My Big Fat Gay Life (6 page)

Stunned, I must have looked like a fish, my mouth opening and closing a few times. Eventually I managed to squeak out a “yes!”

Justin slid the ring onto my finger, and it was the perfect size. He grabbed me up into a bear hug and kissed me until I was breathless. Sebastian had risen to his feet with tears in his eyes, waiting for his turn to hug me. The Misfits staff and customers were clapping and cheering, and a huge bouquet of roses appeared on the table before me.

“You knew!” I said, pointing an accusing finger at Sebastian. He nodded and wrapped me in a hug of his own. Justin joined in the hug, and all of us had tears in our eyes.

Eventually I sank down into my chair and had a sip of my green tea, wishing it were something stronger.

“Will you be my best man?” Justin asked Sebastian.

“No!” I cried. “I want him to be my best man!”

Sebastian sat there gazing at the both of us, not knowing what to say.

“We’ll sort something out,” he said eventually.

“I have to go,” Justin said, “I love you Ruth.” He kissed me again and headed out of the coffee shop.

“See you at squash tonight.” He waved at Sebastian as he exited the door.

Sebastian sat net to me and put his arm around me while I had another sip of my tea. Suddenly, excitement and hormones got the better of me. I leaned forward, vomited the tea over the roses, and broke down in tears.

* * *

Elated, I practically skipped on the way home. Justin had totally surprised me, as we’d never discussed marriage. I’ve always believed that marriage is just a legal piece of paper, so I was shocked at my emotional reaction to the offer of jointly signing a piece of paper with Justin.

I was halfway home and admiring my ring when a man with straggly hair and crumpled clothing stepped in front of me, giving me a start. The street wasn’t overly crowded, and I looked around nervously.

“Hi,” he said. “You don’t know me. My name’s Bruce, and there’s something you need to know about your boyfriend and Sebastian.”

After following the total ass that kicked me out of Sebastian’s apartment for two weeks, it became very clear to me that he would never leave his woman and devote himself totally to Sebastian. He didn’t want Sebastian full-time, but he wouldn’t share Sebastian or let Sebastian find someone else.

He was leading Sebastian on. He would go to gym with Sebastian, go to Sebastian’s apartment for the occasional fuck, but then he’d always go home to the woman. Something had to be done: Sebastian had to realise there were options.

I watched the total ass and his woman leave their building, and then I started to follow them at a safe distance. They were holding hands, talking, and laughing. It made me so angry! This was a total break in routine, as normally at this time he would be playing squash with Sebastian at the gym. When they arrived at Misfits, which was their usual hangout, I was surprised to see Sebastian waiting for them.

Watching through the windows, the three of them were obviously close. It made my blood boil to think of the deception the total ass was committing against his woman. He obviously had Sebastian in his thrall to make him go along with it. Sebastian deserved better than half a man. He deserved someone he could proudly tell the world was totally his. He deserved me!

As I watched, the total ass popped the question to the woman. Sebastian seemed genuinely thrilled and happy for them, which is a testament to his acting skills and the strength of his thrall to the total ass. I decided it was time to take action.

I watched as the total ass left for work, followed a few minutes later by Sebastian as he went to work. Then I followed the woman as she meandered her way home. She was admiring her engagement ring: a ring that symbolises a relationship with a lot more facets than she’s aware of.

Dashing somebody’s hopes and dreams isn’t my favourite activity, so I had to steel myself for the confrontation. When I was ready, I caught up to the woman and stepped in front of her.

“Hi,” I said. “You don’t know me. My name is Bruce, and there’s something you need to know about your boyfriend and Sebastian.”

“Yes?,” she said. Her eyes were wide, as I’d startled her.

“They’re having an affair,” I said, as gently as possible.

“No!” she exclaimed. “They’re not!”

“Yes they are. I’ve been watching them for weeks now, ever since that total ass of a boyfriend of yours caught me in Sebastian’s bed and kicked me out of his apartment.”

The woman covered her mouth with her hand.

“You’ve been following them?” she asked.

“Yes. To the world they put on a show of just being mates, but they’re fucking regularly. Sebastian needs to be set free from him, and you deserve to know the truth. You deserve better.”

Tears welled up in the woman’s eyes, then started to overflow. Sobbing, she ran down the street. I felt bad for hurting her, but she needed to know the truth.

* * *

Now’s the time to insinuate myself into Sebastian’s life - he needs someone there to pick up the pieces when his world with the total ass falls apart. Knowing his routine, I went to the sushi bar where he has lunch with the black condom full of walnuts. For the first time, I went inside. Nerves flared in my stomach at the sight of Sebastian and the prospect of speaking to him again.

Sebastian had his back to the door, and hence to me. I walked briskly past his chair and ‘accidentally’ knocked it.

“Sorry,” I said, turning toward him.

He looked up at me and recognition dawned in his eyes.

