My Only One (18 page)

“They can be both pleasant and painful memories, Abby, because I have to go back to the
Udaloy.
” Alec shook his head, sorrow in his tone. “I’m sorry in so many ways for things that are out of our control. If you were a Soviet woman, then things would be very different.”

“Or you an American.”

Gently, he caressed her hair, which glinted with such life in its depths. “Whatever you decide is right for both of us.”

Feeling as if she were being torn apart, Abby slowly got to her feet. “I’ve got to think…feel my way through this, Alec.” By the look in his eyes, she knew he understood, knew he, too, suffered as much. It was a no-win situation.

There was a knock on the door. Inwardly, Abby groaned over the intrusion. She felt bereft as Alec removed his hand from her shoulder. Giving him an apologetic look, she went to answer the door.

Susan smiled meekly. “Hi. I know this is probably a bad time—” she peeked into the apartment, giving Alec a wave, “—but I ran out of milk for Courtney’s dinner tonight. Do you have any, Abby?”

“Sure, come on in.” Abby couldn’t be angry at Susan and surrendered to the reality of the situation. She would have to talk later with Alec.

“Hi, Alec. Welcome back!” Susan said brightly, and went over to the couch.

Abby saw him stand and give Susan a hug of welcome. In the kitchen, she found a quart of milk, but realized she had nothing to offer Alec for dinner. She told Susan when she handed her the milk.

“No problem,” Susan said. “I’ve got some hamburger left over from Courtney’s dinner.”

“Did I hear hamburgers?” Alec asked hopefully.

Susan laughed. “I can see the McDonald’s experience is still strong in his memory. Hold on, I’ll be right back.”

After Susan had left, Abby glanced at Alec. “I didn’t think you wanted rabbit food for dinner tonight.”

He shrugged. What he wanted was Abby, but that had to remain her decision, and he didn’t want to pressure her into making it. “A fresh salad is healthy for me. Or so some lovely red-haired woman told me.”

Feeling heat creep into her cheeks, Abby avoided his smoldering gaze.

He grinned, grateful that color was coming back to her pale cheeks. The haunted look, the look of longing, was still in Abby’s huge, beautiful eyes, and Alec felt hopeless. “Anything you cook is made with love. Believe me, your food is far preferable to that aboard the
Udaloy.
”

“Isn’t that the truth,” Abby said, regaining some of her impish spirit once again.

Susan came back with the ground meat and while Abby went to the kitchen to prepare it, Susan remained behind to chat with Alec.

“How are you and Tim getting along?” Alec asked Susan.

“Better and better.”

“That’s a good sign.” Susan looked happier than he’d ever seen her. “A relationship works because of both people, however.”

Susan nodded. “No disagreement from me on that account. Still, Tim’s an incredible man, Alec. To use one of Abby’s words, wonderful.”

He grinned and looked toward the kitchen. The pleasant sound of clinking pots and pans came from the room. How many times had he longed to be part of such a scene again? The thought of living with Abby, of sharing her life, struck him deeply, as never before. Susan was giving him a quizzical look, and he tried to gather his strewn thoughts.

“Tim has been instrumental to all of us in uncounted ways,” Alec finally said.

“Don’t I know it. He’s taking Courtney and me on a picnic Saturday afternoon. I finally decided that my weekends are my own, not the firm’s time.”

“A wise decision.” Alec knew that Tim had wanted Susan to begin to live her life a little less in the fast lane of a career. “You’re looking very happy, so I know the past month has been good for both of you.”

Flushing Susan said, “I’m afraid because I’m so happy, that it will disappear on me. Isn’t that silly?”

Alec shook his head and understood Susan’s meaning all too clearly in relation to himself and Abby. “In the Soviet Union, we know happiness is not a given, but rather, a gift. Every person steels himself for the inevitable darkness that follows light.”

“I think your country is pessimistic by nature,” Susan said seriously.

“Not pessimistic, but we are by nature a very resolute people. You have to remember that we have suffered through so much war and repression that our outlook has been shaped by them. We feel it’s wiser to expect nothing, that way, we can’t be disappointed.

“You don’t seem to be that way,” Susan noted.

“I’m different in that one way. I believe in hope and dreams.”

“Tim says happiness can be worked at and earned. I want to believe him, I really do, but there’re parts of me that hang back wondering if he’s right.”

