My Double Life (22 page)

“We’ll talk about it when you get here,” she said. I knew she meant to soothe me, but it only made my failure sting worse.

I hung up with my mom and then texted Grant, asking where he was. He texted back, “I’m done with a music video and about to go home. Where are you?”

“On my way to your house,” I wrote. The cab picked me up ten minutes later, and I gave him Grant’s address.

CHAPTER 14

The entire cab ride there, I tried to formulate how to tell Grant the truth. When the cab pulled up to his house, I still hadn’t figured it out. I paid the driver extra and told him to wait for me. I hoped I wouldn’t need a ride to Kari’s quickly, but I figured it was better to be prepared.

Grant met me at the door with a hug, then shut the door behind me. I leaned into him, breathing in the scent of his cologne and imprinting it into my mind.

“I know what you want to talk about,” he said. “You saw the tabloids from this morning, didn’t you?”

“Maren showed them to me.”

He put his hands on my shoulders and held me a little ways away, looking into my eyes. “Judging from your expression, you weren’t too happy with the coverage.”

“It complicates things.”

His hands traveled down my shoulders to my hands, and he pulled me closer to him again. “I know. My publicist has been getting calls from shows and magazines wanting to know what our relationship is.” He leaned closer, keeping his gaze on my eyes. “I figured I should talk to you before I announced anything.” But then he didn’t talk. He leaned down and kissed me. I wound my arms around his neck and kissed him back, trying to capture this moment, to clasp it, so I could always remember what it felt like to hold him this way. If I just kept kissing him, I would never have to let him go.

He lifted his head and rubbed his hand across my back. “So was that a ‘they’re a happy couple and don’t have any further comment’ sort of kiss?”

“No, that was a ‘we need to talk more about it’ sort of kiss.”

He smiled and his eyes glinted. “If that’s how we’re going to talk about it, I’m happy to discuss it with you at length.” He bent down and his lips brushed against mine again.

I stepped away from him. “No, I meant we should really talk about it.”

“Okay.” He took hold of my hand and pulled me into the living room. “That reminds me—did you go over the duet?”

“Yeah, it’s a beautiful song, especially the part that says you should give people a second chance. . . .”

We’d reached the couch, and he sat down. I sat beside him, noticing all the little things I loved about him. His broad shoulders. The curve of his jaw. The rich brown color of his hair.

“I’m glad you like it,” he said. “If we hurry and spend some time practicing it, we could debut it at your concert next Friday.”

No, we couldn’t. I ran my free hand through my hair, suddenly hating it for being blond. I wanted it to be brunette again so at least something about me was real.

He tugged at my hand, mistaking my agitation for something else. “I know you’ve been working hard preparing for your concert and you’re nervous about it, so I’m bringing you a surprise. I think you’ll like it.”

He’d never talked about coming to my concert before, but I should have known he would plan on it. Why had I let things go so far? How could I have let myself get into this situation? This had always been a disaster waiting to happen—I just hadn’t seen it. Even if Maren hadn’t threatened me, I would still have been here having the same conversation in not too many days.

He squeezed my hand. “Why do you look so serious?”

I raised my eyes to his, staring at their deep blue color. His eyes would be the easiest things about him to remember. “You really want to tell people we’re a couple?”

He shrugged as though it was obvious. “Of course.”

“Let me ask you a question. Would you still want everyone to know we were a couple if I wasn’t a celebrity?”

I knew he’d say yes. Whether he actually meant it remained to be seen, but I was sure he would say yes.

Instead he let go of my hand and slid his arm around my shoulder. “Listen, I know you’re concerned about your debts and Lorna’s book, but you’re too young to worry about being a has-been. Who knows, maybe the book could be a good thing. After it comes out, you can go on the talk shows, give your rebuttal, and then sing something from your new album. It’ll be great publicity. And
People
will pay a ton of money to get the first scoop interview about how hurt you are that a former employee turned on you this way. Lorna might be doing you a favor.”

Which wasn’t my point. I tried again. “Okay, but I mean if I was a small-town girl, living in a . . . well . . . a small town, if I was just a normal person. Would you still be interested in me?”

His gaze ran over me, and a grin slid across his face. “You’re too talented to be a normal person. Normal people don’t have hit songs on the radio.” As though to prove it, he stood and pulled me up with him. He towed me in front of a large mirror that hung in the entryway hall. “Look at yourself.”

I did. I looked at my long blond hair and at him standing behind me, hands on my shoulders. I looked at the muscles in his arms and his perfect features.

He lowered his face to speak softly in my ear. “You surpassed normal a long time ago, and there’s no going back to being one of the nameless masses. When our relationship goes public, I’m going to be the envy of every guy.”

No, he wouldn’t be.

He smiled at my reflection. “The tabloids will say I’m way outclassed, and I won’t mind because they’ll be right, and I’m glad for it.”

His arms wrapped around me, and he tilted his head to kiss my neck. I watched our reflections in the mirror and felt numb. He’d answered my question. It just wasn’t the answer I wanted. And despite my intentions, I couldn’t tell him who I was. I couldn’t face the rejection stoically the way my mother had. I didn’t want to go back to West Virginia and cherish his picture on a magazine cover and wait for a phone call that never came.

