My Best Friend and My Man (24 page)

“I have an idea,” Seaphes says. “I’m gonna throw a party. It’s called a Conversations Party. I’ll invite men and women, and we’ll play games, drink, eat, and just chill out. Don’t worry. We’re going to have fun and learn things about the opposite sex. I’ll create an Evite and hook this thing up for you.”

“Perfect! That’s why I love you.”

“You love me?”

“In a brotherly way, silly. Wipe that stupid grin off your face. You know, come to think of it, I’m sure Vee is wondering where you are.”

“I called her. I-I didn’t know what to tell her. I know she worries. I just said a friend was in trouble, and I was helping that person out.”

“You called me ‘that person’? That sounds so secretive. She’ll be suspicious.”

Seaphes just sighs.

I won’t let him go until he helps me find the little microphone Thad planted in my house. After he leaves, I smash it to bits.

The next morning, I call in sick and am eager to go back to sleep, but before I can settle in Darren calls.

“How you doing?” he asks in his honey-sounding voice.

“Not so good.”

“Oh, yeah, baby? What’s wrong? Anything I can do?”

I think for a minute. “I doubt it, Darren. But thanks for the offer.”

“Why won’t you let me help you, girl?”

“Oh, Darren, if only you understood.” I explain that I am at home because I’m not feeling well, and I need to be by myself so I can heal.

“You home alone? What you need? Name it. I’ll be there in a second.”

“Okay.” I laugh weakly. “I need a massage, and I’m hungry for some cold, sweet watermelon, like the kind my family would eat when I was a kid.”

“I’m on my way.”

And sure enough, within an hour, my doorbell rings. I quickly whisk Darren inside, feeling paranoid about Thad’s threats. I give him an extra tight hug and am so happy that he spends the next hour with me, rubbing my back and sore neck, feeding me fresh slices of sweet watermelon, and touching up my pedicure before giving me a long, passionate kiss good-bye.

I have time to take a nap before Seaphes comes to get me shortly after twelve. He drives me to a leasing agency on the north side and recommends that I lease a Toyota Prius hybrid. I pick out a red touring car that includes snazzy wheels and a nice little spoiler; we test-drive the car and poke around under the hood as if we know what we’re doing, and we close the deal a couple hours later. I follow behind him and drive the new car back home.

“Veron and I set up the Evite for the party,” he says. “Next weekend at my place. It’ll be fun, and you’ll learn some things in the process.”

“I sure hope so. I can use all the help I can get.”

When the weekend arrives, we’re at the party, comfortably gathered in Seaphes’s living room.

The movie
Waiting to Exhale
is looping on the DVD with the sound down. The men are sitting on one side of the room: Seaphes, Percy Jones, Michael West, and a few of Seaphes’s other male friends. The ladies include me, Vee, Ursula Phillips, Fonya and Tweetie from the book club, and a church friend of Tweetie’s named Riley Dobson.

Vee and Ursula have been commissioned to serve the food. I guess I was voted out on that task. But it’s cool, because the thing I get to do is much more exciting than pouring drinks and passing around trays of finger sandwiches. While Veron gets to play official hostess for this party, I get to MC the game and ask some of the initial questions.

When people arrived at the party, they were asked to write down the questions they had thought up before coming on a sheet of paper—it could be whatever topic they chose. I inserted them all inside a cardboard-covered box. And now that we’re all settled, I stand in the center of the room and begin.

“Hey, everyone,” I say. “Thanks for making it out on such short notice to the Conversations Party. I’ve never done this before, but when our host explained how it works, I was all in. Okay, someone will pull a question from the box, and we all have to give an answer, no matter what. You guys knew the deal, so you showing up means you need to participate! The object of the game is to stimulate conversation, learn something about each other that we didn’t know before, and perhaps find out something new about ourselves, too. Now, I sure enough hope your questions are juicy, because we wanna get down and dirty up in here. Can I get an ‘Amen’?”

“Amen,” Riley says and claps her hands. Everyone else joins in with the applause as I raise the box to the sky, then reach inside in the rectangle hole and retrieve the first question.

“Question number one. Where were you born? Borrring. Who wrote this? Just kidding. Let’s stick to the rules, go around the room and everyone respond or comment on the question.”

