My Heart Can't Tell You No (67 page)

“Maddie! Stop it! You’ll get hurt!” He got out of the truck and started back toward her, but she kept walking, her jaws hurting from clenching them so tightly.

“Leave me alone. I decided on the way out here what I was going to do.” Her voice was low as she walked with her bare hands shoved deeply in her coat. God, what she wouldn’t give right now for one of her sons’ warm sledding jackets.

“Fine. Do what you planned. Just get back in the truck.”

“You want your freedom?!” She stopped suddenly and looked at him with fire flashing from her eyes. “You
got
your freedom! So just go about your business!”

“Why?! So you can have an excuse for keeping
this
kid from me?! Not on your life!”

“Don’t worry! After tonight I’ve got enough reason to keep all three kids from ya—ya slimy bum!”

“Would you knock it off?! So she followed me around! Big deal! You had two of them following you around! Little Boy Blue and then Spencer!”

“I didn’t stand with them and let them wrap themselves around me! I didn’t
kiss
them!” She guarded her eyes as another set of headlights came her way.

“Get out of the middle of the road.” He grabbed her elbow and pulled her to the side.

“Jesus! Is she all right?!” The car pulled to a stop as Beth rolled down her window.

“I don’t know. She won’t tell me.”

Oh, the rotten son-of-a-bitch! Talking about her as if she were a child. With all the dignity she could muster, she walked over to Beth’s car and slid into the back seat. Inside, she leaned against the back of the seat, resting her head as she let her tears spill in the darkness. She saw Joe walking back to his truck, his hand running over his icy black hair. She knew that motion—he was nervous.

“Anyone got a cigarette?”

“Nope. I quit five months ago,” John told her.

“And I can’t smoke them with this pregnancy. They make me sick,” Beth said.

“Where you going? My place? Your place? Or Mom’s?” John asked.

“Your place for the boys, then Mom’s.”

“I don’t think that’s very wise right now, Maddie. Let the kids sleep down at our place. They shouldn’t see you like this. We’ll go up to Mom’s.”

“
Whatever
.”

She remained quiet for the two miles, watching the headlights lighting the ceiling of the car from behind. He just better stay at John’s or at his place—she certainly didn’t want him following them up to Mom’s. But as they traveled up the slippery driveway, she saw he didn’t stop at his own home, or at John’s. He was right behind them all the way.
‘Fine!
Just
don’t
try
to
talk
to
me—or
I’ll
shut
ya
up
damn
fast!’
She opened the back door and got out, standing proudly; she took a step toward the porch, but the sharp pain that shot through her knee made her gasp.

“I told you!” Joe was beside her in an instant, scooping her up into his arms and carrying her inside. “Didn’t I tell you to watch it, that you might be hurt?!”

“Now what happened?” Sarah asked as Joe carried her into the kitchen and started through the middle room toward the stairs.

“Just a little accident,” Maddie started to explain, but Joe didn’t slow his strides as he started up the stairs. “Would you put me down?! I was talking to her!”

“John and Beth will explain.” He continued to the bedroom she had occupied before she married Bob, gently placing her on the bed then turning on a light. “That was stupid, Maddie.”

“Get out of here,” she told him irritably as she watched him moving back to her. “Go home.”

“Where does it hurt?” He took off his jacket and moved to kneel in front of her.

“None of your business.” She turned away from him.

“Knock it off!”

“And you keep you voice down! She doesn’t need to listen to us arguing on top of wondering what happened!”

“I said, where does it hurt?” He reached for her and pulled off her coat. “Look at yourself, kid. You’re trembling like a leaf.”

“Joe, just leave me alone. The baby will be all right.” Oh, how she hated him at that moment for keeping her tied to him with this baby.

“How am I supposed to know that if you won’t even tell me what made you start to go down outside?” He pulled her boots off then moved up for her dress.

“I can do it myself, thank you!” She knocked his hands away and quickly removed the dress. “Go get me one of Tom’s shirts.”

By the time he returned with a flannel shirt, she was holding the blanket around herself, bare except for her panties. He paused in the doorway and looked at her, then stepped inside.

“You needn’t cover yourself. I’ve already seen everything.” He closed the door.

