Mr. Darcy's Secret (16 page)

"If that is your wish, dearest, loveliest Elizabeth, we will go to the Lakes."

Elizabeth stared at her husband. For a moment she thought he had gone quite mad. "You cannot mean it! And risk the displeasure and possible ostracism of Lady Catherine? No, Darcy, I cannot believe it. Please do not tease me so."

"My aunt will get over it. In any case a journey to the Lakes will be far less fatiguing and even she will be aware that is the case. Your health is of paramount importance. Indeed, if the physician advises it, we will not be going anywhere. Besides, I think my sister would enjoy the trip. I admit, Elizabeth, to feelings of great concern for her." He continued, staring into the fire, unable to meet Elizabeth's astonished gaze, "I think I am guilty of huge misconduct. I spent too long persuading myself that I was following the correct course and doing my duty to my family, instead of acting on what I knew to be in my sister's best interests. Georgiana is not ready for matrimony, whatever she professes to me. That she would do anything I ask of her is a power I have abused. I have never seen her in such low spirits and it is entirely my fault. My pride, the Darcy pride as some have called it, has been exhibited in all its worst excesses. Too proud to admit that you were right, I am ready to admit that I was wrong, yet I do not know what can be done at present. It is a situation that requires careful handling. At least we have time on our side to consider the best course. Well, there is no hurry for her to be wed, and being away from Pemberley and Hugh Calladine will do her good. In the meantime, perhaps Georgiana may come to know her own mind on the matter. She needs to consider what will be best for her peace of mind and her happiness."

Elizabeth did not know whether to feel relieved or angry. Yet there was little point in going over old ground. Georgiana had willingly made her choice, despite Elizabeth's entreaties to consider what an engagement really meant. How anything could be done to alter the situation seemed impossible unless the couple came to a mutual decision and that was hardly likely to happen. Hugh Calladine had probably been waiting for years to press his suit, and Georgiana's reputation would suffer irrevocably if she broke off her engagement. It was a mess, Elizabeth knew, brought about by stubborn pride and folly. Still, if the wedding could be delayed then that was all to the good. Elizabeth felt she was quite wicked in her thoughts, but the idea that Mr Calladine might be tempted to fall into old habits whilst Georgiana was away was one idea that gave her comfort. Perhaps Georgiana could be saved after all.

Everything was settled for a tour of the Lakes. No scheme could have been more agreeable to Elizabeth, and her acceptance of the invitation was most ready and grateful. "My dear Mr Darcy," she rapturously cried, "what delight and felicity! Oh! What hours of transport we shall spend! And when we return, it shall not be like other travellers, who cannot give one precise idea of anything. Lakes, mountains, and rivers shall not be jumbled together in our imaginations; nor, when we attempt to describe any particular scene, will we begin quarrelling about its relative situation. Let our first effusions be less unbearable than those of the majority of travellers."

Mr Darcy laughed. He loved more than anything to see his wife happy and, coupled with the secret of the new life that they shared, she was his first priority. If she was contented, then so was he. Lady Catherine would be placated with the promise of a return trip to Rosings at a later date. Even Georgiana seemed pleased at the prospect of a trip, collecting together armfuls of paper, paint, and paintbrushes to capture the entire landscape in watercolours.

About a week before travelling, Elizabeth received a letter from her aunt. Mr Gardiner was unable to make the trip as business required him to stay in town, but she was delighted to say that Mrs Butler, her dear friend, was to be invited to join them in their party. Lizzy received this news with mixed feelings, being on the one hand delighted that Mrs Butler and Aunt Gardiner would enjoy such an expedition together, but on the other rather anxious about what her husband might have to say on the matter. She thought it best to tell him out of Georgiana's earshot, but far from seeming displeased, he was perfectly amiable and even said he should be delighted to see Mrs Gardiner's friend.

On the following morning, Elizabeth persuaded Georgiana to accompany her to call on Mrs Butler after they had visited several homes in Lambton where Lizzy made her regular calls. To be greeted so warmly and to see the delighted countenances of those on whom she called was a pleasure in which she revelled. There was hardly a family in the village that had not benefited in some way from Mrs Darcy's assistance. Georgiana's increasing confidence with strangers resulted from the kindness of the villagers. They seemed to love her and were instinctively protective toward her, only engaging her in conversation when she seemed ready.

Georgiana felt very nervous about visiting the house where she had memories of Tom's first acquaintance, but she was determined that she should speak comfortably with his mother. They were going to be constantly in one another's company shortly and she wanted to make sure there was no awkwardness. Whether his mother had guessed how Miss Darcy secretly felt about Tom she had no idea, but Georgiana liked Mrs Butler very much and she wanted to get to know her better.

Elizabeth rang the bell whilst Georgiana did her best to hide behind her sister-in-law. At least, she thought, even if the recollections might be all consuming, he would not be there. Safe in London, and at the opposite end of the country to where they were headed, she knew however much she dreamed of seeing Tom she could not have borne coming face to face with him.

