Mr. Darcy Takes the Plunge (16 page)

"Miss Elizabeth will bring very little to a marriage, for I happen to know her dowry is a mere PS12,000. You should aim much higher, son. You certainly could have your pick of the many daughters of nobility dangling after you."

"The woman I want to marry is bright and corky compared to the dull, timid, and apathetic young women I have usually encountered in the upper sphere. My experience has been that the accomplished females of our so-called polite society are anything but polite."

"She is outspoken and feisty. You would not get along."

"I admit Elizabeth can be quite assertive and lively and has a teasing nature. Still and all, compared to the respectful, compliant fawning which I usually receive, I find I actually prefer and appreciate such a happy, independent spirit."

Fitzwilliam had not noticed his mother enter the room and was startled when her voice came from behind him. "I know you are merely playing the devil's advocate; nevertheless, did you notice, George, not once did he mention her physical attributes? Any man would be proud to have such a beautiful ornament on his arm. However, our son has the good sense to appreciate Miss Elizabeth's more important qualities. I have often heard prospective daughters-in-law do not usually meet the high standards mothers expect for their sons. Elizabeth Bennet must be exceptional, indeed, for I heartily approve of your choice, Fitzwilliam. Please disregard these tears. I am very, very happy for you, not to mention you have also made me proud to have reared such a fine young man."

Fitzwilliam took his mother's hand and gently kissed her knuckles. "Thank you, Mother. I have you to thank for my good sense, while the only thing I inherited from Father is good looks."

Mother and son exchanged grins.

"All right, all right. Two against one is not fair play." George Darcy smirked, displaying his dimples, so like his son's. He crossed the room and shook his heir's hand. "Congratulations, Fitzwilliam. If you will be half as happy in your marriage as I have been in mine, you will be blessed, indeed."

The young man suddenly realized they were all jumping the gun somewhat and asked for their patience while he wooed their daughter-in-law-to-be.

In the smaller family dining room, Mr. George Darcy and Lady Anne faced one another across the length of the table. At the Master's end sat his two daughters; and the Mistress had her son to her left and Ellis Fleming, her potential son-in-law-to-be, at her right.

Miss Anna observed the happy faces of her sister and Mr. Fleming, who were seated next to one another; however, because Anna was beside her brother, she failed to notice the grins and smirks that frequently appeared on his usually serious face.

Fleming did not. "Well, my friend, I am glad to see you are in better
spirits
than the last time I saw you. If you were to actually say something, I am sure your articulation would be much improved as well."

"Sorry, Fleming, I was woolgathering. Did I miss something? Were you truly saying something witty and intelligent for a change?"

Ellis looked at Georgiana and said, "There it is again, Miss Darcy. Did you see that smile? Why on earth is your brother so pleased with himself this evening?"

"I believe he received some joyous news this afternoon, Mr. Fleming; and perhaps ... "

Georgiana's comment was interrupted by a scream, the shattering of china, and muffled curses. A footman was ordered to investigate; and when Disher returned, he reported there had been a bit of an accident on the way from the kitchen to the dining room. During the altercation, a tray containing the next course had, unfortunately, ended up on the floor.

Lady Anne excused herself to speak with the housekeeper and cook. When she came back, she looked pointedly at her youngest child and said, "The poor man was startled by a cravat scurrying between his feet. Anna, perhaps you should go retrieve the mischievous neckcloth before it causes further pandemonium. My apologies, everyone; but the next course will be somewhat delayed. Mrs. Burnham, however, has another dish almost ready; and it will be delivered momentarily."

Miss Anna hurried from the room. As she searched the hallways, she was able to catch the tail end of the cravat disappearing into the drawing room. The piece of linen was unhooked from Barb Thorne's quills, and the little hedgehog was gently deposited in Anna's bedchamber.

When the calamity was made known to Mrs. Susan Burnham, she and her underlings immediately scrambled to improvise another dish to serve while the ingredients for the ruined course were prepared again. An efficient and thrifty cook, Mrs. Burnham was very careful with her available resources. She often poached eggs, shaved chocolate, welched on rabbits; and even her pastry was stollen. She considered her options for a moment; and then a savoury sauce of ale, mustard, and spices was quickly mixed together with melted cheese and served over toasted bread. Mrs. Burnham put the Welsh rabbit, or rarebit, on the tray; and the rattled footman was ordered to be more careful. Just as 'toad in the hole 'is not really a toad, Welsh rabbit contains no hare; so the kitchen workers hurried to have the meat course ready as quickly as possible.

