My Heart is Yours (9 page)

“Oh.” He said, bumping into John in the hallway.

“Hey, Jason.” He said smiling.

“Hey.” He smiled back. John didn’t say anything
else, so Jason turned and walked away, wondering what John saw.

***

J
ason went outside to
the run down porch and sat down on the steps. The door opened
behind him and John stepped out next to him. He sat down on the
porch steps which were barely white anymore due to severely peeling
paint. “So, kid, what happened tonight?”

“Nothing. Chris passed out, Sam got a migraine. I
called Craig and he drove us back.”

“I mean what happened with you and Sam?”

Jason blushed. “Nothing happened with me and
Sam.”

“Mhmm.” John said as he lit a cigarette.

“Nothing happened.” Jason said again.

“I don’t believe you.”

“Why not?”

“’Cuz your face is bright red kid.” John said,
smirking.

Jason smiled too, thinking about what had happened
barely an hour ago. He smiled wider, wanting to kiss Sam again. And
again. And again.

Jason was brought out of his reverie by the sound of
John laughing.

“What are you laughing at?” Jason asked, shifting in
his spot.

“If you’re trying to keep what happened between you
two a secret, you’re not doin’ a very good job.”

Jason didn’t answer but could feel his face turning
red again.

“And, ya’ know, Jason, I am Sam’s older brother. So
I think I should know what happened, don’t you?”

What was he supposed to say? ‘I kissed your baby
sister’? No.

“Uh, me and Sam kissed.” Jason said quickly.

“Yeah, thought so.”

“Then why’d you ask me what happened?” Jason
asked.

“Cuz I wasn’t sure.”

There was silence between them for a few
minutes.

Then Jason spoke. “Are you mad?”

“What?” John asked. “No. Course not. Why would I be
mad?”

“I don’t know.” Jason said shyly. “Cuz, Sam’s your
baby sister.”

“If it was anyone but you, I’d give them a lecture
and say if they tried anything I’d beat ‘em to death. But it’s you.
You’ve loved Sam forever. And you really care about her. You’d
never hurt her.”

“Of course I wouldn’t.” Jason’s eyes betrayed no
hint of a lie.

“Then we shouldn’t have a problem kid.” He said,
messing up Jason’s jet black hair.

Everyone in the senior class was talking about how
they couldn’t believe the year was almost over. Sam wasn’t nearly
as concerned. She was thinking about what happened between her and
Jason last night.

“Sam. Sam. Samantha? Miss Ramsden!”

Sam blinked and looked back up at the front of the
classroom.

“Is our head in the clouds?” She asked.

“Oh, uh, I’m sorry.” The bell rang just after she
finished her sentence.

Sam saw Jason standing outside the classroom as she
started packing her books. His class was right next door to hers.
She smiled and waved to him. He smiled shyly and waved back.

As the class was packing up their stuff Mrs.
Henderson called Sam over to her desk. She looked at Jason as her
teacher closed the door.

“Yes.” Sam said.

“You seemed distracted during class. Is everything
okay?”

“Yes, everything’s fine.”

“Samantha, I notice you hang out with that boy,
Jason, quite a bit.” Mrs. Henderson seemed like she was looking
down her nose at him even though he wasn’t there.

“Yes . . . and?” Sam asked.

“Well, he meets you outside class every day. And . .
. .watching you two together it seems like he’s got a bit of an
interest in you. And that you may have an interest in him.”

“So?” Sam tried to keep her tone acceptable.

“I just think. It’s just that.” Mrs. Henderson
paused and took a deep breath. Despite her efforts, she blurted.
“You have so much potential! And I don’t think that Jason is good
enough for you. I don’t want him to hold you back.”

Sam was silent, seething. And then she spoke up.
“What do you want me to say? ‘Thank you for your concern?’ ‘I
understand?’ ‘I’ll take it under consideration?’”

“Sam.” Mrs. Henderson puffed up.

“No. Listen to me. I don’t give a damn what you
think. You don’t know Jason. I do. No one knows Jason like I do.
He’s so much more than you see. Than anyone sees. Even him. And you
are right about one thing. Jason’s not just ‘good enough’ for me.
He’s perfect for me.” With that, Sam swung open the door and let it
slam behind her, running straight into Jason.

“Oh.”

“What’s wrong?” Jason asked, putting his hands on
her shoulders to steady her.

