Mrs. Roopy Is Loopy!

My Weird School #3

Mrs. Roopy Is Loopy!

Dan Gutman

Pictures by

Jim Paillot

1
  That Army Guy

2
  The Librarian

3
  George Washington's Teeth

4
  Dumbheads

5
  Mrs. Roopy's Hero

6
  Johnny Applesauce

7
  One Small Step for Man

8
  Nursery Rhyme Week

9
  Mrs. Roopy's Problem

10
  The Evidence

11
  Just Admit It!

12
  The Proof

About the Author and the Illustrator

Credits

Copyright

About the Publisher

My name is A.J. and I hate school.

If you ask me, they shouldn't teach kids how to read and write in school. They shouldn't teach math. They should teach kids how to do tricks on their bikes. That's what I want to learn! But my teacher, Miss Daisy, thinks reading and
writing and math are really important for some reason.

Miss Daisy told us to write a story for homework and draw a picture to go with it. We read the stories out loud the next day in class.

Andrea Young, who thinks she knows everything, made up a story about a family of flowers who were sad because it was cloudy outside. Then the sun came out and the
flowers got happy again.

It was a really dumb story, if you ask me. Flowers aren't happy or sad. They just sit there and do nothing. They don't even have families! But Miss Daisy kept telling Andrea how great the story was.

My story was about these giant man-eating monsters fighting on trick bikes in
outer space until they were all dead. I drew cool pictures to go with it. Emily, this girl with red hair, said my story was scary. But Emily thinks everything is scary.

Miss Daisy said I had a good imagination, but she asked me if next time I could try to write a story that didn't have so much violence in it.

“What's violent about giant man-eating monsters fighting on trick bikes in outer space?” I asked. Everybody laughed even though I didn't say anything funny.

Andrea said maybe I could have the man-eating monsters make up at the end of the story and tell each other they were sorry.

“Monsters don't apologize!” I said.
Everybody knows that. Andrea doesn't know anything about monsters.

We were arguing about it when all of a sudden some funny-looking guy marched into our classroom. He was all dressed up
in a fancy army uniform. He had a white wig on his head and a sword in his hand.

“To be prepared for war is the best way to keep the peace!” the army guy said. Then he marched out of the classroom.

“Who was that?” asked my friend Michael, who never ties his shoes no matter how many times he trips over the laces.

“Beats me,” I said.

“Was that Principal Klutz?” asked my other friend Ryan, who sits next to me in the third row.

“I don't know who it was,” Miss Daisy said, “but he is heading for the library. We'd better go check it out! Okay, second graders. Single file!”

Michael was the line leader. Andrea was the door holder. We went to the library, which is brand-new and didn't even exist last year when we were in first grade. They built it over the summer to replace the junky old library we used to have.

A library is the part in the school where they have hundreds of books that you
can bring home with you. You don't even have to pay for them. And it's not even illegal! The only problem is you have to bring the books back after you're done reading them.

My friend Billy around the corner, who was in second grade last year, told me that if you don't bring back your library books on time, the librarian locks you in a dungeon under the school. I'm not sure I believe him.

“Our new librarian is Mrs. Roopy,” Miss Daisy told us as we lined up in the hallway outside the library. “Everybody be on your best behavior so you'll make a good impression on her.”

“I'm always on my best behavior,” said
Andrea Young. She made a big dopey smile at Miss Daisy. Andrea is so annoying. If somebody told her to be on her worst behavior, she wouldn't know what to do.

When we went into the new library, we were shocked. Right in the middle of the room was a giant tree! It had a big tree house at the top near the ceiling and a ladder going up to it.

“What's with the tree?” I asked.

“Beats me,” said Ryan. “How do you think they got it into the library?”

“Maybe it just grew in here over the summer,” guessed Michael.

“Trees don't grow in libraries,” said Andrea, as if she knows anything about trees.

“They must have built it,” said Emily.

“You don't build trees, dumbhead,” I told Emily,
and she looked all hurt like she was going to cry.

The tree was
really cool. Some of us started to climb it, but Miss Daisy said we had to get off because it was time for library period to start.

“Where's the new librarian?” Ryan
asked. We were all looking around, but we didn't see Mrs. Roopy anywhere.

Then, suddenly, that army guy with the wig poked his head out of the tree house. He came down the ladder. I think it was a he, anyway. He looked a little like a lady dressed like an army guy.

When he got to the bottom, the army guy with the wig stood all straight and proud at attention. He gave us a salute.

“Are you Mrs. Roopy?” I asked.

“Certainly not,” the army guy said. “My name is George Washington. I am the first president of the United States and father of our country.”

I'm no dumbhead. My mom told me that George Washington had wooden teeth. So this army guy with the wig couldn't be George Washington unless he had wooden teeth.

“If you're really George Washington, let's see your teeth,” I said. The army guy with the wig reached into his pocket and
pulled out a set of teeth. Then he wound a little thing on it and the teeth started chattering up and down in his hand.

Emily took one look at the teeth and ran out of the room crying. That girl cries at anything.

“Wow!” I said. “Maybe he is George Washington. Those teeth are cool! I wish I had wooden teeth.”

“You can't fool me,” Andrea Young said. “You're not George Washington. You're Mrs. Roopy, the new librarian, dressed up to look like George Washington. You're supposed to read stories to us and help us use the computers.”

“Computers?” George Washington said, his forehead all wrinkly. “I don't know
what you're talking about, young lady. This is the year 1790. Computers haven't been invented yet.”

No matter what we said, the army guy with the wig insisted that he was really George Washington. He read us a story about when he was a boy and he chopped down a cherry tree. Then he showed us a bunch of books about the United States. All through library period, the army guy with the wig said that he was George
Washington. After a while, we started calling him George Washington.

“General Washington,” I asked, “may I go to the bathroom?” Everybody laughed even though I didn't say anything funny. Kids think anything to do with bathrooms is funny. If you want to make your friends laugh, all you have to do is stick your face in their face and say either “bathroom” or “underwear.” It works every time.

“I'm sorry,” George Washington said. “This is the year 1790. Bathrooms have not been invented yet.”

It wasn't an emergency or anything, so I waited. We were allowed to check out any book we wanted from the library. I took out a book about jet fighter planes
because it had cool pictures in it.

For a president, this George Washington guy seemed to know a lot about finding books in the library and checking them out.

It was time to go to lunch. We all had to salute George Washington as we left the library.

“Hey, how come you chopped down that cherry tree, anyhow?” I asked him as we left the library.

“I cannot tell a lie,” he said. “I needed some wood for my wooden teeth.” Then he showed us his chattering teeth again. I'm still not sure if that army guy with the wig was George Washington or not. But he was weird.