More Than Physical (The Physical Series Book Book 2) (21 page)

Panting harder now, she leaned her head back against his shoulder, eyes shut tight at the exquisite torment. Letting go of the wall, which had been holding her up, she wrapped her arm around Jackson’s neck, pulling his mouth to meet hers. They devoured each other.

“Jax, I’m going to…” she whispered against his mouth, kissing him deeply to keep herself from screaming out in ecstasy, as her body shattered in his arms.

After several seconds of explosive sensation, she went limp in his arms. Had Jackson not been holding her, she would have slipped to the floor in a puddle of blissed-out goo. Sasha’s knees wobbled frantically and her arms flopped lifelessly to her sides, the earth-shattering orgasm continued to sail through her, wave after wave. His hands continued to stroke the skin of her breast, and massage between her legs.

The world around her slowly began to realign its focus as she felt cold air seize her where his hand vacated. Sometime during her nirvana, the band had stopped playing and she could now hear Mitch’s voice coming over the speakers. He must be giving a speech to his party-guests. Although it was the last thing she wanted to do, Sasha knew they should go back out there to rejoin the party.

Quickly zipping her jeans, she turned to face Jackson, whose forehead touched and connected with hers. She stared into his eyes, still filled with an intense mixture of heat and desire.

“Jax…” she whispered, the contentment of the moment wrapping around her like a warm blanket. The words were there on the tip of her tongue, lodged at the back of her throat. A renewed desperation bubbled up from her belly, a mixture of hope and anxiety.

The man standing before her had somehow become more than her lover. Looking back over what they’d shared over the last few months, she knew she was crazy about him. He held the key to her broken heart and her future happiness, if she was just willing to allow him to unlock it.

But it was so damn hard to express love when her heart was still marred by the uncertainty over taking the next step with him. The fear of letting go and falling for him still kept her a prisoner, reminder her that it could bring her back to the one place she never wanted to go again. The deep despair of heart break and loneliness.

Jackson pulled her to him, wrapping one arm around her waist, and one hand cupping her cheek. Although it was dark in the hallway, the deep blue of his eyes was still visible, filled with so much compassion and love for her.

He smiled at her and it was as if an ice chunk had dislodged from a giant iceberg, floating free against the tide. She melted against him.

Burying her face against his chest, she breathed in deeply, loving the spiciness of his cologne, combined with his own perfect masculine scent.

“I…you’re pretty great, Rowdy.”

The three words were on the tip of her tongue, but she chickened out. The weight of them too heavy for her to say aloud. To air them outside her head would be the opening of a door she’d kept locked tight for years. The weight of the level of commitment they possessed too much for her to handle.

Sasha waited anxiously for some sort of retort. A snarky comment from the king of sarcasm and jabs. She half expected him to respond with a “
That’s all you got?”
Or “
Don’t I know it
.” But instead, he took possession of her mouth, kissing her without restraint, his tongue telling her without words how much he wanted her. Starving out her fears and tasting the dreams she didn’t realize she had.

She gave a little pout as he stepped away from her, leaving her bereft and weightless. He smiled lovingly as his hand came up to tenderly stroke her cheek.

“I’m glad to hear it,” he replied, pushing a lock of hair behind her ear. “I was hoping you’d come to that realization sooner rather than later.” Jackson’s gaze left hers momentarily and scanned the crowd gathered out in the large warehouse where Mitch and Rylie were now on the small platform stage. He nodded in their direction.

“We need to get out there. Can we finish this conversation later tonight at my place?”

She shook her head, taking his hand in hers to make their way back down the hall and into the crowd. Sasha felt it slithering up her arm – the spindly sensation, like a vine climbing up a trellis - starting where their fingers interlaced with each other. It corded and wound through her body, ascending directly to her heart.

And just like a vine, it took up residence, growing wildly until it left no room for anything else. Her heart burst with love.

Five days until the wedding and Mitch was a useless fucking sap, who couldn’t concentrate worth a damn or stay still for one second.

Mitch’s constant fidgeting and pen tapping on his office desk while they were in a meeting were enough to finally make Jackson howl in frustration.