Well, I would cherish his picture, but I would do it with my pride intact. One day he’d figure out the truth. He was bound to run into the real Kari sooner or later, but I’d be long gone by that time.

“I lied to you,” I said.

He lifted his head, only mildly concerned until he saw my expression. Then his eyes grew sharp.

I swallowed hard. “I lied to you about a lot of things.” The numbness inside chilled me—sent out frozen tendrils winding around my heart. I was shaking and couldn’t stop. “I’m sorry.”

He dropped his arms back to his sides. “You lied? About what—Michael?”

I forced myself to nod. “We’re together, and the stuff in the tabloids about us was true. In fact, a lot of stuff in Lorna’s book is true too. I’m not who you thought I was.” I turned away from the mirror, away from him. I’d hurt him, and I couldn’t stand to see the shock in his eyes.

I headed across the room. As I opened the front door, he took hold of my arm. “That’s it? That’s all you’re going to say? I don’t deserve an explanation?”

Before I had a chance to answer, he looked past me to the waiting taxi. At the sight of it, he let out punctured breath, and his gaze turned on me in accusation. “You told your taxi to wait. You only came here to break up, didn’t you?” He let go of my arm as though I suddenly disgusted him. “Don’t let me hold up your plans. I’m sure you have places to go.”

I went out the door, pushing myself to go forward. Every move felt stiff, awkward. I heard my footsteps thud down his driveway. I thought vaguely, ridiculously, that Kari wouldn’t have approved of my walk. Then I got to the taxi, opened the door, and sank inside.

I wasn’t going to look back. There was no point in checking to see if the door had already shut, but I couldn’t help myself. I turned around in my seat and saw Grant standing in his doorway, arms folded, eyes narrow, watching me leave.

I told the driver to take me to Kari’s house and then to the airport. I didn’t want to go back to Maren’s to pick up my clothes or things. As long as I kept myself focused on what I had to do, I could get through this. I could even make it through this car ride like a normal passenger and not curl into the fetal position and sob uncontrollably in the backseat.

I would say good-bye to Kari, apologize for the trouble I’d caused with Grant, and give her the sapphire necklace. I felt she should have it, since it was bought for her mother. My hand went to the chain around my throat, fingering it as I looked outside at the passing cars. I’d worn it so many days that it felt like it belonged to me. But I couldn’t keep it any more than I could keep anything else from Kari’s life. None of it was mine. It was this thought that snapped my willpower. The tears I’d held in since Grant’s house came out.

Once I reached Kari’s I pulled myself together. I had to. Maren’s car was parked in the driveway. If I had to see her again, I wouldn’t do it crying. I sat in the back of the taxi for a few moments fanning my face with my hands as though this would make my eyes less red. Several deep breaths later, I emerged from the taxi and walked to Kari’s door.

“How long do you want to me to wait for you this time?” the driver asked.

I didn’t dare think about how big of a bill I was racking up in cab fare. “I won’t be long,” I said.

Even before I reached the door, I could hear their voices inside, yelling at each other.

My steps grew slower. Were they fighting about me? Was Kari angry that Maren had driven me to quit or was Kari just still yelling about the pictures of Grant and me in the tabloids? Maybe she blamed Maren for not keeping better tabs on my whereabouts.

I looked back at the taxi longingly, then knocked on the door. Whatever the fight was about, I would face it.

No one answered. They probably couldn’t hear me. I tried the door, found it unlocked—of course—and pushed it open.

Kari was sitting on the floor in the entryway, surrounded by shopping bags. At least a dozen of them. There were shoe boxes and hat boxes and dresses in clear plastic. It looked like Christmas without a tree.

Maren held a tennis bracelet, shaking it at Kari. “How could you spend twenty thousand dollars on this when you already have another one like it?”

“I needed to make myself feel better!” Kari yelled back at her.

Both of them glanced my direction as I came in the door, but neither of them spoke to me.

Maren made a sweeping motion at the bags and boxes. “You’re taking this back. Every single thing. In fact, I’ll do it for you right now.” She picked up one of the bags, but Kari reached out and held on to the other end.

“You will not!” Kari yelled. “That would be totally humiliating. The store clerks will think I can’t afford it.”

“You
can’t
afford it!” Maren let go of the bag, but snatched up another. “You’re still nearly a million in debt. Do you know how much money that is?” She yanked another bag off the floor. “There’s not a thing in the world you don’t already have, and you gave your word you wouldn’t go shopping until you finished the album.” She grabbed two more bags and didn’t have room to hold more. She looked at the clutter on the floor, clearly unhappy to leave it with Kari. She kicked one bag with her foot and shouted, “Don’t touch anything!” then turned and carried her armload of bags outside.

As soon as she’d gone out the door, Kari turned to me, lips in a tight line. “Do you know what it was like seeing myself kissing Grant Delray on the cover of the
Enquirer
? How could you do this, Alexia? You weren’t supposed to see Grant again. I told you that.”

“I know. I’m sorry.”

“You’re
so
fired!” She picked up two bags and stood up as though she didn’t know what to do with them. She took a step, then glanced at me and stopped. She let out a whimper and sank back down on the floor. “Don’t stare at me like that. I know I have a problem, okay? I know it.”