Motive for Murder (26 page)

He stared at me and somehow I managed to meet his gaze.

At last he said, ‘I thought you knew the answer to that.'

‘No,' I said, and my voice sounded a little hysterical, ‘I don't know the answer to anything – anything at all!'

Are you trying to tell me you don't know how I feel about you? I had the impression I'd made it only too plain.'

‘Because you kissed me twice?' I asked shakily. ‘The first time because you were in a vile temper and the second, as you were very careful to explain, because you were so tired you didn't know what you were doing?'

He said ‘Emily!' in a strangled voice, and took a step towards me. My self-control was in tatters now. I bent my head and my tears rained on to my plaster with a steady little rattling sound.

He said, ‘But darling, I thought Mike –'

I shook my head. ‘Only at the very beginning – never, really. After that it was always –'

‘Yes?'

He was standing right above me.

‘You, damn you!' I sobbed.

Then he was beside me, gathering me gently against him and kissing away my tears and I turned my face urgently to meet his mouth. I was vaguely aware at some point of hearing the lunch gong, and after a few minutes there was a knock on the door. When we did not answer, whoever it was went away again.

At last I moved a little. Matthew raised his head and we looked at each other.

‘Oh God, Emily, I love you so much.'

I put my hand up to his face and he caught it and kissed the palm. ‘How long have you known?'

‘It's hard to say; when I dragged you out of the water that time, I was shaken by the violence of my reactions. It wasn't only because of Linda, it was very much because you, personally, seemed to be in danger. And I certainly was in no doubt of my feelings that day in Salchester. But you touched me on the raw about Sarah, which was why I was unforgivably rude. I meant to apologise the next day – I would have done, but for Kate's arrival. And of course, it seemed to be Mike, from the word go. You were always talking about him going out with him, I told myself it was only to be expected and I tried to accept it. Then, on the night of the fire when you ran to me, I half-wondered – and when you came to my room, all wide-eyed with excitement and in that extremely sexy nightdress – no, darling, I'm only teasing! – I just couldn't help myself. But as soon as I let you go, you made some remark about Mike, and I was convinced I'd made a fool of myself. Hence my rapid retraction the next day.'

‘I behaved very stupidly, but that afternoon Mike had terrified me with all his talk of murder and I didn't know what to believe. Also, I was frightened of being hurt.'

‘We both were, that's what fouled the works. When Kate told me you said I wanted her back – well, I didn't know what to think.'

‘Actually, I said Mike thought so. Matthew – I have to tell you – I was in the library that day. I heard the row with Kate. It all started so suddenly I hadn't time to come out.'

He said heavily, ‘Then you know how it was.'

‘But you loved her once. And Mike said you took it very badly when she left.'

‘I loved what I thought she was. There was a strong physical attraction between us, but little else, and we made each other very unhappy. As to being upset when she left, that was because of Sarah.
She
was heartbroken. Once, soon after Kate left, I heard her crying in bed. But when I tried to comfort her, she started hitting out at me, asking why I'd sent Mummy away. Sarah meant everything to me – you can imagine how I felt.'

I said softly, ‘Oh, darling!'

‘Well, she was half asleep at the time and she might not have meant it anyway. But after that I was cautious about showing too much affection. No doubt it was stupid, but I didn't want to chance being – rejected – again.'

He smiled at me. ‘You'll have to teach me how to get close to her. But even for Sarah, I could never have had Kate back.'

I leaned against him and closed my eyes. I was very tired. ‘What will you do about the book?'

‘My first thought was to scrap it, but I don't think I shall. It might have helped solve a real murder, but it's fiction, after all; I used only the barest outline of the Menzies case, and as you know, the characters are entirely different. So we'll let it stand as an epitaph, to Kate and Menzies and Linda. Even, in a way, to Mike.'

He kissed my hair. ‘And now, my beloved, I think we should at least make some pretence of eating, or Tammy will be mortally offended.'

‘Tammy?'

‘She's done the necessary today.' And, at my blank look, he added, ‘It's Sunday, remember, and Mrs Johnson, in total ignorance of all that's happened, is at her daughter's.' He raised me to my feet and kissed me again. ‘So let's go and find Sarah and tell her you won't be going away – ever.'

With our arms still about each other, we moved slowly towards the door.

Sarah closed the typescript and looked across at me with tears in her eyes.

‘It brings it all back,' she said, ‘and fills in quite a few gaps, too.' She paused. ‘Do you think Dad really despised Aunt Laura?'

‘Of course not. He was a young man, remember, when he heard about it, and he thought it was most romantic. But it did make him see her in a new light – gave her more depth, as he put it. Actually, I think it influenced him more than he realises, and explains why he's so good at portraying women in his books.'

‘I suspect,' Sarah said carefully, feeling her way, ‘that it was Uncle Mike who despised her, and he couldn't bear it.'

I nodded thoughtfully. ‘The trouble was, he didn't have time to get used to the idea. If it had been one of his friends who'd had an illegitimate child, I'm quite sure he'd have been understanding. After all, he didn't condemn Linda. But it was his
mother
, whom he'd always adored and felt so close to.

‘He suddenly realised they'd not been as close as he'd thought, since she'd never told him the truth, and coming so soon after her death, it was too much for him. Even so, if Derek hadn't been with him when he found out, he might have come to terms with it eventually. But Derek, being Derek, lost no time in stirring up trouble.'

Sarah laid the typescript down on the table. ‘You know, when Sophie said last summer what you were going to do, I was a bit ambivalent about it.'

‘So was I, when she suggested it.'

‘I'm glad you went ahead, though. After all, it's part of our family history. I can show it to the children when they're older.'

And talking of the children,' I said, rising and going to the window, ‘it's time we rescued your father and David.'

Out on the lawn, Matthew was engaged in throwing a ball to his two-year-old grandson, while Sarah's husband bounced the baby on his knee. She came and joined me, slipping an arm round my waist.

‘Of course it's sad remembering everyone who died,' she said, ‘but Dad's book also brought you to Touchstone, and that's something to be thankful for, isn't it?'

‘It certainly is,' I said.