“Bruce!” he exclaimed. “How are you?”

“Great thanks. You?”

“Good thanks. Bruce, this is Kento. Kento, Bruce.” I shook hands with the condom full of walnuts, feeling relieved when he didn’t crush my fingers to a pulp with his handshake.

“Would you like to join us?” Kento asked.

“Sure,” I said, sitting down. At that moment, Sebastian’s mobile phone rang. He stood up and stepped outside to answer it.

Kento and I chatted for a few minutes. I told him I was from the U.S., but living here in Manchester now. He didn’t need to know I was here illegally. He told me about his gay life in the gay scene, and it became apparent to me that he was just an empty-headed muscle mary. I decided he must be one of Sebastian’s clients. Then Sebastian came back inside.

“Sorry guys,” he said with a worried look on his face, “but I have to go back to work. See you tomorrow Kento. Nice to see you again Bruce.”

With that, he left.

As Kento and I talked over lunch, it became obvious that Kento fancied me. Realising I needed a way into Sebastian’s life on a regular basis, I decided to use Kento for some leverage.

“Would you like to go to a movie tonight?” I asked him.

“That would be great!” he replied, smiling.

“Sheila,” I said to the receptionist on my way out, “I’ll be back in an hour.”

She nodded and gave a small wave, acknowledging my statement. She was on the phone - a good sign that a receptionist is doing her job.

We’d just finished our morning staff meeting, and it was time for my appointment with Donovan. He’s a jolly good counsellor: I can see where Sebastian gets his compassion and empathy. Donovan has helped me resolve and reconcile my sexual desires for our clients at Rainbow’s End with my desire to help people. Now we’re working on my attraction for my - as yet unnamed - co-worker.

Sebastian had slipped out at the end of the staff meeting without speaking to me. I assumed he had an appointment with ‘Frank’, whom we now knew to be Tony Williams. I was feeling quite disappointed that Sebastian hadn’t spoken to me. I felt like he was ignoring me.

When I left the building, I noticed the odd American with the straggly hair and crumpled clothes sitting on his usual bench. He must still be summoning up the courage to go in and ask for counselling, as he was studying the building quite intently.

I arrived at Donovan’s office and was shown in straight away. He greeted me and we sat down, then spent a few minutes with him questioning me over my desires for troubled youths during the previous week. Reassured, he moved on to a new topic.

“How are things with your co-worker?” he asked.

“Complicated,” I answered. “I feel like he’s ignoring me, and I’m feeling disappointed that he doesn’t speak to me at work. At least, not as much as he used to.”

“Why are you feeling disappointed? Do you expect him to talk to you?”

“I guess so. It seems natural to talk to your boss and let him know how things are going with your clients.”

“Maybe things are going fine and there’s nothing unusual to report,” Donovan pointed out.

“Then he should tell me that!” I said.

“Expectations and disappointment are intertwined,” Donovan said, settling down into his chair. This was going to be a long statement. “The only time we suffer disappointment is when an expectation isn’t met. If you don’t expect him to tell you every little detail of every session with every client, then you won’t be disappointed when he doesn’t. You also have the option of striking up a conversation with him, and it doesn’t necessarily have to be about work. If you change your expectations, then you won’t suffer disappointment.”

I pondered this for a few seconds.

“You’re right,” I said. “Just because I feel he’s special and different to the rest of my employees doesn’t mean I should place different expectations on him. It doesn’t bother me if one of the other counsellors doesn’t report in regularly, so I shouldn’t place that expectation on him.”

“Exactly,” Donovan said. “Now, when are you going to tell him how you feel?”

* * *

When I returned to my office, I was pleasantly surprised to find Sebastian waiting for me.

“We may have a medical situation with Tony Williams,” he said. “I’d like to accompany him to see a doctor this afternoon.”

“Of course!” I replied. “Whatever you need to do. What’s going on?”

After the excitement of the marriage proposal, I arrived at work on a high. Justin had taken me ring shopping the day before.

“Why me?” I’d asked.

“Because gay men have taste and I don’t,” he’d answered honestly.

“There are plenty of gay men with better taste than me,” I’d said.

“True, but you know Ruth’s tastes. You definitely know her taste in men: me!”

So we bought the ring, and I brought it with me to Misfits this morning. Since Justin rarely wears clothes or carries anything bulky on him, she would’ve noticed him carrying a bulky fake-muffin-shaped ring container around.

When we went to the counter to order I handed him the ring, hugged him briefly so that Ruth wouldn’t notice, and whispered “good luck!” in his ear.

* * *

My supervisor, Quentin, doesn’t like me. It’s not a problem: I’m mature enough and realistic enough to know that not everybody you meet in life will like you. I just don’t know why he treats me so differently to everybody else. Normally I can understand someone’s justification: I’m not serious enough, or too serious; I’m not muscled enough, or too muscled; etc. Maybe I’m not as good at my job as I believe myself to be.