Mr Blackwell: Teacher Student Romance (13 page)

52

It’s too much.

I throw the cane on the desk and walk out of the cupboard, slamming the door closed behind me.

Out in the classroom, I run a hand through my hair and pace in front of the board.

‘Times up,’ I snap, watching anxious faces look up at me. ‘If I give you too long, you’ll over think things. I want raw emotion. Whatever you’ve got now is going to be pretty raw.’

True.

I’m a firm believer in adlibbing.

I pull down the projection screen.

‘We’re going to watch a movie for the rest of the class. And next week you can tell me what you make of it. The emotional honesty here is incredible.’

I put on
The Piano
and walk back into the cupboard.

For one crazy moment, I want to untie Sophia and take her in my arms. Carefully dress her, rub her wrists, sit her on my lap …

But that would ruin this nice tension I’m building up.

I rub her buttocks with a flat palm.

‘Do you want me to fuck you now?’ I whisper.

‘
Yes
.’

‘Spread your legs again.’

She does, and I move right behind her – my hardness pressing against her backside.

Oh
god
that feels good. Inhumanly good. To be against her skin like this.

I close my eyes, almost in pain. For a moment I think I might lose it. Actually lose it and just fuck her like a normal person, kissing her hair and whispering ‘I love you’ into her ear.

But that can never be. I am not that person.

I slide my fingers inside of her, my eyes fixed on the side of her face – a silent warning not to make a sound. I can tell she’s finding it hard.

I begin to rock her back and forth against my fingers, my other hand clasping her body tight to me.

She is so open. I can see everything in her eyes – her pleasure, her fear … everything.

I can tell she’s about to come and I don’t want her to. Not yet.

I step back and slide my hands in my pockets.

‘Don’t stop,’ she murmurs. ‘Please don’t stop.’

I have to stop. Or you’ll come already. And that would ruin everything.

I head back into the classroom.

A few students jump as I slam the stationery cupboard door closed.

‘Class dismissed,’ I say, flicking off the projection unit. ‘We’ll talk about the movie next time.’

I watch the class blink and stretch, pushing books and papers into bags.

My arms folded, I wait as they clatter out of the classroom.

A few say, ‘Thank you Mr Blackwell.’

I give a cordial nod. I dislike pleasantries in the classroom. I’m here to teach, they’re here to listen.

The classroom empties and there’s a heavy silence. I can feel Sophia’s frantic heartbeat through the walls. Sense how desperate she is for me to return.

That’s why I wait a few more minutes. The longer the tension, the better the pay off.

I think about Sophia and what I’m doing to her. But more than that … what she’s doing to me. I hadn’t expected her to get to me like this.

Light and dark.

How could anyone possibly see light in me? But she does. And for some silly reason, my heart aches to think of it.

I thought I was past all this. I thought I was past real feelings that grab your chest and squeeze you until you can’t breathe. Fear, heartache …
love
.

No, those feelings aren’t for me. That’s why I’ve taken this road. This road of total control.

When the tension is heavy enough, I head back into the cupboard.

‘Light and dark,’ I murmur, picking up the cane, flexing it between my fingers.

Oh Sophia, Sophia. What are you doing to me? Why am I having these thoughts now? These thoughts of caring for you and protecting you, when I’ve just strung you up …

I close my eyes, and when I open them I’m me again. Cold, hard Marc Blackwell who has to be in control at all times. At all costs.

‘I’m going to fuck you now,’ I say. ‘And I want absolute silence, or I’ll stop. Do you understand?’

‘What? Honestly, Marc – I’m not sure I can.’

‘Put this in your mouth.’ I put the cane in front of her face. ‘Do as you’re told. Open your mouth.’

Her bottom lip drops down and I fit the cane between her teeth.

‘Now bite down. Open your legs.’ I move her legs apart and force my body between her thighs.

My head snaps back and I close my eyes. ‘Oh god, do you know how hard it is to be controlled around you?’

I’m so rock hard. It’s almost like being sixteen again – on the very edge of self-control.

Thank god I put the cane in her mouth. If she made a sound right now, I’d come as soon as I was inside her.

‘Knowing you were in here, ready and waiting for me,’ I tell her. ‘I nearly ripped open the door and fucked you with everyone listening. I thought I could control myself, but it’s dangerous with you.’

I put on a condom and position myself against her, moving inside just a little.

God.

This
closeness
.

Something inside me opens when I’m touching her like this.

53

Friends have told me about women they’ve been in love with. How no other woman would do. That it’s not just a physical thing, it’s something in the soul.

That’s what Sophia is doing to me. She’s touching my soul. And it’s beautiful.

I slide further inside, barely holding back a groan.

As I do, I move my hand around to rub between her legs

I know this must be ever so slightly painful for her. Although she’s ready for me, it’s a tight fit.

I push further inside. Further. Further. Frowning as I watch her struggling to stay quiet.

I begin to move my hips, slow at first and then faster and faster.

Her lips clamp tight around the cane and I love watching her struggling to stay in control.

When she lets go, it’s going to be the most beautiful thing.

For a moment, I wonder what would happen if I let go too.

But no.

That can’t happen. That will never happen again.

I move harder and faster now, with determination. It’s getting easier. I’m remembering how to stay in control. Forgetting what it felt like when I first entered her.