Alec smiled gently. “Perhaps you have a soul of a Russian, after all, Susan. Don’t let it stop you from being happy with Tim.”

“I’m giving it my best shot,” she promised. “I’m overstaying my welcome. You two deserve some private time together. Let me say goodbye to Abby. I’ll see you later. Enjoy the hamburger, Alec.”

He smiled and gave her a small bow. “Thank you.”

Abby looked up from her preparations when Susan entered the kitchen.

“Gotta run,” Susan told her, and lifted her hand in farewell.

“Thanks, Susan. See you.”

Wandering into the kitchen after quiet settled back into the apartment, Alec put his hands in his pockets and leaned against the kitchen counter, close to where Abby was working. A stray strand of hair dipped across her eyes, and he reached over to capture it. Taking the strand, he placed it behind her ear.

“Thanks,” she said, smiling at him. “You’re awfully handy to have around.”

Relaxation flowed through Alec. “Things just naturally happen between two people who like each other,” he said huskily. He saw Abby’s eyes widen momentarily, and then she went back to making the hamburger patties.

“It’s a nice feeling,” Abby admitted. She placed the patties in the heated skillet and put the lid on it. Her skin prickled deliciously, and Abby realized Alec was watching her as she set the table for their meal. While she fixed some broccoli to steam, she told him about her meeting with Dr. Turner.

“I think the pressure you’ve been able to keep on the administration is working,” Alec told her.

“I didn’t take kindly to her threats.”

“No, I wouldn’t, either.” He grinned suddenly. “She’d be a good KGB agent. They’re always trying things like this to pressure people into doing what they want them to do.”

Abby put the cups and saucers on the pink linen tablecloth. “She’d be thrilled to hear that.”

“Well, when we both deliver our speeches and the press finds out that the Soviet Union is actively backing your efforts, she’s going to be unhappy.”

The need to hold Abby, to love her with all the fire and passion that she lived life with, coursed through Alec. But he forced himself to remain where he was standing. Before long, he would know Abby’s decision. Never had he wanted to love a woman more than her. Never had he needed a woman more than her.

The joy Abby felt dissolved beneath Alec’s hungry inspection of her. Suddenly, she felt trembly inside again, as she always did when he kissed her. She’d never met a man who could show her so eloquently through just a torrid, heated look what he wanted to share with her. She knew she had to make a decision—soon. Her heart warred with her head. Love Alec now and take the five days and run with it, or deny herself and him what they both wanted—needed.

Chapter Ten

“Y
OU’VE BARELY EATEN
a thing,” Alec observed gently as he gave Abby a distressed look. The salad she’d prepared for herself was barely touched. Unlike her, Alec had eaten as if starved, consuming four hamburgers, a huge mound of mashed potatoes and steamed broccoli.

Abby frowned and nervously fingered her fork. “I know.”

He took the utensil out of her hand. “Let’s go to your garden and talk,” he suggested rising.

Abby nodded, barely able to think, her heart screaming at him to stay with her the next five days. Some of the tension eased as he placed his arm around her shoulders, drew her near and walked her toward the small backyard. With a sigh, she leaned her head against him and allowed him to open the sliding screen door.

Alec bypassed the patio and the glass-topped picnic table, and went straight to the lawn, instead. All around them were colorful petunias and marigolds that Abby had planted two weeks ago. They made the drab six-foot-tall pine fence look brighter and prettier, in her opinion.

“Now,” Alec said huskily, draping his arms around her shoulders and pulling her closer, “tell me what you’re feeling and thinking. You’re so tense.” He pressed a kiss on her forehead.

A sigh shuddered through Abby, and she closed her eyes. “I want you to stay with me, Alec.” Her voice became a strained whisper as she watched his eyes narrow upon her.

His heart leapt hard in his chest, once, to underscore the tremulous words she’d spoken. “Are you sure?”

“I’m not sure of anything anymore. My professional life is at an all-time high, but my personal life…well, I thought I knew what I wanted…now I don’t.”

The anguish in her voice and eyes shattered him. Alec eased away from her and captured her hand; her fingers were damp and cool. “There are no easy answers with us.”

“I can’t concentrate anymore, Alec. All I can think about is us…you.”