“Maybe so. But that’s ended—I guarantee it.”

“I don’t.” He pulled the covering from her and pulled her up against him, gazing down into her eyes as he held her tightly. “Are you going to tell me now, what hurts?”

“My legs! They ache.”

“I don’t doubt it. You were probably tossed all around the inside of that car.” His hands moved up her bare spine, warming her skin as he pressed her against him. “Don’t ever do anything like that again, little girl.”

“I’m not making any plans on it,” she said quietly as her eyes were on his mouth; it was dangerously near. “My insurance rates are going to skyrocket.”

“God, you don’t know how scared I was.” His voice was barely audible, his lips coming closer, but as she tasted his skin, his tongue, she also tasted beer and something else that her imagination conjured up as the taste of that other woman.

“No,” she cried as she pushed back against his arms.

“Maddie, I’m sorry,” he breathed against her mouth, pulling her back to continue the kiss.

“I said no!” She jerked away, holding Tom’s shirt in front of her with one hand and swinging with her other. The loud crack of palm meeting cheek sounded through the room. “If you want it—go back to town! Last I seen, your little tramp was lying in the middle of the sidewalk!”

She watched his labored breathing, the redness of his face that resulted from anger as well as the stinging her palm had caused. She watched him stare at her as if in indecision. Then she watched him turn and leave.

“John, you mind if my kids stay up at your place tonight?” She heard his voice as he went down the stairs. “I’ll be up for them in the morning.”

CHAPTER XXXVI
 

I
t was Sarah Baker’s fifty-seventh birthday, and Robby’s fourth. Joe sat in the banquet room of the local steakhouse, watching as Maddie finally sat down after being constantly on the run since everyone had arrived. If it wasn’t one of the children who wanted a refilled soda, or a dish of ice cream, it was one of the adults asking her to get something for them. He watched as she looked down at her untouched plate, stared at it a few seconds then touched her steak with her finger. Making a subtle sign of disgust, she pushed it away, indicating it was cold.

“Mommy, I’m tired.” Robby leaned his head on her lap.

“I’ll bet you are.” She looked down at him with pity, then lifted him into her arms. “You were on the run all day long.”

“Why didn’t Daddy come to my party? Lisa and Ollie came.” He leaned against her.

“I don’t know, baby, you’ll have to ask your daddy.” She looked accusingly at Joe. “Maybe he had someone else to see.”

“Can I take my bike out and ride it tomorrow?” His hands were playing with the buttons of her denim maternity jumpsuit.

“Not if it’s still this cold out. Maybe it’ll warm up enough sometime next week.”

“Hey there, mutchkin,” Lew called to the boy. “What are you going to do when there won’t be any more room left for you to sit on your mom’s lap?”

“You coming out to visit, Lew?” Robby turned his head to see the man.

“I’m visiting right now.”

“But you didn’t visit Pap yet.”

“Just where is that Pap of yours anyway? You’d think he’d be in here for your Gram’s birthday.”

“He says he has to stay home and watch the house so no one steals it,” Robby told him, bringing a chuckle from Lew.

“How about you, Joe? You gonna make it to Maddie’s birthday party in March?”

“He couldn’t even make it to his son’s,” Maddie told him with a stern eye on Joe, then looked back at Lew. “Anyway, I’m not having any more birthdays. I’m getting too old.”

“Too old. I was just starting out at your age,” Lew told her. “So, Irish—why didn’t you go to Robby’s party?”

“I wasn’t invited,” Joe answered simply, as he kept his eyes on Maddie.

“You were waiting for an invitation? Hell, I’ll be damned if I’d wait for an invitation for one of my own kids’ birthday parties. I’d go whether I was wanted or not.”

“But you’re always wanted, Lew,” Maddie told him. “So you don’t have to worry about things like that. Anyway—if you’re trying to say
I
didn’t want him there—I’ll just say it wasn’t
my
birthday—it was Robby’s and
he
wanted him there.”

“All you had to do was dial a telephone,” Joe told her.

“And all you had to do was walk up.”

“There. See? It was just a case of the bull facing the mule, and neither wanting to be the first out of the gate,” Lew told them.

