My Brother's Keeper My America 1 (3 page)

man get his leg sawed off. Blinded with tears, I ran out of the church.

Jane Ellen called to me. She even ran after me. But I ran faster.

I ran across town all the way to my old house.

I found the door broken down. No one was inside.

Robbers have been here. All our furniture is turned over.

I ran upstairs and hid under my bed.

I did not help the suffering man. I did not hold his hand. I ran like a coward.

Late afternoon

I am sitting at our old kitchen table. It is almost dark now. I fell asleep under my bed. I had a terrible dream of the surgeon and his saw. I woke up and found my way downstairs.

I am hungry. But the robbers took away all

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our food -- bags of flour and coffee and sugar. They took our cooking pots, too.

Evening

At twilight I heard voices cheering in the street.

I looked out the window and saw a group of Confederate officers. They were passing right by the house.

A bearded man in a neat, gray uniform led the way. His gaze rested on my window for a moment. He looked very handsome and dignified in the saddle.

I heard a soldier shout, "General Lee!" and the man looked away.

He must have been General Robert E. Lee himself, commander of the whole Confederate

army

Would my mother have loved Robert E.

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Lee if she had stayed in Virginia? Like Jane Ellen and Jed love Abraham Lincoln?

July 3, 1863

It is early in the morning, before daylight.

I cannot stop thinking about the man in the hospital. I did not hold his hand. I did not comfort him.

I will always wonder if he lived. I will never forget what I did not do.

Dawn

A cloudy light now comes through the windows. Guns are firing in the distance.

I could not sleep all night. I was afraid of having bad dreams again.

I am so hungry.

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I know Mrs. McCully and Jane Ellen must think very poorly of me now. They admire people who have courage, like Becky Lee. Not cowards like me who run away from helping others.

But I am desperate to go back. All I can think of is Mrs. McCully's freshly-baked bread.

Later

I am back in Mrs. McCully's house.

She and Jane Ellen were not scornful of me, not at all. When Mrs. McCully opened the door, she cried out, "Praise God!" and pulled me inside.

When Jane Ellen saw me, she said, "Oh, Ginny!" and burst into tears.

They said they had been terribly worried about me. They had even sent Mr. Hoke to

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search for me. They said he went in our house and looked in all the rooms, but could find no one.

I told them I had fallen alseep under my bed.

Mrs. McCully said she knew how badly I must miss my father and brother. She said she misses Reverend McCully, just like I miss Pa and Jed. But she knew they would all come home as soon as Gettysburg was free of Rebels. We must pray for their safe return, she said.

Then Jane Ellen took my hands. She said that I should not feel ashamed about what happened at the church.

She said she herself was horrified to see the wounded men get their limbs amputated. She said even the doctors were horrified, but that they had to deaden their feelings to do their work. She said that my running away showed my feelings are not dead. That is a good thing, she said. Then she put her arms around me.

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I let Jane Ellen hug me for a very long time. In this moment, Jed, I think it might be all right for Jane Ellen to be your sweetheart.

Noon

The cannons boom now in an unending roar. The baby is screaming. Mrs. McCully is stuffing cotton into his little ears to keep him from going deaf.

The whole house trembles and shakes. It feels like the end of the world.

Out the window, toward the south, the air is filled with clouds of smoke.

We know there is a great battle raging. But we do not know if it is our side or their side that is winning.

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It is quiet now. A hard rain falls.

Mr. Hoke says the rain is a blessing. It will help wash away the blood of the thousands who died today.

Mr. Hoke told us he had spent the day witnessing a great battle.

He said that at three o'clock, thousands of Confederates marched out of the woods and started across the green fields south of town. A general named Pickett led them.

Mr. Hoke said the Confederates moved like a gray tide washing over the fields. But when they had cleared the fences, Union soldiers on Cemetery Hill and Round Top opened fire.

The Union men had been hiding behind rock walls. They killed thousands of General Pickett's soldiers.

Still, the Confederates kept coming. They

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stepped over their dead and marched straight toward the shooters.

Mr. Hoke said the smoke from the cannons grew so thick that all was hidden from sight. He could hear the eerie Rebel yells over the gunfire, until an unearthly silence fell over the fields.

Then Union soldiers began cheering their victory from the summits of Cemetery Ridge and Round Top.

After night had fallen, a Union band played "Home Sweet Home." The simple, sad song wafted over the thousands of men who lay dead or dying in the dark fields.

Late night

The house shakes with a thunderstorm. Rain falls in buckets outside.

