My Body-Mine (5 page)

My mother and I fell back into our occasional antagonistic crossfire on the phone but for the most part I avoided seeing her.

I refocused on my writing and reliving my very first flogging. As embarrassed as I am to admit it, my earlier disciplining ranked high in experiences I wished to repeat, and writing about it left me wet and turned on. I knew Marcello to be capable of much worse; the memory of the caning I received when I’d inadvertently yelled out Luke’s name during sex still lingered in my mind. I could strangle myself for not putting caning on the list of hard limits.

Sometimes I really wondered about myself—well, to be honest, more than
sometimes
. Although I didn’t regret signing the contract, I did want to understand why my body needed those extremes to achieve the heights of pleasure I craved.

My thoughts were interrupted by loud voices. I could hear the volume of Marcello’s tone but not the words. He sounded angry and that worried me so I
move
d closer to my closed door to see if I could make out the words. Janice’s voice sounded more distressed than irate. I wondered what had happened at the restaurant meeting or on the way back. Still unable to make out more than a word here and there, I gave up, deciding that Janice would fill me in when she had a chance. I saved my journal and turned off the computer.

Plopping down on the bed, I reached over and retrieved my current erotic romance novel. The story of infidelity sparked the painful memory of Luke’s betrayal and how I had felt while watching the video of Janice sucking his cock. Luke had pledged loyalty and monogamy to me, but clearly we had different ideas of what that meant. My stomach roiled, even though I had forgiven Janice months back. I shook off the memory and read a couple more pages until I heard a soft knock on the door.

“
Come in,” I said.

The door opened to reveal Marcello, not Janice.

“
Is everything okay?” I said, placing the book upside down on the bed and sliding to the edge. “I heard you and—”

“
We’re sorting something out that I’d rather not talk about at the moment.”

“
Okay.” I shrugged my shoulders and waited.

He sat down next to me on the bed. Taking my hand in his I felt immediately soothed by his calm energy. “I received a call from Parker today,” he said. “She has been trying to touch base with you via email and phone calls and can’t seem to reach you. She’s very worried.”

“
Well, uh …” I gazed down and covered his large hand with mine. “I have been avoiding her,” I said, looking up at him.

“
Obviously, but why?”

“
The last time we spent time together it felt awkward and uncomfortable. I just don’t know how to behave with her anymore.”

“
Jane,
bella
, it’s very simple, just be yourself.”

“
Don’t you think that’s a simplistic response to a complicated situation? Do you know what she’d do if she knew I signed that contract of yours? Which, by the way, I’d like a copy of.”

“
Non nascondere più
,” he said, shaking his head.

“
That sounds romantic as … um … heck but what does it mean?”

He placed his hand on my cheek and said, “It means, stop hiding. As long as you’re unwilling to own your life and the decisions you make, you cannot be happy.”

“
Are you suggesting that I be honest with Parker?”

“
I’m not sure the details of our dynamic are necessary but yes, that we are in a relationship—”

“
And that you are in a relationship with Janice as well?”

“
Yes, Jane, that’s the truth.”

“
You don’t know Parker very well, Marcello. This will not sit well with her and then we’ll be in conflict the entire time trying—”

“
She’d like you to meet the man she’s dating. I doubt she’ll give you the first degree while you’re at dinner.”

“
Dinner?”

“
Yes, tomorrow night. I told her you’d be there.”

“
You had no right to do that,” I said, my voice sounding more rebellious than usual. I wrapped my arms around myself. “It’s up to me who I see.”

“
You can’t live here and hide, Jane,” he said softly, placing a hand on my shoulder. “It’s time to own your life and move on.”

“
You’re way overstepping the bounds of our agreement.” I shook him off.

Removing his hand he responded, “To the contrary, the contract is meant to help me help you. You need a balanced and healthy life and part of that is having family and friends in it. We both know you became too isolated with Luke, and that’s not what I want for you or what I think is best. Go and you might find a way back to your friendship with Parker. She needs you, Jane, have you considered that?”

“
Well, no, I haven’t actually.” I uncrossed my arms and folded them in my lap. Was I being unfair? She had been an amazing friend to me and I had essentially abandoned her. “You’re right,” I said, glancing up through my lashes.

“
Of course I am,” he said, smiling warmly.

“
Hey,” I said, playfully shoving him away.

Marcello surprised me by grabbing my wrist and whipping it around my back, holding me face down on the bed. He nipped at my neck and said, “I have plans for you later.”

It excited me to be tossed about as if I barely weighed a thing. “Oh,” I managed to grunt out. The weight of his body pressed me down, proof of his desire thrusting against my thigh. Evidently the earlier activities hadn’t left either of us sated for long.

* * * *

During the thorny, mostly silent dinner, I grew even more convinced that a major rift had happened between Marcello and Janice. As I understood it, he could simply punish her at his whim, but the new tension seemed like something else entirely. It worried me. They’d always had such an effortless rapport. Why hadn’t Janice come to talk to me about it?

I ate a lite dinner, unsure what Marcello had in store for me but positive that a full stomach wouldn’t help matters. We lingered after the meal and as Marcello sipped his coffee, he said, “There’s an outfit waiting for you in your room. Please prep yourself for me and dress. I will see you in an hour.”

I eyed Janice as I stood and said, “Yes, Sir.”

The expression on her face left me baffled. Did their disagreement have something to do with me? I headed to my room, mulling over the situation. Once I saw what had been laid out for me, I forgot all about Janice.

On the bed I found a black lace chemise dress with garters, a G-string and a collar.
A collar?
He couldn’t possibly expect me to go out like that. The short, see-through dress would barely cover my ass. On the floor near the bed I found black high heels, much higher than I used to wear to work.

