My Soul To Take (6 page)

All because Gerik had dumped his bullshit on me and Xan had moved on, I had lost my home? I swallowed back a wave of panicked sorrow. I couldn't dwell on this now. Winter was coming. I needed more food and more supplies. There would be plenty of time to wallow later.

As I exited the parking lot, I saw Tobar in my rearview mirror, standing alone, watching me leave.

Whatever. Screw Tobar. Screw Marko. Screw Xan. Screw Gerik. Screw them all. I did not need Xan, Gerik, or the Popa Clan to survive. I had been doing just fine on my own.

I was halfway back to the park when I realized I did not have my gun. It was ironic really, that the same gun Xan had given me the last time I’d seen him, I’d lost the day I found out he no longer loved me.

CHAPTER TEN

Xan looked across the truck cab at Nico. Frate was being unusually quiet.

They'd split up from Marko and Tobar halfway through whatever the hell town in Pennsylvania they'd happened upon and were on their way back to the rendezvous point with bags of clothing and canned goods piled high in the truck bed.

“What's up with you?”

“Hmm?” Nico took his eyes off the deserted road to glance at him. “What?”

“You. What’s wrong with you?”

“Gimme a smoke, will you?”

He fumbled in his pockets for his pack, pulled two, lit them, and handed one over.

Nico took several drags before speaking. “It’s Nicu. He’s…I don’t know. Something’s wrong with him.”

He hadn't heard anything about Nicu, other than the comments Fifi had made.

“What’s he done?”

“It’s not what he’s done; it’s the way he looks at people, the things he says. He’s so angry.”

“Frate, in a short period of time we went from being a wealthy clan, full of happy, healthy people to whatever the fuck we are now. Everyone has lost family members, lost hope, lost their damn minds.”

“I know…” He cleared his throat, signaling the end of the conversation. They drove another few miles in silence.

“So…do you think Becki’s recovered from losing Hockey?”

He gave him a curious glance. “It’s only been a couple of months. Why do you ask?”

Nico shrugged. “I don’t know… I mean, she’s hot, right?”

His eyebrows shot to his hairline. “Uh, sure. If you’re into pregnant fete.”

“I’m not talking about her expanding belly,” Nico snapped. “I’m talking about her!”

“Whoa frate, calm down,” he said. “You want to know what I think, here it is. Becki is not hot –”

Nico glared at him and he rolled his eyes.

“As I was saying, Becki’s not hot; she’s too sweet looking to be considered hot. Surioară is beautiful. Especially naked.”

Nico had begun to smile but now he was scowling. Damn. Frate really did have a thing for Becki. He supposed weirder things have happened…you know, like people eating people.

He had not lied about Becki being beautiful. She really was. All smooth, brown skin and dark oval eyes. Her hair was a curly mess, but on Becki, the mess looked good. And if she kept those pregnancy tits…

“Holy fucking shit,” Nico breathed, taking a left into…what used to be a hospital.

“Is this the same hospital we were at this morning?” he asked, sitting up straighter. It looked as if an earthquake had singled out this one area, then a twister had come barreling through, picked everything up, circled around, and dumped it all back in the same place.

Nico pointed to the Emergency Room Entrance indicator, the one thing that had remained standing. “Yep, same hospital.”

“Do you smell that?” he asked, nostrils flaring.

“Yup. Magic. It’s fucking powerful…probably Tobar.”

“No… There’s something different about it. I’ve never smelled it before. Take a breath and try to ignore the floral scents and go deeper. It smells almost like…sour sulfur?”

Nico did as he asked and his eyes went saucer-wide. “Ohhh, shit.”

“What?”

“I've smelled it before. Only once.”

They both looked at each other.

Before Nico could say anything, he jumped out of the moving truck and ran at full speed, not wanting to waste anymore time talking. If Gerik was here, if Tobar or Marko had seen him, then maybe…

He slowed. Then maybe what? Gerik would just hand
her
over to him? Yeah, right. And what if she didn’t want to be handed over? What if she took one look at him and saw what he had been so afraid of her seeing before. That he had never been good enough for her, that he was a bastard with a chip on his shoulder and he destroyed everything he touched. That he had ruined her, that she should have given Gerik her virginity, that she should have married Gerik…that she should have always been with Gerik.

“Hey,” Tobar called out.

“Dark magic,” he said, getting straight to the point.

Sighing, Tobar ran a hand through his greasy, brown hair. It had grown out substantially and now reached his chin. Tobar used to give a shit about his appearance…he had been one of the few in their clan to keep his hair cut short. Like everything else, that too had changed.

“Yeah…about –”

“It was like this when we got here,” Marko said, walking up behind Tobar. “Don’t have a clue what happened.”