Her breathing gets faster and faster and her body pulls hard against the ropes.

I know her wrists will be hurting. And between her legs will be hurting too. But it’s all part of the game, and when she comes she’ll understand.

Pleasure is pain and pain is pleasure. One intensifies the other. In my world – the world she wanted to see – there must be both.

As I begin to pound harder, moving all the way inside, she tries to wriggle away. But I won’t let her. She has to feel this. All of this. She’ll understand when she comes.

I pull her back so I go deep, deep inside her and I can tell she would cry out with pleasure if it wasn’t for the cane.

She comes then, falling limp against the ropes and letting me sink deep inside her.

I want to come so badly that it’s almost unbearable. I am seconds away from it, actually. Especially as she starts to throb around me. But I pull out just in time, breathing hard.

I hold her body, gently untying the ropes and helping her arms down.

For a moment, I let her lay against me, soft and heavy, breathing gently.

I want to stay like this a long time. Watching her. But we can’t do that. So I help her to her feet and begin to dress her.

‘Didn’t you come?’ she asks.

I shake my head.

‘Why not?’

‘I’m already losing too much control around you. If I were to come … who knows where this would end. I’m barely holding it together as it is.’

‘What’s so bad about you losing control?’

‘Everything.’

54

Everything.

If I lose control, I will hurt the people I care about.

If I lose control, nobody will be safe.

Not me, not you, not anybody.

But now I know that isn’t true.

I finally lost control with Sophia. And it was beautiful.

I think back to hours earlier, when I threw stones at Sophia’s window and climbed up to her balcony.

I was so afraid. I thought she might have decided I wasn’t worth the trouble. The press, the judgement of her fellow students … I thought she might decide to walk away from me.

So I had to see her. I thought it might be for the last time …

55

I throw gritty stones at Sophia’s window. Then I wait.

Sophia’s balcony doors open, and she steps out into the night.

She’s wearing her pyjamas and couldn’t look more perfect.

I drop the rest of my stones.

Sophia looks down and sees me in the moonlight.

‘Marc?’ she whispers.

‘Sophia.’

‘What are you doing here?’ she says. ‘How did you get in without being seen?’

‘I have my ways. I’m coming up.’

I climb the drainpipe and within seconds I’m on Sophia’s balcony, inches from her, my heart pounding.

‘Romeo, Romeo,’ she smiles.

‘It is the east, and Juliet is the sun.’ I stroke her cheek. ‘It’s too cold out here for you.’

I pick her up and carry her inside, closing the door behind us and realising this might be the last time I ever hold her. I love how she feels in my arms.

‘I missed you,’ I tell her.

‘I missed you too.’

I lay her gently on the bed, then lie beside her.

She puts a hand to her cheek as she props herself up.

‘Oh, that I were a glove upon that hand,’ I murmur. ‘That I might touch that cheek.’

She smiles.

‘I thought if things are going to end,’ I say, ‘they couldn’t end without me seeing you one last time.’

‘Who says they’re going to end?’ she says.

‘I just had a hunch that you might decide the challenges aren’t worth it.’

‘Maybe it’s you who’s had enough of me.’

‘Never.’

I kiss her, feeling the unbearable tenderness of her lips. This could be the last time I feel her lips too.

I undress her slowly, my eyes on hers.

Intimacy. Real intimacy. This is what it feels like.

Without speaking, I climb on top of her.

It’s not like the other times. I’m not teasing or controlling or having her submit to me. I am just being close.

I run my fingers up and down her body, wanting to feel every bit of her. I move inside her, but softly and gently. There is no rush. No end game. I just want our bodies to be together.

‘I want to let go now,’ I tell her. ‘I want to let go with you.’

‘You can,’ she says. ‘I want you to. It’s what I want more than anything.’

I keep moving, and as I get near to coming I feel afraid. But this could be my last time with her. This could be my last chance to let go.

So I do.

I look into Sophia’s eyes the whole time. And I’ve never seen anything more beautiful.

Our arms and legs wrap around each other and for the first time in my life I am free.

Why was I so afraid?

I have no idea.

We are made for one another.

‘I need to know,’ I say. ‘Are we going to do this? Or am I going to have to get over you?’

My heart pounds as I wait for her answer.

‘Yes,’ she says. ‘We’re going to do this.’

‘You’re sure?’ I say, my heart glowing.

‘Yes.’

‘I love you.’

‘I love you, too.’

‘In the morning then,’ I tell her. ‘We’ll leave the college together. Hand in hand.’

56

The sun is a white line now, glimmering over London.

In her sleep, Sophia gives a little sigh.

I am in love. I almost want to laugh out loud. I am in love with a girl I should never have had.

I don’t know what today will bring. But we belong together. And nothing will take her from me.

I slide under the bedclothes, still watching Sophia. I don’t want to fall asleep. I want to watch her. Forever.

I lean so our foreheads touch.

Sophia’s eyelids flicker.

‘Sophia?’ I whisper.

She murmurs something in her sleep.

I close my eyes. ‘I love you too.’

Want to hear what happens next to Sophia and Marc?

There will be more in the Ivy Lessons series.

Book 6 in the Ivy Series will be out in Spring 2016.

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