My Blue River (15 page)

“Addy, Jack will be fine. Besides, look at him. He’s bound to meet someone to fill the void. Who wouldn’t want to be with him?” Now she seemed to be taunting me into recognizing how much I wanted to be with Jack, yet she was also very serious about not wanting her dear friend to get hurt.

“I won’t hurt Jack. I promise,” I insisted, but I got the feeling I had just inadvertently lied.

“He has a genuine…affection for you. I mean, honestly, I think it began as a fascination. I’ll never forget him telling me how he almost wrecked one of the most expensive cars and the most beautiful girl he’d ever seen.”

“He told you that?” I found myself surprised.

“Yeah, I think it was literally right after it happened. He carried on and on until I finally told him to give it a rest or go and find you.”

I sat in stunned silence. He seemed so angry that day I didn’t think he even noticed anything besides my license plate and how poorly I was at backing out of a parking space.

“It’s fun to have you around. Hey, by the way, I’d love to hear more about your college plans. Maybe I’ll join you. I don’t care what it costs me, I’m leaving Blue River,” declared Claire.

I knew she was just being gracious in changing the subject and I was grateful. I perked up at the mention of California and college.

“Sure! I would love to tell you about my plans. We can look at them online at my house sometime if you want,” I offered.

“Great. We should apply this fall, right?” asked Claire.

“I’ve already applied, but it isn’t too late for you. You should come over soon so we can make a plan.”

“Yeah, I should do that.”

“You know, you’d love my friend, Sheridan. We could all room together in the dorms.” Something in the back of mind told me Sheridan wouldn’t like any of my new friends nor would they like her, but it was nice to pretend.

“Great!” Claire enthusiastically replied.

“In fact, Sheridan is coming for spring break. I’ll introduce you then.”

I was so happy our conversation took me back to reality and back to my plan. It may seem like an endlessly long Montana school year, but eventually my day would come. I would return to California and maybe even with a new friend. I thought about the crash of ocean waves and palm trees—until I stole another glance at Jack. He was laughing at something Zeek said and just like ripples across the water, there was another ripple of excitement in my heart.

12. First Impressions

The first day of school was the Tuesday after Labor Day weekend.
Thank God this isn’t a full week of school!
I began doubting my ability to handle such a small school and found myself oddly concerned about what the people of this little dot-on-a-map school would think of me. I knew my nerves were getting the best of me.
This is ridiculous! Why do I care? They won’t even matter to me in a year
. My time at this school would be just a blip on their radars, too. I had to admit I liked a few people—Jack, Claire, Sallie and of course, Zeek—but that was it—I swore off any more attachments. I had come to know Mac was pretty arrogant—nice—but arrogant, so he would be easy to leave. Mimi had grown on me a little, too, but still, I wouldn’t miss her and I assumed we wouldn’t keep in touch.

It was only September and the air was already crisp. I had never before experienced quite the feel or smell of Montana’s fall air and although I couldn’t quite describe the scent, everyone else kept saying “It smells like football weather.”
I guess like everything else, this is something new to me.

My class schedule seemed typical of any senior year in high school, but I kept my expectations low. I questioned whether this school would challenge me academically but I had no idea the other challenges that lay before me.

By some miracle, Aaron had survived the summer. I had been so consumed with Jack it was like Aaron didn’t even exist and for just a fraction of time I forgot why we were even in Montana. Aaron and I shared a minimal amount of arguing, which I found pleasantly surprising. As I suspected, he still managed to find connections for marijuana and alcohol. Every time we went to The Barn over the summer, he hooked up with two boys, Jeff and Troy. I would try to stop him but it wasn’t like I was going to physically tackle him to the ground. Ultimately, he would run off with them and get stoned. I swore I wouldn’t cover for him, but I never needed to. He had superb acting skills. My parents never seemed to realize the difference between when he was high and when he wasn’t.

I knew I was right about this move to Montana and how it wouldn’t “fix” Aaron and his addiction. I wanted to blurt out “I told you so”, yet I found myself hoping he would get his life together. I also had to admit I did worry that someday he would do something really dumb and maybe even get hurt or hurt someone else in a horrible way. Life in Blue River was becoming quite the emotional twist of fate.