He looked quizzically at the two black eyes Marko was sporting. “What happened to you?”

Marko glared at Tobar. “He did.”

“Why?”

“Don’t worry about it,” Tobar answered. “We had a disagreement.”

He looked between the two of them and shrugged. “Whatever.”

He
pointed at the hospital. “The magic, it’s gotta be Gerik, right?”

“Not necessarily, frate,” Nico interjected, having joined them. “The Skin Eater that Gerik fought in the Catskills had
dark magic.”

He frowned. “But he was Rom, right? Everyone said that he looked like he’d come straight from of the old country. How many Romani Skins could there possibly be on the East Coast?” He gestured to the hospital. “It’s gotta be Gerik.”

When no one said anything, his thoughts took a nosedive.

“Or her,” he finished, cringing.

Marko laughed. “Who? Trinity?”

He lunged, fists swinging, and Marko scrambled backwards. Before he could beat Marko’s face into a bloody pulp, Nico grabbed him and wrestled him down to his knees.

“Don’t say her name, asshole!” Nico bellowed. “I won't hold him back next time!”

Marko bravely scoffed. “How could one little Gaje whore be capable of this kind of destruction?”

An elbow to Nico’s stomach dislodged his grip on him. Jumping to his feet, he whipped his gun out from the back of his jeans and aimed at Marko’s head.

“What the fuck did you just call my wife?” His trigger finger twitched irritably.

Tobar shoved Marko. “Do you want to die today, shithead?”

And die he would if he said another word about
her
.

Marko swallowed hard. “Nothing,” he muttered. “I didn’t call her a damn thing.”

“If Gerik bonded her, then she shares his power,” Nico said quietly. “And if he hasn’t educated her, it’s a very real possibility that she could have accidentally caused this.”

Nobody said anything. But he could guess what they were thinking. The sense of
magic was strong, meaning whoever had caused this, Gerik or her, could still be close by.

Nico glanced at him. “Xan…she could be anywhere.”

“And we’re losing daylight,” Tobar added.

Fuck it. They were right. Still staring at Marko, he faked a lunge forward and frate stumbled backwards, looking like he was about to piss himself.

“Get the fuck outta my face,” he hissed, then spit, just missing the asshole’s boot.

Marko took off and Tobar gave him a long, hard look that he returned ten-fold. He might be Baró in title, but never would he be his Baró. That honor had gone to ground with Jericho.

“What?” he asked, his tone hard.

Tobar looked away.

“Let’s go,” Nico said gently, as if he were talking to an over sensitive toddler.

He gave the area one last look.
Her
wasn't here.
Her
was gone. He was going to have to accept it sooner or later.

Later, he decided. He’d accept it later.

Maybe.

Probably not.

CHAPTER ELEVEN

WINTER

Winter had come roaring in less like a lion and more like a kraken. Strong, frigid winds and bitter cold temperatures, accompanied by never-ending snow, made it impossible to enjoy the outdoors. Although the days were shorter, day after day spent indoors with only my thoughts to occupy me, had begun to take forever to get through.

At first, I had tried to keep myself busy. I boiled and bottled enough snow to last a lifetime without dehydrating, I continuously cleaned, and I’d read all my pillaged books. Twice. Three times.

Idle hands, my grandmother McKenna used to say, were the devil's playthings. The same could be said for the mind.

With nothing to do, nowhere to go, no enemy to fight, I began to feel the emptiness of my existence. Before long, I was focusing solely on everything I had lost. I was completely and utterly alone.

Would I be alone for the rest of my life?

And if so, who was I without anyone around to know me?

I knew who I had been. The cherished daughter of Angelos and Shannon Petros, the loving sister of Teodora and Tahyra, one semester away from graduating Long Island University with her bachelor’s degree in Humanities, and content and usually happy with her peaceful life.

Then the world went to shit. I had watched humanity collapse around me, watched monsters brutally murder my baby sister, and presumed the rest of my family dead as well. I would never finish college; never have a meaningful career or a nice home. My life became a focal point of magic and violence. I had been terrified all of the time.

And, oh yeah, surprise! I was somebody's soul mate.

It was Xan who had picked me up – a lost, helpless little girl – and turned me into a self-sustaining woman. Now he, too, was gone.

My worst fears had come true. Xan had moved on. I would never again see his dark eyes looking upon me, shining with love. Never again would my fingertips tingle as I ran my hands over his scarred, bronzed skin.

The
magic, I supposed, was his reason for no longer loving me. A stupid reason, if you ask me. A petty reason, something I had never thought to associate with Xan. He was many things, but petty had not been one of them.

And what about Gerik? He had no reason to dislike me; this was his
magic inside me, for gods’ sakes. If anything, I would have thought he would still be pursuing me.