Miss Anna returned to the dining room just as a footman was serving the rarebit. "Um, what have we here, Disher?"

"I believe it is called Welsh rabbit, Miss."

"Rabbit! I cannot possibly eat rabbit. Oh, Mother, I wish you had permitted me to bring my rabbit, Stew. I miss Herr Stewart most desperately."

"Anna, you cannot even keep track of Barbara Thorne's whereabouts; and we have just suffered through the consequences of that carelessness. Calm yourself, child. The dish is meatless, and I believe its name is supposed to be ironic. Peasants were not permitted to hunt game on estates and often had to settle for cheese instead of rabbit or other meat."

Ellis Fleming said, "Miss Anna, you really should try it. Rarebit is delicious." He suddenly smirked at his friend. "A rare, delicious bit ... DeelisheyBit ... LisshyBit ... Lizzabiff ... shall I continue, Darcy?"

George Darcy cleared his throat. "No, thank you, Mr. Fleming. I think we all get the picture."

"Mr. Darcy, sir, I did not ... "

"Quite all right, young man. Perhaps a change of subject would be best, though."

For a while the diners ate in reserved silence, and the promised meat course was soon served. Ellis Fleming was a talkative sort, however; and he was rather uncomfortable with the lull in conversation. "I say, Darcy, ... er, Fitzwilliam, did you ever discover why someone called you 'hanson barberin?'"

Miss Anna choked on the sip of watered wine she had just taken. All the same, she managed to inquire, "I beg your pardon, Mr. Fleming. What did you just ask my brother?"

"Do you mean when I mentioned 'hanson barberin?'"

When both Anna and Georgiana turned red, their brother was instantly intrigued. He narrowed his eyes and suspiciously asked, "Do you girls know a barber named Hanson?"

The sisters looked at one another, giggled, and both truthfully answered in unison, "No."

"But you two do know something! You look so innocent that butter would not melt in your mouths. Despite that, your blushes reveal otherwise. For once and for all, what in
bloody hell
is the meaning of that confounding expression 'hanson barberin?'"

"Fitzwilliam George Darcy! Watch your language while ladies are present."

"Sorry, Father, but these two
imps
hold the answer to that intriguing question asked by little Robert when we dined with the Bennets recently. As you may remember, all conversation ground to a halt when that bloody, er, ruddy Lieutenant-Colonel Dun strutted in. Sisters, what, exactly, did the poppet mean when he asked me, 'Are you Libazeth's hanson barberin?'"

Georgiana squirmed and, if possible, turned even redder. "It has to do with Anna's questionable choice of reading material and very vivid imagination. Since the expression's origin is her responsibility, I should let my dearest sister explain."

"Georgie, no!" Miss Anna was utterly mortified. "I cannot possibly."

Lady Anne sighed and gently set down her knife and fork on her plate. "Anna Darcy, what gothic nonsense have you been reading?"

The young lady cast down her eyes and muttered, "It was not a gothic novel, Mother. It was a Viking pirate saga Miss Bingley loaned me months ago. Oh. I probably should have returned it when she was here earlier today."

Georgiana was shocked. "Are you saying Caroline Bingley had the nerve to show up here after the scene at Harding, Howell & Co. and what she did to Elizabeth?"

Fitzwilliam's knife and fork clashed onto his plate. "What has happened? What has Miss Bingley done to Eliz ... Miss Elizabeth?"

Ellis Fleming spent the remainder of the course wishing for the lulls in conversation he usually abhorred. His friend was clearly upset by Miss Bingley's treatment of Miss Elizabeth. All the same, Darcy was also somewhat amused that the ladies of his own family had given the nasty woman the cut direct. When the discussion on that topic closed, Fitzwilliam then brought up again the 'hanson barberin' subject.

"So, Anna, you were reading a trashy pirate novel; and ... ?"

"Oh, fiddlesticks! Fine, brother. But I am warning you and Mr. Fleming right now ... the tables are about to be turned, and you two will be the ones humiliated."