Aaron and I didn’t want to be at the school an entire hour early, so we refused to ride with Mom.
Who wants to show up with the school counselor?
But we lacked other travel options and were stuck with the big, yellow school bus. We were way too cool to sit together but we did keep shooting funny glances at each other every time the bus made a stop. We had read each other’s minds—
look at the hillbillies
. The most popular store in town was clearly the store called Western Apparel. We both repeatedly attempted to stifle our laughs, but sometimes we just had to let them out.

Jack offered to give me a ride to school, but I declined, a decision I deeply regretted the minute I stepped onto the school bus. First of all, we picked up elementary and middle school students along the way then dropped them at their appropriate schools. It was a long ride listening to obnoxious eleven year-old-boys. I softly banged my head against the window which made Aaron erupt into laughter, which in turn made me laugh.

When the bus stopped for the Cahill boys, I quickly covered my nostrils. Their family owned a pig farm and although they couldn’t help it, every inch of them and their clothing smelled like pig shit. Aaron overtly pinched his nostrils. After spending the entire summer bragging about my impending departure, I didn’t want anyone to think Jack and I were dating, but after getting a whiff of the Cahill boys, I made a mental note to accept all future invitations.

One night at The Barn, I overheard some girls talking so I knew there was already speculation about our relationship. We had been pretty cozy so I knew the rumor mill was up and running. Arriving together on the first day of school would have been a poor choice on my part and besides, the big sister in me felt responsible for Aaron. I wanted to make sure he actually showed up to his first day of school. If given the opportunity, he would ditch school. Both Mom and I would be able to keep track of him now that our days would be spent at such a small school in a small town. For half a second, I understood where my parents were coming from in their efforts.

We stepped off the last step of the bus and followed the herd of students through the back entrance of the school. The building was a deep-red brick, two-story building. It was obvious that at some point, it had been built onto because the newer brick didn’t match the older building. It was the smallest school I had ever seen. There was a separate, newer building for the cafeteria. It was such a polar opposite of any other high school I had ever seen that I almost laughed out loud. My elementary school hadn’t even been this small. Since I didn’t want to engage in a conversation to answer, “What’s so funny?” I choked back my giggle.

It didn’t take Jack long to find me. He arrived long before I had and knew exactly what door to wait by.

“Good morning!” Jack greeted me with a huge smile.

“Yeah, it’s been lovely.”

He ignored my sarcasm.

“What’s your first class?” he asked.

“Uh—” I rechecked my schedule. “I have English Literature with Mr. Wagner.”

“Me, too. He’s a great teacher. I love him—he’s super easy.”

“I don’t need easy,” I snapped.

“I didn’t say you did—just sayin’, he’s an easy teacher. Get off the sensitive train, Addy.”

“I’m not being sensitive!” I retorted rather
sensitively
.

Jack laughed and when the irony of my response hit me, I laughed, too.

“Sorry,” I offered. “I’m freaking out for some reason.”

“No worries,” he replied.

“Are you still pouting?”

“Pouting about what?”

“Pouting because I didn’t ride to school with you.”

“No, I don’t care if you choose to take a thirty-minute bus ride over a fifteen-minute Jeep ride. Up to you,” he was teasing and baiting me all at once.

“But those Cahill boys and their lil' piggy scents do smell tasty,” I declared.

He stopped dead in his tracks. "Okay, first of all, they aren't raising pigs—they're raising bacon. Second, any self-respecting person knows the power of bacon. Third, you’re gross,” Jack laughed at his own joke and began walking again.

I laughed, too, recalling how over the summer Jack said he would eat anything wrapped in bacon, then offered up his ideas of what foods could be paired with bacon and in what ways they could be cooked. When he described a bacon wrapped Twinkie, I pretended to vomit, which was when he realized he had started to present ridiculous ideas.

Today, however, he really was thinking of bacon. He patted his stomach, "Well, now I'm hungry. What do you want to do for lunch? Are you eating school lunch or going to Brody’s?” he asked.

“We’re allowed to go to Brody’s? That’s interesting. You can’t leave the campus in California.”

“I don’t even think anyone refers to this as a campus, but yes, we can go to Brody’s if you want to—we can get something from the deli.”