Mike says, “H-town! Born and raised in Third Ward.”

Percy replies, “What he said.”

“You weren’t born in Third Ward.” Ursula laughs.

“How you know? Did you see me come out my momma? I doubt it, ’cause I’m younger than you, baby,” Percy says, pouting.

“Shhh,” Ursula says. “Percy, be quiet about my age.”

“Sounds personal. Let’s keep things moving here,” I speak up.

Seaphes raises his hands, “Houston. Northwest side near good old George Bush Airport. But back then it was called just Intercontinental.”

We go around the circle, and everyone says where they were born.

“Okay,” I say, “can we get to the good part? Let me pull another question. This one better be good. Question number two: Have you ever smoked weed?” I laugh. “Okay, I can answer that. Uh…hmmm.”

“Go on, host,” Percy says, “don’t be scared.”

“Shut up, Percy,” I say jokingly. “Okay, when I was in college visiting my study partner one night, he convinced me to try it. But I never inhaled.”

“Thank you, Bill Clinton,” Fonya says loudly. “Lemme answer that. I been smoking weed since I was seven years old. My favorite uncle gave me a joint for my birthday, and I been flying high ever since.”

“That’s so sad,” murmurs Riley. “I haven’t smoked weed or anything else.”

“Tell the truth, girlfriend,” Tweetie says and playfully shoves Riley.

“Oh, don’t worry. I plan to be truthful; this just isn’t a question that’s going to trip me up.”

“Well,” I say, “we shall find one especially for you, Miss Riley.”

Everyone answers the weed question. The responses are split fifty-fifty.

“Hey, Vee,” I say, “why don’t you pull the next one?”

She reaches inside and begins reading. “Which celebrity would you marry and which one would you sleep with?”

Everyone laughs. Mike speaks up, “Easy. Beyoncé and Beyoncé.”

All the guys nod their heads, and I put my hands on my hips. “Beyoncé wouldn’t want any of y’all, so keep dreaming. Okay, Vee, you wanna answer that one?”

“Hmmm,” she says. “I’d want to sleep with Terrence Howard. He is so fine and sensual, and it seems like we’d be under the covers making love all night plus talking about some deep intellectual stuff.”

“He does seem like that type, huh?” Fonya says.

“But as far as marriage,” Vee continues, “I read on the Internet that he cheats on his wife. So Mr. T. Howard is good enough to sleep with, but he would never be the father of our kids.”

“Miss Priss,” Percy says, rolling his neck around. “Well, I would sleep with Angelina Jolie, wooo-eee.”

“In your dreams, baby,” I say, laughing.

“Don’t be calling him ‘baby’,” Ursula suddenly snaps. There’s silence for a minute.

“It’s cool, Ursula. You and Percy got something going on?” I ask.

“If we did, I wouldn’t tell you,” she says angrily.

Everybody is still totally silent. “Ursula, are you okay?” I ask.

She doesn’t say anything.

“Ursula, I asked if you were okay.”

“I heard you the first time.”

Seaphes stands up, “Alright now, I think we should take a short break. It’s getting hot in here. Uh, you’re welcome to go get some more drinks and sandwiches. And I have some caviar dip made up if you have a taste for something salty. Back in five?”

Seaphes walks over to me. “Thanks, Demetria, you’re doing a good job.”

“Well, that won’t last if Ursula keeps copping her funky attitude. I can’t believe you invited her. I thought y’all two mixed like Jennifer Aniston and Angelina.”

“I thought she’d cooled down. Surprisingly, Ursula’s been real cordial to me the past week and a half.”

“Hello? It’s probably because she heard about your party and wanted an invite. Who told her about the party, anyway? ’Cause I sure didn’t.”

“Probably Veron.”

“Veron?” I ask, puzzled. “She specifically told me that she couldn’t stand that woman. Now why is she playing games like that?”

“I have no idea,” Seaphes says, and walks away when one of his friends asks him a question.

“Well, I sure plan on finding out,” I say, and wait for everyone to come back from the break.

—40—

V
ERON

“Damn, girlfriend,”
Ursula says.
We’re huddling in the kitchen during the break in the game. “You see the look on that ho’s face when I called her to the carpet? She ain’t about nothing. Thinks she’s running things and always gotta be the center of attention. I’m sick of her phony mess,” Ursula says.