“You’re probably right,” Maddie sighed as she stood up with Robby and walked toward the door.

“What’d you say?” Joe asked Maddie, but she continued out of the room. Joe looked over to Lew. “What’d she say?”

“She said I was probably right,” Lew smiled.

“
She
said that? She must be sick.” He got to his feet. It wasn’t like Maddie to give in so easily. “I better go check on her.”

Joe went in the direction Maddie had taken, then waited outside the women’s restroom. He glanced at his watch as he leaned against the wall, then glanced at it again five minutes later. He was about to pull the door open, but she pushed it back and almost walked into him.

“Wrong room,” she told him as she held Robby’s hand. “Or is this your new approach to picking up women?”

“I—was worried. It took you a long time.”

“Well, worry about your son. He took a fancy for the sink and a roll of toilet paper. They now have half a waste can of sopping toilet paper.”

“Robby.” He looked down at the boy, but Robby only smiled impishly in return.

“What’s wrong, Irish?” She walked past him. “Couldn’t Blondie make it tonight?”

Joe watched her return to the room with the rest of her family, having little idea what was so wrong with playing a game of pool with the woman, when
Maddie
had been too cozy with the supervisor on the dance floor.

As he came back into the room, he found her sitting with Robby on her lap, who was yawning widely as they listened to the conversation between Lew and Sarah.

“Ah, Sarah, it was so real—I really thought I was there, and only ten years old again.”

“Where’d you say it was? Up at the old place?” Sarah asked.

“Yeah, you know. The house where all us kids were born. It was just me and Pop sitting on the porch, but we were watching Eve. She was on a swing that hung down from that big tree at the corner of the porch—you know the tree, don’t ya?” Lew referred to the sister he and Sarah had lost the previous month.

“Yeah. I know the tree.”

“Well, there she was—just swinging and swinging with her skirts flying up in the air,” Lew chuckled. “And Pop looked over at me and shook his finger and said,
‘Just
look
at
her.
Now,
just
look
at
her’
. You know the way he used to say it.” He laughed, but Joe saw something in the man’s eyes that was painful, perhaps reaching back for the days when his family was still alive, and well, and full of life. “It was so real—I could feel it.”

“I don’t know about the rest of you guys—but if I don’t get Jenna home pretty soon, she’s gonna crawl up on the table and go to sleep.” John picked up his coat as well as his daughter’s.

“Yeah, come on. Let’s move this little get-together out to the house. Dad won’t be able to get out of that little party unless he goes to bed,” said Tom as he also got to his feet.

“You coming out for a while, Lew?” Joe asked as he got Felicia’s and Ollie’s coat for them, then reached for Jackie’s and Robby’s. “I’ll bring you back in when you’re ready.”

“Ya want to go, Gert? I could ask Jack if he can take me up for the new shoe next week.”

“I’m following you,” said Janet as she got Lew’s coat for him.

“So who are we riding with?” Lew asked.

“You can ride with me, but I have to stop at the store. Or you could ride out with John, Beth and Mom.” Maddie reached for Robby’s coat without looking, her hand missing and grasping Joe’s forearm. She turned her head quickly, then snatched the coat from him and helped Robby into it.

“We’ll ride out with Sarah.” He started across the room on his crutches.

“Not so fast,” Joe said quietly. He caught Maddie’s arm after everyone else had left the room. “I want to talk to you.”

She stopped, watching as Robby ran to catch up with the other children and Tom. Then she turned her gaze to look at him. “
You
want to talk to
me
. I’m flattered.”

“Okay, just knock it off. I said I wanted to
talk
, not argue.”

“Well, that’s a switch, isn’t it?” She pulled on her trench coat. “After
how
many months,
you
want to talk? What’s wrong? Haven’t gotten any good digs in lately? You having withdrawal pains?”

“The only withdrawal pains I’ve been having lately have nothing to do with insulting you.” He lit a cigarette as he watched her, her dark eyes moving up to meet his briefly before dropping again.

“What do you want? I have to stop off and pick up some medicine.”

“For who?”

“Me.”

“Are you sick?”

