My Sweet Isabella (The Ambassador Trilogy #3) (17 page)

She didn’t push me away. She wasn’t sickened by me, or at least, she didn’t act like the sight of me was appalling. I kissed her again. Her lips tasted so good I couldn’t get enough. I was home again.

She suddenly pushed away from me and put up her hand. Something was different. Her eyes looked broken and sad.

“I can’t do this Fabrice. Not yet. Not again.” She stepped farther away from me.

My heart sank.

“Please don’t push me away. I can’t go on without you. I swear I will die. Let me come inside to talk to you. I don’t want Gustan and Ronnie watching, or God forbid the paparazzi. They are following me everywhere trying to find out what is wrong with me.”

Without saying a word, she stepped aside and let me in.

I walked into Isabella’s family home reluctantly. I had been in there several times before, but this time, my senses were on high alert. I noticed something cooking on the stove. I could smell the familiar aroma of spices and sauce. The clock was ticking in the distance, and I noticed the news was on in the living room. I stood in the open foyer and pleaded my case.

“I love you. I can’t go on without you.” I whispered, as she stood against the wall with her arms crossed. Her eyes bore into me. I walked up closer to her, not touching her. I felt her breath on my skin.

“Why did you do that to me? I didn’t want to leave you. The way you treated me that morning killed me.” She took her fists and pounded my chest, not hard but enough to make me realize she was still upset over what I had done. I grabbed her fists and held them to me. She didn’t pull away again.

I had to say the right thing. My head was foggy.

“I was a mess, Isabella. I was taking too many pain pills, I was afraid I couldn’t satisfy you, I thought you needed better than me. I was so angry at being shot.”

She recoiled and stepped away from me. “You hurt me, Fabrice.”

I hung my head. I knew what I did. We stood in the foyer in silence again.

“What you did to us was shitty, Fabrice. The wedding was announced. People were making plans to come to Paris, I was going to marry my best friend.” She was crying now. The tears were pouring out her eyes. She walked off somewhere and came back with a tissue to wipe her face.

What could I say to that? What the fuck had I done?

“I’m sorry, Isabella. I love you so much, that the thought of you having to deal with my depression and mood swings pushed me to send you home.”

She looked at me and waited.

“I hope you understand; I thought of you when I sent you home. I thought having you leave was for the best. I didn’t know how to start that utter nightmare other than make you pissed off at me.” My voice was strained. I felt weak. Weaker than I had in a while. I needed to sit down, but I couldn’t. I squeezed my eyes shut to get my balance. My stomach was queasy.

“All those nights I cried for you. I begged God to bring you back to me. I thought I was going to die myself when I came back here without you. You made love to me so perfectly the night before and then the next day you told me to leave. I wanted to die. I didn’t care about anything. I wasn’t able to get out of bed and start living again till last week.”

“I wasn’t thinking straight, Isabella.” She didn’t meet my gaze. She was looking at the floor. I lifted her chin and brushed a strand of hair from her face.

“Look at you. Why are you doing this to yourself?” She asked angrily.

I couldn’t answer her, yet I didn’t want the conversation to end. I didn’t want to leave her. I looked away from her trying to think of something to say.

“Why are you here now? If you did all that so I would have a good life without you, why are you here now?” She was beginning to raise her voice at me. I noticed her hands now in her pockets.

“Because, I can’t go on without you. I had to see you. I have to hold and kiss you. I want to make love to you as best as I can. I need you back. You are mine and I miss you so fucking much.”

“That’s not a good enough answer, Fabrice.” She looked at me now continuing to wipe her eyes with her tissue.

“What do you want me to say? It’s the only answer I have. It’s the truth.”

“So you can do this to me again when the road gets rough. So you can push me away again when we hit another bump that might be difficult. That’s not what a couple does.”

I felt like I was going to pass out. The room began spinning. What the fuck was wrong with me.

“Can I get a glass of water?” I leaned up against the wall to anchor myself and not fall over.

She nodded and walked towards the kitchen. “Come on in and sit down, Fabrice.” She went to the fridge and grabbed me a bottle of cold water. I sat down at the counter on a stool.

“Would you eat something if I fixed food for you? I could make you a sandwich?” Fuck I would eat anything she fixed for me. I couldn’t eat, yet.

“I can’t eat right now.” I straightened in my chair and sipped the water Isabella handed me. The light in the kitchen was bright, and I was able to get a good look at her eyes. They were tired, with dark circles underneath. Her beautiful, full lips were drawn down into a frown.

“I don’t know what to say, Fabrice. I don’t know how we can get past this. You broke my heart.”

“I loved you. I wanted you to have a good life and I didn’t think you would have one with me. Not in the shape I was in. I was so mean to you and took out my pain on you when you were so good to me.”

“First of all, who are you to say what kind of life I should have? Did I once complain or yell? No, I loved taking care of you. Was it hard seeing you like that? Of fucking course! I knew your injury wasn’t going to last. I know how you are tough and wouldn’t accept that as your life. I didn’t care how long you took to get well. That’s what love is, Fabrice.” She leaned up against the fridge. God, I wanted to hold her in my arms and comfort her. She narrowed her eyes at me. I had fired her up and she became angry. In the large open kitchen her anger at me and hurt permeated the space. She took her hands out of her pockets and ran one of them through her hair.

My throat became tight. The water was helping, and the sudden queasiness I encountered earlier was subsiding. I looked around the kitchen and saw baby toys. Her sister’s baby. I forgot about her.

