My Fake Relationship (18 page)

“Are you going to college after high school?” I asked.

He shrugged.

“I’m not sure yet. I don’t know what I want to do. Maybe a mechanic.”

I nodded.

“A mechanic? Not bad.”

He laughed a short and hard one.

“I’m not sure if I have enough money for college.” he mumbled staring down at his cup of water in his hands.

I frowned.

“Couldn’t you get scholarships?”

He sighed.

“You have to be very smart or athletic. And I’m neither.”

I made an O with my mouth.

“That sucks,”

“Tell me about it.” it was silent for a moment. “So you want to be a doctor?”

I nodded.

“Always have. My mom…” I shook my head.

“What?” he asked.

“She doesn’t want me to do anything like that. She wants a perfect Barbie doll daughter. And I’m nothing like that.” I told him my voice annoyed and anger.

“Yeah I know that!” he muttered.

I gasped and rolled my eyes. I nudged him playfully on the arm. He nudged back but kept his arm touching mine.

“No. it’s just…she wants me to be fake. She thinks I can’t get a guy if I don’t let my boobs hang out and wear short skirts. She thinks men should take care of the woman. And let the woman shop and drown in their selfish little lives.” I said my hands bawling into fist getting mad. Zane was watching silently. “I hate it. I hate her sometimes. The way she doesn’t say anything when she knows dad cheated on her. I never ever want to be like her.” I shook my head disgusted. “Either way I’m going to college and becoming a doctor.” I stared off into the fire feeling the warmth of it.

“Do what you want.” Zane said. “I think a woman should do and be able to say what she wants. Don’t listen to your mom, she doesn’t know.” I looked at him and my stomach felt heavy. “And I know for a fact you will succeed in anything you try.” His words sounded so different. They sounded kind and softer and truthful.

“You think I can do it?” I whispered the words.

He smiled and nodded.

“I know you can.”

I smiled.

“And you? Do you believe in yourself?”

He looked down. His black and blue eye was actually open but still a little sore.

“Not really. But I’ll survive.” he smiled halfheartedly.

I frowned.

“Why?” I asked.

He shrugged.

“My life is fucked up, Olivia. It’s hard to keep your head high when you have people telling you, you can’t do anything.” My heart was aching for him. I sat closer leaning further toward him keeping my eyes on him.

“Keep your head high even when people tell you that. I think you can do anything and live through anything as long as you watch the prize ahead of you.” He got closer, his eyes serious.

“And what would that prize be?”

I bit my bottom lip feeling my breath get faster.

“Whatever you want it to be.” My body was carving him and I knew it was going to take over my mind. I wanted him so badly. The way he looks at me the way he sees me. I can’t just say I have no feelings. Oh I do! His eyes wanted something. It made me think thoughts and I wanted to make them come true.

“Zane,” I whispered.

He leaned forward and kissed me lightly but it made my head buzz. He pulled back and smiled sadly. I opened my eyes and swallowed. He looked at me and I stared back. His mouth was open slightly and all I could think was I wanted it back on mine. His eyes were so intense. Something in them told me he was thinking the same thing as I was. I sat up on my knees and put one on either side of him. His eyes didn’t get wide or shocked. I leaned down and kissed him again as his hand wound around my waist. I pulled back, hair getting in his face. We looked at each other while my hands traveled down his chest then under his shirt. I brought it up and he put his arms up and threw it off. He slid his warm hands under my shirt and pulled it off of me. It fell to the floor. I kissed him again as he undid my bra letting it fall to the ground. He put his warm hands back on my back as I kissed him holding my eyes tightly shut. He took hold of my legs and turned me over and laid me back on the blanket softly. Like he was messing with a delicate glass vase. He looked down at me and ran his hand down from my cheek to the middle of my breast to my belly button making a shiver run down my spine. My lower stomach throbbed for him. My body ached in places I wanted him to touch me, that I had never felt before. He undid my jeans and slid them down. My breathing was hard to keep. He let his hand slide down my thigh to my knee then back up. I watched him and saw that look of happiness and….something else…I put my hands to his pants and pulled them down slowly. He kicked them off. I put my hands on his neck and brought him down to me kissing him again. My body was on fire from his body being so close to me. I felt the bulge from his boxers on my leg and I shivered again knowing what was going to happen and wanting it. He kissed down my neck to my chest where that freckle was and kissed all around my breast. I moaned quietly. I felt my lower stomach striving for more. He kissed down to my belly button and all around it. Down onto my hip then lower then on my thigh. I moaned louder grabbing his head. He came back up and kissed me with force. I gently pushed him over and got on top of him. I saw the bruise on his chest and kissed it. I kissed his neck then up to his lips. I kissed his eyelid softly then his forehead. I looked down at him and kissed his chest, his hip, his thigh where the bulge was getting bigger. I nipped at his tanned skin just close enough to the bulge. He groaned roughly. I came back up and pressed myself against him and he winced as I hurt his chest too much. I pulled back my eyes wide.