“Nothing. I’m fine. Now.” She smiled.

“So, um, should we talk about what happened last
night?” She continued.

“I guess we should.” Jason said. He unsuccessfully
attempted to hide his smile.

“You said you were my boyfriend. Last night. When
that guy tried to get me to dance with him.”

“I’m kind of surprised you remember.” Jason
smirked.

“I wasn’t the drunk one. Chris was.” Sam pointed
out.

Jason laughed softly. “I know. But you did have a
really bad migraine.”

“I don’t think that I’d forget that kiss.” They both
blushed. “Or that you said you were my boyfriend.”

“Oh, yeah, I . . .” Jason searched frantically for
words.

“Do you want to be?” She said.

“What?” He squeaked out and then cleared his throat
loudly.

“Do you want to be my boyfriend?” Sam asked.

“Well, I, uh.” He stuttered again.

“Jason.” Sam said, taking his hand.

“Yeah, I do. So, uh, Sam, do you wanna go steady
with me?”

Sam smile was so wide that almost all of her teeth
became visible. “Yes.” She said. Jason smiled, leaned in and kissed
her.

“So that’s a yes? You want to be a couple?” Sam
leaned back and looked into his dark brown eyes.

He kissed her again. “Yes.”

Sam continued to smile so wide that her cheeks hurt.
“How are we going to tell the guys?”

“We could just have John tell them.” Jason
shrugged.

“Excuse me?” She arched a quizzical eyebrow.

“John knows what happened last night.” He
explained.

“Of course he does. I shouldn’t be surprised.” She
shook her head but smirked in spite of herself. John would be the
first of them to know.

Sam smiled wider. Jason smiled right back at her and
leaned in for another kiss.

***

I
t was the end of June
1966. The senior class of Deermont High had graduated. Sam had
never seen Craig so proud.

Sam, Juliana, and Derek had all gotten acceptance
letters to Princeton. Sam had been waiting to hear from financial
aid. One stifling day the letter finally came.

It was late afternoon and Jason and Sam were on the
couch watching a movie. The guys of course teased them a lot,
followed by quite a few congratulations. Craig wasn’t ecstatic, but
he accepted it.

Craig walked out to the end of the driveway and
sitting in their gray mailbox was a letter from Princeton financial
aide. For a moment he let hope bubble up inside him. He quickly
suppressed it. He couldn’t let himself get his hopes up for this.
Not yet. He knew the letter was technically for Sam, but he
couldn’t help himself. Before he went inside, Craig opened the
letter, and his face dropped. How was he going to tell Sam?

“Sam.” He called as he walked in, the screen door
slamming behind him.

“Yeah?”

“We got a letter from Princeton financial aid.”
Craig said hesitantly.

She sat up straight. “What’s it say?”

“Well, you got a scholarship.” He began.

“Really? I did.” She cut him off quickly. His face
fell. Sam saw the look on his face now.

“What?” She said hesitantly, her eyebrows knitting
close together.

“We still can’t afford it.” He said slowly.

“Oh.” She flopped back down on the couch next to
Jason. “Oh, uh. Okay.”

“Sam, I’m sorry.” He sat down on the couch next to
her.

“It’s okay, Craig. I understand. Princeton’s
expensive. It’s fine. I could still take some classes around
here.”

“Sam, I—” Craig put his hand on her shoulder.

“Craig. It’s fine. Really.” She said with
finality.

Craig sighed. He didn’t know what else to say, so he
went into the kitchen.

Jason pulled Sam closer and she rested her head on
his shoulder. He stroked her hair gently.

“You sure you’re okay?” He asked.

“I’ll survive.”

“I’m sorry.” He said and kissed the top of her head.
She smiled and snuggled closer to him.

Sam sat nestled in the pile of pillows on her bed,
journal open on her lap. This was a new one, a simple blue spiral
notebook, she couldn’t afford much else then.

You know, I want to be happy for Juliana and Derek.
I really do, but I can’t help feeling a little jealous of them.
Jealous that they get to go to a great school like Princeton. They
don’t even have to worry about financial aid or scholarships or any
of that. They don’t have to worry about money period. I mean, I
know that they have their own stuff to worry about, but still, it
must be nice. Nice to have money and not have that stupid crap stop
you from doing what you want to. I’m glad that I have Jason to make
me feel better. But still, it makes me jealous. Even a little
angry.