“Hmm.” I bobbed my head in thought, “I guess that does sound better than cafeteria food.”

We concluded the conversation by establishing a meeting place after third period but by the end of third period, I needed a quick trip to the restroom. After showing Jack my index finger in a, “just one minute” gesture, I ducked into the restroom and found a stall. I’d been waiting a while and urgency was the first word that came to mind to express what I was feeling.

I heard the chatter of two girls’ voices I didn’t recognize. They must not have been anyone I met over the summer. I wasn’t really listening until I caught the names Jack and Addy. I peeked through the crack in the door’s frame and saw two girls, one girl had red hair and the other had brown. Their backs were to me and they were preening in the mirror, but I could catch small glimpses of them. They seemed to be continuing a conversation they had been having in the hallway.

“I know. In fact, I bet I could walk up to her right now and she wouldn’t even remember meeting me at The Barn,” snapped the girl with red hair.

“And what’s with her hanging all over, Jack?” asked the brunette.

I do not! Who do these girls think they are?

“Oh, I know. I totally think he was going to ask me out this year, and then Ms. California came to town and ruined everything,” Red declared.

“I hate how he looks at her, as if she’s
so
different. She puts her jeans on one leg at a time just like everyone else, only hers aren’t Wranglers,” said Brown. They both laughed excessively.

That isn’t even funny
.

“Uh-oh,” whispered Red, “Is that her?” She was pointing to my feet under the stall.

“Oh, crap! I think so!” exclaimed Brown in a loud whisper.

“How can you tell?” asked Red.

“I can tell from her shoes. No one wears shoes like that here!” Brown’s whisper was no longer a whisper. They both ran giggling from the bathroom.

Dang! Why did I wear my Jimmy Choo sandals today?
Well, that was enlightening—and maddening—and hurtful—I could think of a number of emotions going through my heart right now.

Am I a snob?
Did I sound that nasty when I talked of leaving Blue River?
Maybe I needed to check myself, but not right now. Now I needed to deal with my anger. I was about to walk out and see Jack waiting for me and that wasn’t going to help.

I stormed out of the stall, smacking the door so hard it made a loud bang, nearly causing the poor freshman girl who was walking into the bathroom to wet her pants. She looked as though first-day nerves still had the best of her. She probably thought she was about to experience some type of freshman hazing ritual. I washed my hands, checked myself in the mirror, and headed out to meet Jack.

I must have been scowling because he asked, “Whoa, if looks could kill, someone would be dead. What’s up with you?”

“Oh, nothing,” I snapped. “Just a little conversation I overheard in the bathroom. Turns out I’m a stuck-up bitch and you’re interested in me
romantically
but only because I’m from California and that makes me different and because I don’t wear Wranglers or some dumbass thing like that. Oh, and I’ve ruined some redheaded girl’s life because you were going to ask her out this year, but now Ms. California squashed that plan. That’s me by the way, I’m Ms. California.”

“Yeah. I guessed that part.” He pondered his next words but apparently not long enough because he still sounded like an idiot when he said, “Well, parts of that are true.”

“You want to clarify what parts?” I asked tersely.

“I think I’ll let you figure that out,” he chuckled, but it was no laughing matter.

We walked in silence to his Jeep. He opened my door for me. I huffed thinking,
quit being such a gentleman!
Maybe I
AM
a snob who can’t appreciate Jack. He’s funny, polite, respectful, handsome, sensitive—he’s the whole package—it came effortlessly to him because that was simply who he was. He honestly liked me for me and I hated that I felt it necessary to give him the impression I didn’t care.

The girls in the bathroom were right. I didn’t remember meeting them. They meant so little to me I hadn’t even committed their names and faces to memory. If those two girls were talking about me that way then what was everyone else saying? I pondered all these points on the three-minute ride to Brody’s.

I was horribly self-conscious as we entered the store. I directed Jack straight to the deli. We ordered some chicken strips and some potatoes that were referred to as Jo-Jos that he insisted I would fall in love with, grabbed two sodas, and opted to eat in the Jeep. We really didn’t have very long for lunch, so there was minimal conversation, and I didn’t really feel like talking anyway. I sensed Jack knew better than to play therapist with me as he let the entire matter go.