Mudpoo and the Fungus Mystery (6 page)

O
w!” “Oooh!” “Ow!” “Arh, arrghh!” The pirates groaned. “What attacked us?” muttered Snot.

The pirates were all sitting around their campfire, nursing their scratches from the owls.

“Ghosts?” suggested a frightened Pong.

“Nah, crazy birds!” growled Bones.

“What were they doing?” asked Grot. “Maybe they didn't like us putting out the poisoned carrots?”

“Don't be an idiot . . . it was that loud, banging sound that scared them,” argued Bones.

“Ghosts?” asked Pong again.

“Nah, just crazy birds, I'm sick of this place.
Where is Fungus McPhee?”
complained Snot.

“If he doesn't show up soon, we're going,” growled Bones.

Mudpoo and Harry were laying in the long grass, just by the old goldmine. They were well hidden and were listening intently to the pirates' every word.

“You useless, rowdy lot,” yelled a gruff voice from the edge of the forest.

“FUNGUS McPHEE!” cried the pirates together in surprise.

“Where have you been?!” demanded Bones, “We've been attacked and chased by goodness-knows-what and there's been no sign of you for days.”

“I've been busy,” spat Fungus McPhee, “serves you right for being so stupid.”

“What do you mean, ‘stupid'?” snarled Snot.

“You're sitting outside a goldmine, right at the feet of a fortune and you want to catch rabbits?” gurgled Fungus McPhee, “You're thicker than bricks and that's a fact!” and he spat again.

“What is our job? Where is the gold?”
demanded Bones.

“All in good time,” Fungus McPhee muttered spitting hard into the coals of the campfire so that the flames hissed and spat back at him.

The pirates had all of their eyes glued on Fungus McPhee. Mudpoo and Harry held their breath; Fungus McPhee looked frightening. They watched silently, carefully peeping through the long grass; unnoticed by the horrible crew.

“Your job is simple,” Fungus went on, “all you need to do is deliver my parcels and make certain they arrive at their destination, safe and sound. Only one, or two of you will need to carry my parcel, it's that simple and . . . I'll pay you well!”

“Wait . . . ,” asked Bones, “all we're doing is delivering your gold to somewhere, that's it, that's all?”

“Yesss . . . ,” hissed Fungus McPhee, “you've got that right.”

“Ah that's a piece of cake,” snivelled Snot, “show us the gold now and we'll be off, it'll get to wherever safe and sound,” he said winking and nudging Pong.

“Hmmm,” replied Fungus McPhee, “I'm sure you will,” he raised one eyebrow which made him look even more fierce.

“Where are we delivering the parcel to?” asked Grot, who asked the cleverest question.

“I'm glad you asked,” replied Fungus McPhee, spitting violently at the ground,
“AMERICA!”

“AMERICA!”
repeated the pirates, dumbfounded.

“Why don't you sell the gold in Australia and save the trip?” spluttered Grot who was the only pirate asking decent questions.

“Perhaps you'd like to see my gold?” taunted Fungus McPhee, as he walked towards the door of the gold mine with a large rusty key in his hand.

All of the pirates sat frozen, their eyes transfixed on him.

FUNGUS McPHEE was about to reveal his AWFUL SECRET to the waiting pirates!

E
veryone held their breath as Fungus McPhee carefully opened the lock The gate creaked and groaned as it opened. He dragged out a large old, hessian sack tied with baling twine and gently placed it on the ground.

“GOLD,” whispered the pirates loudly, “we'll all be rich.” Their eyes were transfixed on the bag.

“Hey, I thought it . . . it . . . MOVED!” murmured Grot.

“Don't be stupid, gold can't move,” argued Bones, “you are such an idiot,” he sneered.

The pirates studied the large bag.

Suddenly the bag moved, this time everyone saw it.
“YIKE, CRIKEY, WHAT, HAH?”
yelled the pirates together.

“My gold can move,” said Fungus McPhee. He was really enjoying the reaction he was getting from the pirates. Mudpoo and Harry, hidden in the long grass, held their breath. What was in the bag?

“My gold,” explained Fungus McPhee, “is plundering wildlife. I capture birds and reptiles in Australia and send them to America. I've got bags and cages full of critters that I'm sending to people who pay me a small fortune. Your job is to deliver them safely for me.”

He loosened the rope around the bag. All the pirates stood frozen holding their breath waiting to see what was inside, when suddenly, WHOOSH, an angry wedge-tailed eagle swooped down from nowhere and attacked Fungus McPhee.

Fungus McPhee swung his arms around wildly, “GET AWAY YOU OVER GROWN BUZZARD, GET AWAY, ARRRGH!!!” he cried.

In the KERFUFFLE that followed, Fungus McPhee knocked over the bag and three large snakes appeared.

“ARRRGGGGHHHHH!” screamed the pirates who were all terrified of snakes. “RUNNNNNN,” they yelled, as they took off in all directions.

“HEAD FOR THE TRUCK!”
screamed Bones as the pirates ran about in circles.

“Settle down,” spat Fungus McPhee, “they're only inland carpet pythons. They can't hurt you and they're worth a fortune on the black market.”

Just at that moment the boobook owls joined in, swooping and chasing the pirates. Mudpoo and Harry leapt out of their hidey spot and ran towards Fungus McPhee.

“HEY, WHO ARE YOU . . . ?” screamed Fungus McPhee in stunned surprise, “WHAT ARE YOU DOING . . . ?” he tried to say as Mudpoo rushed to rescue the animals.

“Got you . . . OW!” screamed Fungus McPhee. Just as he almost grabbed Mudpoo by the arm, Harry got hold of his leg and unbalanced him. he wedge-tailed eagle swooped in for another attack and two little eagles joined in the fray.

“ARRRRGGGGHHHHHH!” screamed Fungus McPhee and in desperation he threw himself behind the steel door of the goldmine to protect himself from the vicious, attacking eagles. Mudpoo quickly slammed the lock shut and pulled out the key.

Grot had managed to start the truck and was driving dangerously close to the edge of the hill. Bones, Snot and Pong leapt in, with cuts and bruises, scrapes and confusion. The pirates' truck spluttered and gurgled off down the hill never to be seen in Bethanga again.

(Someone later heard they were so traumatised that they left Australia to live on an island somewhere, but no one can be certain about that.)

Fungus McPhee was trapped.
“Let me out of here you rotten lousy kid,”
he screamed. But he quickly went quiet and pale when the wedge-tailed eagle returned to guard the door of the mine. Sammy the silver gull flew down,
(he could speak eagle and whale and lots of other things, all because of the Magic Tree Stump, but that's another story). Sammy had found the wedge-tailed eagle and explained the whole story about what the pirates and Fungus McPhee had planned to do.