My Favorite Mistake (20 page)

I climbed out of Hunter’s bed and stretched my arms, feeling like a little piece of happiness had broken off and fallen to the floor. I left it there among my clothes and books and went to the bathroom to take a shower.

Hunter and I skirted around one another for the rest of the day. He went out to play ultimate Frisbee with Dev and Sean in the afternoon, and I decided I needed a little shopping therapy and called Megan.

“Girl time? Do you even need to ask?” she said.

I picked her up at her apartment, which had a ton of trash in the yard and empty plastic cups littering the porch.

“Guys had a blow-out last night. I’m tired of cleaning.”

“Sounds awesome.”

 She glanced at my face. 

“Okay, what happened? You’ve got the weirdest look on your face.”

“Hunter kissed me.”

“What?! Did you kiss him back?”

“You could say that.”

“I knew it!” she shrieked as I pulled onto the main street. “How was it? Was it good? I bet he knew what he was doing.”

Oh, did he ever.

“There’s more.”

“You didn’t…”

“No. But I met his family and we kind of slept together last night. Like, in the same bed. With no sex.”

She shook her head side to side. “Damn. You move quick.”

“It’s not like that, Meg.”

She rolled her eyes. 

“Then what is it like? Because usually when you kiss someone, meet his parents and sleep in his bed, it means you like him.”

“I don’t like him.”

“But you don’t not like him.”

“That’s a double negative.”

“You’re deflecting.” Hunter would have said the same thing.

“You know I can’t get close with someone like that.”

“It’s not that you can’t. It’s that you won’t. Those are two different things, Taylor.”

“Not to me. I just… I just can’t. Every time I think about it, all I remember is that night and what happened.”

“You shouldn’t let that one night define the rest of your life. You’re not going to get over it; no one would. But you can’t let it dictate who you are and if you can love someone. That’s just letting him win.”

Megan didn’t understand. She hadn’t been there that night. She hadn’t seen his face. She hadn’t watched while he… She hadn’t heard him say he was going to kill me if I ever told. She didn’t have dark memories that affected every single day of her life. So who was she to tell me how to deal with them?

“He didn’t win. He’s in jail.”

“For how long?” 

“A while.” Another two years, to be exact. By the time he got out, I’d be ready for him if he came for me. I wasn’t going to be a victim twice. That reminded me, I hadn’t been to kickboxing in a few days. I’d have to make more of an effort to make it to the classes.

“What are you going to do when he gets out?”

“Be ready. If he comes for me, then so be it. He won’t get out of it alive.”

“You wouldn’t really kill him.”

“Yeah, I would.” I could say this without fear or reservation. He didn’t deserve to live. He was never going to hurt anyone else again, if I had anything to say about it. I’d been too young when it happened, but I wasn’t a child anymore.

“That scares me, Tay.”

I shrugged. I never said I was a saint.

I changed the subject as quickly as I could, but I kept seeing Meg watching me. As if I was going to suggest going to a sporting goods store and purchasing a gun right then and there. Oh, I had plans for that. I was going to ask for shooting lessons for Christmas from Tawny. I had a pellet gun, but I wanted to learn how to use a proper gun. You could never be too careful.

The day wasn’t a total loss, as we flitted from store to store, looking for deals and trying on earrings and testing lotions.

“What do you think of this one?” She held out her wrist for me to smell. It was spicy and sweet, like pumpkin pie. Yum.

“Pumpkin barf?”

“Damn close.” She got three bottles.

“So what was the family like?”

“Well, his parents are dead so he lives with his aunt and uncle in this huger than huge house. It makes a mansion look like a double-wide.”

“You’re kidding.”

“Wish I was. That chandelier must be a bitch to dust.”

“There was a chandelier?”

“And a grand staircase and a den, and an apple orchard in the back. It had the works.”

“Were there maids?”

“Not that I saw, but it could have just been their day off. I’m telling you, it was massive. I was afraid to breathe.”

“Why didn’t you take any pictures?”

“It didn’t cross my mind,” I said as we lined up at the smoothie stand.

“So who else was there?”

 I told her about Harper and Mase and Darah’s budding relationship. I didn’t mention Joe or the spying. For some reason, I couldn’t share that with anyone. Not even Megan.

