Read Much Ado About Vampires Online
Authors: Katie MacAlister
Much Ado About Vampires (3 page)
“Personal maid, not concubine,” Terri corrected, stuffing the popcorn into her mouth and chewing frantically. “Are you absolutely certain you’re dead? Maybe it looks worse than it is.”
Oh, it’s going to get much, much worse,
the dream part of my mind said.
the dream part of my mind said.
Goose bumps rose on my arms.
“My head is three feet away from my body. I think that’s a pretty good indicator of death—good god! Now what’s she doing?”
“The ox?” Patsy asked.
“No, the driver. She’s not doing what I think she’s doing, is she?”
“I don’t know,” Terri said, setting down the popcorn so she could scoot over closer to me.
“This is very unusual,” Barbara muttered to herself.
“What’s the lady doing? ” Patsy said, prodding my knee.
“She’s trying to stick my head back onto my body. Lady, that’s not going to do any good. No, you can’t tie it on, either. Ha. Told you so. Oh, don’t drop me in the mud! Sheesh! Like I wasn’t muddy enough? What a butterfingers. Now she’s chasing the oxen, who just bolted for a field. Oh, no, she’s coming back. Her arms are waving around like she’s yelling, only I can’t hear anything. It must be the shock of having my head severed by a cart wheel.”
“This is just too surreal,” Terri said. “Do you think she purposely ran you down?”
“I don’t think so. She seems kind of goofy. She just tripped over my leg and fell onto my head. Oh man! I think she broke my nose! God almighty, this is like some horrible Marx Brothers meets Leatherface sort of movie. Holy runaway oxen, Batman!”
“What?” Terri and Patsy asked at the same time.
“She’s doing something. Something weird.”
“Oh my god—is she making love to your lifeless corpse?” Terri asked. “I saw a show on HBO about that!”
“No, she’s not molesting me. She’s standing above me waving her hands around and chanting or something. What the—she’s like—hoo!”
He was coming. He was just out of my sight, just beyond the curve of the hill.
He was death.
“Don’t get upset,” Barbara said. “You are in no personal danger. Just describe what you’re seeing calmly, and in detail.”
“I don’t know about you, but I consider a decapitation and barbecue as some sort of personal danger.”
“Barbecue?” Patsy asked. “Someone’s roasting a pig or something?”
“No. The ox lady waved her hands around, and all of a sudden this silver light was there, all over my body, singeing it around the edges. Oh, great. Here comes someone.”
No!
my mind screamed.
Not again! Please god, not again!
“Hey, you, mister, would you stop the lady from doing the light thing? She’s burnt off half of my hair.”
No!
my mind screamed.
Not again! Please god, not again!
“Hey, you, mister, would you stop the lady from doing the light thing? She’s burnt off half of my hair.”
“This is the most bizarre thing I’ve ever heard,” Terri told Patsy. “You have the
best
parties!
best
parties!
“It’s all in the planning,” Patsy said, prodding my knee again. “What’s going on now, Cora?”
“The guy just saw me. He did a little stagger to the side. I think it’s because the lady tried to hide my head behind her, and my ear flew off and landed at his feet. Now he’s picking it up. He’s yelling at her. She’s pointing to the oxen in the field, but he looks really pissed. Yeah, you tell her, mister. She has no right driving if she can’t handle her cows.”
My heart wept at what was coming.
“This would make a great film,” Patsy said thoughtfully. “I wonder if we could write a screenplay. We could make millions.”
“Well, now the guy has my head, and he’s shaking it at the lady, still yelling at her. Whoops. Chunk of hair came loose. My head is bouncing down the hill. Guy and lady are chasing it. Hee hee hee. OK, that’s really funny in a horrible sort of way. Ah. Good for you, sir. He caught me again, and now he’s taking me back to my body, hauling the ox lady with him. Whoa! Whoa, whoa, whoa!”
I struggled to get out of the dream, just as I struggled every time. It never did any good. The scene was determined to play out as it first had.
“Did he drop your head again? ” Terri asked, her eyes wide.
