Mountain Moonlight (18 page)

Vala realized he must mean his belated acknowledgement of half his heritage. "I was never quite sure exactly what Campbell meant by that," she said. "I have no driving urge to follow any road."

"That's because of Davis. You feel focusing on him is the single most important thing in your life."

Did she? Certainly that was true before she came back to Arizona and met Bram again. Her son was important to her, yes, but Bram had made her realize she was missing out on another vital part of life.

"I'm all Davis has." No way did she intend to mention that she'd learned she needed to be a woman as well as a mother.

He nodded. "There is that."

Did this man realize how easy he was to talk to? Did he entertain the slightest notion that she didn't have a clue how she was going to cope when he was thousands of miles away from her?

"You have to keep in mind not to overdo the mothering, though," Bram went on. "Davis is more capable that you may realize."

She'd learned that from watching how Bram dealt with her son. As much as she loved Davis, maybe she hadn't been doing the best by him. Surely she hadn't been influenced by Neal's put-downs of the boy--inept, clumsy, timid, whiny, useless? She fervently hoped not. Davis was always better when he was out from under his father's critical eye, but on this trip he'd proved he was none of the things his father had accused him of.

"I do try to remember he's not my baby any more," she said.

"Keep in mind he didn't go to pieces when he was lost and hurting from the cactus spines. And remember he faced down a rattler without getting bit, because he knew how to act. I don't lie to kids. I tell him he's smart because he is--smart and brave."

"Smart enough so he's probably peeking through the flap in the tent right now seeing if we're going to kiss good night again."

"In that case, why disappoint him?"

Before she could say yes, no, or maybe, she was in Bram's arms being thoroughly kissed.

As always, she lost herself in pleasure, her heart telling her this was where she belonged.

He released her far too soon to suit her, saying, "If we go on with this the kid'll get a sex education he definitely doesn't need at his age. I remember nine as a relatively naive time in my life. Sure, I knew men and women had sex, but I didn't apply that knowledge to my mother and father. Not them."

Vala sighed and nodded. "You're right. The possibility that my mother and father could be sexual beings was the farthest thing from my mind."

He took her hand and held it in his, making her feel warm and comforted. And still a bit turned on, but she tried to quash that.

"Really, why didn't you ever get married?" she asked after a time.

He grinned at her. "No one asked me."

She squeezed his fingers. "Seriously."

"My folks, I guess. I know it wasn't easy for my mother to be alone so much. I blamed my father, not realizing until lately that it might have been lonesome for him, too. Marriage looked like a painful proposition to me, one I didn't want any part of.
"

"You were never even tempted?"

Bram shook his head.

She decided that had been a dumb question. He probably could have any woman he wanted without benefit of marriage. And did have? Best to leave that one alone, she told herself.

"Never mind that people all around me got divorces," she said, "I had the illusion that marriage was forever, like my folks'. Otherwise I probably wouldn't have stayed with Neal as long as I did. He was not good for my ego, just as he isn't for Davis's."

"He sounds charming." Bram's voice was a near growl. She shouldn't throw all the blame on Neal. She hadn't been what he'd expected he was getting any more than he'd been what she thought he was. But he'd been so nasty about the whole thing that it felt good to vent her feelings. "That's all past," she said firmly. "I've no intention of making another mistake like that."

"No more marriages?"

"Something of the sort. Men are--unpredictable."

"Men are?" He turned to look at her, eyebrows raised. "It's women who hold the honors in that field."

She frowned and pulled her hand free of his. "Do you find me unpredictable?"

"Haven't been around you that long," he said.

"Cop-out and you know it."

"Okay, so it is," he said. "Let's take when we were kids, that night I came over to your house. You don't think the way you acted was unpredictable? It sure felt that way to me."

"Only because you didn't know what I'd overheard. And misinterpreted, as it turned out. What had you predicted? That I'd let you kiss me?"

"Hell, I can't remember. I did want to kiss you, though."

"And I'll bet you figured once that was accomplished I'd fall at your feet and become your willing slave?"

He grinned. "Hey, I was a hormone driven teenager." Vala couldn't help but wonder if the scenario she'd presented could actually have happened if she hadn't overheard the Ice Maiden conversation. She'd been totally fascinated with Bram as a teen. Of course, her parents probably would have put a stop to any relationship between them before things got to that state.

"We'll have to throw out the teen years," she admitted. "No one that young is totally reasonable.
"

"No one caught up in infatuation is reasonable, no matter how old they are," Bram countered.

She couldn't argue. Hadn't she made the mistake of marrying Neal in just such a state? And wasn't she well into such a state again now? Bram had only to look at her and she tingled.

"I like to think the years have added a little sense," she told him.

"My grandmother, my father's mother, lived well into her nineties," Bram said. "Sharp to the end. Before she died, I went to see her. I made the mistake of asking her what she'd learned from life." He shook his head. "I should have remembered about the Ndee. As Davis complained, Mokesh never explained. That's definitely a Ndee trait. Grandmother looked me in the eye and said, 'Boy, you ask a foolish question. The older we get, the more we understand we know nothing.'"

Vala took time to think that one over.

"So," Bram went on, "why are we sitting here arguing when we actually know nothing, but just think we do?"

She smiled at him. "Because we're not yet ninety,
I guess, so we don't believe it."

He was going to miss Vala. Every other time he'd been involved in a relationship with a woman, sex had been the center and the talk had been trivial.

Vala didn't spout trivia. She was a woman you could actually talk to and enjoy the conversation. What she said even made him think.