I still wasn’t sure what I felt for Gerik. It was true that we’d had an incredibly powerful connection, but the feelings hadn’t been mine, not really. It was the soul inside us trying to join, forcing its hosts together. Yet, even after Xan and I had broken the connection between Gerik and me…something remained. Would always remain, I suspected. So where in Hades was he?

My misery was now complete. Not one single person wanted me. Not my husband. Not my friends. Not even my soul mate.

Sadly, I gazed out the small window in my bedroom, watching the snow flurry outside. I shouldn’t have stopped here, I should have gone to a warmer climate to play house. I had a sneaking suspicion that cabin fever was only adding to my misery. By the time winter was over, I would definitely be watching blank television screens.

Was that what I had to look forward to? I looked around my tiny cabin. There was nothing special here deeming this place my home. It was lacking the kind of warmth that only comes with time and long lasting relationships. There was nothing here but me and a few belongings I had stolen. It was sad. And empty. Just like I was.

Sitting up in bed, I lifted my hand and stared at my wedding ring. The white specks on the black background began to move, melding and mixing until the stone was pure gray. The ring had once belonged to Xan’s grandmother, a powerful healer. It was anyone’s guess what was up with the ring. I couldn’t sense any of the elements inside of it. Was it magically infused? Spelled? I couldn’t even begin to guess.

I took a deep breath and for the first time since Xan had placed the ring on my finger, I took it off. It came off easily; I had lost quite a bit of weight in the past few months. I could almost hear my mother scolding me for being “too skinny”.

Gods, I would give anything to be scolded again. I would give anything to be just “some girl”, in some unimportant place, going unnoticed.

I rubbed the small circle of skin around my finger that, because of my ring, was a few shades lighter than the rest of me. My olive complexion had darkened quite a bit with all the time I had spent in the sun. I wasn’t as dark as Xan, but I was close.

Xan…

I climbed across the bed and dropped the ring into the bedside table drawer.

Xan…

Gods, I missed his beautiful body, thick with muscle, wickedly carved in all the right places, hard and warm, covering me, pressing down upon me. Making love to me.

I squeezed my eyes shut. I could not go there. Remembering what I couldn’t have was not going to do me any good.

You are not his anymore, Trin.

Flopping down on my stomach, I buried my face in my bed and screamed.

Do you know what that means?

I had known what it meant. And hearing him say it had been just as pleasurable as having him inside of me.

Lyuba smiled at me as she dumped an enormous lump of something into my bowl. I was pretty sure it wasn’t edible, whatever it was.

“Here you go sweetheart, eat up.”

Thanking her, I turned around looking for Gerik or Becki, the only two people I really knew.

“Trinity!” Becki looped her arm through mine and I exhaled heavily. Thank gods. “Come sit with me,” she said cheerfully, and led me to a relatively empty picnic table. Why in Hades was she always so happy? The world was in chaos, people are turning into monsters…and I am stuck in this camp with these weird, happy Gypsies.

I sat down where Becki released me and sighed. What was this I was supposed to eat? Pig slop? What I wouldn’t give for a bowl of macaroni and cheese.

“Trinity, this is Shandor, our resident idiot,” Becki said. I didn't look up. I didn’t want to know these people. I wanted to go home. I wanted my mom and my daddy, I wanted my sister to still be alive, I wanted –

“And this is Xan.”

Startled out of my thoughts, I inadvertently looked up at the guy seated across from me.

Holy gods.

Yummy.

Wait… Had I ever used the word ‘yummy’ in reference to a guy before?

“Hey,” I whispered and immediately dropped my head, hoping I wasn’t blushing.

“The soup is definitely depressing today.”

I glanced up and found him smiling. “Sometimes Lyuba puts a little too much ‘It sucks to be me’, in it.”

Despite myself, I smiled back. As we looked at one another, his eyes darkened considerably. Unnerved, I began to squirm in my seat. There was something about him that was…too intense, too overwhelming. He reminded me of the sun. If you looked at it for too long, you’d go blind.

Abruptly he stood. “I’ve got work to do,” he said gruffly and walked off.

I watched him make his way around the tables, watched his thick, sleek muscles flexing underneath his clothing, and marveled at the hard and predatory way he moved. He was so, so male.

He turned suddenly and caught me staring. Embarrassed, my face heated, but I could not seem to look away.

He grinned and his entire face changed. He’d gone from seriously good-looking to downright orgasmic. If an orgasm had a face, it would be Xan’s. Not that I knew what an orgasm felt like, but I could imagine.

Oh. I was in trouble. Big, big, trouble. If there was ever a time I needed Tahyra, it was right now.