“Jesus, man. Enough with the nervous energy. You’re making me anxious as fuck, and
I’m
not the man that’s going to be walking down the aisle soon. Why don’t you just take the rest of the week off, for fuck’s sake? I can handle these deals while you go get your rocks off with your wife-to-be.”

Jackson gave Mitch an exasperated sigh and yanked the pen out of Mitch’s hand, throwing it behind him. He felt somewhat mollified when he heard it hitting the glass window and dropping to the ground with a soft
thud
.

Never had Jackson seen his friend this keyed up and anxious before. They’d completed million dollar deals and handled a shit-ton of money from investors across the globe and never once had Jackson witnessed Mitch in such a panicked state of mind. The man was practically sweating bullets, his face a pallor shade of gray. Not a good look for a man who was generally cool-as-as-cucumber.

He watched Mitch stand and turn to face the window, one hand sliding into his pocket and the other sweeping through is hair.

“I’ll admit. I’m a little on edge.”

Jackson barked out a scoffing laugh. “A little? Ya think? Dude, you’re strung so tight, one of those Cirque artists could dangle you across the buildings and use you for her balancing act.”

Without turning around, Mitch held up his middle finger in a gesture that told him where to go. But then he dropped his head against the glass and sighed.

“I know. I know. Who knew there’d be all this weight before you say, ‘
I do’
?”

Jackson casually leaned back in his chair and placed his hands behind his head, assessing his friend, watching the tension that rippled from him in tangible waves.

Not wanting to press too far, but knowing this was one of those times he shouldn’t use sarcasm, he turned his tone serious. “Are you having second thoughts? I mean, you’ve only been dating Rylie for a year. Maybe you’re rushing things.”

He felt uncomfortable throwing that out there, but he’d certainly had the thought on one or more occasion. It wasn’t anything new, but something he’d never voiced. For as long as he’d known Mitch, his friend had always been somewhat of a player, moving from woman to woman, never an interest in settling down. Until he met Rylie.

They’d barely passed the year mark from the date the two had met and he’d already proposed and was getting ready to make a lifelong commitment. It boggled Jackson’s brain, giving him a case of whiplash at the fast turnaround that was Mitch’s love life.

“No, man. It’s nothing like that. I love Rylie. She means the world to me and I’m so fucking grateful that she’s going to be my wife,” he admitted, turning back with a solemn look on his face.

“I have no doubts about marrying Rylie. But I think she does.”

The words had Jackson’s head nearly snapping back in complete surprise. WTF?

Everything about their relationship had been fast-tracked right from the beginning and Jackson knew how Rylie initially resisted being with Mitch. She’d even tried to push him away until Mitch went after her, convincing her they were meant to be together.

Funny how the similarity seemed to exist in his own relationship with Sasha. Just when he thought he’d knocked down her protective shields and felt like he’d finally won her over, she’d do or say something that once again showed signs of her reticence. Resistance to getting too close to what could be a real relationship.

Not that they’d put a name to what they were doing together, but it had been working in his favor. Over the last several weeks, they’d spent nearly every night together, meeting up for drinks and dinner after their long workdays, watching movies on his big screen, or hanging out with Mitch and Rylie. They enjoyed each other’s company, and had fun together. And while she still hadn’t returned his sentiment, he knew she’d fallen for him, too. She was just too stubborn to admit it.

Women
.

“What? Has Rylie said something to you? Doesn’t she want to get married?”

“I think she’s still stuck on what happened between her own parents, with her mom skipping out and leaving them. I think she’s afraid I’d do that to her. Which is fucking ridiculous. But I can’t get her to believe that.”

Jackson shook his head in acknowledgement. He didn’t have all the specifics on what transpired in Rylie’s life as a child, but he knew that her mom left them when Rylie was very young and never came back. That kind of thing could really fuck with a kid’s head, and no doubt have a profound effect on their life. He understood Rylie’s reluctance, but wondered what Sasha’s reservations were about getting close?

