My Soul to Save (Soul Keeper) (16 page)

“Es okay. I still love you.” I hear her head hit the pillow with the finality of a drunken slumber.

I must have fallen asleep after Inara talked to me or she used her gifts to induce a mini coma. I was still very tired and emotionally drained. I slip back to sleep with ease.

Monday morning rolls around and I still haven’t heard a word from Sam. Inara is on the phone with Will, Sam’s Keeper to find ou
t what’s going on with him. I think Inara secretly has a thing for Will, so she didn’t mind the inquiry.

Lexi has already headed to her early morning class and I need to leave soon as well.

“Will says that after he hung up with you he threw his phone at the wall and it shattered. So that would explain why he didn’t talk to you that night, but he got a replacement yesterday. Will thinks Sam feels terrible and doesn’t know what to do to make it right.”

“Should I call him?”

“I don’t think that’s a good idea Brennen. Let him work it out on his own. Trust me.”

I resign myself to follow her advice. After all, they have access to glimpses of my future. They are old and wise and seem to have good intentions for my heart.

I can't help but light up my phone every five minutes to see if he's contacted me in any form. Each time hurts a little more that he hasn't responded. I keep telling myself it's the first day of school. He's just busy. I should be engrossed in my own first day of college but I'm only there in body. My mind is everywhere but where it should be.

Lexi is still not back from her classes yet. I shut the door to my room and stretch out over my bed. I hear Elena and Inara arguing quietly
next door. I put my ear to the wall and listen.

"She needs to forget about Sam, the boy is going to hurt her one day soon and the damage will be
irreversible," Elena whispers.

"Emmagen is new to reading the oracle, she could have
misinterpreted what she saw."

"Could you really deduct any other logical explanation from what we saw?"

Silence. What in the world are they talking about? Sam's going to hurt me how? He's already breaking my heart. But I deserve it. I can't believe how insensitive I was to his feelings, it's no wonder why he hasn't called me back yet.

I text Sam, "
Hope your first day went well. I'm sorry about the other day. It was selfish of me to make you feel like I didn't trust you. I know you'd never hurt me intentionally.
"

As soon as I hit send, I get a horrible sinking feeling in my stomach. Like maybe Sam did just that, hurt me. What if he was so angry, he went out
and hooked up with some girl just to take his mind off of me? Maybe that's just what Elena was talking about. I start to panic again.

Sam texts back, "
No I'm sorry. I've been wanting to apologize for days. I'm so afraid I'm going to lose you. I'm sorry I hung up on you and that I got angry with you.
"

We end up telling each other about our day and after he says good bye I still feel uneasy. Something is nagging in the pit of my stomach and I have no idea what it is.

I'm one month into my freshman year at Harvard. My roommate Lexi and I sit in "The Yard" with our morning coffee and a book. The air is crisp and cool. This is my favorite time of the year. Fall is on its haunches, waiting to cover the twenty-five acre lawn in its leaves. Pumpkin Spice has taken over in every Starbucks . There's just nothing better.

My thoughts drift to Sam and how much I miss him. Lexi sees me reach for my phone and scoops it up.

"Nope, you can't text him until after our study break." She already knows me. I sigh out and continue to stare at my book without actually reading it. After Sam and I's rift, things have felt awkward. I don't think we'll will ever be the same. Sam is
leery and he has every right to be. I just hope we can hold on until break. School has helped ease the suffering, but nothing can fully erase the hole in my heart I have for him.

Emily sends me a postcard every week from a different place in Europe. Sometimes I still wish I would have went with her. Then the sane part of me
remebers I'm being hunted, and I'd only put her in danger. I miss her simple goodness and I wonder how much this year will change her. My little Em's has never been outside of Norfolk, much less a new country wth strange customs and languages.

Jesson takes a seat next to me in the grass. He stretches out his long legs and knocks his Vans together as if he were Dorothy.

"Holy crap, what are you doing here?"

"It seems I made bail. Professor Whitmore gave me the morning off."

"Who's your friend, Brennen?" Lexi asks looking a bit irritated that her morning routine just got interrupted. I had no idea Jesson would stalk me all the way to Massachusetts, but I can tell he wants me pretend like he's been here all along. He must be ready to stick around for a while.

"Lexi, meet my former vice president Jesson."

"I thought you said you didn't know anyone else here."

"Well, he's nobody. So I wasn't exaggerating now was I?" Jesson smirks and shoves me over.

"Now why would you admonish me to anything less than BFF's?"

