Mr Gum and the Biscuit Billionaire (11 page)

1   Old Granny was always called Old Granny, even when she was a little girl

2   Old Granny is a bit deaf. I said, OLD GRANNY IS A BIT DEAF!

3   Old Granny once won the Olympics by accident when she ran for a bus

4   Old Granny has got a tattoo of Queen Victoria on her ankle

5   Queen Victoria had a tattoo of Old Granny on her ankle

6   Old Granny holds the world record for being Old Granny

7   Old Granny can't whistle no good. It's all out of tune

8   Old Granny can fly

9   Not really

10 Old Granny can't speak Russian

 

1   Portrait of Leonardo da Vinci painted by Mona Lisa

2   Shakespeare's right hand in a jar

3   Piece of paper with first ever game of noughts and crosses on it
*

4   A really nice table

5   Machine that can video your dreams

6   A cat with ten thousand pounds tied on to its tail

7   Suit of armour worn by Beethoven in a fight against Mozart

8   Largest banana ever grown (nearly twice the size of normal banana)

9   Valuable golden peanut

10  Signed photo of the Loch Ness Monster

 

*
It was a draw

Andy Stanton
lives in North London. He studied English at Oxford but they kicked him out. He has been a stand-up comedian, a film script reader, a cartoonist, an NHS lackey and lots of other things. He has many interests, but best of all he likes cartoons, books and music (even jazz). One day he'd like to live in New York or Berlin or one of those places because he's got fantasies of bohemia. His favourite expression is ‘Please, sir,' and his favourite word is ‘proletariat'. This is his second book.

David Tazzyman
lives in South London with his girlfriend, Melanie, and their son, Stanley. He grew up in Leicester, studied illustration at Manchester Metropolitan University and then travelled around Asia for three years before moving to London in 1997. He likes football, cricket, biscuits, music and drawing. He dislikes celery.

 

 

Visit
www.egmont.co.uk/
Authors Name for further information on your favourite Egmont author.

by Andy Stanton

Yes
, here it is! The book that started it all! Full of all your favourite characters, including Mr Gum, Billy William the Third, Friday O'Leary, Polly and Crafty Tom – the Tyrannosaurus rex with a heart of gold.
*

Gasp!
As Mr Gum tries to poison a massive whopper of a dog!

Giggle!
As Friday O'Leary juggles five ping pong balls and a banana!

Do something else beginning with a
‘
G
'
! As Polly races to save the day with her Pollyness!

You're A Bad Man, Mr Gum!
Shabba me whiskers – it's barking bonkers!

 

*
Actual book may not include Crafty Tom

Shabba
me whiskers! This is barking bonkers . . . Look at what's being said about
You're A Bad Man, Mr Gum!

‘Funny? You bet, and the humour is not of the willy, poo, bum variety. Here sad squirrels blow their noses on passing butterflies, people speak funty – sorry funny – and the whole thing nearly ends on page twelve. Worryingly splendid.'
Philip Ardagh, Guardian

‘We laughed so much it hurt.'
Sophie, aged 9

‘This is a riot, it is hilarious, it is brilliant . . . best book I've read in a long time, no matter what age it is for . . . Stanton's the Guv'nor, The Boss.'
Danny Baker, LBC Radio

‘Andy Stanton accumulates silliness and jokes in an irresistible, laughter-inducing romp.'
Sunday Times

‘The truth is a lemon meringue.'
Friday O'Leary

‘A wickedly entertaining story.'
Bookseller

‘A cracking, lunatic, fast-paced, comic masterpiece.'
Amazon review

‘Funniest book I have ever and will ever read . . . When I read this to my mum she burst out laughing and nearly wet herself it is so funny.'
Bryony, aged 8

‘Utterly zany and deliciously revolting!'
Junior Education

‘Do not even think about buying another book – this is gut spillingly funty.'
Alex, aged 13

‘It's got big jokes, little jokes, jokes that you don't realise are jokes unless you pay attention, jokes that hit you over the head and say “look at me, I'm a joke.”
Amazon review

‘Weird, wacky and one-in-a-million.'
First News

‘I was crying with laughter.'
Joe, aged 9

‘James Joyce for kids, fantastic, hilarious, existentialist nonsense that had our children hooting with laughter. Write another one soon please.'
Amazon review

‘Mr Gum is the most hilarious book I've ever read, all of my family cried with laughter when we read it. If you love books with huge dogs, mad people and large poos this is the book for you.'
Katy, aged 9

www.egmont.co.uk/mrgum

Why do exercise and healthy outdoors pursuits when you can sit all hunched up in front of a tiny computer screen, laughing your little face off at the all-new, all-fantastic, all-bonkers OFFICIAL MR GUM OFFICIAL WEBSITE?!

Yes, no lie, it's true! The OFFICIAL MR GUM OFFICIAL WEBSITE features:

Things!

Games!

Photos
of the author with beard and without!

News
about Mr Gum books and other stuff!

Loud noises!

Words
like
‘YANKLE', ‘BLITTLER'
and
‘FLOINK'
!