I undressed and entered the bathroom. With only an hour to get ready and figure out how the outfit should be worn, I hurriedly ran the water and fished a new razor out of the bottom drawer.

Fresh from the shower, I towel-dried my wavy brown hair as best as I could. I seldom used a hair drier and hadn’t even unpacked mine from the boxes of stuff brought over from the house I used to share with Luke. It felt weird to call it
my
house or even Luke’s home. It was the domicile on the beach I had yet to travel back to. The idea that other people now occupied it caused a wrench in my stomach. It was not a sight I eagerly anticipated.

I fluffed my hair and got to the business at hand. The G-string seemed the most sensible place to start so I pulled on the pair of panties. I slid into the waist garters, lining up the clasps so that they hung correctly over the middle of my thighs. Next I tackled the dress, a not so simple feat. I had to admit, Marcello had excellent taste. I glided the dress over my head, making sure the crisscross straps lined up in the back. The sides were cut out and the back swooped to just above my butt. When I turned around to see myself in the mirror, I smiled. Whatever he had in store for me, I’d look sexy doing it. The halter front cupped my pert round breasts and a small bow with the circle cut out added a nice detail.

I perched on the edge of the bed, rolled the stockings up, and attached the garter fasteners on either side. I stood and did the same on the back. Never having donned this type of clothing it felt odd to wear so many layers of lingerie.

I studied the collar, still lying on the bed, as if it was a snake that might bite me. Finally I forced myself to pick it up. It frightened me only slightly less than a gag and for similar reasons—it
might
restrict my ability to breathe.

Two rows of rhinestones spanned the thick black collar, ending in a buckle clasp with three holes to adjust its length. I wanted to leave it on the second hole but knew Marcello would not be happy if it hung loose. I held my breath and fastened it. A D-ring sat front and center on the damned thing and the image of what could be done with it left me dizzy. My nipples hardened as the crazy bio-chemicals stirred in my blood.

Shaking out my hair, I decided to pin up the sides. I slipped on the four-inch heeled, shiny black pumps that completed the outfit and turned to stare at myself. Liking my reflection, I blew her a kiss. I laughed at myself and swiveled around to see the time on the clock. Fifteen more minutes until the next escapade.

* * * *

I sashayed into the main part of the house, where Marcello lounged on the deep brown leather couch. My pulse raced as I beheld the fit, handsome man dressed in dark slacks and a crisp white button-down shirt, casually sipping his scotch.

“
Bellissima
,” he said, inspecting me up and down. “The rhinestone collar definitely suits you. So sexy you are, Jane.”

“
You’re not so bad yourself, Sir,” I said, smiling. I turned around for him, rather proud of my appearance, but then I caught myself. “Are we going out?”

“
Dressed like that?” he said, laughing. He put down his drink and beckoned me over to him. “I’m not interested in sharing you tonight.”

“
Good,” I said as he scooped me up and deposited me into his lap.

“
Before I kiss you thoroughly, I want to discuss what I have planned.”

“
Can I ask you something first?”

“
Certo.”

“
What’s up with Janice? Is she mad at me? Something doesn’t feel right and she isn’t talking to me about it.”

“
You should ask her.”

“
What happened to the ‘honest and open communication’ clause in the contract?”

“
It gets complicated with more than two people. I cannot and will not speak for Janice, just as I would never disclose private discussions with you to Janice. She deserves the same respect.”

“
Fine,” I said, accepting that I wasn’t going to learn anything from him. I’d have to corner Janice tomorrow before she departed for work. “So what’s in store for me?”

“
A kiss first,” he said, not giving me an opportunity to respond. He clutched my chin like a man who could wait no longer, seizing the mouth that—for the time being at least—belonged solely to him. He took my breath away and captured my wits with it, whispering Italian endearments only he understood. The more he fed me, the more I hungered. I never would have thought that the man I had met for the first time at my wedding to Luke, the very man I had truly despised for so long, would also become the man who could coax my true nature to the surface.

He lingered, slowly breaking away from the kiss as if mourning the loss. I rested in his lap with my arms about his neck, my face close to his. He leaned forward and kissed the tip of my nose.

“
It’s time for some training,” he said, standing me up in front of him. He flicked the left strap of my chemise off my shoulder and sucked my stiff nipple into his mouth.

“
Hmmm, some training,” I murmured, encouraged by the promising start.

He covered my breast and said, “Stop distracting me.”

“
I’m the distracting one?” I asked.

“
Have you seen yourself in the mirror?” he asked.

“
Yes, I have, and you have rather good taste.”

“
Yes, I most definitely do,” he said, standing and turning me away from him. “Now behave,” he said, swatting my butt with his palm.

I glimpsed over my shoulder, the mirth already spilling out. “Who’s the one in charge here?” I said, laughing as I moved quickly forward on my toes.

He easily caught me up in his arms. “Really, is there any question?” he said, carrying me to his bedroom door.

“
No, Sir,” I said, all demure.

“
Good girl,” he said, putting me down and opening the door, where soft jazz already set the mood.

Once we were in his bedroom the energy between us changed and I could feel his restraint. Imagining that he’d rather plunder me than teach, I felt his palpable control.

“
I will instruct you in the positions I require and then test you. The postures will come in handy at our next event.”

“
But—”

“
Don’t speak unless spoken to,” he ordered.

His brow furrowed so I quickly responded, “Yes, Sir.”

“
We will start with the standing positions. Set your feet shoulder width apart.” He placed his palm on my back and said, “Keep your back straight and your head forward. Right … good. Now gaze down.” I dipped my head and he snatched the D-ring at the front of my collar, yanking my head upright. “Keep your head straight but cast your eyes down …. Perfect. Now there are three arm placements that I might request. How you are standing now, with your arms at your side, is Standing Position One. Okay, now shift your arms, hands behind your neck.”