"Unless that stands for "Bubbling frog fart," then I'm sure I have it right."

"Be that way then. But I've got news I think you'll want to hear," he quips out before getting up to go. Lexi perks up her brows at the mention of good gossip. I roll my eyes and give Jesson the precede gesture. "Sorry but this is for your ears only."

Great, Lexi will beat me to death in my sleep until I tell her what it is. She hates to be out of the loop. "I'll see you after Econ." She saunters off, her long flowing ponytail swishing behind her like the ribbon on a kite. Lexi could bring out the inner cheerleader in anyone.

"So what's the word?" I ask lying on my back studying the branches of red and gold leaves above me. He pulls up next to me and leans in to my ear.

"Let's just say your favorite white haired oracle reader is free. Safe and sound in Amorous. Well, recovering at any rate."

"By Elijah's hand?"

"Yes, he's completed his first redemption."

"Good for him." I say readying myself for class.

"Depends on if he made a deal for Nehemiah's freedom or if he did it under their noses. The later would mean he was being punished as we speak."

"Elijah will be fine soon enough," I say pleading more for my own sanity than Jesson's.

"You don't know that."

"Not for sure, but my mother said when you came back around, Elijah would show up shortly after."

"That vision could take place years from now, you just don't know." He pauses a moment and I can almost see the light bulb go off in his head. "But I know who would know."

He grabs my arm and whips me around. Elena and Inara get all huffy at the way he's handling me. He backs down for a moment but as soon as we round the corner he takes my arm again. I go to pull away but his grip is too strong.

He closes his eyes and I know what's coming. In the next instant we are transported to the In-Between.

"Not only can Nehemiah give us more details, but he can give you back your memories."

"No, Jesson I'm not doing it! Take me back, I have to get to class."

"No! Not until you get your memories back."

"He's right Brennen," Elena says popping up beside us. They have me cornered like a feral cat on the loose.

"You people can't play around with someone's memories like they were a game of cards. Don’t you dare let him touch me again."

Inara comes up from behind me and injects my arm with something. Before I can protest, my world fades to black.
 

*~*~*

My eyes crack open and take in the fact that I am back in my dorm and in my bed. They've done it. They've mixed my two histories, two realities together. Now they’ve both happened. And now, I feel the full weight of my love for Elijah and for Sam. I try and shake the thought of loving anyone but Sam out of my head but I can tell that I'm way too far gone for that. Oh God, what have I done? What have they done? I don't want to be in love with two people again. Anger builds inside of me at the mess they've made in my head again.

I bolt out of bed and find Elena and Inara sitting in the common room.

"I'm done. Done with Harvard, done with being your puppet. I'm booking the next flight to Texas and I'm through." I say sinking down to the floor in tears.

"Oh honey, I'm so sorry it had to be this way. Tell us how we can help."

“You! You let that nut-job rifle around in my brain Elena. How could you?” I get off the floor and shove Elena into the fireplace mantle.

She narrows her eyes in response and in less than a second
, she’s got me turned around and pinned in her arms as tightly as a rope could. “You don’t want me on your bad side, Brennen. I don’t play fair and I don’t fight that way either.”

“Let me go, Elena.” I struggle in her arms and she doesn’t budge an inch.

“Elena, let her go,” Inara finally chimes in. Elena eases her grip on me slowly. As soon as she lets go I run out the door and outside.

“Jesson? Jesson?” I call out as I keep running, bare feet and all. I look across the courtyard and between the dorms and then I run straight into him.

“Whoa, Bren. Are you alright?” he asks as he catches me like a well-received punt.

“No! I’m not alright Jesson. Why’d you do it? Why is everyone so hell bent on controlling me?”

Elena catches up to me easily and stands just out of my reach. “Elena get away from me right now. Or I swear…”

Jesson steps between the two of us. “Hey I can keep an eye on her for a bit, I’ll get her back to the dorm in a little while,” he tells Elena. She throws her hands in the air and walks away mumbling under her breath.

“Thanks, but I’m still ticked at you.”

“I’d be ticked at me too if I were you. But I’m not trying to control you, far from it. If anyone is on your side it’s me, Bren. I wish you could see that.” We walk over to a nearby bench and take a seat.

Jesson opens his arms and offers a hug. I settle into his shoulder and we just sit for a while. My memories are clear, but some overlap, and it gives me a head ache when I try and sort it out. It feels awful knowing someone has been poking around with my precious memories.

