Music in the Night (3 page)

Not for a moment. And I knew that until Cary was happy, I would have a very hard time being happy myself.
It seemed to me Cary deliberately walked a great deal slower than usual when we left school. He didn't have to be a genius to see how eager I was to get back to the house.
"May will be waiting for us," I complained. "I'm not waiting for you to catch up," I added.
"So go on by yourself," he said, and I hurried away.
May was actually just coming out of her school when I arrived. I signed for her to hurry and we started for home. Cary was so far behind, he was still out of sight of May's school. May asked where he was and I told her he was being a brat. She looked back, confused, but she didn't slow down. She knew why I was hurrying home and she was almost as excited as I was. When we got to our house she asked if she could help me get ready for the dance and I signed back that I would need all the help I could get. May laughed and signed that she thought I was already beautiful, so I wouldn't be needing much help at all.
Despite May's words of encouragement, I wanted to do something special with my hair. I had shown Mommy a picture of a girl in
Seventeen
and told her I wanted to style my hair that way. She said she would help. She was almost as good at it as a regular beautician. So after I showered and washed my hair, I sat at my vanity table and Mammy began to brush out my hair and trim it. May sat on the stool beside me and watched, her eyes full of excitement: She was full of questions.
Why, she wanted to know, did I have to change the way my hair looked?
"This is a special occasion," I told her. "I want to try to look as good as I can."
"Oh, you'll be beautiful, Laura," Mommy said. "You're the prettiest girl in the school."
"Oh Mommy."
"You are. Cary says so."
"He's . . . prejudiced," I said.
"I remember there was a girl named Elaine Whiting when I was in school. She was so pretty everyone thought she would become a movie star. All the boys tried so hard to be the first to ask her to the school dances. I never saw her without every hair being in place and there wasn't a boy whose head didn't spin when she walked by. I bet it's the same for you," Mommy said with a wonderfully happy smile on her face. She was looking at me in the mirror, but her eyes seemed to be focused on her own fantasy. I could tell that neither she nor Daddy had ever heard a nasty whisper about Cary and me. It would just break her heart if she knew what some of the students in the school thought. Ugly rumors could be like infectious diseases, corrupting, rotting, sickening even the most healthy of souls.
"Which boys did you go to dances with, Mommy?" I asked her.
"Oh, no one ever asked me. I was what you would call a wallflower," she said with a smile, "I'm sure you weren't, Mommy."
"I was frightfully shy, especially around boys. I was glad when my father and Samuel planned my marriage to your father."
"What? Your marriage was arranged?"
"Well, I guess you could call it that, though it really wasn't as bad as it sounds. Our fathers discussed it and I guess Grandpa Samuel told your father and he decided I would do, and he began to take an interest in me.
She paused and laughed at a memory.
"What?"
"I was just remembering the first time your father spoke to me. I was coming home from work at Gray's Pharmacy and he slowed down in his truck and asked if I wanted a ride. I knew who he was. Everyone knew who the Logans were. Anyway, I didn't reply. I kept walking, afraid to even turn my head toward him. He drove ahead and then stopped and waited until I reached him and he leaned out and asked me again. I shook my head without speaking and kept walking."
"Then what happened?" I asked, breath bated.
"He drove off and I thought that was the end of it, but when I turned the corner and started down the street toward my home, there he was. He had parked his truck and was leaning against the door, waiting for me. I tell you I was terrified," she admitted and then glanced at May, who was tilting her head, wondering what Mommy was talking about for so long.
"I almost turned around and went the other way, but I kept walking, and when I reached him, he stood up and said, 'I'm glad you didn't accept my offer out of hand, Sara. Shows you're not a frivolous young lady. Your father and mine have been talking about how we would make a good couple. I'd like permission to come calling on you next Saturday, properly.'
"Well, that just took my breath away," she said. "You see, I had no idea of my father's plan up until then. I didn't even know he and Samuel Logan were friends. Well, once I recovered, your father asked, 'Do I have your permission?' and I nodded. 'Thank you,' he said and drove off, leaving me standing there with the most befuddled look on my face, I'm sure."
"Did he come calling the following Saturday?"
"He did and then we began to go out on dates. Our fathers had discussed our marriage, but Jacob didn't bring me to see Olivia for some time. She wasn't exactly demanding he bring me up to the house," she added.
"Why not?"
