”

“Maybe. But being Andrew gets pretty damn lonely. My life consists of work, the gym, and a whole lot of TV and video games. Running into you was the best thing that’s happened to me in a long time.”

“Do you want to go back to being Andy, then?”

“No, but I’m not sure I like who I’ve become either.” I started buttering another roll, this time for me. “I don’t want the same thing to happen to you.”

“I know what you’re getting at. But couldn’t you find a way to balance both versions of yourself?”

“Perhaps.” It sounded good in theory, but I knew girls always wanted the bad boy. Tara had ditched me for Hector, a ripped drummer who practically radiated masculinity. My previous girlfriend had left me for a college football player who seemed to spend most of his day chugging beers. And before she met me, Becca had gone after the lead singer in her band, even knowing he was a total player and had a new girl every night.

On Christmas Eve, Becca had asked me if she could have both Andy and Andrew. But when asked to choose, she didn’t pick the nice guy. She didn’t pick Andy.

If I stopped being the bad boy, would she run off with another guy, too?

Our food arrived and we soon lost ourselves in the rich, tender steaks. I steered the conversation back to safer topics. Even though I couldn’t wait to get Becca alone and naked, I loved talking with her about everything from our families to movies we’d seen recently to music we both liked. Becca always called us opposites, but the more we talked, the more I discovered that wasn’t true. Maybe on the surface we seemed different, but underneath all that, we shared a lot of common ground.

After I paid for dinner, Becca asked, “Do you still want that second date?”

“Yes,” I said with no hesitation. “Definitely.”

She arched an eyebrow. “I thought you didn’t want anything serious?”

“I don’t. But I also want you.”

“You can have me anytime you want,” she said with a wink and a naughty smile.

“That’s not what I mean.” I took her arm in mine as we walked out of the restaurant. “Yes, I want you in my bed. But I want you in other parts of my life, too.”

She leaned against me, and her smile took my breath away. “Then I think you’ve earned a second date
and
a trip back to your place tonight.”

I drew her in for a kiss, silently congratulating myself on giving her the perfect date and scoring a second one, too. I wasn’t sure where this was going with Becca and I still wanted to take things slow, but for the first time ever I felt something like hope.

While we were waiting for the valet to bring my car around, my phone buzzed in my pocket. I pulled it out and checked the text—and nearly dropped the phone when I saw who it was from.

Tara.

A
ndrew stared at his phone with a stricken expression. The car arrived, but he didn’t move. His entire body was tense. I thought he might have even stopped breathing.

“Is everything okay?” I asked, while he reread whatever was on his screen, his eyebrows drawing closer and closer together. Even upset, he looked especially handsome tonight, wearing one of his collared shirts and dark slacks with his blond hair slicked back. His face was clean-shaven, and he smelled of some sort of spicy aftershave. I’d been dying to undress him and bury myself in the scent and taste of his skin ever since he’d picked me up—but I had a feeling our perfect night was about to be over.

He lowered the phone. “I just got a text from Tara.”

Oh, shit.

“Sir,” the valet said, holding out the car keys. Andrew seemed to be in a daze, so I grabbed the keys myself and handed the valet guy a few dollars, then got inside the car. That finally snapped Andrew out of it. He settled into the driver’s side and took the keys from me, then plucked a five-dollar bill from his wallet with shaking fingers.

I waved him away. “You got dinner. I can get the valet at least.”

He nodded slowly, but I wasn’t sure he’d actually heard me. He ran a hand through his hair, taking a long breath, but didn’t start the car. In the space of a few seconds, he’d reverted back to Andy, that broken-hearted, miserable guy I’d met that night in the bar.

“Sorry. I didn’t realize it would hit me so hard. We haven’t spoken since the day I proposed.”

Why in the world would she be texting him now? Just to torment him further? Surely she wouldn’t be that cruel. “What did she say?”

He frowned and checked his phone again, like he still couldn’t believe it. Finally, he pulled himself together, turned the car on, and drove away from the restaurant. “She wants my help.”

“With what?”

“With getting you to rejoin Villain Complex.”

The words slammed into me, and for a second I was completely speechless. “Wow. That’s low. They made her text you for
that
?”

“Is it true?” he asked. “They invited you back for a show and you said no?”

I stared out the window at the bright holiday decorations rushing past us. “Yes. It’s true. But I can’t believe they would get your ex to bug you about it.”