“I can’t, either.” He gave her a soft smile. “What is the axiom I heard Tim say one day? ‘It is better to have loved and lost than never loved at all.’ I think it’s a good saying, Abby.” As he saw a new life light her eyes, his hand tightened around hers. “Come here,” he whispered.

Abby came without hesitation. She moved into his embrace, filling his heart as she wrapped her arms around his neck.

“Five days is better than nothing,” Alec said unsteadily. “For us, they are the world.” He took her hand and they slowly walked through the apartment together. Alec opened the door to Abby’s bedroom, light flooding the darkened expanse. Framing her face, forcing her to look at him, he rasped, “I’ve dreamed about this moment,
moya edinstvenaya.
”

Lost in a haze of joy as his mouth brushed her waiting lips, Abby sighed and surrendered to what she had always known would be her greatest happiness. As Alec’s fingers outlined her jaw and he caressed her throat with butterfly kisses, she melted against him and silenced the screaming, logical side of her brain.

“I need you,” she said, raising her eyelashes. She felt as if she were beneath his smoldering gaze.

In one motion, he swept Abby into his arms and carried her to the bed. The quilt across it had been made by her mother years before, she had told him during his first visit. It showed three dolphins leaping out of the green-and-blue waves of the ocean. As Alec settled her on the bed and stretched out beside her, he smiled down at her shadowed features. He brushed her hair away from her face until the strands resembled a halo of fire about her head.

“I’ve been waiting to share a very special poem with you. This is one by Aleksander Pushkin.” His hand stilled against her flushed cheek and he was aware of her shallow, ragged breath. The delicious tension stretched palpably between them. He contoured his body against hers as she lay on her back looking up at him.

“I love your poems, Alec.”

“Poems are part of the Russian soul,” he whispered, leaning down, creating a path of small kisses from her temple to her lips. “I remember the wonderful moment: / You appeared before me / Like a fleeting vision / Like a spirit of pure beauty. / And my heart beats in ecstasy / And within it are reborn / Divinity and inspiration, / And life, and tears, and love.”

Abby absorbed his unsteady voice. The words destroyed whatever doubts, whatever fears were left within her. As never before, she realized that the next five days were there for them—for all time. Reaching up, she slid her fingers along the slant of his strong jaw and gently drew him downward until her lips fitted the demanding line of his mouth. Alec was her life, her tears, her love.

The air hung with electricity in the grayness of the night. As Alec slowly unbuttoned her blouse and removed it, Abby felt a sweet, hot tension collect between her thighs. She never wore a bra because her breasts were too small to need support. Every cell in her body screamed for his touch as he lifted his hand to gently cradle her.

“You are,” he said in a deep, shaken voice, “so beautiful, so perfect to me.”

A sigh escaped Abby as he caressed her, the fire smoldering in her lower body, igniting to torrid, feverish flame beneath his knowing, exploring touch. She wasn’t content to lie passively at his side and with trembling fingers, she unbuttoned his shirt and eased it away from his shoulders. How sinewy he was, Abby thought as she ran her fingers across his chest, feeling his muscles tense and leap beneath her exploration. His groan of pleasure made her unconsciously arch against his hard male body.

Minutes dissolved into a melange of color, light, sensation and fragrance for Abby. He removed her jeans, and they formed a crumpled heap with his slacks, later joined by her lingerie. As he stretched his naked body across hers, she realized her sultry dreams of the past month were going to come true. Alec was powerful, filled with tension, and the dark hunger in his eyes promised her so much.

As he leaned down to worship her breast, Abby arched upward, needing his contact, needing him. A little cry escaped her exposed throat as he captured her. She sensed rather than felt him ease her thighs apart, the haze of need overwhelming all her senses, and putting her into a state in which she was only aware of his taut body covering hers.

As his hand slid beneath her hip, Abby’s breathing suspended. The next second was like a living eternity stretching before her as she waited for him to fill her with the life of himself. And then he thrust forward, taking her, moving with her until the darkness erupted with explosive lights. Each sleek movement of his body brought her into a hot, fevered rhythm with him. Time dissolved. Everything coherent was lost in the molten awareness of Alec loving her, giving to her until she cried out, clutching his shoulders, and then she returned the gift of herself to him. Seconds later, she felt him tense and strain against her, his groan reverberating through her like a pounding primal drum, their hearts beating in the union of oneness.