“Trinity?” I jerked my head up. Gerik was staring after Xan, frowning. For some unknown reason, I felt guilty. This made absolutely no sense. I barely knew Gerik. He was attractive, ridiculously so, and very sweet to me, but I didn’t feel anything close to the way I’d just felt when I’d looked at Xan.

Gerik was still frowning when he took a seat beside me. No, not frowning, he looked seriously pissed off. Gods, what had I done? He couldn’t possibly have known what I was thinking? Or could he? No, that’s impossible.

“Trinity,” he said roughly, “Take a walk with me.”

I stood up slowly and followed him out of the tent. He rounded a few trailers before stopping somewhere private. I glanced up at Gerik and stifled a startled gasp. His eyes were changing from blue to gray, misting and swirling like a stormy sea.

“Wha –”

He took a step toward me and snatched my arm. His touch seared me, heat engulfed my body, my mind, everything, and I trembled violently. When I would have sunk to the ground, Gerik pulled me up against his body and took my mouth in his. It was my first kiss and I responded eagerly, as if I’d done this a thousand times before and knew exactly what to do. Grabbing at his shirt, I clung to him, needing more, needing so much more.

Leaning down, he scooped me up and backed us into the trailer behind me. His hands were everywhere, all over my desperate body. Gods, he felt so right pressed up against me, kissing me, touching me. Oh gods, he was going for my jeans –

“Gerik!”

As if I had burned him, he dropped me and backed away. Becki stood a few feet from us, glaring at him.

“What were you thinking? It’s been what? A month?” she snapped. “And outside? Really? Where anyone could see you?”

Gerik glanced back at me, his expression furious, his eyes...glowing white? Startled, I looked back at Becki and found her eyes just as white as Gerik’s.

I started hyperventilating. Oh my gods, what was going on? Who and what were these people? And what had I just done? I didn't want Gerik, didn't want his hands all over me and yet I had been ready to hand him my virginity on a silver platter.

“What are you?” I whispered hoarsely. “And what did you just do to me?”

Looking back, I’m positive Gerik had already known I was attracted to Xan. He had always had this uncanny ability to gauge my thoughts. If he had known how I’d felt that early on it would explain his pressing attempts to get me into bed. But emotionally, and physically, he’d never stood a chance, not with Xan in my life and my unholy attraction to him that only grew as we spent more time together.

We were an odd match, Xan and I. Choosing Gerik would have made more sense. He was the safer of the two and it didn’t hurt that he was big, strong, and beautiful. Xan was a bad boy, through and through. He had a volatile temper and could – and would – snap at anytime for any reason. He was hotheaded, an adrenaline junkie who loved to fight and loved to face danger of any kind. He smoked too much, drank too much. The man fairly oozed raw aggression and intimidation and…sex. No, not sex…fucking.

You didn’t look at Xan and think, “Gosh, I want to make love to him” or “Wouldn’t it be nice to have some sex with that guy”.

No. You took one look at Xan and you fell to your quivering knees, thinking, “Holy shit, I need that man to fuck me.”

This somehow cancelled out how rough he was, not just around his edges, but all the way through. But, despite his many imperfections, despite his bad temper and his lack of social skills, I loved him.

He embodied strength, physical and emotional. He always stood his ground, even when the odds were stacked against him, and he never backed down from a fight. He was the definition of determined. He saw what he wanted and he went for it, damning the entire world on his way there. And somehow, he had always managed to come out on top.

Despite our months apart, I could still see him as vivid as ever every time I closed my eyes.

Usually shirtless, his beautiful bronzed skin was always on display, as were the scars he had gotten protecting me. The top button of his jeans was often forgotten, along with footwear of any kind. His hair, so very long and yet so very masculine. His heart-stopping smile, so rare and unseen by many, yet always appearing in my presence.

My body flushed with heat…and need. It had been so long, so very, very long since another person had touched me. Since I had been able to touch someone. You never realize how much you take a simple touch for granted until it is gone.

I flipped back over, tugged my t-shirt over my head, kicked off my sweatpants and pulled my sleeping bag up. The satiny material rubbed deliciously against my bare skin and I squirmed against the sensual feeling. Gods, it had been so long…

I closed my eyes and pictured him. His long hair unbound, falling over me, his breathing ragged, his naked body pressed down upon mine.

My breathing hitched.

I ran my hands over my body, lingering on my breasts, squeezing and kneading to the point of pain. Then I tiptoed down my stomach and traced my hipbones, something Xan had always done, usually with his tongue.

“You’re mine, Trinity. Mine.”

I slid my hand in between my legs.

“I’m yours,” I whispered, entering myself.

I focused on my memories of making love to Xan. How, even when he was on top of me, he had always held the back of my head, keeping me somewhat upright. How he had stared into my eyes as he manipulated his fingers inside of me, demanding,
demanding
, that I watch what loving me did to him.