"I think Olivia Logan had someone else in mind for your father, someone more . . . wealthy, someone with a social position," she said. "But Grandpa Samuel had gone ahead and discussed it with my father and Jacob took a liking to me, so that was that. No matter," she said with a small wave of her hand. "That's all in the past now. Let's get back to your hair," she said excitedly.
"Did you have a nice wedding, Mommy?" I asked, not ready to give up the first glimpse I'd gotten into my parents' early life together.
"It was a simple wedding at Olivia and Samuel's home. Judge Childs married us."
"I never heard you talk about your honeymoon, Mommy."
"That's because I didn't have one."
"You didn't?"
"Not really. Your father had to go back to work the next day. We told ourselves we would take a vacation soon, but we didn't. Life," she said with a sigh, "life just takes over. Before I knew it, I was pregnant with you and Cary. Don't look so sad, Laura," she said, gazing at me in the mirror. "I'm not an unhappy woman."
"I know you're not, Mommy, but I just wish you had a chance to travel, to have some fun, to leave Provincetown just once. No one in our family ever leaves here. . . . No one except Uncle Chester and Aunt Haille. Mommy, I never understood why Daddy stopped talking to Uncle Chester and why Uncle Chester and Aunt Haille left Provincetown," I said,
"You know your father doesn't want us talking about them, Laura."
"I know, but--"
"This is such a happy time. Please, dear," she begged. She closed her eyes and then opened them as she often did when she wanted to just forget or skip over something unpleasant. I didn't want to make her uncomfortable, but Uncle Chester and Aunt Haille remained the big mystery in our family, and I just naturally wondered what had complicated their love affair and marriage to make them outcasts in our family.
But Mommy was right: Tonight was not the time to press for answers.
"Okay, Mommy," I said. She looked grateful. I smiled and turned to May, who was signing and demanding to know what all the talk was about. I told her as much as I could. While I was signing, I heard the creak in the floorboards above and realized Cary was in his attic workshop. I glanced up at the ceiling, thinking about him, thinking about how he would spend one of my most wonderful nights, alone and bitter.
Suddenly, I saw what looked like a pinhole of light in the ceiling. My breath caught and I brought my hand to my chest.
"What's wrong, dear?" Mommy asked.
"What? Nothing," I said. "That looks fine, Mommy. I better lay out my clothes now," I said quickly.
She stepped back and nodded. I glanced up at the ceiling again. The light was gone, as if someone had covered the hole. Why hadn't I ever noticed it before? I wondered. My fingers trembled as I sifted through my closet to find my most beautiful dress, the pink taffeta Mommy had made for me. It was the only formal dress I owned.
It was a good dancing dress, too. All week I had been practicing dancing with it on. May sat on the bed and watched and then, when she got up her nerve, joined and imitated me. We laughed and grew dizzy.
Now I thought about the hole in the ceiling and wondered if Cary had been watching us all that time. Did he feel so left out? Was that why he would do that? How long had the hole been there? The thought of Cary watching me muddled my brain for a moment, and I just stood there, holding the dress.
"Are you happy with the dress, Laura?" Mommy asked. "I know it's not as expensive as some of the dresses other girls will be wearing."
"What? Oh. Yes, Mommy. I just love this dress."
I took it out of the closet and lay it on the bed. Then I took out my shoes.
"Well," Mommy said, "I'd better get downstairs and work on dinner for your father, Cary, and May. Call me when you're all ready," she said. "I can't wait to see you. Oh, and I want you to wear my necklace tonight," she said.
I started to shake my head. Mommy's necklace was her only really expensive piece of jewelry. Even her wedding ring was not that expensive, because Daddy thought it was a waste of money to buy something elaborate when a mere silver band would serve the same purpose.
"I can't, Mommy."
"Sure you can, honey. When do I get a chance to wear it? I want you to wear it for me, okay?"
I nodded hesitantly.
"Come along, May," she signed, "and help me with dinner tonight. Laura has too much to do."
"Oh, I can help, Mommy."
"No you can't, honey. I told you, I never went to a school dance, but I wanted to very much. Tonight," she said with a deep sigh, "you're going for me, too."
"Oh Mommy, thank you," I said. She held out her arms and I hugged her back.