“You may be sick of her, but you’re going to blow the plan if you confront her so aggressively,” I warn her. “Now, I didn’t even want to do this tonight, but you were all about it, so play nice. I don’t understand why you gotta blow up so often.”

“I need to put Ms. Sparks in her place.”

Ursula has so much emotion in her voice I’m seriously having second thoughts about inviting her. “You still need to chill. Some things are better off left alone.”

“Yep, mainly your man. Demetria thinks we don’t know that he bought a car for her, but we do.”

“Well, we don’t know how that played out—”

“Keep acting naive,” Ursula snaps and returns to the living room.

Seaphes stands in the middle of the room and grabs the microphone. “Alright, y’all, I’m going to draw the next few questions. Here’s one,” he says and begins reading. “How do men feel about ultimatums? Sounds like a question for the guys.”

Chayo, one of Seaphes’s friends, answers, “Well, regardless of how we feel about them, I think it’s a mistake to give a man an ultimatum, because it can backfire. We’re men! And we’re not going to let just anyone intimidate us, including our women.”

All the men nod their heads.

Then Seaphes speaks up. “I think that some women figure if they give the man an ultimatum it will make him commit to them quicker. But you never should force someone to commit or to marry you.”

“Sounds like you know that from experience,” Riley says. “I agree with the brother, though. Ladies, we shouldn’t be pressuring men to marry us.”

“But what if y’all been dating five years? How long is she s’posed to wait? Her eggs are drying up and turning into ducks,” Fonya says.

“Then let the eggs turn into ducks, whatever that means,” Riley laughs. “All I’m saying is true love shouldn’t be forced. If he’s the right man, and if it’s the right time, he’ll marry you when he’s ready. Same is true for commitment.”

“But,” I say nervously. “What if he seems afraid of commitment?”

“Maybe he’s not the one,” Riley replies. “And why would you want to be eternally linked to someone who really doesn’t want to be eternally linked to you? That’s where we make our mistake.”

“Yep,” Ursula says. “That’s the truth. I saw the warning signs when I got married, they were as tall as the Sears Tower, but I was too blinded by desire and the fantasy of the perfect wedding.”

“May I pick the next question now?” Ursula asks. I watch her closely. She slips her hand inside the box and pulls out a folded-up sheet of paper.

“Hmmm, bingo,” she says talking loudly. “Have you ever slept with your best friend’s girlfriend or boyfriend?”

“Hooo, boy!” Percy exclaims.

“What, Percy? You touched some woman you shouldn’t have been touching?” Ursula asks.

“Actually, no. I’ve peeped out a couple of my boys’ honeys, but nothing ever jumped off. I knew I had to defend my honor and his.”

“Okay,” I say, “that’s easy. I have never slept with a girlfriend’s man and never will, and I don’t understand how anyone who calls themself a friend can do something like that. I mean, how low can you go?” I say, trying not to look at Demetria.

“Seaphes?” Ursula asks. “You wanna answer that?”

“I can swear on my grandmother’s grave I have never slept with my best friend’s boyfriend.”

“Ha ha, funny funny,” Ursula says. She’s trying to be sarcastic, but she tilts her head and smiles dreamily at him.

“Mike?” I ask.

“Nope. Never. Next,” he says, shooting a look at Chayo.

“Okay, okay,” Chayo says, lifting his hands. “A long time ago, in the nineties, me and my friend’s woman got our quickie on. They had broken up, though, that’s why. And she seduced me.”

“No offense, but just because a woman throws it at you doesn’t mean you have to catch it,” I tell him. “Men have to learn how to say no. Think with their minds. Are you still friends with this guy?”

“Naw,” Chayo admits and makes a sick-looking face.

“See what I’m saying,” I tell him.

“But it wasn’t because of that. I ain’t dumb enough to tell him that.”

“But you’re dumb enough to tell us,” Demetria says, laughing.

“No, I’m not dumb. We’re not friends…because he died…of AIDS.”

The room grows silent.

“Well,” Riley says, breaking the awkward silence. “It sounds like you learned from this, brotha, so you kept it moving from there, right? I mean true friendships are so hard to find. I’m sure you now realize it wasn’t worth betraying your friend just to get five minutes of pleasure.”