After Mr. Hoke left, Mrs. McCully began baking madly. Jane Ellen and I helped her. But

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Mrs. McCully did not speak. We kneaded the dough in silence and slipped pan after pan into the oven.

While I baked, I thought of Captain Heath. Was he one of the Confederates who charged across the field? Did he fall with the thousands? Will he never pick blueberries with Lily again?

It was past midnight when Mrs. McCully stopped baking. She stared out the window at the dark storm. Then she spoke to me and Jane Ellen for the first time all evening.

Her voice shook. She told us that the rain fell so hard because the sky was weeping. She said a terrible thing had happened in Gettysburg these past three days.

Then she turned from us and began to weep.

Jane Ellen started crying. I did, too. I cried for Captain Heath and for all the dead men

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on the fields and streets. Union soldiers and Confederates.

Like the hard rain falling, we three wept over the terrible thing that has happened in Gettysburg.

July 4, 1863

Mr. Hoke came by after supper. He said General Lee's entire army had retreated. General Meade's Union army is leaving, too.

Later we heard town folks cheering the Union troops as they moved past our house. In the dark, we heard soldiers singing "The Star-Spangled Banner," and shouting "Hurrah!" for the Fourth of July.

Mrs. McCully told her twins that their father would come home now. She said that Jed and Pa would return soon, too. She said

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we must all still pray that the Lord will bring them back safely.

I am praying my heart out for Pa and Jed. I can hardly wait one more minute to see them.

July 5, 1863

All night I heard the wagons rolling out of town. It has grown quieter now.

At first light, Mrs. McCully went out and scrubbed the pavement in front of the house. Not even the hard rain had washed the blood away.

The smell in the air was terrible. Jane Ellen and I tied rags around our faces. Then we walked out and saw things almost too horrible to speak of.

The swollen bodies of men and horses were lying in the streets. The living wounded were

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crawling on the ground and moaning. There were flies everywhere. And vultures.

The smell was so bad Jane Ellen and I both vomited.

The bad odors have crept into the house now. Each of us carries a little bottle of peppermint oil.

July 6, 1863

What do I feel?

I feel sick.

I do not feel like writing any more of the corpses. Or of the sad cries of the dying and the bad smells. Or of the dead horses.

I hate this war.

I wish yesterday had been a beautiful Sunday, and that Pa, Jed, and I had gone to church together.

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I wish we had then taken a ride to the countryside. Eaten a nice picnic with ham and apple pie.

I wish I had heard Jed read from

The Death of King Arthur.

I wish Pa had once again told his favorite story, the one he tells again and again. How my mother went to the theater in Richmond one night and saw him play his violin on stage.

Pa loves to tell how she waited for him afterward. How they danced together in the moonlight. How one day he talked her into running away with him, even though he was only a poor violin player.

Pa's sweet dream seems a million miles away from this world of death and terrible smells.

At twilight I tied a rag around my face and hurried through the streets to our house.

When I got there, it looked more empty than ever. Empty of life. Empty of our dreams.

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July 7, 1863

Reverend McCully has returned!

He had been trying to get back for over a week. But just as Mr. Hoke told us, it was too dangerous to travel through Confederate lines.

Finally, after the Rebs started south, Reverend McCully hired a stage driver to drive him home.

Everyone shouted with joy when he came through the door. The twins clung to his legs.

Then we had another happy arrival. Becky Lee and her family! They are all safe and well, too!

We all sat down for hot rolls and coffee and gave thanks to the Lord for everyone's safe return.

If I was truly honest, I'd have to say I did not give thanks with

all

my heart. I am missing Pa and Jed too much.

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But surely they will arrive next. Then I will give all my thanks. I will give great thanks forever.

July 8, 1863

Pa and Jed are still not back yet.

I visited our house just after sunrise. I thought perhaps they had returned last night. Perhaps they were planning to fetch me this morning.

But still no signs of life. When I got back to the McCullys', Mr. Hoke was here. He said as many as

20,000

wounded men have been left behind in Gettysburg. Now our small town of fewer than 2,500 people must care for them all.

He said there was a terrible need for food. Farmers must bring meat and vegetables from the countryside, or the citizens of Gettysburg and the wounded will all starve to death.

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I overheard the McCullys talking tonight.

Mrs. McCully said Pa and Jed should be home by now. She is most worried.

Reverend McCully said something must have happened to them.

Mrs. McCully said they must not let me know of their worries.

I feel angry at Mrs. McCully. She said if we prayed for Pa and Jed's safe return, the Lord would protect them! Why does she not have more faith in our prayers?