My Mind's Eye (Pub Fiction #1) (24 page)

“You are astoundingly gorgeous and that’s probably the least interesting thing about you, I’m sure, Kat. I can only imagine you are as amazing on the inside as you are on the outside, baby. And mark my words, I am going to know all of you. I am going to consume you, as you’ve been consuming me. You and me, we are gonna be much more.” He kisses my lips one last time.

Ryker easily moves me from the front of his door. I stand there staring up at him in what must look like a complete state of shock. Drool, I imagine, running down my face at his words.

He turns to me before leaving and grits out one last warning. “Stay away from Jay, Kat…You’re mine.” And with that, he leaves me standing in his room dumbfounded. Panties beyond wearable in public, my heavy breasts aching with need.
Asshole.

Chapter 31

Ryker

F
uck, I didn’t mean for that to happen. I didn’t mean to virtually attack her like some kind of unhinged animal. I’m sure she still thinks of me as a buffoon from the other times I’ve fucked up, and now I’ve just gone and confirmed it.
Shit
, I mutter to myself, walking to the end of the hall, intending to head back downstairs to the party to pretend like nothing happened. A stupid party that I wish wasn’t even happening anymore. I really hate Hallo-fuckin’-ween. I need a fucking drink bad, along with some space to think about what the hell is going on with me.

I needed to get away from that sweet angel before I treated her like the fucking devil I am, the one who wants to fuck her long and hard. I swear to God, I should get a medal. It took everything to walk away, leaving her in my room untouched and fucking willing. And now, no doubt, pissed off. I know she wants me. At my touch, her willingness couldn’t be hidden anymore, no matter what her mind may say. Responsive to my touch, so damn pliable in my arms, I’m getting hard again just thinking about it. Fuck me sideways and piss on the medal, I should be sainted.

I end up bypassing the stairs, detouring to the bathroom. I have to get myself and my throbbing cock under control, which is impossible at this point because I can’t stop fucking thinking about her. Her lips, her sounds—dammit—she even tasted better than I ever imagined she would. Locking the door, I run cold water over my face, the shock and sting of the water doing nothing to subside my thoughts.

Fuck, what this girl does to me. Man, the way she easily surrendered to my touch, allowing me to take her luscious mouth, allowing me to talk to her the way I did, crudely and matter-of-fact. Telling her—warning her really—with no uncertainty, of the things to come. And fuck if she didn’t waver, not once. Rather, she simply groaned as I laid it all out for her. Fuck me. I need this girl like I need air to breathe. I know I can’t wait much longer; I’ve given the idea of being in a committed relationship enough thought. It’s what I want, what I’m ready for with Kat. For some reason, I know without a doubt, once I get inside of her mind, body, and soul, there will be no way I’m going to want to leave. Kat is who I want. I’ve watched her. I see her as nothing short of kind-hearted and sweet, always willing to help out above and beyond, smiling, happy. She is perfect. It’s time I stop standing in my own way; it’s time I go for it.

Chapter 32

Kat

F
ollowing my encounter with Ryker, I stayed in his room for a while hoping he’d come back. Finally giving up on the idea, I rejoin my friends, knowing Claire is probably worried.

“Where the hell have you been, Kat? You’ve been gone for a long time. Are you okay? Oh lord. Please tell me you were upstairs getting it on with you-know-who.” She winks before adding, “Yes, my dear. I saw Ryker follow you.”

“Jesus, Claire, keep it down, would you?” I grit out, looking around, making sure no one else is listening to her big mouth.

“I may not know where you ended up all this time, or what in the hell you were doing, but I do know you, and something happened. I also know that sexy man-beast, Ryker, was with you. ’Cause he all but chased after your sexy ass once he saw you heading back up the stairs. And I know whatever went down was juicy.”

At my silence, she goes on to scold me for leaving her hanging in suspense. I have to admit, sometimes it’s fun to watch her squirm, trying to get the good gossip.

“Oh, okay. You wanna play like Fort Knox? Fine for now. But mark my words, missy, you will be dishing later, my friend; you can count on that. I can be very persuasive. Go on and have fun. Drink, dance, and be all secretive, but you and I
will
be talking,” she quips, impressed with herself.

