My Enemy, the Queen (40 page)

We glowed with pride and determination; a change seemed to come over us all; we had that unselfish pride. It was not ourselves we were anxious to advance, but our country which we wanted to preserve. This astonished me, who am by nature a self-centered woman, but even I would have died at that time to save England.

On the rare occasions when I saw Leicester, we talked glowingly of victory. We should succeed. We must succeed; it must be the Queen England for as long as God gave her life.

It was a dangerous time, but it was a glorious time. There was with us an almost divine determination to save our country; some spiritual force told every one of us that while we had the faith we could not fail.

Elizabeth was magnificent and never so beloved by her people as at that time. The City of London response was typical. Having been told that the City must provide five thousand men and fifteen ships as a contribution to victory, its answer was that it would not provide five thousand but ten thousand men, not fifteen but thirty ships.

It was a mingling of fear of the Spaniards and pride in England; and the latter was so strong that we knewvery one of us hat it would suppress the other.

Leicester spoke of Elizabeth in exulting terms and strangely enough I felt no jealousy.

he is magnificent,he cried. nvincible. I would you could see her. She expressed her wish to go to the coast so that if Parma men set foot on her land, she would be there to meet them. I told her I would forbid it. I said she might go to Tilbury and there speak to the troops. I reminded her that she had made me her Lieutenant General and as such I forbade her to go to the coast.

nd she is to obey you?I asked.

thers lent their voices to mine,he answered.

Oddly enough I was glad they were together at this time. Perhaps because at this hour of her glory, when she showed herself to her people and her enemies as the great Queen she was, I ceased to see her as a womany rival for the man we both loved more than we could any othernd she could only be Elizabeth the Magnificent, the mother of her people; and even I must revere her.

What happened is well known, how she went to Tilbury, and made that speech which has been remembered ever since, how she rode among them in a steel corselet with her page riding beside her carrying a helmet decorated with white plumes, how she told them she had the body of a weak woman but the heart and stomach of a king and a King of England.

Truly she was great then. I had to grant her that. She loved Englanderhaps it was her only true love. For England she had given up the marriage she might have had with Robert, and I cannot but believe that that was what she had longed for in the days of her youth. She was a faithful woman; true affection was there behind the royal dignity just as the brilliant statesman lurked ever watchful beside the frivolous coquette.

The story of that glorious victory is well knownow our little English ships, being so agile on account of their size, were able to dart among the mighty but unwieldy galleons and wreak havoc among them; how the English sent fireships among the great vessels, and the great Armada, called by the Spaniards The Invincible, was routed and defeated off our coasts; how the unfortunate Spaniards were drowned or cast ashore where scant hospitality was afforded them; and how some returned in disgrace and shame to their Spanish master.

What glorious rejoicing followed! There were bonfires everywhere with singing, dancing and self-congratulations.

England was safe for the Queen. How like her to strike those medals Venit, Vidit, Fugit as a play on the motto of Julius Caesar, who came and saw and conquered while the Spaniards came and saw and fled. That was very popular; but I think some of her sailors might have taken exception to the other medal in which she declared that the enterprise had been conducted by a womanux Femina Facti. England would never forget what it owed to Drake, Hawkins, Frobisher, Raleigh, Howard of Effingham, as well as Burleigh and even Leicester. However, she was the figureheadloriana, as the poet Spenser had called her.

It was her victory. She was England.

The Passing of Leicester

First of all, and above all persons, it is my duty to remember my most dear and gracious princess, whose creature under God I have been, and who hath been a most bountiful and princely mistress to me.

Leicester Will

I was at Wanstead when Leicester came home. I did not at first realize how ill he was. He was bolstered up with his glory. Never had he been in such favor. The Queen could not bear him to leave her for long, but she sent him away at this time because she feared for his health.

He did not usually go to Buxton at this time of the year, but she had decided that he must do so without delay.

I looked at him afresh. How old he was, divested of his glittering garments. He had put on weight again and left his youth far behind. I could not help comparing him with Christopher and I knew that I no longer wanted this old man in my bed even though he was the Earl of Leicester.

The Queen had seemed as though she could not honor him enough. She had promised to make him Lord Lieutenant of England and Ireland. This would bring him greater power than any subject of hers had ever known before. It was almost as though she decided that she wanted no more juggling for power between them; if she were not offering him a share in her crown this was something very near it.

There were others who realized this, and he was incensed because Burleigh, Walsingham and Hatton had persuaded her not to act rashly.

ut it will come,Robert told me, those eyes of his once so fine and flashing, now puffy and bloodshot. ou wait. It will come.

Then suddenly he knew.

Perhaps it was because he had ceased to think so much of matters of state. Perhaps his sicknessor he was very sick, more so than he had been during those bouts of gout and fever which had beset him over the last yearsad made him especially perceptive. Perhaps there was an aura about me which women get when they are in love, for I was in love with Christopher Blount. Not as I had been with Leicester. I knew there would never be anything like that in my life again. But it was like an Indian summer of love. I was not yet too old to love. I was young for my forty-eight years. I had a lover twenty years my junior, yet I felt that we were of an age. I realized anew how young I was when I was face to face with Leicester. He was a sick and aging man and I lacked the Queen gift of dedicated fidelity. After all I had been grossly neglected for her sake. I marveled that she could look upon what he had become and still love him. It was yet another facet of her extraordinary nature.

He had seen me with Christopher. I cannot say what it was. Perhaps the manner in which we looked at each other. It may have been that our hands had touched. He may have seen something kindle between usr he could have heard whispers. There were always enemies to carry tales about usf me no less than of him.

In our bedchamber at Wanstead he said to me: ou have a fondness for my Master of Horse.