However, when the door opened, to Georgiana's enormous shock and surprise the very person she dreaded seeing most was standing before them with his hand upon the doorknob, as if used to performing a manservant's duties daily. Her start was clearly audible to them all, and she instantly felt that she was the greatest simpleton for allowing her feelings to overwhelm her at such a moment!

For a few seconds she was unable to gather her wits; she was lost to confusion; but when she had scolded back her unforgivable senses, she observed Mr Butler greeting Elizabeth as warmly as he ever had. Some moments later, she found herself seated upon the settle in front of the fire, not quite knowing how she had got there, and did not at first realise that Tom was speaking to her, offering his cold congratulations on her engagement. Muttering her thanks she felt such mortification that to endure anything, even being snubbed by him, would have been infinitely preferable.

"I am sorry my mother is not here to greet you herself, but she has gone shopping with our maidservant this morning. I would have thought she would be back by now--she is only in the High Street--but I know how ladies love shopping and I expect she has been detained."

Georgiana wanted nothing more than to go home. Keeping her head down, she saw nothing of Tom or the room; her heart was beating so loudly she feared they must all hear it.

Just as Elizabeth started to say that they must go, that they should not delay Mr Butler any longer, he interrupted, declaring that he could observe his mother coming down the path. As he left the room to open the front door, Georgiana appealed to Elizabeth with a look that spoke volumes. But it was impossible to leave; Mrs Butler entered the room with her usual cheerful bustle with enquiries after them both, giving Lizzy's hands an extra squeeze when the latter remarked that she was very well and in stronger health than when last she had been there.

Listening to their conversation, Georgiana was aware of Tom's eyes upon her. She avoided any glance toward him, keeping her eyes firmly fixed on Elizabeth's face. The talk centred on the exciting prospect of the Lakeland excursion and the logistics of planning such an operation; Georgiana was quite happy to sit back and listen.

After a while, Mrs Butler turned toward her and said, "Oh, Miss Darcy, just listen to us rattle on. Hearing all these plans must be very irksome for you; I am sure you do not want to hear how many gowns I can fit in my largest trunk or whether two hatboxes will be sufficient." She directed her next words to her son. "Thomas, take Miss Darcy to see the new kittens out in the stable yard. Five kittens, Miss Darcy, and I do not know what to do with them. They will have to be found homes before I go away."

For the first time Georgiana looked over at Mr Butler. His countenance was quite grave until he regarded her, and seeing the look of apprehension in her eyes he adjusted his expression accordingly. "Come, Miss Darcy, come and see them. I know you will not be able to resist them."

Everyone turned to see how she would answer. There was nothing else to be done except to follow him out of the room along the panelled corridor to the outside door. He did not speak, but merely held it open for her. She stepped through the space into the passage leading to the outbuildings aware of his close proximity, breathing in his cologne as she passed by, all too conscious of the intimacy of such a moment.

They were soon in the stable yard. Two adorable kittens were leaping through the straw as the others slept in an oblivious state, snuggled up asleep near their mother. Tom bent down to pick up the smallest--a tortoiseshell kitten with round, grey-green eyes. He could hold the tiny creature in one hand. Cradling it in the crook of his arm, he tickled the kitten under its chin. "Would you like to hold him?" he asked, staring straight into her eyes.

"I..." Georgiana faltered, astonished at the effect that his piercing eyes had upon her ability to speak, but with a step, Tom was beside her, the kitten squirming between his fingers.

"Quickly, before he escapes," whispered Tom. "Put your hands together." He transferred the little ball of fluff, and in doing so, caught hold of Georgiana's fingers partly in an effort to keep the kitten from falling and partly because he could not resist the temptation to touch her or the opportunity to witness her reaction.

Georgiana did not know how she kept her nerve, especially when she realised that Tom had no inclination to remove his hands. They felt warm and strong and his touch provoked such emotions that she had thought buried forever. She hardly wanted to move in case he withdrew them, yet she desired her release at the same time. The kitten wriggled and writhed until at last Tom released his hands and she was able to take a firm hold of the animal, gathering it into her arms, stroking him until he was settled enough to sleep. Feeling completely tongue-tied, Georgiana could not utter a word; and though Tom's silence matched her own, she wished she were capable of speech. No, more than that, she wished she could be clever, witty, and amusing, show him that she was a happily engaged young woman confident of a splendid future with the husband who had been chosen for her. Yet in her heart she desired to tell him the truth about what his friendship had meant to her and how she would think of it all her life. If she could have told him how sorry she was that they had parted without really saying good-bye, Georgiana would have been partly appeased. But she could not; it was useless to try and mend what had been irrevocably broken.

It was Tom who spoke first. "It is good to see you again, Miss Darcy."

Georgiana scolded herself into conversation. "I am very surprised to see you, Mr Butler. I thought you were working in London."