The two young men looked at one another with alarm and thought back to all the many possibilities that could result in their humiliation. "Perhaps another time, then, Anna dearest. Let us forget all this nonsense and unpleasantness and enjoy the rest of our meal in peace," suggested her brother.

Miss Anna was clearly annoyed. "Not so hasty, if you please. Forget about enjoying your meal in peace. You wanted to learn the meaning, so learn you shall ... in piecemeal. It is not 'hanson barberin,' unless you are three years old and cannot pronounce the words
handsome barbarian
. The 'handsome' part was not of my making, while I am responsible for the 'barbarian' half. I swooned upon seeing Mr. Bingley, Richard, and the two of you that sweltering day at Pemberley. I thought four freebooters had arrived at our estate to pillage and plunder and ... well, you get the picture. Shall I go into detail for Mother and Father of the shocking sight Georgie and I, not to mention our two new friends, witnessed that awful afternoon? I cannot imagine why someone in the Bennet household obviously added the word 'handsome,' for you were all most shamefully scruffy and inappropriately attired in front of us that day."

Georgiana knew her sister's assessment was accurate. Be that as it may, she also understood her own attachment to Mr. Fleming was not the only relationship that blossomed because of the fateful encounter on the lawn. She glanced sideways at her tall, dark, and handsome young man and saw him blush for the first time. Anna's prediction had been bang up to the mark, and the two gents were humiliated and even redder than the ladies. Nevertheless, nothing could ruin Fitzwilliam Darcy's good humour and optimistic hopes that evening.

"Fitzwilliam, remind me I wish to have a word with you later tonight."

"Yes, Father."

Not even that.

C
hapter II

In Which Darcy is Dashing
and Elizabeth Horses Around

"What about this one, sir?"

"No, no, Knott, the green one."

Fitzwilliam Darcy watched in amazement as his valet, Crispin Knott, put the green coat away and held up the brown one again.

"Knott! I said the green one."

Knott had served the fastidious young gentleman since the heir was eighteen; however, the white-haired valet was quite getting on in years and could be a tad crotchety at times. "With all due respect, sir, I distinctly heard you say 'not the green one.'"

"No. I said, 'No, no, Knott, the
green
one.' Note the pause and the emphasis on the word green."

"I do not recall it being there before, sir."

"Well, it most certainly was."

"If you say so, sir."

Darcy waited, in vain, for the doddering servant to assist him with the green coat. "Mister Knott, would you please ... oh, never mind." He knew he really should have a younger man take over the position; but Knott was practically a member of the family, having first served as his father's valet for more than thirty years. Because Darcy was in a hurry to visit Miss Elizabeth that morning, he struggled with the tight coat himself, turned toward the servant, held his arms out to the sides, and asked, "How do I look?"

"Handsome, as always, sir."

Darcy's nerves were frayed. When he checked his appearance in the mirror, he cried, "Knott! Do you not see anything wrong with this blasted cravat?"

The elderly man peered closely at the well-worn, ragged neckcloth, grinned, and said, "Frayed knot, sir."

At the Bennet household, the family had just finished breakfast when a letter arrived from Longbourn's steward. Thomas Bennet scanned the contents and reported, "It seems Whitelaw has hired a new worker by the name of Barnaby Colton." Mr. Bennet had the pleasure of being eagerly questioned by his wife, five daughters, and young son; and it was a cinch to stir-up their unbridled curiosity a bit. "Mr. Whitelaw assigned Colton to the stable and gave the chap free rein; and when Colton was saddled with the responsibility of putting horses on the carriage for the first time, it went off without a hitch. The letter also says the young man recently left a stall door open; and Lydia's pony, Miss Behave, ate all the hay."

Lydia gave the others a baleful look and asked, "Was that the last straw, Papa?"

"Well, let me see. Ah, yes, our steward promptly posted Colton to the fields, where the poor boy has since been busy mending fences."

Catherine sighed and rolled her eyes. Mr. Bennet said, "Kitty, you look as if you did not enjoy the report. Are you not diverted?"

As the most serious member of the family, Catherine felt it her eleven-year old duty to remind her father one should not live to make sport of and laugh at others.