I felt tears prickling under my lids and quickly kissed her cheek and turned away to take a deep breath. After she and May had left, I sat at my vanity table and began to paint my fingernails. I started to daydream, imagining what it was going to be like to be dancing in Robert's arms, floating under the balloons and the lights, feeling him holding me close, occasionally brushing his lips over my hair.
A deep creak in the ceiling pulled me from my reverie and reminded me of the peephole in my ceiling. I gazed up at it and then I got up and went into the bathroom. I was angry, but then I began to feel sorry for Cary. I knew I was shutting him out of a part in my life, a part he could never enter again, yet he had to understand that I was growing up and the things that once amused me, amused us, were no longer enough.
He'll soon realize it,
I convinced myself.
He has to.
In the meantime, I didn't want to do anything else to break his heart.
My thoughts returned to the dance. I was so excited, I had to lie down and rest before I got dressed. I know I dozed for nearly an hour before my eyes snapped open and I sat up, frightened I had slept too long. I was only asleep for twenty minutes, but still I hurried to put on my dress. Then I put on a little more lipstick than ever before and perfected my hair before taking a deep breath and gazing at myself in the mirror.
Was I really pretty, as pretty as Mommy claimed? Robert thought I was and, of course, Cary did, too, but I never felt like the girl Mommy had described. I never thought all the boys were looking my way or that I had even turned a single head. I wasn't ugly, I decided, but I was no raving, movieactress beauty. I had to keep my feet on the ground and not let my ego swell like so many other girls I knew at school.
Everyone was just finishing dinner when I went downstairs. Mommy slapped her hands together and cried out as soon as I entered the dining room. Daddy sat back, nodding, and May was smiling from ear to ear. Cary wore a strange, dark look.
"You're beautiful, honey. Just beautiful. Isn't she, Jacob?" Mommy said.
"Vanity is a sin, Sara. She looks fine, but there's no reason to blow her so full of steam she explodes," Daddy chastised. However, he wore a very proud expression as well.
"Now you just wait right there," Mommy said, and she hurried out of the dining room.
"How do I look, Cary?" I asked him. I couldn't stand the fact that he wouldn't look my way.
"Fine," he said quickly and dropped his gaze to his plate. "I might have thought you'd be going to the dance, too," Daddy told him.
"It's stupid," Cary muttered.
"How's that?"
"I'm not interested in any old dance," he snapped. Daddy's eyebrows lifted.
"Well, it's a well-chaperoned affair, isn't it? Teachers are there, right?"
"What's that matter, Dad?" Cary said with a smirk. "Teachers are in school, too, but kids smoke in the bathrooms and do other things."
"What other things?"
"Other things," Cary said, realizing he was digging himself a hole he might not easily climb out of. He looked to me, but I said nothing. "Dumb things kids do."
"Laura's a good girl," Daddy said, looking at me. "She wouldn't do anything to embarrass this family."
Cary smirked and looked away.
"Of course I won't, Daddy," I said, my eyes fixed on Cary. Mommy returned, her necklace in hand.
"I wanted her to wear this tonight, Jacob," she said, looking to him for his approval. He nodded slightly and she put it on me, fastening it and then running her fingers over the garnets and sparkling diamond. "Doesn't it look nice on her?"
"Be careful with that," Daddy warned.
"I will. Thank you, Mommy."
We heard the doorbell.
"That'll be Robert," I said.
"Oh, she should have a shawl, don't you think, Jacob?" "Sure. It's getting pretty nippy these nights," Daddy said. Mommy went to the closet to get hers for me and I went to the door to let Robert in.
He looked terribly handsome in his jacket and tie, He was carrying a small box in his hands.
"It's a corsage," he declared.
"Oh, that's very thoughtful," Mommy said. Robert signed a hello to May, who beamed beside me. Then he opened the box and took out the corsage of red roses, my favorite. They matched the garnets perfectly.
"You'll have to pin it on," I told him. He looked at Mommy helplessly for a moment and then tried, but his fingers were clumsy with his nervousness.
"I'll do it," Mommy said, coming to our rescue. Robert smiled with relief and stepped back to watch her pin it on me.
"There, that's very pretty," Mommy said.
"Thank you, Mommy."
"We should get moving," Robert said. "Don't want to miss the opening dance."
"Have a wonderful time," Mommy said. Daddy came up behind her and looked at Robert.
"You look fine, boy," he said. "Now
remember," he added with a scowl, "I want her home before midnight."