He'd be lying to himself if he didn't admit sex was also involved. Involved? A wimpy damn word for what was between them, physically and otherwise. He'd never gotten in this deep before, never felt the overwhelming urge to protect a particular woman from any possible harm. Hell, he was even tempted to take on that bastard of an ex-husband and punch his lights out.

Insanity.

"You look positively ferocious," Vala said. "Since you're not aiming it at me, who's the scowl for?"

"That damned Trickster," he muttered. "He can't stand to see a man get his life where he wants it without jumping in to interfere."

"If I were as old and wise as your grandmother," she said, "I might be able to answer that. In fact, I'll give it a whirl, anyway. Stasis."

"Stasis?"

"The Trickster doesn't like stasis, so he devises ways to force change on us poor humans who keep struggling to maintain the status quo."

Bram nodded. "I'd say that's an answer worthy of a Ndee."

Vala felt absurdly complimented. She also felt sleepy. "It must be getting late," she murmured.

"You could bring your sleeping bag out here next to mine," he said. "Nothing wrong with sleeping under the stars together."

Though tempted, Vala shook her head. To preserve her sanity, she was better off sharing the tent with Davis. Because of her constant need to touch and be touched by Bram, lying next to him at night was just not a good idea. Even though that was exactly what she longed to do.

"Not tonight, but maybe once more before the trip ends," she conceded, needing that promise for herself.

Chapter 12

In each night camp as they came down out of the mountains, Vala expected Davis to decide to sleep outside under the stars with Bram. Instead, her son sought the tent shortly after dark each night and didn't emerge until morning.

Which left her alone with Bram for some time before she retired to the tent. She both looked forward to those times as well as being apprehensive about them. But Bram's will power was apparently equal to hers and all they did was talk. No more good night kisses.

Then, on the morning of the third day of the return journey, Bram announced, "Tonight'll be our last camp out. Tomorrow morning we'll be heading for home."

"Bummer," Davis muttered.

Vala felt the same. She didn't want the trip to be over, wasn't ready for an ending.

Tonight, she vowed, I'll risk sleeping outside next to Bram. We're adults, we can control ourselves so that we're just two companions sharing the last night together under the stars. I want that last night with him.

To distract herself from thinking about how she'd feel when she was on the jet lifting away from Phoenix, Val deliberately concentrated on the growth along the trail. Catclaw, creosote bush, jojoba, prickly pear cactus, staghorn cholla. Until this trip into the Superstitions she'd never realized there was such a variety of cacti and shrubs in this arid area.

The most spectacular was the saguaro cactus that grew all around Phoenix, looking like a giant man with his arms raised. With her eyes now accustomed to the lush greenery of the East Coast, though, what did grow here seemed exotic enough to have come from another planet.

When they stopped to rest the horses, Davis said, "Look, there's a chuckwalla. He doesn't seem scared of us at all."

"As lizards go," Bram said, "chuckwallas are among the slowest and most phlegmatic."

"And the drabbest," Vala added. "Sort of a nothing color."

"Maybe 'cause he's slow he needs to sort of blend into the rocks and the ground so predators won't see him." Davis pointed at the sky. "Like that big hawk up there. I bet he eats lizards."

"Anything he can catch," Bram affirmed.

"All that makes me glad we're at the top of the food chain," Vala said.

"That's what you think," Davis put in. "Humans aren't at the top."

"Okay, I'll bite," Bram said. "What is?"

"Bite, that's a good one," Davis whooped, going into gales of laughter. When he was able to speak, he said, "What's at the top of the food chain? Vampires!"

Bram struck his forehead with the heel of his hand in mock horror while Vala rolled her eyes, chuckling.

By the time they remounted and continued on, though, her light-heartedness faded and vanished, replaced by a gloomy feeling of impending loss.

Davis, ahead of her in the single file chain, glanced back at her, but she couldn't muster up a smile.

Moments later he called to her. "Hey, Mom, we could sing like we did on the way up. You start."

What a turn of events, she thought. We arrived in Arizona with me trying to cheer Davis up and now that we're about to leave, he's trying to make me feel better.

She began with the old tried and true "Comin' Round The Mountain."

Davis chose one of his camp songs she and Bram had learned from him on the upward journey. Then Bram picked "Home On The Range."

The singing carried her along until their throats got too dry to continue. In one way it was a good thing the trip was near the end because they were almost out of water. And food, as well. Bram had packed for extra days but, as he'd said, he hadn't expected the trip to take so long.

Neither had she. And now she wished it had taken even longer.

Bram was well aware they could make it to Brenden's by dark, but he knew neither Vala nor Davis realized that. So, okay, he was cheating, so what? He needed this one last night with Vala. He'd long ago decided not to accept any fee at all from her, so one more night didn't make any difference. She and Davis would still have time to catch their flight the day after tomorrow.

He wished Vala and he could spend this last night alone together but he was willing to take what he could get.

Which, with Davis around, would be her company and maybe a good night kiss. He liked the kid--was going to miss him. Still, having a nine-year-old with them did put a crimp in romance.

He began looking early for the perfect spot to camp, needing to find one before they got too close to the flat. Old sharp eyes Davis might well pick up on his ruse if the kid realized they were practically out of the mountains. Along the trail a ways, he found a clear area with a few small palo verde trees growing on one side. "This is it," he announced. "The last night's camp."

The kid had gotten so good at setting up that Bram didn't have to tell him anything as they worked together. "I'd take you on as trail-help any day," Bram told him.