"Never mind, Kitty," her mother said. "Although the mane parts of the tail are quite plausible, I would not put it past-ure father to have embellished certain sections of the letter."

Catherine raised her chin and said, "Well, Mama, the facts can always be verified when we return to Hertfordshire."

Lydia smiled sweetly and said, "Kitty is right. We can hear the whole story right from the horse's mouth."

Mr. Bennet grinned at his youngest daughter and reminded, "But that, Lydia, would be listening to a neigh-sayer."

The conversation jogged Lizzy's memory to the realization she had not yet ridden her horse much during their stay in Town. On the spur of the moment she said, "If you will excuse me, I am going to change into riding attire and visit the mews. I have been neglecting poor Gloriana, so I shall now take her for a short ride in the park. Would you care to join me, Papa?"

"Why, yes, my dear. The weather certainly seems quite stable, and it behooves me to give Zephyr some much-needed exercise."

Before Lizzy left the dining room, she turned to Catherine and said, "We shall not be gone long, Kitty. I promise to help you with your macrame project when I return. In the meantime, practice some of those hitching knots I showed you. Afterward I shall need to start preparations for this evening. Jane, will you please accompany me now while I change? I would like to speak with you about the ball."

When Rachel had helped Miss Elizabeth into her riding clothes and the sisters were alone, Jane asked, "Are you at all apprehensive about tonight, Lizzy?"

"Of course, and I am sure a kaleidoscope of butterflies will invade my stomach again as soon as I see Mr. Darcy."

"I did not necessarily mean that aspect of the evening but rather if you had any reservations about meeting the Earl of Matlock and Lady Rebecca. I have heard they are not as amiable as their youngest son, and I know they would not approve of me as a match for Colonel Fitzwilliam. Oh, Lizzy, I dreamed of him last night; and he was most
incredibly
amiable. You would be shocked, sister, by the content of my dreams; and they occur not only while I sleep, for the strikingly handsome soldier invades my waking hours as well. Please promise you will not allow any private moments to occur between us, for I would not trust myself to behave properly if alone with him."

"Jane! How shocking. Yet it seems we share a dilemma. I asked you to accompany me here in order to request the same sort of favour, except in reverse. I was hoping you would turn a blind eye should Mr. Darcy request a moment alone with me. But what are your thoughts of Mr. Bingley? Do you have similar visions of that good-looking young man?"

Jane sadly shook her head.

"Well, it seems we are destined to have two Fitzwilliams in our family, after all then."

"Lizzy, you are certainly getting way ahead of yourself. I truly have no reason to believe the Colonel feels any affection at all for me, while Mr. Bingley openly wears his heart on his sleeve."

"It is unfortunate Mr. Bingley's sleeve is not attached to a resplendent red uniform coat. If that gentleman wore regimentals, you might see him in a different light."

Rachel returned and informed Miss Elizabeth her father was waiting for her at the rear entrance, which led to the mews behind their house.

"Jane, I must go. Do not worry. I am sure you will make out wonderfully tonight."

She did not hear her sister mutter, "And
that
, dear sister, is just what I worry might happen."

Natty Fitzwilliam Darcy, in his splendid green coat and crisp new cravat, tapped the knocker on the Bennets' door and was admitted by Sharp. His request to see Miss Elizabeth was announced, and the young man found himself in the sitting room with Mrs. Bennet, her three youngest children, as well as the governess.

Mrs. Bennet said, "I am sorry, Mr. Darcy; but Lizzy and her father have gone for a ride in the park. However, they should not be much longer, and you are most welcome to sit and wait. Would you care for some tea?"

Darcy smiled weakly, agreed to the tea, took a seat, and twisted his signet ring. If he had not taken the time to change his frayed and knotted neckcloth, he might not have missed Miss Elizabeth. Knott's palsied fingers took an inordinate amount of time to finesse the intricate knot upon which he had insisted. Darcy and his father had both tried on several occasions over the past year to convince the servant it was time to retire, but Knott had been offended. Since neither gentleman had the heart to flatly dismiss the valet, it had all come to naught.