Panic flooded me. “No, he just . . . holy shit! I want out of here! Take me out of this dream or whatever it is! Wake me up!”
“Remain calm,” Barbara said in a soothing voice. “The images you see are in the past, and cannot harm you now.”
“What’s going on? What did the guy do? ” Terri asked.
“I want to wake up! Right now!” I said, clawing the couch to sit up.
“Very well. I’m going to count backwards to one, and when I reach that number, you will awaken feeling refreshed and quite serene. Five, four, three, two, one. Welcome back, Corazon.”
“You OK? ” Patsy asked as I sat up, gasping, my blood all but curdling at the memory of what I’d witnessed.
“Yeah. I think so.”
“What happened at the end? ” Terri asked. “You looked scared to death.”
“You’d be scared, too, if you saw a vampire kill someone!”
I sat up in bed, torn from the dream at last, gasping and blinking as the dream memory faded and I realized I was safe, in my own little apartment, alone, without the green-eyed, dark-haired monster who had killed a woman before my eyes.
I slumped back against the pillow, wondering why I kept dreaming about Patsy’s party and experiencing the awful past-life scene again and again. Why were the dreams increasing in frequency? Why was I doomed to relive the experience over and over again, the sense of dread and horror so great I could taste it on my tongue?
Sleep, I knew from sad experience, would be useless. I got to my feet, headed for the bathroom. I’d brush my teeth to get rid of the taste of my own fear, and go sit with a book until I was too numb with exhaustion to stay awake any longer.
And I’d pray that the green-eyed vampire stayed out of my dreams.
“And then Dee said, ‘Darlin’, if you’re going to rise to the top, you have to work for it. That goes for sex as well as anything else.’ Well, you know how he is, Cora—he’s such a joker, and of course, I
was
on top at that moment, but I’m sure you don’t want to hear about that.”
was
on top at that moment, but I’m sure you don’t want to hear about that.”
“Why on earth would you think I didn’t want to hear about you and my ex-husband having sex?” I gritted my teeth at both the conversation and the ruts that riddled the long dirt drive up to the Astley house.
The car bounced on a particularly bad one, causing me to cling to the dashboard, as Diamond, with one hand waving airily, didn’t seem to notice the appalling state of the drive. “It’s not like it’s something you haven’t done before, unless Dee never asked you to play Cowgirl and the One-legged Itinerant Rodeo Clown, and given how much he loves that, I’m positive he did. But that’s neither here nor there, really, is it?”
“No, it isn’t,” I said, my lips twitching despite myself. She was silent for a minute before sliding me a questioning look. “You’re not angry with me about something, are you, Corazon? Is it Dee? Is it because we didn’t ask you to the wedding? Dee thought it was best we didn’t have a big ceremony, since your divorce had just become final that very day, so we went to Vegas.”
“No,” I said on a sigh. “It’s not the wedding, and it’s not anything you’ve done, including marrying my ex. Not really. Our marriage was over before you came along. It’s just . . .” I stopped, not wanting to bare my soul to her. I wanted so much to hate Diamond, to despise her husband-stealing self, her perfect blond hair, her svelte figure, her miraculous rise through the real estate ranks from receptionist to top agent while I still slaved away as a lowly assistant-cum-secretary . . . but unfortunately, I couldn’t hate her, couldn’t despise her, couldn’t even work up so much as a mild dislike. She kept the notoriously roving eye of Dermott, my ex-husband of three years, fixed firmly on herself, charmed everyone she came in contact with, and had a sunny disposition that simply would not be quelled, no matter how much I tried snubbing her.
“Lonely?” she asked with a perception that made me uncomfortable.
“I just miss my sister,” I said, but we both knew it was a lame excuse. “Even though Jas lived in Washington, we used to talk almost every day.”
“Didn’t she marry a Scotsman?”
“Yes.” I grimaced as we hit a particularly bad rut, my head smacking on the roof of the car. Diamond didn’t need to know just what type of a Scot Jacintha’s new husband really was. Or the truth about Jas herself, for that matter.
