Authors: M Robinson
I heard his voice as soon as my heel touched the last step at the top of the stairs.
“How do you think you ended up in Miami? Quite a coincidence, don’t you think?”
I ran as fast as I could…
“She was never your Madam.”
I stood behind her ready to yell and do whatever I had to do to stop him, but when he looked at me…for the first time after all these decades…I had no idea who he was, and that knocked me on my ass. I was at a loss for words or even movement. His vacant eyes were like looking into a stranger, and he sensed it because he smiled.
“She is your grandmother.”
I thought this day would never come, and if it ever did, I imagined it playing out so differently, and never from the mouth of the man that owned my body, heart, and soul. In that moment, I knew what every woman talked about with having their heart shattered. I actually heard it and felt it erupt. It was like a bomb that went off in my body, leaving me cold and broken.
She turned and looked right at me and I swear I was ready to get down on my hands and knees and beg for forgiveness.
“I never knew you at all, did I?” she choked.
“My beautiful—”
“DON’T FUCKING CALL ME THAT!” she screamed, loud enough to break glass.
“Let me explain—”
“Explain what? How you had me raped? Let’s start there!”
I put my hands out in front of me, trying to bring her toward me, but she simultaneously backed away. My heart was bleeding, pouring all over my designer suit. I would be nothing after this.
I vigorously shook my head. “No…that’s not what happened. He was supposed to scare you—”
“And that makes it okay? You’re fucking crazy!”
“No…no…no…Bella Rosa…I made him pay! I swear, I made him pay,” I sobbed.
Was I crying?
“You said you loved me! You said you would never hurt me! You promised me that you would be like a mother to me and I believed you! I believed every fucking lie that came out of your mouth!”
“I did everything for you. It was all for you. You have to understand—”
“NO! YOU DID EVERYTHING FOR YOU! I NEVER HAD A CHOICE!”
“Yes…you did. You chose me. You chose this.”
“You manipulated me. Everything was a game. Oh my God.” She shook, putting her hand up to her mouth and leaning over. “I’m going to be sick.”
“Bella Rosa,” I whimpered, putting my arms on her shoulders.
She immediately jerked back. “Don’t fucking touch me! You have no idea what you did to me! I don’t know who I am because of you! It’s all been a lie. All of it! MY WHOLE FUCKING LIFE HAS BEEN A FUCKING LIE!” she yelled at the top of her lungs.
“Please…please…” I got down on my knees, putting my hands in a prayer motion. “Forgive me… I can fix this…”
“You’re evil. I really did sell my soul to the devil. I fucking hate you. I hate you so much!” she bawled.
“You don’t mean that. I’m in your blood, I’m your family you don’t mean that.”
“Oh my God! I have to get out of here.”
I instantly wrapped my arms around her legs, holding her as hard as I could. “Please…don’t go…please…I love you so much. You have no idea how much I love you,” I wept.
“You don’t know anything about love. You have no idea what kind of monster you are. How could you do this to me? How could you make me believe all those lies? I’m so fucked up because of you. You ruined me!” she yelled, hitting me repeatedly in the back to try to break free.
I wouldn’t let her go.
Mine.
“Please…please…Mika…help me! PLEASE!” she shouted.
I felt his strong grip around me, prying me loose and away from her like I was nothing more than a ragdoll.
“NO! NO! NO! NO!” I bellowed, watching her reach the doorway. “I LOVE YOU! YOU CAN’T DO THIS!” I fought as hard as I could for him to let me go.
And like that, she was gone.
“Angel…stop…calm down…” I heard him say.
I reacted and turned my hate on the person who deserved it, kicking, scratching, punching, anything I could to make him fucking bleed like I was.
“I FUCKING HATE YOU! YOU STUPID PIECE OF SHIT! WHO THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU ARE! I’M GOING TO FUCKING KILL YOU!” I stopped and spit right in his face and he retaliated by shoving me to the ground, holding me down.
“I’ve told you since day fucking one, Angel, I give you what you need, not what you want!” he roared.
I rolled over and closed my eyes.
Wanting nothing more than to die.
They say that twins can feel what the other is feeling, even if they are hundreds, thousands of miles away from each other. It’s something about them sharing a womb during conception. I think it’s the same for soul mates. I felt her pain in my heart. It ate at me and I found it hard to breathe.
I didn’t think twice about it and got on the next flight out.
The world stopped moving and everything that happened next was in slow motion. I was the
outsider
looking in. I left The Cathouse in a blur and ended up on Devon’s doorstep. I vaguely remember shaking and him holding me. I wanted to drown out the noises, screams, and memories in my mind. They were on instant reply.
His hands all over me.
His smell.
His movements.
The pain…
So much blood…
Letting the boys touch me. Provoking it. Succumbing.
Miami.
Devon…Devon…Devon…
Madam. The Cathouse. Brooke. Selling myself. All those men. All those women. The orgies. The drugs. The alcohol. Partying. Fucking…over and over again.
Married men. Married women. Couples.
Never say no. Always down for a good time. I’m made like that. You’re a treasured jewel. Elite.
Sebastian…my heart…love…hurt…pain…sadness…married.
Whore.
VIP.
Turks and Caicos. Chances. Sebastian. Happy. Confused. Scared. Overwhelmed.
Marriage. Kids. Babies.
Running…
Mika. The truth. Lies. More hurt. More pain. More confusion.
LOST.
I have no idea who the fuck I am.
I never did.
I thought back to the only person that has never lied to me or hurt me, the only person who has always been there for me no matter what.
My savior, my best friend, my protector.
Devon.
I kissed him; I started it.
Please…please…please…make it go away…make it all go away…please…
Did I say that out loud?
He did, with each caress, push and pull, kiss, movement, breath, sigh, groan and moan. Every last bit of it was replaced with tender love and care.
Except, when I opened my eyes, I pretended to see Sebastian. And when I finally came with my release. It all left.
Safe.
Loved.
Wanted.
GONE.
And I felt exactly what I wanted to forget.
Whore.
VIP.
Me.
I couldn’t take it anymore.
And I broke down crying.
“Shhh…shhh….shhh….it’s okay,” he whispered as I was cradled in his arms. “That’s it…take deep breaths…in and out…yes. Just like that. Breathe in and breathe out. Shhh…you’re okay. I’m here…everything is going to be okay, Kid.”
I moved away from him, taking the sheet with me to cover myself. “Oh my God, what the fuck did I just do?”
“It’s okay.”
“It is NOT okay, Devon; it is so far from okay it’s like on the other side of the planet,” I irrationally laughed.
“Kid, I think you’re having a panic attack or maybe a nervous breakdown. You just need to relax,” he coaxed.
“So I decide fucking you was the answer. Jesus Christ…I’m such a whore.”
“Stop. Stop talking about yourself like that. I read it wrong, I thought…I don’t know what I thought,” he explained, shaking his head. “But it’s my fault, too. I shouldn’t have taken advantage of you. It takes two to tango.”
“It doesn’t matter! We just had sex. I’m so fucked. Sebastian is never going to forgive me.”
“Kid, you and him aren’t together. You didn’t cheat on him,” he reasoned.