"I was, and still am, but my mother wrote to tell me of her trip and I wanted to say good-bye, so Lord Featherstone very kindly gave me leave. Mama is very excited to be joining your aunt and to be included in the Darcy party. I confess I was concerned. Forgive me, but I am astonished that she has been invited. After our last encounter with the Darcys, I had the distinct impression that our company was distasteful."

"Oh, Mr Butler," Georgiana cried, "I am so sorry about what happened on the night of the ball. My brother was angry with me, but with good reason, I fear. I was behaving without true propriety; I know that now. My family advised me to stop being so particular, to dance with other partners, and I fear his disapprobation extended to you. We had danced together too many times... Well, my sister was right to tell me that I should not confine myself to one partner."

"It did not seem to matter how many times you danced with Hugh Calladine."

Georgiana blushed and bit her lip. In an attempt to hide her face she put the kitten down on the straw and watched it gambol with its brothers and sisters. She must find the courage to speak.

"I do hope your dear mama enjoyed the evening, that she did not feel uneasy or uncomfortable, I trust. No slight was intended, I assure you."

"Mr Darcy is well-bred and civil, but your brother's manners are not inviting. He does not make one feel readily at ease. However, I do not think Mama felt the snub nor indeed did she notice. But I felt it, I assure you. Heavens, what else could I expect? I am only a gardener in his eyes and certainly not worthy of dancing with his sister."

"Mr Butler, my brother was very wrong if you felt he treated you badly, but I am afraid his behaviour toward me was quite justified. I am a very troublesome creature, and I am under his guardianship. My brother has looked after me since my father died, a thankless task at times, I declare. Mr Darcy is zealous, but I fear with good reason," Miss Darcy replied, knowing that she could not fully explain just why her brother behaved in so protective a way towards her. His challenge of being snubbed because he was a gardener was a question she did not wish to answer, suspecting that there may be an element of truth in what he said.

"Are you in love with Hugh Calladine?" Tom cried in a sudden outburst.

Georgiana gasped at the question. Tom was looking at her carefully, scrutinising her expression. He had taken up his stance in front of her, and when her first words were uttered so quietly as to be inaudible, he stepped closer.

"We are to be married, Mr Butler," she replied in a whisper, looking down at the floor and studying the antics of a gambolling kitten.

"Yes, I am aware of that fact. Why are you marrying him, Miss Darcy? Oh, he has a fine house, and it is an alliance that will make your brother very happy, but what of you, Georgiana? You cannot be in love with him. I refuse to believe it."

"I am very grateful that my brother has chosen someone who will give me a comfortable life. To do my duty by my family is the correct course, I believe."

"Do you love him?" he persisted.

"I love him," Georgiana spoke at last, though her words, she knew, were spoken in defiance. What good would it do to tell him of her heart's desire? She must not let Tom think anything else. "I beg you will stop this questioning, Mr Butler; I do not feel quite myself."

"And will he love you in return, Miss Darcy? Have you thought about that? Are you content to live a life without love... without passion or true feeling?"

"I am happy enough, Mr Butler, and if you do not mind my saying so, I think you are rather impudent to be discussing my fiance with me in such a manner. I do not think you should be speaking to me about such personal matters which have nothing whatsoever to do with you." Georgiana was aware that she was lying to him, that she was rebuffing him in the rudest possible way, but she could not bear to think about any other alternative. It was one thing to daydream about Tom, but to have him here, to acknowledge all she really felt about him to herself was unbearable.

"But it has everything to do with me," insisted Tom, "and I cannot let this moment pass without telling you how much your happiness has to do with me."

Georgiana felt tears spill over her hot cheeks before she was aware of Tom's cool fingers under her chin raising her head until her eyes were in line with his own. He held her face in his hands, his fingers caressing her soft skin as he brushed away her tears. His blue eyes stared into the pools of the grey eyes that looked up at him, the connection broken for a moment as he lowered his gaze to rest upon her lips. He was going to kiss her, she felt sure. More than anything, she wanted him to kiss her, to show him how much she loved him. Georgiana stared back at his mouth and closed her eyes in anticipation. Tom looked down at her skin, warm and glowing like a soft peach in the sunlight, her wet lashes curling against her cheek, her lips pink and inviting. He thought how beautiful Georgiana looked, but Tom knew he would be very wrong to take advantage of such willing submission. The temptation to kiss her was very strong and he had to fight every inclination to touch the lips that looked so bewitching. Georgiana opened her eyes to see a look of defeat in his eyes. How she longed to tell him that he could steal a kiss, that she wished he could take her in his arms, however wrong she knew that would be.

From outside Georgiana thought she heard her name being called. The sound of footsteps approaching brought them both back to an overwhelming sense of reality.

"Georgiana!" a voice called from just outside the door. "Come, it is time to go home."

Politely, Miss Darcy held out her hand to him. "Good-bye, Mr Butler," she said.