“You should marry him. Then you can be a trophy wife and have your own reality show,” she said as she ordered her smoothie.

“I am a trophy for no man,” I said, ordering a mango pineapple.

“You know that’s not what I meant,” Megan said.

“I know. I guess I’m still reeling from everything.”

“And rightfully so.” 

We wandered with our smoothies a little more. I popped into the bookstore to see if they had the new book I was waiting for. They had one copy left, and I did a little happy dance in the aisle as I snatched it up, giddy.

“Thanks for the girly time. We need to do a beauty day soon,” I said, giving her a hug. I was still on a book-buying high, so I didn’t mind a little affection.

“Call me. You know, if you need to talk. Anytime.”

“Thanks, Meg. I’ll see you later.”

“Bye.”

Darah and Renee were deep in conversation when I got back.

“You, spill,” Renee said. “I’ve been dying to talk to you all day, but I had that stupid study session.”

Crap. I was not getting out of this. Renee had that crazed look in her eyes like when she’d been studying for ten hours straight and was hopped up on too much coffee, or she’d been paying too much Skyrim. I did not like that look.

“We kissed,” I said, sitting down on the recliner. Oh, that recliner… I got up and sat at the end of the couch, beside Darah.

“It’s about time. You two have been dancing around each other since day one. So, how was it?” Renee put her head in her hands, as if she was expecting a juicy play-by-play. Wasn’t going to happen.

“We didn’t.”

“You didn’t? So I slept with my earplugs for nothing? Then what was the yelling I thought I heard?”

“That was nothing. Well, nothing sexual.”

“You didn’t do anything?”

“No.”

“Nothing?” Renee looked really disappointed.

Darah was studying my face in a way I didn’t like. 

“You seemed like you were having a good time yesterday,” Darah said. 

“For the most part. Harper was adorable.”

“I know. She’s just the sweetest. Mase and I are thinking of taking her to Funtown before it closes. Her parents don’t want her to go, you know, because she can’t do most of the rides, but Mase already called and they can make accommodations for some of them. He’s so thoughtful.” She smiled.

“He is.” That reminded me of Hunter taking care of the drunken girls last night. I hoped they got home safe.

“So you’re telling me you didn’t have sex?” Renee didn’t want to let it go. She was starved for romance since she didn’t have one of her own currently.

“Nope.”

“I’m sure you will soon. You can’t deny chemistry like that for long. Sooner or later. Boom.”

The kissing had been quite boom. I couldn’t imagine anything being more intense than that.

“It’s not like that.”

“Uh, yes it is.”

“I hate to say she’s right, but Renee is right,” Darah said.

“Why do you hate to say I’m right?”

“Because you’re usually wrong when it comes to things like this.”

“Things like what?”

“Relationships. It’s not a bad thing. You just seem to think more with your head than your heart sometimes. It’s not a bad thing,” she said again, trying to sound like it was a compliment instead of an insult.

“Whatever,” Renee said, waving off the thinly veiled insult. “So have you guys talked about it yet?”

“No. I’m going to avoid talking as much as humanly possible. I can’t get involved with him. If we did, and then it ended, one of us would have to move out.”

“Isn’t that what you want?”

Was it? I’d been so sure that the solution to my problems was Hunter moving out. If he wasn’t here, I wouldn’t see him all the time. I wouldn’t think about him all the time. I wouldn’t want him all the time.

“Honey, if he moves out, that’s not going to change your feelings. You’re still going to want to jump his bones if he lives here, or in Istanbul,” Renee said.

“What about Istanbul?” Hunter said as he opened the door.

“We were just talking about how awesome it would be to visit,” Renee said, not missing a beat. “I’ve always wanted to go there.”

“Uh huh,” Hunter said. I saw that he had grocery bags on his arms.

“You get your car fixed?” I asked.

“Yeah, it was a belt issue. I got taco stuff if anyone wants some.”

“But we don’t have sombreros or margaritas,” Renee said.

“Uh, no,” I said.

“We can’t have taco night without those things. They are essential.” Renee got up and grabbed her purse. 