I have to give it to her; she is pretty relentless when she wants something. I can’t help my next words as we stand in the middle of the dance floor.

“Okay, later. Now stop giving me shit in the middle of the bloody dance floor. I already feel on edge. Now I need a stiff drink—or five—and to get back to dancing with my bestie.” I offer a smile, trying to appease her.

“I just want to make sure you’re okay, Kat. You look like you’re hiding something. He didn’t do anything to you, did he? ’Cause I will kick his ass if I need to.”

“Claire, I’m fine. Nothing happened that I didn’t want to happen. You’re right. He did follow me, and we talked, although brief. But I don’t want to get into it here. Not when all these people are around. I need to forget it, because in all honesty, he’s an asshole who’s playing with me like I’m a new untouched toy, and I am not going to be another play in his overused game book.” With this, I know Claire will drop it for now. She sees I’m affected by what went down upstairs and she knows I’ll open up when I’m ready to talk. Fucking Ryker and his leaving me like that for what, the second time now? There is no way I’ll let him get near me like that again. That is the last time he’ll leave me practically begging like a fool.

I have a few more drinks and dance the night away, trying my hardest not to keep looking for a certain someone and ignoring my thoughts about everything that happened upstairs. I can say I wasn’t as chipper and fun as when we’d first arrived. My world has just been thrown off its axis.

For some stupid reason, though, like the good girl he wanted me to be, I did heed Ryker’s warning and stayed away from Jay; although, I’m not really sure why. It’s not like he stuck around to finish what he started upstairs, but I guess deep down, I know whatever that was, it’s most certainly not over. And truth be told, despite knowing better, I’m not sure I want it to be.

After I left the party, I lie in my bed replaying over and over what happened upstairs between Ryker and me. The more I think about it, the more confused, frustrated, and angry I’m getting. Hearing him say he feels there is some strange spark between us is reassuring. I’m glad I’m not the only one feeling it, that I’m not going crazy or delusional. It’s clear we have a definite attraction; there is no denying it’s there, like a magnetic force which cannot be tamed. But with knowing his type, I cannot help but see the flashing warning signs from miles away. Wondering if I’m just another play in his game where the goal is to fuck me like all the others I’ve been told about. It’s no secret that Ryker is the epitome of a player, and I seriously don’t need to be hurt again. Getting involved with a guy like him can only spell disaster for a girl like me. I’m not looking to be a game; I’m looking to be the game changer. In the meantime, I’m happy to wait on the sidelines for Mr. Right.

I continue to think how he’s just a dick who’s just been playing a game with me, who said all those sweet things to help get into my panties. Maybe he thinks he told me what I want to hear?
Would he really say all those things just to get laid?
I mean, most girls love hearing about connections, feelings, and pretty much insta-love.
Dammit
, I hate feeling like this. I hate when I get excited about a guy, and then do this to myself. What if all his talk about us, his feeling it too, an imaginary pull, us having a connection…a spark, what if it was sincere? What if he really feels something? What then?

Ryker isn’t just an ordinary boy; no, he is a player. An alpha male who doesn’t do more than fuck, just as I’ve been told on more than one occasion now anyway. Since working at Pub Fiction, I’ve heard more than my fair share of stories about the infamous Ryker Eddison.

Thinking back on it now, I’m more than certain Ryker is just laying the groundwork to get himself laid; he couldn’t possibly change. Change for me. Once a player, always a player, right?

Brooke and Naomi themselves pretty much warned me off him and his flirtatious ways months ago. The fact that the guy needs a message bowl because he’s so in demand should be all the justification I need.
Could I even compete or deal with his entourage of hootchies?

I’m tired of being in limbo with this man. I will not allow Ryker to affect me any longer, or get to me. Nor will I let him tell me the way things are going to be between us. I know he’s hotter than Hades, and believe me, the visions I have created in my mind at the promises of pleasure that seeped from his mouth tonight would no doubt be like anything I’ve ever experienced. But I can’t just be another name added to the bowl of women waiting for more from Ryker Eddison. Not that I wouldn’t love to give into Honeybutter even for a night, but I can’t. I won’t.