Mrs. Bennet reacquainted Mr. Darcy with Kitty, Lydia, and Robert and introduced Miss Martha Edwards. Tea was served after inane polite conversation about the weather. Three-year old Robert walked over to Darcy, rested his hands on the gentleman's knees, looked up with wide baby blue eyes, and said, "Libazeth is teaching Kitty maca ... macamay with yarns, but I cannot knot. Can you make knots, Mither Darthy?"

"I can, indeed, make knots, Robert. Would you like me to show you how it is done?"

The child shook his blonde curls. "No. But when Libazeth comes home, maybe you can do the knotty thing with her."

Darcy had just taken a sip of tea, it went down the wrong way, and he choked while the little boy continued to innocently stare at him. Mrs. Bennet jumped up in alarm. "Mr. Darcy, are you unwell? Your face is an alarming shade of puce." She took his cup and saucer and, in a motherly manner, patted the gentleman on the back. No thanks to her, his breathing soon returned to normal. Regardless, Mrs. Bennet continued to administer assistance.

Miss Elizabeth and her father arrived at that moment; she was astonished, and he amused. Mr. Bennet arched his brow and said, "Lizzy, do you suppose I will get a
pat
answer should I ask what happened?"

His wife explained, "Poor Mr. Darcy choked when Robert spoke to him, though I did not hear the conversation. Robert, did you bother the gentleman about ... you know ... what we told you never to mention again?"

"No, Mama. I did not axe about the hanson barberin. I promithed not to, 'member? An' a gennelmin must keep his promith."

Mrs. Bennet rolled her eyes heavenward and silently scolded herself for not strictly enforcing the 'children should be seen and not heard' proverb. "Yes, Robert, it is very important to keep one's promises. Come along now, love; it is time for you to return to the nursery."

The poppet was whisked away as he loudly protested. "Can I not stay? I promith to be a good boy. And, Mama, I weally did not axe him if he is Libazeth's hanson barberin."

Darcy coloured up at the reference. He desperately
wanted
to be Elizabeth's; and although 'handsome' was flattering, 'barbarian' was not. He stole a quick glance in her direction, and Lizzy's mortification was also evident. The quick glance turned into a long, admiring observation of her loveliness. Sparkling, intelligent eyes had been brightened by the recent exercise, and chestnut curls escaped from a bonnet that exactly matched the green of his coat and her riding habit. Her cheeks glowed, his heart tingled, and he could not tear his eyes away.

Elizabeth dared to steal a quick glance at Darcy, who had risen when she entered the room. It was supposed to just be a quick glance; still, she could not look away despite her embarrassment. Fitzwilliam Darcy was incredibly dapper and arresting, standing tall in his tight-fitting green tailcoat, white shirt, and intricately knotted cravat. He wore a brocade waistcoat, light-coloured breeches, and high black boots. Elizabeth was thrilled to be in his company again and would have rushed to his side if propriety allowed. Instead she reluctantly excused herself to change and promised to return quickly.

Miss Edwards, Kitty, and Lydia curtsied and took their leave of the two gentlemen. Martha had decided to accompany the girls on a quick stroll in the garden because she assumed her employer would want to speak privately with the visitor. The scuttlebutt amongst the servants was that Mr. Darcy was dangling after Miss Elizabeth and mistakenly assumed she had become betrothed to Lieutenant-Colonel Dun.

Mr. Bennet sat in a chair across the room and observed the gentleman caller whose eyes had followed Elizabeth as she left the room. "So, Mr. Darcy, what brings you here on this fine morning?"
I already know the answer, you rapscallion. You are setting wheels in motion that will carry Lizzy away from us. Please spare me a bit more time to adjust to the inevitable.

"I have come to call on Miss Elizabeth, sir."
I will not spare any more time. I would apply to you for her hand this minute if only I had her consent. Nonetheless, you must be prepared for the inevitable. Although today I will settle for asking Elizabeth to stand up with me at the ball, very soon I will be asking her to stand up with me in front of a clergyman.

"Pardon me for speaking plainly, Mr. Darcy; however, the last time you were here to visit my daughter you hardly spoke two words together and departed in quite a dudgeon. I hope whatever caused your bristles to be set up has been resolved to your satisfaction."
You acted too hastily upon overhearing Dun's words, young man; and I hope you are not prone to rash decisions and reckless behaviour in other aspects of your life.