There was no mistaking that Sasha was a highly independent woman, but other than that, Jackson knew very little about her past. She avoided the topic carefully, never shared anything of significance with him.

Turning the tables, Mitch asked about the woman in question.

“So what’s going on between you and Sash? You two have seemed pretty cozy – or should I say, all
over
each other – at the party last weekend. It must be getting serious.”

Mitch had to Jackson’s dismay, found another pen to begin tapping on the desk. He rolled his eyes in exasperation.

“I honestly don’t know, man. She confuses the shit out of me. One minute she’s hot and the next second she’s cold. I told her I was falling for her and she turned mute. Changed the subject as fast as a gunslinger’s draw in a gunfight and she hasn’t brought it up since.”

“Interesting,” Mitch smiled dubiously. “Are you looking for more from her?”

Thinking back over their years of friendship, there were very few moments when they’d spent time hashing through their love lives. Mainly because their relationship statuses boarded on non-existent. Sure they’d make passing comments about their weekend hook-ups, but didn’t venture into serious conversation. This was entirely a new venture for them.

“Yeah, man. I think I am. Sasha’s fun. Adventurous. Incredible in bed,” he smirked, watching as Mitch’s eyebrows lifted in interest. But Jackson wasn’t giving him any more details. He didn’t kiss and tell.

“I’m want to be exclusive. But I don’t think the feeling is mutual. I’m beginning to wonder if she’ll only be around until it’s no longer fun to her anymore. Serious is not in her vocabulary.”

Mitch closed his laptop and shoved it in his messenger bag, adding some files to the mix. Jackson was pleased to see that his friend was going to get out of the office and go home to his fiancée. He obviously had some frustration to get a grip on. And what better way than to handle that in the bedroom? At least, that’s how he saw it.

“Well, keep at her, bro. She can be a tough one based on what I’ve heard from Rylie. But if anyone can handle her, it’s you.” He gave him a wink as he rounded the desk. “In fact, you and Rylie are a lot alike in that respect.”

“Sasha’s a handful, no doubt. She definitely has her moments, and she can act like a spoiled brat when she doesn’t get her way. It wears me out, at times, trying to make her happy, hoping to prove the fact that I’m into her.”

Mitch laughed, nodding his head in wholehearted solidarity.

“Yep, that’s Sasha, all right.”

“But the thing is…I don’t mind spoiling her, because I’m in love with her. I’d do anything for her. She’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me. And I want to keep spoiling her for as long as she’ll let me.”

Spoiled. Handful. Wears me out.

Those words twisted in her gut like a corkscrew slicing through a wine cork, breaking off the pieces as it tunneled down. Sasha clutched her stomach, the bile rising up the back of her throat. She had to get out of there.

Sasha slowly inched away from the half-opened doorway of Mitch’s office, where she’d been just about to jump through the door unannounced to make a surprise visit to Jackson. But now her mind reeled with confusion and hurt from what she’d overheard of the conversation between the two men.

Her morning appointments had finished up on time for once and she decided on a whim to stop by Jackson’s office before heading to the hospital for a surgery consult, in the off-chance he’d be free to have lunch with her. Or, maybe just have
her
for lunch. She loved afternoon quickies.

Jackson’s sweet-as-pie-spit-in-your-eye admin, Casey, gave her the death glare when she walked into his office foyer asking if he was available. Having been around jealous, conniving women before, she knew the type of antics women like Casey could pull when they wanted to stake their claim on a man. It was written all over Casey’s sweet little apple-cheeked face. That girl wanted Jackson for herself.

So it was no surprise when Casey initially said that he was busy and was not to be disturbed. Calling bullshit, Sasha just waved her arms in defiance as she turned to walk down the hallway, passing Jackson’s empty office and hearing voices carrying down the corridor.

“That’s okay, sweetie. I’ll just pop in and say hello to Mitch, then,” Sasha gloated, giving her a pretty-as-you-please, shit-eating grin before making her way around the corner. It was then that she was stopped dead in her tracks when she heard her name mentioned in conversation. Jackson was complaining to Mitch about how difficult she was to be with. How spoiled she was. How much work she took to keep happy.