“That must be very hard on you, having her so far away. You don’t have any men friends?”
For some bizarre reason, my mind turned to the dark-haired, green-eyed murderer. I would have to be dead not to have noticed that a bloodsucking fiend he might be, but he was also extremely easy on the eyes. “No. No boyfriend.”
“That stinks.”
I gave up all pretense of dignity. “It really does. I can’t tell you how hard it is to find a man these days. They’re all so . . . I don’t know, shallow. They’re just into themselves, or their jobs, and none of them seem to have any real depth. Is it so much to ask that a man be comfortable with himself? That he be able to look beyond his own needs and desires once in a while? All I ever find are guys with agendas.”
“Have you tried one of those online dating places?” Diamond asked as we crept down the long drive, past a wildly unkempt lawn dotted with downed branches from nearby scraggly alder trees. “I have a friend who had great luck with one.”
“Tried them. Dated the guys. Dumped them shortly thereafter,” I said grimly, staring out the window with an Eeyore sense of satisfaction at my misery.
“I’ll have to put my mind to it,” Diamond said after another minute of silence. “You’re a nice girl, Corazon. You deserve to be happy.”
I sighed morosely, not bothering to voice my agreement. I sounded pathetic enough without that.
“I think you should take Dee’s advice,” she added.
“What advice would that be?” I asked, faintly startled at the idea of taking my ex’s advice about anything, let alone my love life.
“That rising-to-the-top business. This job, now,” she said, nodding toward the looming house that cut with mottled black fingers into the sunny California sky, “this is a perfect example of how one can rise to the top. If you handled it right, it could do big things for you.”
“I’m not the agent; you are.”
“You can be my coagent,” she said, with a decisive little nod. “I think it would be a good thing for you to get out from behind the desk and start meeting people. I see lots of men in my job, successful men, just the sort you need.”
I glanced at the house, unable to keep from smiling to myself. “I appreciate the offer, Diamond, I really do, but I just don’t think that some sexy, urbane man is going to want either this house or me.”
“You don’t know until you try. I’ll tell Dee that you’re going to handle the sale of this house. It’ll do you good, and he won’t make a fuss when I tell him how much you need a man.”
I groaned to myself. That’s all I needed—Dermott knowing how desperate I was for a man in my life. Still, it was a nice offer, and I didn’t want to hurt Diamond’s feelings by turning it down. “I’ll think about it.”
“You’ll do more than think about it—you’ll make this your debut into the fabulous world of real estate. And, of course, man hunting.”
I laughed and pulled my hair back into a ponytail, checking my digital camera to make sure I had enough charge on the battery to take a good four or five dozen pictures. “It’s just a derelict house that’s been tied up in some huge probate battle for decades. It’s hardly going to work miracles either for my career or love life.”
“You’d be surprised what it could do,” she said with a little smile of her perfectly plumped lips.
She glanced at me as we bounced our way to a halt at the side of the monstrous old Victorian house. Once, perhaps, it had been the home of a lumber baron or railroad magnate.... Now it was falling down, its wood weathered and mottled with peeling paint, the windows boarded over, bits of shingles from the roof scattered around the unkempt and overgrown grounds.
“Don’t believe me?” Diamond asked.
“ ’ Fraid not.”
Her blue eyes narrowed on me. “You’re not one of those skeptics, are you? The people who don’t believe in anything supernatural?”
I clamped my lips together to keep from laughing hysterically. Part of me, what my mother used to call my little devil, wanted to tell her that anyone who had a shape-shifting sister married to a vampire could hardly be a skeptic. I squelched my devil and just smiled. “Not particularly, no.”
“Oh, good. I know I should be more tolerant, but really, how people can close their minds to the wonders of the world is beyond me. My great-grandmother once told me that a closed mind would be the death of me, and do you know, she was right? The only time I closed my mind to the possibilities, I died.”
I stared at her as she got out of the car, wondering if I had heard her correctly. “You . . .
died
?” I asked, getting out, as well.
died
?” I asked, getting out, as well.
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