One in particular keeps coming back, front and center of my thoughts.

“They told me that Sam attacked me but, now…”

“Now you remember it?” Jesson asks and I nod quietly. I keep seeing Sam’s face contorted into a mask of murderous rage. Nothing in his eyes but hate for me. My stomach flips over inside and I shiver with the rest of the memory. My sweet Sam.

“I’m sorry Brennen. I didn’t even think about how you would have to deal with that again.”

“I don’t feel well I think I’d better get back.”

“Come on.” Jesson supports my weight as the nausea over takes me. I barely make it back inside the dorm room, I’m so dizzy.

"I have to tell him I'm sorry,
" I say sinking on to the sofa. Jesson grips my hand with his cool fingers.

"Who?"

"Elijah, of course."

"No one’s seen him in months Brennen."

“No, not since he saved me from the Hell Hounds. Elena scared him off just like she always does.”

"Look, Elijah never doubted that your love wasn't real for a minute Brennen. But if he does come to find you..."

"I know, stay away from him. He could be dangerous." If I have this drilled into my head one more time I may combust. “Thanks for the ear Jesson, but I think I’m going to get some rest.”

“Anytime Bren, remember what I said. I meant it.” He slips outside and I hear Elena and Inara arguing in their room. I’m sure she wants to go another round.

As if the universe had impeccable timing, Sam's face appears on my phone. I took this picture of him when he was sitting on the tailgate of his truck. He was laughing because I had memorized a bunch of lame horse jokes for him. I think he was laughing more at their idiocy than their humor, but he was in hysterics, so I snapped the picture. I let his call go to voicemail as I run to the bathroom and empty the contents of my stomach. I feel wretched. I have no idea how to handle all of this information, all of these feelings.

"Hey, you alright in there?" I hear Lexi call out. "Guess that's why you missed half your classes today." Oh that's just great. They kidnap me and haul me off to another planet to have mind altering memory implants and they don't even bother to get me back in time for school.

I emerge from the bathroom, and plop down on the sofa throwing the pillow over my face, noticing that both Elena and Inara are gone.

"Is Jesson the father?"

"What? Are you insane?" I snap back.

"I made you some tea. Caffeine isn't as bad as they thought for the fetus you know."

"Lexi stop, I'm not pregnant."

"Of course not, you'd have to actually have sex for that to happen
," she giggles out, perching her lean torso over her tan legs. I crack a smile. I swear my mother placed the perfect roommate in my dorm just for this very occasion.

"What's it like?"

"Sex?"  She stretches her lean body out like a cat in the sun and contemplates her response.  She pulls her smile to one side and winks at me. "I'd have to say sex is like butter. You drop it on a heated pan and watch as it slowly melts, consuming the pan with every bit of its yumminess. But once you've gone butter, you can never go back to plain old oil, you'll crave its delicacy, its sensuality. You'll imagine what the next dish will be like after the very first bite.

"You sound like Elijah when he talks about food."

"Mm, who's this Elijah and when will you introduce me?"

"He's..." I get choked up when I think about what he might be going through while I sit in the comfort of my room. Lexi comes over and rubs my back. I shake the thought out of my head. He's okay, he has to be okay.

"Elijah was the first guy I ever kissed, the first man I ever loved." She gives my arms a tight squeeze.

"Okay, now I have to hear th
e whole story." So I tell her, minus the supernatural bits and pieces. She refills our tea cups as I talk. I'm nothing short of amazed at how well I've learned to lie. Now with all of my memories back, I actually miss my cool superpowers, at least the mind reading one.

"So who dumped who?"

"It wasn't like that. Things changed all of a sudden and it wasn't anyone's fault. He had to go on duty and he wanted me to live my life without him, then along came Sam. He was the light in a room full of despair."

"Except now you're stuck in a long distance relationship, when Mr. Right-here-right-now could be at the party going on down at Wigglesworth."

"You go head. I'm exhausted."

“So what has you so upset? Did you find out Elijah’s moved on?”

“Worse. I think I’m still in love with him, and I pretty sure as soon as he gets out he’s going to come here.”

“What are you going to do? Oh my gosh, a love triangle. Which one will get to be Edward?” She asks so innocently, I bust out laughing.

“Lexi aren’t you missing a great party somewhere?”

"Fine, but this weekend you’re coming with me to Epsilon’s big rush week kick off. You've been here a month and how many new people have you met?"

"Pinky swear." I hook her little finger over mine and tug.

"No take backs." She giggles out the door.