I was not sure then what he knew, and to gain time I said: h Christopher Blount?

ho else? Have you a fancy for each other?

hristopher Blount,I repeated, feeling my way. e is very good with horses.

nd women, it seems.

s that so? You would have heard that his brother and Essex fought their duel. It was over a woman. A queen from the chessboard, in gold and enamel.

am not speaking of his brother, but of him. You had better admit, for I know.

hat do you know?

hat he is your lover.

I shrugged my shoulders and retorted that if he admired me and showed it, was I to blame?

f you let him into your bed, you are.

ou have been listening to tales.

hich I believe to be true.

His grip was painful on my wrist, but I did not flinch. I faced him defiantly. y lord, should you not look to your own life before you peer too closely into mine?

ou are my wife,he said. hat you do on my bed is my business.

nd what you do in the beds of others mine!

h come,he said. et us not diverge from the truth. I am away in attendance on the Queen.

our good kind mistress

he mistress of us all.

ut in one particular case yours.

ou know there has never been that kind of intimacy between us.

rthur Dudley could tell another story.

e could tell many lies,he retorted, nd when he says he is my son and Elizabeth that is the greatest lie he ever told.

t seems to be believed.

He threw me from him in his rage. o not evade the matter. You and Blount are lovers. Are you? Are you?

am a neglected wife,I began.

ou have answered.His eyes narrowed. hink not that I shall forget this. Think not that you can betray me with impunity. I shall make you answer for this insultyou and him.

have answered already for marrying you. The Queen has never once received me since.

ou call that payment! You will discover a great deal.

He stood before meig and menacing, the most powerful man in the country. Words from Leicester Commonwealth danced before my eyes. Murderer. Poisoner. Was this true? I thought of the people who had died at a time convenient to him. Was it merely a coincidence?

He had loved me. At one time I had meant a great deal to him. Perhaps I still did. He had come to me when he could; we had been well matched physically; but I had grown out of love with him.

Now he knew that I had a lover. Whether he wanted me still, I did not know. He was sick and feeling his age. I think at this time he only wanted to rest, but the hatred was there when he faced me. He would never forgive me for taking a lover.

I believed then that during those absences from home he had not been unfaithful. He had been in attendance on the Queen since his return from the Netherlands and I remembered that when he had been there he had wanted me beside him, decked out as his Queen.

Yes, I had had some power over him, for he had wanted me; he needed me; he would have been a uxorious husband if the Queen had allowed him to be.

And now I had betrayed him. I had taken a lover and one in what he would consider a menial post in his household. He would not allow any to insult him and escape. Of one thing I was certain. There would be revenge.

I wondered whether I should warn Christopher. No, he would show his fear. He must not know. I understood Leicester as Christopher never could. I would know how to act, I promised myself.

He said slowly: gave up everything for you.

ouglass Sheffield, you mean?I asked, determined to hide the fear I was beginning to feel by a show of flippancy.

ou know she meant little to me. I married you and braved the Queen wrath.

hat was directed against me. It was not you who had to brave it.

ow could I be sure what would happen to me? Yet I married you.

y father forced you to make it legal, remember?

wanted to marry you. I loved no one as I loved you.

nd then you proceeded to desert me.

nly for the Queen.

I laughed at that. here were three of us, Robertwo women and one man. It makes no difference that one was a queen.

t makes all the difference. I was not her lover.

he did not let you enter her bed. I know that. But you were her lover, nonetheless, and she your mistress. Therefore do not stand in judgment on others.

He took me by the shoulders; his eyes blazed and I thought he was going to kill me. There was violence in his eyes. I wished I could see what else. He was making plans, I knew.

He said suddenly: e shall be leaving tomorrow.

e ?I stammered.

ou and I and your paramour among others.

here shall we go?

A wry smile touched his lips. o Kenilworth,he said.

thought you were going to take the baths.

ater,he said. irst to Kenilworth.

hy do you not go straight to the baths? That was what your mistress ordered you to do. I can tell you, you look sick sick unto death.

feel so,he answered. ut first I would go to Kenilworth with you.

Then he left me.

I was afraid. I had seen the look in his eyes when he had said Kenilworth. Why Kenilworth? The place where we had met and loved wildly, where we had had our secret meetings, where he had made up his mind that however he angered the Queen he must marry me.

enilworth,he had said, with a cruel smile about his mouth; and I knew some dark plan was in his mind. What would he do to me at Kenilworth?

I went to bed and dreamed of Amy Robsart. I was lying in a bed and saw someone lurking in the shadows of the room men who began to creep silently towards the bed. It was as though voices were whispering to me: umnor Place . . Kenilworth

I awoke, trembling with fear, and all my senses told me that Robert was planning some terrible revenge.

The next day we left for Kenilworth. I rode beside my husband and, glancing sideways at him, I noticed the deathly pallor of his skin beneath the network of red veins on his cheeks. His elegant ruff, his velvet doublet, his cap with the curling feather could not hide the change in him. There was no doubt that he was a very sick man. He was approaching sixty and he had lived dangerously; he had denied himself very little of what the world calls the good things of life. It was now apparent.

I said: y lord, we should go to Buxton without delay, for it would seem you are in need of the beneficial baths.

He answered abruptly: e are going to Kenilworth.

But we did not reach Kenilworth. The day was coming to a close and I saw that he could scarcely sit his horse. We stayed at Rycott, the home of the Norris family, and he retired to his bed and stayed there for several days. I attended him. He did not mention Christopher Blount. He wrote to the Queen, though, and I wondered what he said to her and whether he would tell her of my infidelity and what effect it would have on her if he did. I was sure that it would enrage her, for although she deplored my marriage, she would take it as an insult to herself that I preferred another man.

I was able to read that letter before it was dispatched. There was nothing in it but the protestations of his love and devotion to his goddess.