She looked up at him. What was going through her head, he hadn’t a clue. He saw her anger flash across her face, then uncertainty, then out-and-out defeat. “No. I’m pregnant. I need some antacid.”

“Then you better hurry up, the drug stores close in about half an hour.” He started walking with her toward the exit.

“That’s why you stopped me! To tell me to hurry up?” She went out the door he held for her, the rush of frigid wind making the children screech as they dove inside the car Joe had borrowed from Sarah for the night.

“No. But if you have to be somewhere else—it will have to wait.” He walked with her to the driver’s side of her loaner car.

“I guess I should thank you for getting my car back last Saturday night.” Her eyes were on the dashboard of the car as she opened the door and got in. “I don’t think I have to tell you, that isn’t where I thought you went after you left me at Mom’s.”

“Oh no?” He moved to stand between the car and the opened door as he shoved his hands in his coat pockets. He knelt down until he slid his rump onto the seat beside her to get out of the wind. “Where else was I gonna go? Besides home to bed?”

“You know perfectly well—where else.”

“Not really.” He sniffed, the cold air numbing his face. “I don’t have any idea
what
was going on in your head last week and tonight.” He looked over at her, his face only inches from hers as he watched her evading his eyes as she looked back at the dashboard. “You’re a mystery to me. And I think what you did to that woman surprised me almost more than anything you’ve managed to come up with yet.”

“I don’t want to talk about it. It’s been a very long time since I’ve acted so—so . . .”

“Human,” he substituted for her.

“Uncivilized. Dammit, Joe, it wasn’t bad enough what I saw—I had to go get into a common brawl; doing exactly what I hate in others; the reason I stay out of bars and clubs. And there I was—acting like a common drunk.”

“It wasn’t bad enough what you saw? Just what did you see that made you toss a drink on me and punch a total stranger? That certainly isn’t like you. You usually like to get to know people intimately before throwing punches.”

“That’s not funny.”

“So, what did you see?”

“Never mind. I should get going before the store closes. Is that all you wanted?”

Is
that
all
he
wanted
. He had to hide a laugh at that one. He had been dying of need for the past month. He was going crazy with need. At least before, he could get by simply not thinking about her. This past month, his need was so great he could think of nothing else. It was getting to the point where it was affecting him at work—and that was dangerous.

“No, Maddie. That’s not all I wanted,” he sighed.

“Well?” She turned to look at him with questioning eyes.

Oh, but he had little choice in the matter when it came right down to it. His hand was on her face, stroking and petting her cheek. His eyes smiled softly at the sight of his hand trembling slightly before he took a firmer grip on the underside of her jaw. He lowered his head, meeting her lips with a thirst that had to be satisfied. He felt her reluctance, her hesitancy, then, after a moment, her surrender. She was sweet in his arms, warm and comforting. Did he push her down on the seat—or had she pulled him down? He couldn’t remember, only aware of the softness of her lips and the gentle probing of her tongue as she responded to his. He felt as if he were a child in the center of a chocolate factory—never having enough—always grabbing for more sweetness.

“Come on, Dad! Do that when we get home! It’s cold!” Ollie’s voice came from Sarah’s car a few spaces down.

“
Yeah
! For Christ’s sake, you could have at least given us the keys so we could put on the heater!” Tom called next.

“Hurry up!” Ollie called again.

Joe pulled his head back, looking down at Maddie, the sight of her eyes and lips making him go back down for yet another taste.

“Dad! We’re freezing!”

“Shut up!” Felicia scolded. “Don’t look! They’re making up!”

“Well, they don’t have to
make
up
when I’m around. Jesus!” Tom told her.

“Yeah! Let them make up at home! We’ll freeze to death by the time they’re done!” Ollie told her, making Tom chuckle.

“Do you think they mean it?” Joe smiled softly at her.

“Dad!”

“All right!” he called back, sitting up and giving Maddie his hand, then remembering her comment from the month before. “Unless my
mistake
isn’t big enough yet for you to need any help.”

He saw the way she looked at him; he knew she was about to push his hand away again, but, after a moment of useless struggle, she took it and allowed him to pull her up.

“I think you better go now, or I won’t make it to the store in time.” She evaded his glance.