Especially after Seth, and how flippant he was with me, with our relationship, with my reaction to his cheating. Seth led me to truly believe it was my fault, that I was some great big bitch who was too plain for him…too boring. I know I need and deserve more now. I deserve to be worshipped inside and outside of the bedroom. I need to be with a man who wants to be with me in an actual functioning, loving relationship. I need to think about myself, my heart, as well as the fact that I can find meaningless sex with anyone. Someone who I don’t feel a connection to. I know already that with Ryker, I want to get to know him so much more. I want to be important, and not just another willing body for him to bury his cock in.

Chapter 33

Kat

T
hinking of assholes all night, I reach for my phone, looking to see if I have any more messages from Seth. If I do, I know I’m going to have to call and confront him, and ask him once again to leave me alone. I’ll remind him we’re through, and inform him that I’ll involve the police if he starts harassing me like before. Luckily, there aren’t anymore.

Making my way to the kitchen, I’m surprised I’m not the first one up, especially after a night of partying like last night. As I step into the kitchen, I’m immediately assaulted with Claire’s demand to talk.

“Mind telling me, now that you’ve slept off your mood of keeping hush-hush, what the hell happened between you and Ryker last night?” she pretty much barks as she is cooking bacon and eggs for breakfast. I smile when I see a mound of food on the stove, knowing she’s made some for everyone. Walking to the counter, I grab a mug and begin pouring myself some much-needed coffee. Claire has one on the go already, so I top hers off.

“We talked is all. He wanted to talk to me about some stuff coming up at work. He thought maybe I could help him out planning a few things for the Pub Fiction to-do to raise money for the kids at the community centre,” I say, knowing as soon as the lies leave my mouth that Claire will be calling me out on my bullshit and complete inability to tell a lie.

“Really, Kat? Who do you think you’re talking to here? There is no fucking way in hell that Ryker wanted to talk to you about work with you dressed like that! You didn’t see his face when he spotted you by the stairs. He did
not
want to talk to you about work. I’m pretty sure he didn’t want to talk at all.” She stands facing me, arms crossed in front of her chest, willing me to try and lie.

“Now cut the shit and tell me the truth, Kitty Kat. I warned you last night we would be having this chat. Besides, I saw the way you were looking for him all night, and then once he finally re-emerged, the two of you were practically eye-fucking each other the rest of the time. And don’t think Matt and I didn’t notice how you wouldn’t give Jay the time of day. I know you were upstairs together, now spill, woman,” she says, all but stomping her foot.

“Okay, fuck, you’re a pain in my ass,” I tell her as she hands me a plate of food and sits with me at the table, settling in to eat while I fill her in on everything that really happened.

I decide to tell her the complete truth, as well as how it will not be a recurring thing.

“But in no uncertain terms will I be allowing that boy near my body again. I don’t care how much I may have liked it.”

“Oh, come on, Kat. It might be good for you,” she challenges. “Maybe a fuck buddy, rather than a regular relationship, might do your psyche a world of good. Nothing like the cure-all of regular orgasms, you know. Endorphins…they do a body good.” She singsongs the end, and I can’t help but laugh at how witty she is.

“Seriously though, Kat, seeing as Seth, the douche, kind of did a number on you in the confidence department, why not let a certain alpha hottie like Ryker help to remind you just how hot you are, Miss. Kat Rollins? Besides, with that text message last night, I’m sure Ryker might just be what you need to relax.”

Isn’t that the truth
? I never seemed to really notice how much Seth was an asshole to me until it was too late and I found him cheating on me. Seth would always criticize my clothes and the way I wore my hair up, telling me I looked like a child and to wear it down when around him. He disliked my friends, especially Claire, and would make me feel guilty about going out with them. So, for a really long time, I kind of ditched my friends. I choose Seth over them. Never again will I let a man make me choose like that. I need my friends, especially Claire. I can’t really justify why I let him treat me the way he did, but I guess I just wasn’t confident enough to argue. I think I thought I loved him.

I chomp away on my last piece of bacon, listening to her arguments supporting all the reasons I should give Ryker a chance in spite of my mind already being made up. She’s sure she can convince me otherwise and she seems to have tunnel vision where he and I are concerned. She can’t see the consequences of us hooking up like I can.