“I don’t think Hector knows she texted me. It sounded like she’s doing this on her own.” We stopped at a red light, and he glanced over at me. “They seem pretty desperate.”

“They’ve been texting me non-stop since Christmas Eve. Jared’s broken his hand and they need a bassist for a New Year’s Eve show in Austin.”

“And you said no?” He studied my face. “Why?”

“Like I said, I’m not that girl anymore. And if I did this, where would it lead? Nowhere. It would only remind me that I’m not meant to be a rock star.”

“You don’t know where it might lead. You could join another band or…”

I let out a harsh laugh. “I haven’t even touched a bass guitar since I quit Villain Complex. There’s no way I could get on stage and perform now. I’d have to spend every waking minute until the show practicing and learning their new songs. Impossible.”

“But what if you did this and Villain Complex asked you to join them again? Permanently?”

“They wouldn’t.”

“But—”

“They
wouldn’t
. And if they did, I would say no.”

“Why?”

“Because that’s not who I am anymore!”

“Just because you failed once at your dream doesn’t mean you should give up on it forever. You’ve been given another chance. Why won’t you take it?”

“Because I don’t want to go down that path again! I’ve finally gotten my life straightened out. I’ve even convinced my parents to help me to go back to college. I can’t screw that up by joining another band, even for one show. Especially not Villain Complex.”

The light changed and we moved forward again. With his eyes on the road, Andrew asked, “Do you even want to go to college? Or are you just going because that’s what you
think
you should do?”

I tensed up at his question. “What the hell does that mean?”

“I’m worried going to college isn’t what you really want. If your dream is to be a musician, then you need to go after it, no matter what.”

He set his hand on my knee, but I jerked away. “Oh my god. You’ve known me less than a week and you think you can plan my life better than I can?”

“No! I just think you’re only turning them down because you’re scared of failing a second time. But by not taking a chance, you might miss out on what you really want.”

“You’re one to talk! All of this bullshit about not wanting to get serious, but then you take me on a romantic date and talk about how you want me in your life and not just in a sexual way. Which is it? ‘Cause I’m getting a shitload of mixed signals here.”

He didn’t answer, his eyes fixed on the dark road in front of us. That figured: he could ask me a dozen questions, but as soon as I turned them back on him, he shut up. I huffed and crossed my arms, trying to calm my racing heart.

“I don’t know what I want,” he finally said. “I’m still not sure I’m ready for a real relationship. Getting that text from Tara nearly broke me. I just… I can’t go through that again, not anytime soon. But I don’t want to lose you either.”

“I don’t know what that means. If you want us to be fuck buddies and nothing more, then we don’t need to go on fancy dates. We can just go to your place and have sex and be done with it.”

His jaw clenched. “That’s not what I mean. I want to spend time with you without sex, too.”

“But you want to keep it casual, right? So do you want to see other people?” I was pushing his buttons on purpose, but I was trying to make a point. Plus, he’d pissed me off with all of his questions—now it was my turn. “You’d be okay with me fucking other guys?”

“No!” He practically shouted that one, knuckles white on the steering wheel. “Definitely not. I just… I don’t want to rush into anything and make the same mistakes again.”

“That’s exactly my point! So stop pressuring me to rejoin the band that ruined my life!”

He shot me a quick look. “That’s…that’s not the same thing.”

“How? You’re just as scared to try again as I am. Scared you’re going to get hurt a second time.”

“Yes, I’m scared!” he said. “I’m terrified you’re going to break my heart like Tara did. And I’m
never
going through that again.”

He drove into the parking lot of an apartment complex surrounded by tall, thin trees and parked the car. We’d lapsed into silence, me with my arms crossed, him with his lips pressed in a tight line. The tension in the car was so high, the slightest spark could set everything we had up in flames. But what
did
we have? A few nights of sex and one failed date. Nothing more. We’d had a fun escape in San Diego and we’d played pretend on Christmas Eve, but now it was back to reality—where the two of us didn’t work.

Except between the sheets anyway. At least we had that. As pissed as I was, I couldn't deny the way my breath quickened at the thought of being in bed with him again. If this was our last night together, as I suspected it might be, I wanted him one more time before it was all over.

“Let’s go inside and get to the fucking already,” I said. “Since that’s obviously what we’re best at.”