“It was more like two point five!” Chayo says, giving us all a much-needed laugh. He gets serious. “But yep, you’re right. I still regret it to this day.”

“Okay, Demetria, what about you?” Fonya asks, and I’m so glad she threw it to her instead of me or Ursula.

“Nope, never. I would never do anything like that.”

Ursula walks in a wide circle.

“Okay,” she says. “I am about to throw up. You mean to tell me you gonna sit up here and tell a bald-faced lie that you have never slept with your girlfriend’s man? Please. You wrong, Demetria.”

“Hey, hey, knock it off,” Seaphes says, sounding angry.

“Hey, hey, why are you defending her?” Ursula spits back.

“Why are you concerned that he’s defending me?” Demetria asks, getting up in Ursula’s face.

“It just seems weird, that’s all,” Ursula mumbles. She gets up to move next to Percy. He’s staring at her like she’s crazy, but she ignores him and rolls her eyes at Demetria. “It just seems to me that Miss Popular Ass is being a hypocrite, saying we have to tell the truth and she isn’t.”

“Ursula, are you implying I’ve slept with my best friend’s man?” Demetria asks. She sounds pissed. “Would that involve Seaphes?”

Percy’s eyeballs widen. Seaphes looks calm and stares at Ursula, daring her to answer.

“I mean,” Demetria says, “since you seem to know everything, why don’t you tell us who has slept with whom, especially if they’re sitting in this room?”

“Oh, you don’t want me to go there. ’Cause I will do it.”

“Then if you do, you may as well include your own name,” Demetria remarks.

“Fine, screw it. Yeah, I’ve had sex with someone in this room. But I didn’t betray anyone to do it.”

“Oh, then I guess your own husband doesn’t count?” asks Demetria.

“I hate your rotten guts.”

“Good, that means I’m doing my job right. Now if you will excuse me, I’m going to the bathroom. I gotta drain my vein,” Demetria says, pronouncing her words with emphasis. I follow her out of the living room into the large master bath.

“Vee, are you using Ursula to talk to me?” she asks me. “Why can’t you just talk to me directly? I thought we were girls.”

“I thought we were, too, but lately…” I trail off. She starts hopping up and down on one foot, so I stand outside the bathroom door until I hear the toilet flush. She slowly opens the door and invites me in and takes a deep breath.

“Listen, Vee. I’ve taken this quick moment to think, and there’s nothing I want to tell you except this. In spite of what you think, I do care about you, us. Your friendship is important to me. We go back a ways, and I don’t think you ought to let Ursula influence you to stand against me. Whether you realize or not, she’s still hot for Seaphes, and I think she’s using us both to take out her frustration over him rejecting her. That’s all it is, boo. How come this girl you said you can’t stand has that much influence over you? Think about it,” she says and leaves me standing alone in the bathroom.

I’m wondering if I’m stuck on stupid, or if I am just a magnet for being played.

Just when I’m about to return to the living room, Seaphes walks into the master bath looking distressed.

“Did you and Demetria talk?”

“Why? What’s wrong?”

“I think there’s something you need to know.”

Then Demetria steps inside the bathroom and closes the door. “Okay, Veron, it’s not easy for me to say this, and I’ve been struggling with whether or not to tell you. But yes, in case you’ve been wondering, Seaphes and I…we
almost
had sex before, but we didn’t go through with it. Seaphes didn’t want to do it. So don’t be mad at him for being tempted, because it wasn’t his fault. It’s mine—”

My heart has stopped, but I find my voice. “
What?
How can you just tell me something like that? And you actually want me to believe you care about me and want to still be friends?”

“Vee, listen to me. I know you’re mad, but please don’t lose your head. You have a good man here.”

“If he’s so good how could he even think about sleeping with you?” I’m almost sobbing. “You’re both crazy. I can’t believe I ever trusted either of you.” I am breathing so hard now that my chest is heaving, a pain slicing through it that makes me want to go lie down.

“Vee, I’m sorry, we both are. It was only one time, I swear to God.”

“How did it happen, Seaphes, and where did it happen? You got her drunk at your place and she quickly dropped her drawers?”

He just stands there looking pathetic and speechless.

I feel so bad I can barely think straight. “I wanna go home. Gotta get outta here.”