“Who’s coming with me on a hat and marg mission?” She gave a pointed look at Darah, who also got to her feet.

“I’m in,” Darah said.

Renee was trying to give me a subtle look, but it didn’t really work. She just looked like she was in pain.

“I’ll help you with the tacos,” I said, sighing and getting up from the couch. I guess Hunter and I were going to have to talk sooner rather than later thanks to my roommates’ interference.

“I got that fake meat stuff for you,” he said, pulling it out of the shopping bag.

“Thanks.” He’d also gotten me some bottles of cranberry-lime seltzer water, which I was addicted to.

We both were silent as we unpacked the bags, setting the stuff out on the counter. I took the initiative and started working on the vegetables while Hunter got two pans going with the meat and the fake stuff cooking.

“So are we going to talk about last night?” he said as he stirred each pan with two different wooden spoons. He was so considerate about keeping my food separate.

“I don’t know,” I said, washing a pepper in the sink. We were standing so close I bumped into him a few times. “Do you want to?”

“How about we talk about the fact that you say you don’t like me, but you kiss me and then you sleep with me?”

“First of all,” I said, wiping the pepper off vigorously with a paper towel and moving on to a second, “you were going to kiss me. I just made it happen faster. And second, you asked me to sleep with you. I was worried if you had another nightmare you were going to fall out of bed. I was looking out for your safety.” I moved to the cutting board and started chopping.

He snorted as he stirred the meat and non-meat.

“Yeah, that was why I woke up with your legs and arms and body wrapped around mine like an octopus.”

“You didn’t seem to mind.”

He didn’t answer for a second so I looked up.

“I didn’t,” he said quietly.

“Me neither.” We both thought about that for a second.

“So what now?” he said.

“What do you mean?”

“What do we do now? We can’t just be roommates.”

“You said you didn’t like me.”

“I don’t like you. I don’t like how your hair smells, and how I can’t stop thinking about waking up and seeing your face. I hate how my bed felt empty when you left. I don’t like how good you were with my family, especially Harper, and how I wanted to see you with them again, but not just as a guest. As a member. You’re right. I don’t like you at all.”

“When did you change your mind?”

“My mind never changed. I’ve wanted you since the moment you opened the door and had that stunned look on your face. It just took me a while to admit it. Why deny it now? It is what it is and it’s not going to change.”

“Oh.”

“This doesn’t mean I’m going to be nice. I’m still going to be an ass. I’ll just be an ass who apologizes and brings you flowers to say he’s been a dick.”

“Chocolate,” I said.

“What?”

“I’d rather have chocolate when you apologize.”

“Chocolate it is.” He smiled. “So does that mean what I think it means?”

“No. It just means that you get to bring me chocolate when you’ve been an ass. I’m going to weigh three hundred pounds.” I focused my attention back on the peppers. I couldn’t think about Hunter’s declaration of… whatever it was.

Footsteps didn’t make me look up.

“Taylor, look at me. Please.” Damn. If only he didn’t say please.  

“I can’t promise not to make you mad. I can’t promise that I won’t hurt you. All I can promise is that I want you in my life, and I’ll do anything to keep you there.”

“What about the bet?”

“It still stands. A bet is a bet. The stakes are just a little bit higher, that’s all.”

“So if I asked you to leave, would you?”

“No. This is my apartment just as much as it is yours. I’ll only leave under three conditions. The ball is in your court. I stick to my word. And I don’t want to leave. Leaving means I don’t get to see you all the time, and I don’t want that.”

I swallowed and tried to sort my scattered mind. Yes, I did like waking up with Hunter. Much, much more than I should. On the other hand, I couldn’t get closer to him. That would only lead to things I couldn’t deal with. I wasn’t a carefree girl who could just jump into a relationship. I had too much baggage. I couldn’t carry it myself, let alone foist it off on someone else.

I was fucked up. Much more so than he could imagine. While it was true Hunter had his own secret, it didn’t seem to burden him like mine did. He wore it like one of his tattoos, a part of him, but not a dominant part. Megan was right; that one night did define me. It had since I was twelve. It wasn’t going to change overnight.

If he got close, he was going to get burned. Or worse, he wouldn’t like what he found. I couldn’t let that happen.