“Please, accept my apology. I was a total disgrace to myself, and I thought I would be to you. I’m so sorry. You have to know that wasn’t me that told you to leave. I fell in love with you the night of the gala. As soon as my eyes met yours, I knew. You were the one. You will always be the one. The minute you left me I fell apart. Being without you has been hell, Isabella.” I sipped the cold water waiting for her response. Exhaling deeply, I looked at her.

“I can’t let you stroll in here and I’m supposed to trust that you won’t do this to me again. You were hurt? I can’t go through losing you again, Fabrice. I have too much going on in my life right now. My brother, my sister’s baby, my future. I can’t let you do that to me again.

I shot her a look. “What is going on with your brother? And which one?”

“It’s Danny. It’s a long story. He was being questioned in the death of Anthony.” My heart sank. Anthony was Isabella’s abusive boyfriend that apparently killed himself in his parent’s garage.

“I thought he killed himself? “I asked, thinking that was a done deal.

“Yeah, well it turns out he may have had some assistance. I can’t think about that shit right now.” She scrubbed her face with her hands.

Her voice turned to shaky sobs. It took everything I had not to grab her in my arms, put her in the car and take her home with me.

“I don’t expect you to jump in my bed and forget. I love you more than anything. You are my hope and my dreams. I can tell you that I want you in my life now and forever. Through the good times and the bad. If you look at me right now, you will see without you I’m nothing. I want to marry you, have children with you, and love you till I take my last breath. Just know that, and if you feel the same, my arms are open.” Reluctantly I stood up from the bench and looked her over one last time. She was crying and her eyes were not looking at me. We both needed each other. She was mine and only mine.

I pulled her ring out of my pocket and laid it in front of her. She gasped.

“I’ve been carrying this with me every day since you left. I hope you will wear this ring again and spend the rest of your life with me. It’s yours, and you are the only one who can be my wife.

T
he
ride back to the office was silent. Ronnie knew better than to ask me how things went. Gustan sat quietly next to me. My body was racked with pain inside and out. I stared out the darkened window of the SUV, lost inside the misery of my own thoughts. That didn’t go as I had planned and yet, I shouldn’t have expected anything more. I cannot break off an engagement and then expect her to take me back with open arms. I may be a rich and powerful man, but she was a woman with needs of her own, with feelings and with a life. I hope she understood the sincerity in my words. I hope she will find it in her heart to love me back again as much as I still loved her. I should have told her the truth. I should have told her the real reason I sent her home. I couldn’t do that yet. I don’t know why?

I watched the traffic as Ronnie took me back to the Embassy. I had a full day ahead of me with meetings and phone calls. At least keeping busy would take my mind off my misery.

Fran was at her desk eating lunch when I returned. Thankfully, she was the only one there. Her gaze caught mine, and she knew by the look on my face that I needed to be left alone. She said nothing, and pretended to be busy working while she ate. I walked back to my office and shut the door. I felt torn apart, and yet I had a job to do. I wanted to go home and drink away the pain. The picture of Isabella was on my desk. I picked the snapshot up and looked into her eyes. She was smiling and happy. She was mine in that picture. Would she ever be mine again?

My phone buzzed snapping me out of my thoughts.

“Yes, Fran.”

“You have a visitor.”

“Tell whoever is here, I’m in a meeting.”

“It’s a crying woman. It’s not Isabella,” she whispered into the phone. What the shit? A crying woman?

“Who is she?”

Still whispering she informed me who was out there. “She says her name is Marin, and you were her fiancé once.” I rolled my eyes and sighed. Not today. I didn’t want to see her today of all days. I had blown her off numerous times and should have known she would show up eventually. Marin didn’t take no for an answer. God dammit. I might as well get this meeting over with.

“Send her in Fran. Interrupt me in ten minutes with an emergency of some sort. I don’t want her in here too long.”

“Yes, Ambassador.” In a couple of seconds there was a light tap at my door.

Fran poked her head in and behind her was Marin, dabbing her eyes with a tissue.

Fran walked in and set a cup of coffee down on my desk. “Thank you, Fran.” I nodded at her and my gaze caught hers.

I didn’t get up. Marin wasn’t worth my effort to stand.

“What can I do for you, Marin?

“Fabrice.” She rushed to me, and I put a hand up. Her eyes were filled with mischief, alerting me to the fact she was up to no good.

“Take a seat, Marin. I don’t have much time. I have constant meetings back to back.” I sipped my coffee.

“I’ve wanted to see you since I heard you were shot. My God, Fabrice. I was so worried about you. I tried to get in touch with you many times. Did you get the flowers I sent you?” I didn’t fucking know. I couldn’t have cared less if she sent me flowers. There were so many flowers and gifts that came. Fran took over sending thank you cards and I’m sure she sent one to Marin.

“Yes, thank you,” I agreed to be polite and shut her up.

“How are you feeling? You look so, so thin.”

“Getting shot with a high powered weapon, even though I was shot in my leg, is quite devastating. I’m getting better every day.” I took a deep breath, wondering where this little rendezvous was headed.

She sat in silence wiping her eyes of supposed tears I didn’t see.

I looked at my watch.

“What can I do for you, Marin?”

She looked at me. Her light blue eyes appeared icy and calculating. She had such cold eyes compared to Isabella’s that were warm and inviting. She was up to something, she always was.