“No, Vee, please. Let’s just get through this party, okay? And try not to make a scene. We’ll all talk about this as soon as the party is over.”

“Demetria, you are so selfish! Do you even know how stupid you sound? How in the hell am I supposed to be in a partying mood after that bombshell, huh? How could you expect me to simply pick up and move on after my so-called best friend nearly steals my man out from under me!”

“It wasn’t how you think, Vee, I swear to God. He loves
you
, not me. He has pushed me away so many times I can’t count.”

“Oh, so you’re saying you’ve tried to seduce him more than once?”

“I-I—”

“Shut up, Demetria! What on earth would make you try to get with him?”

“I just…I have…I mean, I was selfish and jealous. And back then I didn’t care about your feelings; I wasn’t thinking right, I couldn’t think right. Yep, I wanted him at one time, but I feel different, now, Vee!”

Ouch
, I thought. Does she not care about the code? If you know that your girl likes another guy he’s completely off-limits. You don’t kiss him, go out to lunch with him, visit him at his crib, nothing. This girl is
not
my friend. “You know what? I can’t even think straight. I don’t know what I’m going to do.”

“Veron, if I could take it all back I would. Be mad at me. Hit me, curse at me. I deserve it. You’ve been a good friend to me, the best I’ve ever had. And I, I…I make these screwy decisions sometimes.” And she sits on the edge of the tub holding her hands in her face looking very distressed.

Seaphes looks like he’s sick enough to call 911.

Suddenly Demetria’s moans start filling the room creating a piercing and awful sounding echo.

“Oh, shoot, okay, I’m cool. We’ll talk about this, girl, but please stop crying,” I beg her. “Pull yourself together. Just sit here. You can spend the time asking yourself what on earth would possess you to want to have sex with the man that you know I cared about, especially knowing that you were my best friend.” My voice catches. I almost wish she hadn’t confessed. I may never be able to look at her the same again.

I put on my sane face and return to the living room. By then everyone is watching
Waiting to Exhale
.

“Oh, this is my favorite part,” Fonya exclaims. “When Robin’s standing on that balcony cursing out Troy and throws an orange at him. I love this movie. One of the best I’ve ever seen.”

“I don’t know about all that,” Mike says. “It basically blasts the brothas.”

“Truth hurts, doesn’t it, Mike,” I say, hoping that no one can see my hurt.

A little later, after Demetria has pulled herself together and emerges from the bathroom, Seaphes says, “Okay, this party keeps getting interrupted, but we gonna finish up these questions! Then ya’ll can do whatever you want. Now, let me pull a good one out the box.” He pulls a card and says, “According to your definition, what is the number one rule of friendship?”

“That was my question,” Ursula says. “I want to answer. Number one rule for me has to be don’t cross anyone’s lines. Y’all discuss up front what you will put up with and won’t, and crossing the line will cause an ass-kicking.”

“Okay, so what would be a line someone couldn’t cross when it comes to you?” Riley asks Ursula.

“Me? They better show me proper respect in every way imaginable, or it’s going to be trouble.”

“For me, a friend should always be dependable, don’t be flaky, and do not call me only when you need a loan, or a ride, or a babysitter,” Fonya adds.

Demetria pipes up, her voice a little soft. “I’d like to know that my friends are there in the trenches. That no matter what we’ll be cool ’cause that’s how friends oughta be,” she says. “I mean everyone makes mistakes,” she says raising her voice over Ursula’s loud groans. “And friendships have their ups and downs like any relationship, but I would like to think if we value the friendship, we’d…” And she stops and looks down and starts toying with her fingers.

Ursula rolls her eyes. “Another rule is: don’t be pushing up on your friend’s man. If you see she’s liking him, back the fuck off. I don’t care if he flirts, I don’t care if he’s super friendly, I don’t care if you’re both drunk; don’t do your girl like that ’cause you wouldn’t want anyone to do that to you.”

“Look, Ursula,” Demetria yells. “You’ve just about tore your drawers with me. I’m sick you of talking sideways and acting like I don’t know who you’re talking about. I’m sorry, but you’re going to have to leave.”

“What you say, ho? This ain’t your house. Or is it? You moved in with Seaphes yet? He got you a new car and that’s always the first step.”