All of the very same things that Andrew had said to her years ago before he left her high and dry. Apparently, she was too much for a man to handle for very long. High maintenance, overly emotional and a spoiled bitch. Isn’t that what Andrew said?

Her heart plummeted to her feet. Sasha’s initial instinct was to slam through the office door and give Jax a piece of her mind, before kicking him in the balls. Yet, her entire self-confidence shattered in that moment and she was yanked back in time when she heard those similarly hurtful words from Andrew.

Fucking hell.

This was exactly the reason she’d avoided falling in love again after all these years. Because the minute you let your guard down and give your heart away, it will be shattered to smithereens by the one person you trusted it to.

What the hell was she thinking by letting Jackson infiltrate her life like this? Was it all just a joke to him? Was
she
a joke to him? Some conquest to see if he could turn the never-ending-party-girl into Little Miss Domestication? Did he do this on purpose to see if he could make her break? Make her go crazy?

Well fuck him
.

She hadn’t been prone to these insecurities for ages, and she’d promised herself she would never allow another man to put her in that vulnerable state of self-hatred and pain again. Jackson Koda did not have the power to trip her up and take away everything she’d worked so hard to achieve just because she fell in love with his stupid, lying ass. Even if he crushed her with his insensitive words.

Straightening her shoulders and turning back toward the lobby, Sasha considered the options that lay before her. Eight years ago, her entire world centered around one young and beautiful man. One whom she let kill her spirit when he so carelessly fell out of love with her. She’d fallen into a pit of self-hatred and self-destruction, causing so much chaos that she tried to end her life before she was admitted into a psych ward, heavily medicated for her own sanity.

Love made her crazy. It sent her to crazy-town, nearly ending her life. And when she walked out of that hospital, rebranded with her own self-worth, she vowed that she would never again fall so hard for a man that he could have the power to erode her sense of dignity and self-respect if he left her.

She walked swiftly to the elevator banks, thankful for the high-speed elevators, as she stepped in, pressing the Lobby button as the door began to close. Just as the door shut, she heard Casey’s sickening sweet voice say, “Mr. Koda. Your visitor just left.”

Sasha smiled as the floors zoomed underneath her, the lift zeroing in on the main lobby below. A few stops along the way helped her regain her composure, putting a plan in place to get Jackson out of her system and out of her life.

The doors opened at her final stop, allowing the bright sunlight to filter in from the glass window banks of the building. Rummaging through her hobo bag, she dug out her phone and hit speed dial.

“Hello?” Rylie answered on the second ring.

“Hey there, my little bride-zilla, bitch-to-be,” Sasha crooned, knowing it was an utterly inaccurate label, but loving how it riled up her friend. “Is it too late to change my RSVP to a plus one?”

The sound of something hitting the floor and cracking filled the phone line, followed by a muffled “
shit
.”

Sasha knew her request would send Rylie into a tailspin, but there was nothing she could do to help that at the moment. She’d just have to make it up to her by ensuring her best friend had everything handled on her big day. She was going to stick to Rylie like glue until she gave herself away at the altar to the man of her dreams. If only Sasha could be so lucky.

“Um…no, it’s not too late. The deadline for the caterer is Wednesday. But we already know Jackson will be there. So why would you need to add anyone?”

She took a deep inhale and filled her lungs before letting it all go.

“Well, my dear biotch – it’s because I will be bringing someone else as my date.”

“What?
Who
?”

Sasha jumped in her car and turned on the ignition, the phone call quickly switching from her phone to her Bluetooth audio. Looking down at her phone’s contact list, she swiped down the many names of possible contenders. Jake. Carson. Philip. Doug. Colin. While it was short notice, Sasha had no concerns that it would be a difficult task. The men she’d been with were always up for a good time with her and knew she was a no-strings attached girl. If they were available and horny, her offer would be a dream.

“I don’t know yet. But I do know it won’t be Jackson.”

Because the only way for her to move on and get over her feelings for Jackson was to get under someone else.