“I’m sorry,” I whispered.

He smiled.

“It’s fine.” He pushed me back over and I took a deep breath. He put his hand down at my underwear and gently removed them. I felt self-conscious again as he looked down at me. Like I said, I wasn’t the skinniest but my curves weren’t bad. He put his hand on my cheek and leaned down on me to kiss my neck. I put my hands in his hair and closed my eyes. He sucked softly then he got my spot. I gasped again and opened my legs up. He leaned close to me to let me feel him. I pulled him closer wanting it more now. He pulled back and pulled down his shorts. He flipped them off as I looked down at him. He blushed a little. I smiled and put his lips back to mine. I trailed my tongue along his and it wiggled to life. I moaned again. “Now?” he asked between our lips. I nodded and braced myself. He pulled back and I felt him gently go in me. I gasped because it hurt. “Am I hurting you?” he asked, panic in his voice. He pulled himself back out.

“No, no, it’s ok,” I said my breath catching. It felt good but it hurt. It felt strange but something in me said it was natural. He tried it again and it didn’t hurt as much. As he went in again I felt myself getting hotter and hotter. He was groaning as he kissed my neck. I kissed him again and moaned as he went out and in. He was doing it slowly and sweetly as I held onto him and kissed him feeling so good. He didn’t want to hurt me and didn’t want to do anything that would be uncomfortable. I could feel him getting closer and I was too. He sucked on my neck and I moaned louder then I had before. My fingernails dug into his back as we came together and I felt everything! My eyes could only see him and his blue eyes staring down at me. I smelled his bittersweet cologne. My head was foggy but I liked it. He groaned.

“Olivia,” he said in my ear, his breathing heavy. I grabbed his hair liking the way he said my name like that. In a desperate need. A sexual one. One begging almost.

“Zane,” I whispered into his ear. A ripple went down his body and I arched my back wanting him the whole way in me. He moaned. I leaned up to him feeling sweat on both of us. “Faster,” I whispered breathlessly in his ear. He admittedly did as I told and started thrusting into me faster. I steadied myself and took each thrust easily. I moaned wanting to say his name but knowing I shouldn’t. He started to thrust faster to where I was going to come again. I gave out a muffled cry as we finally both did. He was out of breath as he fell halfway down on me. Sweat beaded on his forehead as he looked down at me. It was another intent gaze. He pushed my hair back from my face silently. He pulled himself out of me and fell down beside me. I turned on my side to him and pulled a blanket off the floor onto me and onto him. He turned on his side facing me.

“This was my first time,” he said quietly.

I raised an eyebrow.

“You haven’t done it before?” I asked surprised. He half smiled and shook his head. “I haven’t either.” We both looked at each other. We didn’t touch again; we just stared into each other’s eyes. We both settled down and I fell asleep watching him looking golden and glorious by the fire blazing behind the grate.

I felt a tickling on my palm. I frowned and my hand jumped. I heard a quiet laugh. It started again but somehow I liked the feel of the hard finger tips touching my hand. I opened my eyes and looked at Zane who was perched on his elbow his hand tickling my palm lying open on the pillow beside my head. He had his jeans on but no shirt. His boxers were showing from under his pants. His hair was messy but still very cute. His chest still had the fading bruise on it and his eye was a little swollen. His blue eyes were a lighter color then usual but his lips were in a small smile. I smiled back and sighed.

“That tickles,” I mumbled.

He laughed again.

“I noticed,” he said back, his voice husky and sweet. He stopped. I looked over at him.

“I like it.”

He stared at me, a smile still on his lips. I shivered as I remembered last night. The way he ran his fingers down my body….. “What time is it?” I asked before he could say anything. He grabbed his cell phone from behind him and flipped it open.

“7:30.”

I yawned.

“Ugh, it’s too early.” The sun came in the window and I pulled the blanket up around me.

He chuckled.

“The electric didn’t come back on but the fire went out sometime last night.” he said. I nodded closing my eyes again feeling his fingers still on my palm. Last night….was amazing. It was probably the best night of my life. I care so much about him. More now than I did before. I could feel him close to me. If we did it then maybe he likes me back. The thought made my heart jolt. But I wasn’t going to say anything. Not yet. Maybe he will tell me he likes me and we can actually be together for real. I smiled but then frowned. But doesn’t he like Kendra? Wait didn’t I like Grant? What happened to our goal? I don’t think I like Grant anymore. Does he still like Kendra? Is that why he slept with me? Because he wanted to brag to Kendra about ‘doing it’ with me? Zane pulled the cover back. I looked up at him as he smiled down at me.

“Thinking?” he asked.

I nodded.

“I can see the smoke,” he joked.

I didn’t laugh or smile.

He frowned. “What’s wrong?” he asked coming closer to me. He pushed my hair behind my ear and I repressed myself from shivering from his touch.

“Nothing,” I answered licking my chapped lips. He frowned even more. I closed my eyes again avoiding his eyes and sighed. I felt him lay down next to me and his hand was left by my hair. He curled his finger around the end then let it twirl back again. It felt good. The worry I had about him using me to get back at Kendra vanished. I don’t even care if he used me or not! I was getting a lot out of it! He let his fingers run from the end of my hair past my collar bone to my back and made a single circle. Goose bumps appeared on my arms. He laughed a throaty laugh. I smiled.

“Mm, stop.” I mumbled.

He laughed again.

“Don’t you like it?” he whispered his voice joking and teasing.

I nodded my eyes still closed. He didn’t stop, hell I never wanted him to.

“I need to get up,” I muttered opening my eyes. He shrugged taking his hand off me. I turned onto my back and rubbed my face pushing back my messy hair. I probably looked horrible. Zane was quiet and I looked over at him frowning. He was staring at my chest. My bare chest and stomach. I quickly grabbed the cover and covered myself up blushing a little. He laughed and winked at me. I rolled my eyes. I sat up and made sure the blanket was around me tightly. I yawned again and stood up. Zane looked up at me with a small frown.

“I think I’m going to get in the shower.” I said feeling sticky.

He smirked.

“Want me to come too?”

I rolled my eyes again.

“No, thank you,” I said, even though I wanted him to.

He laughed.

“Fine, fine, fine. I’m going to get something to eat.”

He stood up and I went up the stairs dragging the blanket with me. I got jeans and a t shirt from my drawers and underwear plus a bra. I went to the bathroom and stripped. As I looked at myself in the mirror I realized how bad I looked. My hair was a rat’s nest and my makeup was running. I looked tired but my skin was glowing almost. I smiled and the girl in the mirror smiled too. I turned on the shower and got in. I turned so it was hot and let it run over me. When I saw the blood going down into the drain it hit me. Tears wheeled up in my eyes and I almost fell to the ground. I leaned against the wall grabbing myself so the sobs wouldn’t hurt so much. But they did. I cried hard. I had realized that I wasn’t a virgin anymore. I wasn’t a little girl. My innocence was lost. I had actually made a promise to stay a virgin before marriage. I can’t believe I let this happen! I thought grabbing my hair. Even my parents figured I’d do it so they provided me with the pill! But I promised myself and my grandma that I would stay a virgin until my wedding night. I would show my parents that I could. I screwed it up! I cried harder. I screwed it all up. Like I always seem to do. I stared at the shower curtain while the water ran, my eyes still full with salty tears. I can’t believe I just had sex with Zane. I probably won’t even marry him! Even if….even if I would, he would never want to be with me. I scoffed then sniffed. Ok so I screwed up. I asked for forgiveness. I got it. I sniffed again and wiped my tears off my face. I can’t let that happen again. I went back to the water and let it drain everything away. I’m not a little girl anymore and I could pay for this one day.